


Just Breathe

by Ravanne



Series: A New Direction (formerly Season Four Remix) [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 05:30:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 150,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6361399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravanne/pseuds/Ravanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Auditions mean new challenges for Kurt and those around him, forcing him to face both his past and his future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

Rachel Berry greeting that morning with the realization that she was on the verge of finally fulfilling her lifelong dream. To be a Broadway star had been her goal from the day her fathers first enrolled in toddler ballet. But this particular role in this particular show? To play Fanny Brice, a role made iconic by the artist that she most admired? That verged on obsession. How many times did her fathers tell her while she was growing up that she was just like a young Barbra? All the times that she dressed up in her play costumes and belted out Barbra’s greatest numbers to her fathers’ applause.

And even at NYADA, where she was surrounded by some of the greatest performers of her generation, she stood out as a singular talent. Her former friends… okay, so maybe they never really were her friends given that they completely threw her over at Midnight Madness. But even they knew that she was the only performer alive who was fit to step into the shoes of her idol.

This audition was going to change her life and launch her to stardom. There would be no more questions about her ability or talent. She would no longer be just one talented student in a school full of talented students fighting for notice. Nothing any of her teachers could say would have any impact on her potential. That harpy, Casandra July, could nitpick and mock her dancing as much as she wanted, but getting this role would make that has-been eat her words. Rachel Berry was going to be a legend and one day, NYADA would be teaching classes about her career.

But first, she had to get through this audition. Climbing out of bed with an energy that she normally didn’t display first thing in the morning, she took advantage of having the loft to herself with a long hot shower. Without roommates to complain that she was using up all the hot water or making too much noise, she did her vocal exercises while she exfoliated with the expensive sea salt and shea butter concoction that Kurt bought. She was sure that he wouldn’t mind her borrowing a few handfuls, not with the way it made her skin positively glow and he would want her to look her best today in every way. Not detail was too small to overlook and she most definitely couldn’t show up with ashy skin.

After styling her hair and carefully applying her makeup – enough to look more mature and sophisticated, but not so much that she looked overly done – she dressed in the outfit that she had specifically purchased for this day. The short black dress made her legs look amazing, but was simple enough not to be fussy. She needed to stand out, but for the right reasons. Her goal was to look like a polished, professional actress, not a first year theater student.

It would have been nice to have some proper support and well-wishes to send her on her way beside her fathers’ enthusiastic encouragement from Ohio. But Kurt had been staying at Adam’s place the past few nights and expressed little in the way of support outside of a few platitudes here and there. And as for Brody…

She was better off without him, she told herself firmly. Once she’d learned the truth about how he was funding his education, there was no way that she could stay with him. He was a distraction and an embarrassment that she could ill afford at this stage. At least she had broken things off before his sideline employment could possibly impact her reputation in a negative way. Thankfully, they’d only dated a few months and if anyone made the association between them, she could sincerely plead ignorance.

She supposed that she owed Santana for poking her nose into other people’s business for once and getting her to see what Brody truly was. But that didn’t change the fact that she was imminently grateful that her friend… well, as much as a friend as someone like Santana could be… didn’t come home last night. Because the cutting comments and insults that were Santana’s particular brand of affection was the last thing that Rachel needed at this moment. She wanted only positive energy around her.

Kurt on the other hand… his almost complete lack of interest in her upcoming audition genuinely hurt. She had made numerous overtures, trying to get his advice over what material she should use and how she should dress, but he just blandly approved of whatever she proposed. Rather than making the smallest effort to help her at one of the most important moments of her life, he found excuses to hang out with his boyfriend and their choir of misfits. Or he was focused on Adam’s senior project, which was coming due in a few weeks. As if a school project, however important for his grades, could be anywhere nearly as important as this one audition was for her.

After all they’d been through together, seeing him holding her at arm’s length bothered her terribly and she very much missed the closeness they once shared. After Midnight Madness she had tried to prove that she had learned her lesson. She knew that Kurt had good reason to mistrust her sincerity and looking back, she was rather embarrassed at how she treated him. She had been selfish and self-centered, but it was still hard not to be hurt and angry with his increasing aloofness towards her. This was becoming very much the norm with Kurt now. He might forgive, but he would never forget.

Well, at least she could say that she was in a better position with Kurt than Blaine was, she mused. Kurt had ended any and all contact with his ex, including blocking his phone number and all contact on social media. Blaine had resorted to trying to reach Kurt through her, but she realized that even thinking of doing so would put and end to whatever remained of her relationship with Kurt. As much as she cared about Blaine, and she still considered him one of her best friends, she wasn’t going throw away what chance she had of preserving her friendship with Kurt for him. Hopefully, in time, Kurt would see that he could really trust her again.

She checked her appearance in the mirror one last time, and then double-checked to make sure that she had neatly printed copies of her CV and her best head shots ready to be handed in for the audition. Everything was all set. She left the loft with plenty of time to get to the theater and sign in. And then, the magic would start.

Riding the subway into Manhattan gave Rachel a chance to focus on the task at hand. She was all but quivering in her seat as she played out in her head how this would go. She would take the stage and show them what she was capable of, singing with passion and impeccable technique that would belie her age and relative inexperience. The director would immediately see how perfect she was for the part, with a voice and look that would remind the audience of Barbra herself. She would linger in their minds, the stunning young ingénue that would step into the starring role and carry Funny Girl into a grand success. The stage door would be crowded with fans every night, hoping for a glimpse of Broadway’s newest star and when it came time for Tony consideration, her name would be first in everyone’s minds.

This was the start. She just knew it. Stepping off the train with a spring in her step, she walked to the theater and paused before going inside. The atmosphere was positively electric, and she could feel the excitement down in her bones. There were sure to be at least a few other young women there, all of them seeking to keep Rachel from the role that was hers by right but there was no way that they could hope to match her. She would overcome any and all obstacles and would soon be living her dream.

Time to meet her destiny.

* * *

Kurt had finished with his cup of coffee and was debating how long he could reasonably hold onto the table without ordering something else. While the Starbucks’ staff was used to students camping out and studying for hours at a time, Kurt never felt comfortable monopolizing a table for an extended period if he wasn’t buying something. With a small sigh of resignation, he went to the counter and ordered another cup along with a cookie to tide him over until Adam arrived.

Adam’s meeting with his project advisor had apparently run a bit longer than expected. Kurt hoped that this didn’t mean problems for Adam. He was very well aware of just how much was riding on this meeting. This was supposed to be his final approval to go ahead with his senior project, and any questions at this stage could seriously impact Adam’s final grades. He had put so much work into this play and Kurt was very conscious that if something was called into question at this point, his final project could be in jeopardy.

As much as he wanted to be there for Adam, this was his boyfriend’s project and hovering by the professor’s office while they met wouldn’t have eased Adam’s apprehension in the least. Nor would it have made a good impression that Adam couldn’t meet without his boyfriend there to hold his hand. So he sent Adam off with a kiss for good luck, and then went to the Starbucks across the street from school to wait for the results.

Thankfully it was only another ten minutes before Adam arrived. “Sorry we ran late, love,” he apologized as he hurried over to Kurt’s table and pressed a quick kiss on his boyfriend.

“So what did Professor Mackey say?” Kurt asked anxiously, hoping for good news.

Adam smiled tiredly as he flopped into the chair opposite Kurt. “It went well. He thinks that I’m being perhaps a bit too ambitious, but he likes that I’m being ambitious. And he thought that it was very much doable. He liked my script and direction plans and I’ve got the go ahead to proceed, but I’ve got only three weeks to get it ready for staging.”

“Well, I’m sure that Jason will be more than ready by then,” Kurt assured him. He’d gotten to know the junior dramatics major pretty well since he signed on to do Adam’s project and thought that he and Adam had good chemistry together.

Adam’s project was indeed ambitious. Besides having written the script for his senior project, he would also be directing and playing the lead role in the one act play. He wanted to show the full breadth of his abilities and the training he’d received at NYADA.

Adam gave his boyfriend a long, wistful stare. “I still wish that you would play the part,” he said regretfully. “You would be absolutely brilliant.”

Kurt sighed, not wanting to get into another discussion about it. “Adam… we already talked about it,” he reminded. It had very nearly been their first official argument as a couple and Adam had been sincerely hurt by Kurt’s refusal to play opposite him in the performance of his script.

“But Kurt…”

“No, we’re not getting into this again,” Kurt insisted. He gave an exasperated sigh, frustrated that his boyfriend kept pushing the issue. “Adam, I don’t want to fight with you about it. And the last thing I want to do is risk your final grades.”

“Don’t be silly,” Adam said. “You are a very good actor. I mean, Professor Carmody is insistent that you audition for the spring musical next term and she never has anything complimentary to say about freshmen. You would do a wonderful job with my script.”

“And Professor Mackey would see that you recruited your boyfriend to play opposite you. And he’d wonder if you couldn’t find anyone else to be in your show,” Kurt stated firmly. He tone gentled when he saw the nearly hurt expression on Adam’s face.

“Sweetheart… your play is amazing, and you are a fantastic actor,” he praised sincerely. “But I don’t want him wondering how much of our great performance is because you’re really that good an actor and director, or because we’re sleeping together.”

Adam huffed at how Kurt phrased it, but deflated somewhat. “I know that you’re probably right,” he admitted reluctantly. “But darling… you’re so talented. I can’t help from wanting everyone to see that.”

Kurt’s gaze softened. “I know you do. And believe me, I so appreciate that you think that about me. But this is your project, and the focus should be on what you’re capable of. Not that you were using your project to showcase your boyfriend.”

He reached out to take Adam’s hand in his. “I would love to perform with you one day. And when you’re a big Broadway director, you can showcase me to your heart’s content,” he promised. “But this is your moment to shine. I want Professor Mackey to see not just what an amazing actor you are, but that you’re an equally talented playwright and director. And that you don’t need your boyfriend on stage with you to put on a great play.”

Adam sighed, giving Kurt’s hand a reassuring squeeze to show that he wasn’t upset. “I understand. Not that I wish that you wouldn’t reconsider, but I do understand. And I’m sorry if I acted like I was angry with you.”

“You didn’t,” Kurt assured him. He smiled at Adam warmly. “It’s funny. You accused me of being so quick to sacrifice my well-being for others. Well… pot, meet kettle.”

Adam chuckled ruefully. “We are two of a kind,” he admitted. Pulling Kurt’s hand up to his lips, he pressed a gentle kiss to Kurt’s fingers. “All right… I’ll stop trying to get you to change your mind about this.”

“Thanks,” Kurt said sincerely. “I promise that I will be there when your play is staged. Right in the front row because I’m your number one fan.”

Adam nodded, looking up to meet Kurt’s eyes. “Since you won’t be in my play, that will give you plenty of time to prepare for the Shakespeare festival auditions like we discussed. The try outs aren’t for a few weeks, so there’s no reason that you can’t be ready by then.”

Kurt inhaled deeply. “I know we talked about it, but…”

“No buts,” Adam interrupted gently. He saw the distress in Kurt’s eyes and wanted to reassure him before he backed out of his plans. “Darling, I know that it’s scary. Auditioning is the hardest part of the career path we’ve chosen. But shying away from it now won’t make it easier after you graduate. And the experience performing there can help you in the future.”

Kurt sad silently for a moment, hating that just the thought of auditioning filled him with such dread. Memories of high school, where no matter how hard he tried or how good he proved himself never seemed to get him the roles or solos that he craved. Where his efforts at best left him disappointed, or worse, the object of ridicule. Even when he managed to earn real praise, he was never the one selected. The very idea of intentionally setting himself up for more critical judgment left him feeling chilled.

He’d more than made his peace that his chances for success in his chosen profession would not be nearly as easy or as certain as Rachel’s. Or Blaine’s, for that matter. He was unique as a performer, and while that could be an advantage in some circumstances, it would make him more difficult to cast in many roles. Directors often had a very clear image of what they wanted to see in an actor and Kurt was rarely what they wanted. That was just a fact of life.

And after what happened the last time he’d tried anything to do with Shakespeare? He didn’t think he’d ever forget how Artie, Coach Beiste and Ms. Pillsbury openly laughed at his attempts to play Romeo. Or how Mr. Schu routinely passed him over when it came time to pick competition soloists in favor of the more conventional performers. It was just another painful lesson driving that point home, and that he’d be foolish to think otherwise.

Adam’s faith in him as a performer was heartening, and he owed it to his boyfriend to at least try. Adam had so much confidence in Kurt’s talent that he felt positively churlish at wanting to dissuade Adam of his beliefs. At the very least, he knew he could take it a learning experience and try to improve for the next time. That would be the mature, professional way to handle the inevitable disappointment.

“You’ll help me work on the audition?” he asked. “I mean… you’ve worked with that company before. You’ll know what they’re looking for.”

Adam’s eyes brightened at Kurt’s request for help. “Of course I will, darling,” he promised. “And I’ll ask you to help me prepare for my auditions. I’m going to have to seriously start looking for work before the term ends and you have a good ear for musical arrangements.”

Kurt realized that whatever his fears about auditions might be, what Adam was facing had to be a hundred times worse. If Kurt didn’t get cast in the production this summer, he’d be deeply disappointed but it wouldn’t be the end of the earth. He’d still be in school and still have the chance to learn and grow as a performer. He’d still have time to find his niche. Adam would no longer have that. He would be out in the theater world where he had to get a job, not only to support himself financially but prove that he was a viable prospect.

Life was starting to enter a new phase for both of them. Kurt was preparing to face his future, with all the hardships and challenges that were sure to stand in his path. Adam’s future, on the other hand, was already staring him directly in the face. Kurt didn’t want to imagine the kind of pressure that his boyfriend was feeling and he had to be strong enough to help Adam through what could be a very difficult transition.

“Do you have anything that you’re looking to do?” Kurt asked, finishing the last of his coffee. Maybe if Adam was focused on his own upcoming auditions, he’d worry less about trying to push Kurt into the deep end.

Adam nodded. “I’ve got meetings scheduled with several casting agents, and there are a couple of shows that I’m looking at that may be interesting prospects.”

“Not Funny Girl?” Kurt asked teasingly.

Adam chuckled and shook his head. “No… not that one. I think if I tried, Rachel would kneecap me.”

Kurt grinned widely, giving Adam’s hand a loving squeeze. “This is so exciting,” he claimed, forcing as much confidence as he could manage into his voice. There was no need to let his own worries distract Adam from what he needed to do. “You’re moving on with your career and becoming a real professional actor.”

Adam inhaled and nodded. “It is exciting. And scary,” he admitted. “I’m losing the NYADA safety net. And there are no guarantees out there. But if I can’t find anything on stage, I can always try to find something on the production side of things.”

Hearing Adam sounding at all uncertain about his future prospects shook Kurt more than a little bit. Adam wasn’t like him. People didn’t look at him and immediately recognize that he was gay, so he shouldn’t have anything holding him back professionally. “Adam, you’re one of the most talented men I know,” he insisted. “I don’t doubt that directors will be offering you all kinds of parts.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Adam said gratefully. “I just know there is a lot of competition out there. It’s going to be rough, those first few months. And admittedly, I’m a bit anxious over it. There’s no promise of me finding anything more than waiting tables for the foreseeable future.”

“Now that I don’t believe,” Kurt stated firmly. “Not when I know just how good you are.”

Adam looked to his lover and a soft smile touched his features. “It’s going to happen for both of us,” he said with greater assurance. “It may take time, but we’re both going to find our way.”

Kurt found it impossible not to feel reassured by Adam’s confidence. And the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint Adam by not being as brave about facing the future as his wonderful boyfriend was. Maybe this audition would be something that he could actually learn form and not just an excuse for someone to mock him as being too much a lady to be taken seriously in a heterosexual role. After all, he’d gotten very good feedback from some difficult to please instructors at NYADA, and what criticism he has received has been almost entirely constructive and not at all about him being too feminine.

This was something that he would have to overcome if he was going to stand a chance of actually having a career. Sure, there were likely plenty of awful auditions in his future and people might not always be fair in how they judge him. But there would be the good ones too and he would have to fight for those. He couldn’t cede the fight before it even started based on a few bad past experiences.

“Are you planning to audition for the Shakespeare Festival too?” Kurt asked as he stood up to toss out his trash. It was a good thing he had schoolwork to do tonight, because he was going to be completely wired from the extra caffeine he’d ingested.

Adam followed him out of the shop and quickly fell in step beside him. “It’s a paying job, and a professional credit so it’s one of the things I’ll be trying out for if I don’t have anything lined up first.”

The older man noticed a trace of stiffness come into Kurt’s posture before it was quickly hidden away, and he suspected that he had a pretty good idea of what was going on in Kurt’s mind. “Sweetheart, I’m not looking to compete with you in those auditions,” he assured his boyfriend. “Especially if we’re looking at different parts. I wasn’t planning to audition for Claudio… I’m putting in for Benedick.”

He grasped Kurt’s hand in his and pulled him to a halt so that the younger man was forced to face him. “I won’t be trying to sabotage your chances. I promise,” he insisted. “I want very much to work with you, and being on stage with you is something that I very much look forward to.”

Kurt felt his cheeks begin to warm in embarrassment at his fears being so easily read. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I shouldn’t be putting that on you.”

Adam’s eyes narrowed slightly in concern at Kurt resorting to his all too familiar habit of downplaying his feelings and concerns. This was hardly the first time that he’d seen Kurt do this and he needed to get to the root of why Kurt immediately assumed that both of them auditioning for the same show would mean being in competition with one another. Or that Adam would actually want to compete with him.

It had to be more Blaine baggage, he realized. Somehow it wouldn’t surprise him that Blaine would place his own aspirations ahead of Kurt’s, and that Kurt had suffered as a result.

“It’s okay,” Adam assured him. “But darling, I’m not planning to go against your for a part here. I can’t promise that in the future there won’t be times when we’re both auditioning for the same role, but there’s no need to worry about that right now. If you’re not comfortable with it, I just won’t audition. Okay?”

Kurt looked up him with a stunned expression on his face, that Adam would even suggest passing on an opportunity for possible employment just because Kurt felt threatened. He had no doubt that Adam was sincere, but that wasn’t fair of Kurt to ask him to do that. Adam shouldn’t have to put his own aspirations on hold just because of his irrational insecurities.

“I don’t want that,” Kurt swore. “It’s just… this is going to sound so stupid…”

Adam’s gaze softened and he gently pulled his boyfriend close. “Tell me,” he urged. “I’m not going to judge you.”

Kurt inhaled deeply, hating that he was going to sound like a petulant child. “Back at McKinley, it didn’t matter what I auditioning for. A solo, a part in a show, anything… I never got picked. Ever. I was the permanent back up player. And when I auditioned for the lead in our school musical, one of the teachers said that I was too much a “lady” to be realistic as a straight romantic character.

“But Blaine… he wasn’t,” he said bitterly. “He told me that he wasn’t going to audition against me, but that didn’t stop him for reading for the part when they asked him. Or accepting the part when he knew I needed it for my NYADA application.”

Adam didn’t respond immediately, listening carefully to what Kurt was telling him. “Blaine got chosen for a lot of things over you, wasn’t he?” he asked gently.

Kurt nodded, angry with himself that it still bothered him. Blaine and McKinley were out of his life, yet both still managed to keep hurting him.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” Adam said sincerely, rubbing Kurt’s shoulders with his strong fingers. “What they did was highly unfair. And cruel. I’m actually quite furious that a teacher would say that about a student, but they couldn’t be more wrong. Can I ask what show you were doing that year?”

“West Side Story.”

“And you were auditioning for Tony? That was the part they felt you were inappropriate for?” The older man shook his head in bemusement. “I mean… seriously? Have they ever actually seen the show?”

Kurt nodded, blinking back the tears that he refused to let free. He wasn’t going to embarrass himself further by crying like a baby in front of his boyfriend.

Adam wanted to fly back to Ohio and throttle whatever teacher it was that humiliated Kurt like that. And what nonsense… that Blaine was some kind of paragon of straight-passing homosexuality. In what possible universe? Those idiots had to be both blind and completely devoid of taste. But the experience clearly left Kurt mentally scarred as a result and Adam had to wonder how his darling had managed to support his louse of a boyfriend while he played the role that Kurt had been so cruelly insulted over.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry they did that to you,” Adam said gently, wishing that they were someplace private and he could just hold Kurt in his arms until he stopped hurting. “But this company isn’t like that. I’ve worked with them and they are fair and professional. You won’t get insulted just for auditioning.

“And maybe you won’t get the part,” Adam granted. It was a possibility, though he thought they’d be mad not to hire Kurt. “But I promise that you’ll be treated fairly, and you’ll get proper constructive criticism. Not insults about some alleged lack of masculinity by people who clearly don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Kurt wanted to believe him. He was desperate to believe his boyfriend, who had never been anything other than kind and honest with him. But he was so damned tired of failing. That even on the rare occasions when he won, it never really felt like winning. Not when it really counted.

Adam seemed to know what he was asking, and Kurt knew that he had to show that he wasn’t going to let Blaine or some small town teachers ruin his dream. He was going to prove them all wrong.

He sniffed back his tears and gave Adam a wan smile. “I suppose I could have just dropped my pants and shown how much more of a man I am than Blaine.”

Adam couldn’t help from laughing in response. “Well, you definitely would have made your point. The first time you topped, I was walking funny for quite some time,” he reminded Kurt, giving his boyfriend a waggle of his eyebrows.

Kurt felt a bit better, laughing a bit at his own ribald joke. “Thanks,” he said. He looked up at his boyfriend with a loving stare. “I don’t know how you do it, but you always manage to make me feel better about these things.”

“Darling, you can always count on me to support you,” Adam insisted. “If I think that something isn’t right or that you need to work on something before you’re ready for a part, I would tell you because I very much want you to succeed. I certainly wouldn’t be urging you to audition for something if I didn’t that you had a reasonable shot at getting it.”

“I know,” Kurt answered softly, his eyes all but glimmering with what looks to Adam suspiciously like tears. “That’s one thing that I totally love about you… that you’re honest with me.”

“Always,” Adam assured him. “So you’ll do the audition? I’ll even make my famous ‘good luck’ cookies.”

Kurt nodded, giving his boyfriend a loving smile. “You drive a very hard bargain, Mr. Crawford.”

“Not at all,” Adam insisted dramatically, pretending to be affronted but the twinkle in his eyes belied his real feelings. “But since you’ve so obviously been taking in by my manipulations, let me make it up to you. Dinner, at my place tonight? I promise… no Apple interruptions. Just you and me.”

“Tempting,” Kurt granted. “But I really should get home tonight. Rachel had her audition today… I should see how she did.”

Adam nodded. “That’s right… you did mention that it was this week.”

“Now that it’s over, I probably should at least check and see how it went,” Kurt said reluctantly.

Adam cocked his head curiously. “Is that why you’ve been spending so much time at my place, love?” he asked. “Not that I minded at all.”

“Partly,” Kurt admitted. “I mean, there’s also the really amazing sex with this hot Englishman I’m dating.”

Adam grinned, preening a bit at the compliment.

“But it also let me skip out on all her melodramatics this week,” Kurt explained. “I just didn’t feel like having my entire life circling around her audition and dealing with her demands. Not when I have my own things to worry about.”

“That’s understandable,” Adam granted. He’d been around Rachel enough to see how she tended to monopolize the focus of everyone around her and unless one set firm boundaries, it was easy to be overwhelmed by her. He could understand why Kurt sometimes felt it necessary to enforce those boundaries in not so nice ways.

Kurt felt somewhat guilty about deliberately avoiding Rachel the past few weeks, but it wasn’t as if he did have some justification. Despite all her promises that she would change, he hadn’t been completely surprised that that life began to revolve about her needs as her audition for Funny Girl approached. Nearly every conversation between them became about her audition and what song should she sing and how should she dress. Rachel seemed to lose any interest in anything that was happening in Kurt’s life and his presence only mattered if he was serving her in some way.

Frankly, he’d had enough of that kind of treatment. He had a right to his own life and to spend time with his boyfriend without feeling guilty that he wasn’t focusing every iota of his attention on her. But Rachel was still his friend and despite having very real and understandable reasons for avoiding her as of late, he knew that he should have been more upfront with her. Escaping to Adam’s apartment in order to avoid going home and dealing with her demands was not the best way to handle things. She deserved for him to be honest with her and not just playing avoidance games.

“Well, give Rachel my best,” Adam said sincerely. Whatever issues he had with the girl’s behavior, she was still Kurt’s friend and he didn’t want his boyfriend to feel like he was being pulled between the two of them.

“I will,” Kurt answered, giving his boyfriend a lingering kiss goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Bright and early,” Adam promised. He gave Kurt a short wave and walked back to the school for his last class of the day. “Call me later!”

Kurt watched him walk away and it was taking all his control not to follow. It still surprised him sometimes and just how much easier things were with Adam. Kurt felt comfortable and confident with his boyfriend and it just felt so simple to be with him. After years of dealing with Blaine’s passive aggressiveness and Rachel’s sometimes selfish manipulations, it felt wonderful to be with someone that was open and honest about his intentions. Even their disagreements were settled quickly because they could actually talk to one another.

He craved the time that they got to spend together because he could just relax and be himself. Adam didn’t make unreasonable demands on him and Kurt felt like he didn’t have to put on an act for his benefit. It was such a difference from how on guard he’d been feeling around Rachel of late. He was so tired of always being on edge, waiting for the next bout of dramatics that he would have to appease in order to keep some semblance of peace in his life.

One thing was clear… he needed to really think about what he wanted from the people around him and make a decision if his friendship with Rachel could continue. It was sad to admit, but the time spend away from Rachel had been refreshingly free of stress. And he just wasn’t sure if the moments when Rachel’s ego wasn’t running the show and she remembered her generous, caring side was worth the aggravation.

It wasn’t that Rachel was incapable of being a good friend. There were times that he remembered fondly, when she had been one of the few to reach out to and support him. But too often those moments were overshadowed by the times when she was incapable of seeing past her own wants and wishes. It was such a marked contrast how his friends in the Apples behaved. They certainly could be competitive in their own spheres, but not nearly as cutthroat as Rachel.

It had become increasingly difficult to excuse her behavior when she got out of hand, and Kurt was increasingly tired of trying. He deserved a friend who was as supportive as he tried to be and he was well past the point of tolerating being treated poorly. He wouldn’t take it from Blaine, and he’d be damned if he’d accept it from another person who claimed to care about him.

Rachel wasn’t back yet when he got home, so he took advantage of the quiet while he could enjoy it. Stretching out on the couch, he opened his Shakespeare text and start reading over Macbeth. Since he was auditioning, he might as well put in for both shows but he had no clue over what part he’d be suitable for in Macbeth. Admittedly, it had been quite awhile since he read that particular play and wanted to re-familiarize himself. It wasn’t helpful that he’d always imaged the characters being considerably older that he was. Maybe Banquo…

He felt his stomach start to growl and realized that it was getting rather late. Rachel still wasn’t home and Santana was probably already heading for her night job. He was considering his options for dinner and trying to figure out if he’d just have himself to worry about when the heavy door slid open and Rachel stepped inside.

“Hey,” Kurt called out, letting her know he was home. “How did it go?”

The question seemed to take Rachel by surprise, and it took her a second to come up with a suitable response. “Oh,” she finally said, plastering a bright smile on her face that seemed just a trifle too stiff to be entirely genuine. “It was amazing… I mean, most of the other people there were just so wrong for the part that I’m surprised that they even bothered to try for it. I mean, some of them were much, much too old and there was this one woman… I swear she couldn’t sing a single note on key.”

“Were there a lot of people?” Kurt asked.

Rachel shrugged. “Some… But like I said, most of them shouldn’t be seriously considered. I mean, would you pay to see a forty year old Fanny?” she asked offhandedly, as if the option was too ludicrous to be considered seriously. “The directors seemed very impressed with me and I know that I stood out from everyone else there.”

Kurt nodded. “Sounds like you had a good day. Any idea when you’ll hear about a call back?”

Rachel shrugged a bit. “They said a couple of weeks, but I don’t know why it’s going to take so long,” she complained. “It’s not like I had any real competition there. A call back is going to be more of a formality.”

Kurt was certain that Rachel was exaggerating, at least a little bit. He couldn’t imagine that there wouldn’t be serious competition for a role like this, or that the directors would not bother with a lot of second looks at the performers they were actively considering. But he didn’t say that to Rachel. Better to keep the peace for now and see if she was correct in her assessment.

“Well, I’m glad that it seemed to go well for you,” he said sincerely. He glanced at the clock on the wall in the kitchen and saw how late it was getting. “Listen, I was starting to think about dinner. Maybe we can order…”

“You know, it’s been a long day and I’m really not hungry,” Rachel said, glancing at her section of the loft. “Do you mind if I take a rain check? I could use some rest.”

Kurt shrugged, not at all put off. “Sure… not a problem.”

She gave him a tentative smile and then ducked into her room, closing off the privacy curtain.

Kurt shrugged, surprised that he didn’t feel at all miffed that he waited for her and she ducked out rather quickly. Rachel’s moods were difficult to figure out sometimes and whatever happened at the auditions, she seemed to want to keep it mostly to herself for now. He was sure that at some point he’d get the whole story, but he wasn’t going to be cooling his heels waiting for her.

He took his cell phone off its charger and quickly dialed Adam’s number.

“Hey… is that invitation for dinner still open for tonight?” he asked when Adam picked up. “My plans kind of fell through.”

* * *

Rachel felt herself starting to tremble when she finally was able to escape into her room and tried to collect her wits. She knew that Kurt was trying to be a friend by showing interest in how her audition had gone, but she couldn’t handle him just now. Not when she had so many conflicting emotions battering at her.

She slipped off her jacket and saw numbly that she’d forgotten to take off the sticker that had been slapped to the front of her dress, a number printed in black marker so the director could match her to her CV when it was her turn.

Rachel closed her eyes, trying to shut out the shock that she’d felt when that number was handed to her. Sure, she had expected some competition for the part. People had been waiting for years for the Funny Girl revival and she was sure that other actresses would be interested in the part. But she had not been at all prepared for what was actually awaiting her when she arrived at the theater.

_Walking into the lobby, Rachel felt her confidence swell as she stepped onto the line of people waiting at the sign in table where a harried production assistant was managing the intake._

_“Hi,” Rachel said cheerfully, all but skipping up to the desk when it was her turn. “My name is Rachel Berry, and I’m here to…”_

_“Let me have your application and CV,” the woman at the desk ordered, barely looking up from the laptop that she was entering information into._

_Rachel paused, a bit taken aback by the abrupt response. Fishing out the folder with her CV and headshots, she handed them to the other women. She watched in surprise as the assistant took out a black marker and scribbled a number at the top of the CV and her picture without actually looking at it._

_Rachel was shocked and a bit perturbed by how the assistant was so uninterested in her arrival. “I’m sorry,” Rachel said, unable to hide her impatience. She had no idea why this frumpy woman who looked like the theater world was the last place she should be was treating her like a inconvenience. “But this is for the Funny Girl audition right? I’m auditioning for Fanny Brice.”_

_The other woman looked up at her with ill-concealed annoyance. “You and everyone else here,” she informed Rachel, handing her a sticky tag. “They’ll call your number when it’s your turn.”_

_The woman turned her attention to next person, but Rachel hesitated before stepping aside. “How many people are ahead of me?” she asked. “I’m here to audition and…”_

_“Take a look at your number,” the assistant interrupted. With a dismissive shake of her head, she turned her attention to the next woman in line._

_Rachel stepped aside, feeling a bit stung at being so quickly dismissed, then looked at the tag she’d been given._

_126._

_She looked up in shock, wanting to question the woman at the desk but she was busy signing in a leggy blonde that looked more Ulla than Fanny and not showing a lot more interest in her than she did in Rachel. Gathering up her things, she stepped into the auditorium and was hit by a wall of noise from the crowd gathered there._

_She’d honestly not expected there to be so many actresses vying for her part. Rather than walking in and immediately being pegged as the best qualified performer for this role, she found herself drowning in a veritable sea of other performers. Dozens upon dozens of other girls. And one that she was positive was a man in drag._

_Most were dressed casually, but a few wore outfits very much like Barbra’s costumes from the film. There were good number of girls sporting noses not unlike Rachel’s own. Blonds, brunettes, and a few redheads scattered throughout. Some were warming up their voices, while others were stretching and using the aisle of the theater to practice a few dance steps. The theater was a madhouse; a veritable sea of potential Fannys and Rachel felt herself getting overwhelmed. Trying to regain her mental equilibrium, she found a seat between numbers 28 and 45 and tried to decide how she could even try to warm up with so much noise.._

_In the chaos, it was hard to maintain her focus. Several of the auditioners around her apparently knew one another and were chattering quietly while waiting for their turns._

_“I’m surprised to see you here,” a shapely young woman with short red hair was commenting to number 135, who just came in and dropped her tote bag into the seat near Rachel and shrugged off her coat. “I thought you planning to stay in your show this year?”_

_“Didn’t you hear?” 135 asked. She was a slender brunette with large dark eyes and was absolutely gorgeous in a classic film manner. “The show has been hemorrhaging money for weeks. Our audience is pretty non-existent now. I’ll be surprised if we survive to June.”_

_“Oh, that stinks,” the redhead commiserated._

_“Figured I’d try to get something lined up before we get the ax,” 135 stated. “It’s not like we haven’t been here before.”_

_“Tell me about it,” The redhead sighed. “My last show didn’t survive previews.”_

_Rachel felt herself begin to wilt a bit inwardly. These two were veterans, both with at least some professional experience under their belts. The confidence that she’d felt that morning began to waver._

_A tall man stepped onto the stage and used the microphone to call the group to attention. Despite their collective excitement, the group fell silent. Rachel bit her lip as the anticipation began to build within her again._

_“Good morning everyone,” he greeted. “I’m Rupert Campion and I’ve got the privilege of directing this revival of Funny Girl. Before we get started, I’d like to introduce the rest of our team. Melynda Gilroy, our casting director.” A middle aged woman at the producers table stood and gave the group a wave. “Daniel Eddings, our vocal director and Gail Mallory, our choreographer.” The two stood and let the auditioners see the before turning their attention back to Mr. Campion._

_“Now, I know that you’re all very excited, and we are too,” he assured them. “This production has been a long time in the works and we’re very pleased to take these first steps in bringing Funny Girl back to Broadway._

_“Now, we have a lot of people here and we want to be able to give everyone our complete attention. In order to do that, I’m going to ask that everyone follow instructions and be prepared to go when we call your number so we have time to give all of you the attention that you deserve. Each of you will have one minute for your vocal performance and after we’ve heard everyone, we’re going to do choreography in groups. So I know this is going to be a long day for all of us._

_“Thank you again for coming and I’m looking forward to seeing what you all can do.”_

_The group applauded and cheered as Mr. Campion joined the rest of the production team and called the first auditioner to the stage. Rachel inhaled and tried to center herself. She needed to pay attention so she could get a sense of what the director was looking for. While there were a few clunkers in the group, many of them were very good. Some sounded nearly as much like Barbra as Rachel did, and others had their own their own style that was markedly different._

_She’d carefully selected her music, wanting something that would showcase her voice while at the same time recalling the character she wanted to play. But the director didn’t seem to be responding much to any of the auditions, good or bad. He and his team were taking a lot of notes, but not giving any clear indication of which actresses they seemed to like._

_Rachel was starting to get worried. Not knowing what the Mr. Campion was looking for would make it difficult to adjust her performance. She also was starting to second guess her material. Having only a minute to actually sing wouldn’t allow the proper build up since the best part of the song was towards the end, but it was too late to change things now._

_The morning faded into early afternoon before her number was finally called and she hurried up to hand her sheet music to the pianist and rushed to take her mark at the center of the stage. She took a quick second to smooth out her skirt and flashed a bright smile to the director._

_“Hi! My name is Rachel Berry,” she said, wanting to cement her name in Mr. Campion’s mind. He didn’t seem to respond and Rachel paused, wondering if she should say something else about herself_

_“Miss… we have a lot of people to get through. Please get started,” Mr. Campion requested in a tone that sounded rather brusque to Rachel. Her smile wavered as she was taken aback, but quickly rallied and nodded to the pianist to begin._

_She sang well, but it seemed over in an instant and as she’d feared, she got cut off before she reached the high point of the song. The director just nodded and said, “Thank you. Please wait to do choreography with group five.”_

_Rachel hurried back to her seat, feeling her cheeks burning. It was strange to get no read on how she did, one way or the other. Rachel would rather have it made clearly that they didn’t like her over that cool appraisal that revealed absolutely nothing._

_Once the large group had finished their vocal auditions, they were split up into groups of thirty for choreography. Rachel quickly changed her shoes and hurried to join her group and watched as the choreography director lead the first group. She realized that she was fortunate in that she would have a few chances to see the choreography in action before it was her turn, but it looked a lot more complicated than what they’d been doing in class. As she watched the other groups perform, she could imagine Cassandra July’s mocking tone as she belittled her charges about how they weren’t ready for her to take off the training wheels yet._

_When group five took the stage, she found it difficult to keep up and knew that she was missing steps and was at least half a second behind the music. It wasn’t her best showing and she realized that this was going to be a much steeper challenge than she had been prepared for. If she got a call back, it wouldn’t be on account of her dancing._

_Once all the groups had finished the dance part of the audition, Mr. Campion addressed them again._

_“I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for coming,” he offered. “This is a very talented group and you certainly aren’t making our work easy for us. You’ll be hearing about call backs in the next few weeks. If you don’t hear anything by the twenty second, then please feel free to contact us for your critiques. Thank you again.”_

_With that, they were dismissed and everyone gathered their things and headed for the doors. Most of the young women looked relatively cheerful despite the lack of any idea of what might happen next. The veterans that Rachel had overheard earlier seemed especially pleased and were wishing one another luck. They seemed to be friends and Rachel couldn’t understand how they could be so friendly when they were completing for the same role. Didn’t they realize what was at stake?_

Now that she looked back on it, it was clear at how unprepared she actually was. Not as far as her actual vocal audition went, because she knew that her voice was one of the best there. But the whole process had unnerved her. All of her planning seemed to have been pointless and she had no idea of what kind of impression she left on the directors.

She very much wanted to go to Kurt and have her best friend comfort her. She needed to be told that it would be all right and that she was talented and everything would work out for her. But that would mean admitting that she was insecure and afraid. That the possibility of failure existed, and that just couldn’t be. She had spent her entire life preparing for this part. Even entertaining the idea that she might not get the role wasn’t an option she was willing to consider.

Besides… Kurt wasn’t her caretaker. She was a big girl. How could she expect to be a star if she couldn’t manage something as mundane as an audition?

Rachel inhaled deeply to steady herself and looked over at her mirror where a gold star was fastened. She had carried that star with her since she made it in grade school, covering the cardboard with gold foil. It was a symbol of everything that she wanted in life and everything that she’d worked for. She couldn’t let doubts get the better of her when her dreams were so close at hand.

She had to believe that this was going to happen for her. Because the only alternative terrified her.

* * *

Kurt was as quiet as he could, sliding open the door to the loft. He didn’t want to wake Santana if she was still sleeping. He hadn’t expected to stay at Adam’s all night and while he wasn’t embarrassed, Santana would certainly make note of the fact that he was wearing the same clothes that he wore the day before. He could only hope that she was still sleeping.

No such luck. Santana was already awake and wandering the kitchen looking, for the coffee. Kurt thought that she looked absolutely adorable with her hair in disarray and wearing nothing but a Hello Kitty nightshirt and fuzzy blue slippers as she blindly rummaged through the cabinets.

He placed the box from the bakery down and quickly moved in to save his kitchen from destruction. “Let me take care of that,” he advised, gently nudging Santana back towards her nest on the couch.

“You’re just getting in?” she asked teasingly, trying not to yawn.

Kurt shrugged.

The young woman gave him a wry smirk. “Our little boy is all grown up. Doing the walk of shame, complete in yesterday’s clothes.”

“Not ashamed,” he insisted. “And be nice… I brought breakfast from Angela’s.”

The promise of pastries was enough to quell Santana’s joking. “Just this once, Hummel,” she warned. “Next time I fully reserve the right to tease you to my heart’s content.”

“Of course,” he allowed, turning on the coffee maker. He looked towards Rachel’s section of the loft, her privacy curtain still drawn. “Is Rachel still sleeping?”

Santana glanced over and shrugged.

Kurt knew that she had a class that morning and needed to get up soon if she would have any hope of making it on time. Normally he wouldn’t bother, but he did feel that he owed her for being so distant the past few weeks. The audition seemed to take a lot of out of her he could afford to give her a bit of extra consideration now that it was over.

Peeking into Rachel’s room to make sure she was decent, Kurt slipped inside and quietly walked over to her bed. Rachel was still fast asleep, curled up under her quilts with her face pressed against her pillow. Smiling softly, Kurt carefully sat on the edge of her bed and reached out to touch her shoulder.

“Rachel? Honey… it’s time to wake up,” he said softly. He gave her a gentle nudge, causing her to give a kitten-like whine and burrow deeper into her pillows.

“Come on, sweetie… I got your favorites for breakfast,” he promised, nudging her gently again.

She blinked slowly and rubbed at her eyes with her fist. “Kurt?”

“Um hmm,” he responded gently, shifting so she had room to sit up. “I picked up breakfast for us, and if you can pull yourself out of bed, there’s an almond croissant with your name on it. But you’d better hurry before Santana scarfs them all.”

Rachel gave him a soft smile and slowly began to emerge from her blanket cocoon. “Give me a few minutes. I’ll be right out,” she promised.

Kurt nodded and left her to get out of bed, giving her a fond smile. Santana had thoughtfully set out breakfast for them and handed him a cup of coffee. “Milk and two sugars, just the way you like it,” she promised.

“Thanks,” Kurt said, taking an experimental sip and finding it acceptable. He was grateful that Santana used a teaspoon this time, since she tended to drink her coffee sweet enough to rot one’s teeth. Her idea of what constituted “two sugars” was vastly different than his.

“Is Berry joining us?” Santana asked, grabbing a guava-cream _pastelito_ that Kurt got only because she loved them so much.

He nodded, looking over the selection of baked goods and decided on a scone. He’d already had a quick bite with Adam and didn’t want anything particularly heavy at this point.

Rachel emerged from her sleeping area, wrapped in her favorite pink robe and joined them at the table. “This looks so good,” she pronounced, eyeing the assortment of treats. “Where’s my croissant?”

Kurt smiled and handed it to her on a plate. “There’s coffee too,” he advised. “Or would you’d rather have tea?”

She shook her head. “Coffee’s fine. I need the caffeine if I’m going to get through class today.”

The three ate congenially together, making small talk. Kurt noticed that Rachel wasn’t bringing up her audition and he decided not to bring it up. She would talk to him when she was ready. He still needed to figure out just how he was going to apologize to her for shutting her out the past few weeks.

Santana gently teased Kurt about spending so many nights at Adam’s apartment that he was wasting his rent money.

Kurt just shrugged. “I’m not there that often,” he insisted.

Rachel just chuckled. “Kurt, you’re there more often than not lately,” she corrected. “In the past week, I think that you were only home half the time.”

“Well, at least one of us is getting lucky,” Santana groused playfully. “I mean, Rachel just unloaded the gigolo and pickings have been slim for me the past few weeks.”

She gave Kurt a bemused stare. “Who would have thought that Kurt Hummel would be the one getting the best sex out of all of us? I mean, I expect that Berry would have these extended dry spells…”

“Hey!” Rachel protested, only to be ignored.

“But me?” Santana continued, ignoring her complaints. “I should be having a line at the door.”

Kurt smirked. “Well, if you’re desperate, Rachel here is newly single.”

“Hey!” she protested again, only to be cut off by Santana.

“Unless she’s getting her snatch fumigated, there’s no way I’m going anywhere near where Brody’s rent-a-cock has been.”

“Oh my God, Santana!” Rachel exclaimed, throwing a napkin at her.

Kurt just laughed at their antics, glad that for once he wasn’t in the line of fire. It was moments like this that really made him love the life he had. While Rachel and Santana were both challenging in their own ways, he very much loved the both of them.

He finally felt like he was right where he was supposed to be and things were finally working in his favor. He didn’t want this to end.


	2. Chapter 2

If there was one class that Kurt loved and dreaded in equal measures, it was his twice weekly voice class with Madam Tibideux. He was actually taking two voice sections that semester in an attempt to catch up with the rest of the freshman class that started in September, and Madam Tibideaux herself suggested that he sign up for Professor Patrick Collin’s workshop in addition to hers. His teaching methods wouldn’t conflict with what Kurt would be learning in her class and the extra training time should allow him to make up for the semester that he missed.

More importantly, Professor Collins was very adept in training students with unorthodox voices. After being passed over so often by teachers who just didn’t know what to do with his voice, Kurt deeply appreciated having a professor that didn’t see a countertenor as something unusual. Instead his voice was a rarity to be celebrated and he finally found a professor who knew how to bring out the best in it.

But as much as he was enjoying Professor Collin’s class, Madam Tibideaux was pushing him in ways that no teacher had ever done before. Two afternoons every week found him sitting in the studio room alongside some of the most amazing vocalists that he had the privilege of hearing, and twice monthly she met for a private session with each of her students where she would review their progress and give more focused, individual attention.

Besides her astonishing talent as a singer and her fierce reputation as a performer, Carmen Tibideaux was a remarkable instructor. She missed absolutely nothing, and the slightest flaw in technique was noted and called out. With a class as small as theirs, there was no hiding and every single student found themselves the target of her wrath in a regular basis. She was uncompromising and demanding, and sometimes more than a little cruel in the brutal honesty of her assessments. Unless one had a fairly thick hide and was willing to really listen to what she was saying, it was easy to get overwhelmed by her reviews. Still, she was more than fair and all of her demands were with the goal of helping her students to grow as performers.

Thankfully Kurt had the emotional skin of a rhinoceros and a boatload of determination to prove himself. Maybe he didn’t get in on his first try, but he was there and he was going to prove himself. A few upper classmen that had trained with Madam Tibideaux in the past assured him that if he survived her instruction, he would come out a far stronger singer, both technically and artistically. He had one of the most accomplished vocal instructors in the world at his disposal and he was going to take advantage of it.

It wasn’t as if Kurt wasn’t well aware of his weakness as a singer. He knew long before he first set foot in NYADA that he lacked the formal training that many of his classmates boasted, which was precisely why he was so grateful to be exactly where was. He had never seen NYADA as merely a means to an end; a stepping stone to a future on Broadway and something impressive to list on his CV. He desperately wanted the training that he could obtain there and knew that being put through this meat grinder would let him emerge as the best performer he could possibly be. Unlike Rachel, who semed to consider it an affront to be criticized and corrected, Kurt relished having at teacher who not only pointed out his flaws, but actually showed him how to remedy them and noted when he showed improvement. As hard as it was to hear her harsh evaluations, he knew that needed to if he was going to progress.

And that was where Madam Tibideaux really showed her excellence as a teacher. Kurt learned more about proper voice technique in the months he attended NYADA than he did in all his time with New Directions. He might have been fond of Mr. Schuester, but there was no question that the man had no skill as a voice teacher. He could recognize talent, but had no clue how to foster it. But more so, he was growing as an artist at well. He was seeing music and performance in an entirely different light now, and was starting to favor music that he’d never considered to be in his wheelhouse before.

Their class was especially challenging that morning. Kurt wasn’t sure what put Madam Tibideux in such an unforgiving mood on a Friday afternoon, but she had been deeply critical of every single student in her class. Not even Rachel had escaped her brutal appraisal. Her performance of “I’m Not That Girl” accessed as basically technically sound, but artistically lazy; little more than a note for note copy of the original rendition and showing not a shred of unique interpretation.

As for his performance of “She Cries”… it was the usual criticisms. She complimented the gentle, vulnerable approach he took with the song and noted that his breath control had markedly improved over the past weeks. But he was still sounding a bit thin when he went into the upper reaches of his range and needed to engage his diaphragm more to support his voice so it could soar. She had accessed his range to likely be the broadest in the class, but it wasn’t the strongest and he needed to continue working at building up his technique to make full use of it.

All in all, it wasn’t a bad evaluation but Kurt still felt skinned alive as he returned to his seat. He couldn’t complain that Madam Tibideaux was being unfair, and he could take solace that she was praising his artistic choices. Rachel was positively fuming over the “lazy” remark, and the poor girl who’d sung directly before him nearly ran out of the room in tears when she was verbally eviscerated for making the error of singing a light pop song and was accused of not taking her education seriously.

Once the entire class had a chance to perform and received their critiques, she let her emotionally bruised and battered take their seats and gazed down at them imperiously.

“Most of you have been here for several months,” she noted. “Taking that into consideration, it’s more than a little disappointing to see the level of artistic and technical laziness that I saw today. With one of two exceptions, I’m not seeing the improvement that we should be expecting at this point.

“And now that we’re reaching the midway point of the semester, the odds are that without marked improvement, some of you may not be here in the fall,” she warned. “It’s only going to get harder from here on out, so use these coming weeks to consider who you are as performers and what you aspire to in your careers. If all you plan to do is copy other performers, then you don’t need to be in this classroom wasting your time and mine.”

Kurt couldn’t help from wincing at that harsh assessment.

Madam Tibideaux moved to her desk at the front of the practice room and pulled a folder from her briefcase. “As you all know, the finalists for next years class will be having their live auditions shortly. Because of my teaching and administrative committments, I will not be traveling and we will be holding the final live auditions in New York. This will give the applicants an opportunity to visit NYADA and observe some of the classes so they can see just how stringent our standards are and how demanding the course of study will be.”

She smiled in away that made Kurt feel a trifle uncomfortable. “I wouldn’t be too surprised if actually seeing our classes in action might scare a few of the less determined applicants off,” she chuckled as she opened the folder. “Now, because we’re going to be observed, I want to make sure that they see our students at their best and I’ve selected several of you to perform on that day. We’ll meet to discuss your choice of material and I expect that all of you will be well prepared because you certainly won’t want to disappoint me. You’re not just representing this class… you’ll be representing NYADA.

She drew out a sheet of paper and read off the selected names. “Mr. McLean, Ms. Berry, Ms. Federova, Mr. Hummel and Ms. Khorey. I will schedule meetings with the five of you for early next week. Each of you will do a solo and I may pair several of you to do duets. Start thinking about material you think might be suitable. As for the rest of the class, this does not give you an excuse to slack off. I want everyone in top form. Is that clear?”

She didn’t need their affirmation to know that she’d made her point clear. No one would even think of using it as an opportunity for a break.

After she dismissed the group, Rachel bounded up to him with a brilliant smile on her face. “I knew we’d get picked!” she gushed, giving him a tight hug. “You see? You’re always so worried and for no reason… she knows that you’re one of the best here.”

It was hard not to get caught up in her enthusiasm, but Kurt had learned the hard way to keep his joy in check because disappointment nearly always followed. It was just a question of when the other shoe would drop. He couldn’t help from wondering why he was one of the few selected students and just what Tibideux’s angle was.

“Yeah, it’s great,” he said blandly as he picked up his tote bag. He was still considering his critique and wondering just how much Rachel was paying attention to what Madam Tibideaux was telling her about her performance. She seemed to have totally forgotten about it now that she was one of the group chosen to represent the class.

Rachel kissed him on the cheek. “I’ve got to run if I’m going to get to get to my next class. We’ll talk later about what we’re going to sing.”

Kurt nodded and watched her all but dance out of the room. Once again, Kurt was amazed at how all it took was a small bit of acknowledgement for Rachel to seemingly forget that she’d just had her vocal performance absolutely shredded. Once again, Kurt was amazed at how all it took was a small bit of acknowledgement for Rachel to seemingly forget that she’d taken any criticism at all.  That she seemed equally pleased for him… well, that was a nice bonus. But then, she never had an issue supporting someone else so long as she didn’t feel slighted.

Madam Tibideaux was putting away her sheet music when she noticed him lingering in the classroom. “Yes, Mr. Hummel?” she prodded. “Did you have a question?”

Kurt sighed and steeled himself to face the music. “Madam, I just wanted to thank you for considering me,” he said carefully. “But I do have to question why. I mean… you’ve made it clear that my technique isn’t on the same level as the rest of the class.”

She nodded in agreement. “Yes, that is true,” she granted. “You do lack the formal training that the rest of the class already has, and it shows that you are mostly self-trained. Which is why it’s a very good thing that you are in a school like NYADA.”

Kurt couldn’t help from biting his lip at the all but outright statement at how badly he needed this education.

“And it’s been very clear that you have put a tremendous amount of effort into your education here,” Madam Tibideaux stated. “You’re taking a very heavy class load in order to try to catch up and according to your teachers, progressing well. In the end, it really doesn’t matter how much training a student can claim when they walk into this school. I want to see a desire to learn and a willingness to put in the effort to truly grow as a performer. And that you have shown, more than most here. You’re getting the foundation and technique that you were missing and it’s showing that you’re not just a talented boy with a unique voice. Because you’ve shown so much progress in a relatively brief period of time is precisely why I selected you to be one of the representatives for your class.”

Kurt inhaled deeply, not quite sure how to read what she was saying. It seemed like a very positive assessment of where he stood in his studies, but the edge was still there. That he was improving, but he wasn’t there just yet.

She seemed to read the confusion in his face and shook her head in frustration. “Mr. Hummel, I’m not normally inclined to argue a student into accepting recognition for his hard work,” she said with an unmistakable trace of sharpness in her voice.

“I’m sorry, Madam,” he said sincerely, hoping that he hadn’t offended her. Why couldn’t he leave well enough alone?

She gave him a long, hard stare, then looked down and inhaled in exasperation. “If there is one thing that you apparently lack, besides formal training, it’s confidence in yourself as a performer. Now it’s one thing to be aware of your weaknesses and being willing to work to overcome them. But it’s another to always feel like you’re the weakest player in the room. If there’s one thing that’s as deadly in our field as being overconfident, it’s not being confident enough.

“Now just so we’re very clear, I selected you because you have all the elements I want in a student of mine. Besides being deeply talented, you work hard and take instruction well. You are also one of the most artistically gifted students in the program.”

Her gazed softened slightly, along with the tone of her voice. “It’s refreshing to see a student that is not only as talented as you are, but who genuinely wants to hone his craft and puts in the level of effort that you have. Now I can teach you technique. What I can’t teach you is to believe in yourself. That you’ll have to figure out on your own.”

Kurt inhaled deeply, knowing that she was right. If there was one thing that Rachel easily had him beat with, it was her overwhelming confidence. She never allowed her weaknesses to hold her back. There were certainly times when Kurt felt she was overconfident… even arrogant. But the tremendous record of success that she boasted would certainly explain how she could justify such a high opinion of herself.

Kurt forced himself to smile and nod at his teacher. “Thank you, Madam,” he said sincerely. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

“Good. Because my job is to make you the best performer you can possibly be. Not to be your personal cheerleader,” she warned.

“Yes, I do understand,” Kurt insisted. “But if I feel that I need some additional help… vocally?”

She gave him an approving smile, pleased to see the initiative. “You know where my office is.”

Kurt smiled appreciatively, nodding his thanks. She had given him quite a bit to think about and he knew that he would have to come up with a very special performance to show that her belief in him was not misplaced. This was a challenge that he was determined to take on.

He gathered up his things and checked the time. He had just enough time to grab a quick bite before his acting theory class. And maybe afterwards, he’d luck out and be able to catch the tail end of Adam’s rehearsal. They were starting to get down to the wire and Adam’s free time was in painfully short supply. Kurt would take advantage and see his boyfriend whenever he could manage, even if it meant just catching him in between rehearsals.

* * *

Adam checked his watch, noting that they only had another twenty minutes before their scheduled stage time was up. He and Jason were now meeting daily to practice and Adam finally felt like his play was finally starting to really come together as he’d envisioned it.

“We still have a little time,” he told the younger man sharing the stage with him. “Let’s do another run through starting at page ten.”

Jason nodded, his longish hair swinging about his shoulders. “Sure. Did you like how I played it the last time around?”

Adam considered the question carefully. “Maybe this time you could try to come across a bit less aggressively. I’d like to see a bit more regret and a little less anger. We want to leave the audience with a sense of a possible reconciliation rather than more conflict,” he instructed, hoping that he made his intentions clear.

The younger man nodded, looking over the lines and making a mental note. “Sounds good,” he agreed. “Let me know if I tone it down too much.”

Not for the first time, Adam was grateful that he’d selected Jason to play opposite him once Kurt had made his refusal firm. Besides being an exceptionally talented actor, Jason was free of ego enough to let Adam control his project. He took direction well and didn’t try to push back when he wanted to play things differently than Adam did. He seemed to be totally accepting of the fact that this was the senior classman’s project and while he might offer suggestions, the final decisions were always Adam’s. He was happy to be included in the project for nothing more than the CV credit.

The play had a relatively simple premise, with Adam and Jason playing estranged brothers called upon to deal with their mother’s estate after her untimely death. The focus was on the complex relationship between the two siblings, and their past relationship with their mother. Secrets were revealed that explained to some degree their estrangement, but the play ends with their rift not completely resolved. Played and directed badly, the story would become saccharine and mawkish. But with a subtle hand, it could leave the audience wanting to know more about this little broken family.

Adam spoke his lines smoothly, his normally distinctive accent traded for a south Texas inflection to match Jason’s natural speaking patterns. He was using every acting tool he had at his disposal since he was going to be judged as much for his own performance as the other aspects of the play. He’d spent weeks perfecting the accent, and had even adjusted the script to use some typical Texas idiom so that their lines would have a more natural flow. He was definitely feeling the strain of wearing so many hats, trying to focus as much on Jason’s performance as his own as they worked through the scene.

Jason was adept at playing his character, showing a good balance of hostility and vulnerability in his approach. Adam had wanted to make it very clear that neither of the two characters was entirely at fault for their dispute and that the audience should feel sympathy for both at having been dealt such a rotten hand in life. It wasn’t easy to balance the two points of view; especially since it was easy to slip into presenting everything from his character’s perspective since he wrote the play.

Admittedly, it would have been difficult to play opposite Kurt and get into the right headspace both as an actor and director so Adam owed his boyfriend a debt for not letting himself be swayed by Adam’s persistence. Jason was the perfect player for this role and he was finally seeing his play truly come to life. He’d worked out the last of the plot hiccups and the storyline had a clear flow and sense of direction. Adam was able to focus on his acting and directing without being distracted by his boyfriend, who was a distraction of the most wonderful kind.

The tension between the two characters was almost palpable as they quietly argued over disposing of their mother’s effects, occasionally pausing when they remembered something fondly or when something came too close to their emotional scars for comfort. The scene ended on a bittersweet note, implying that maybe the brothers had started to move past the worst of the anger and misconceptions they’ve been harboring and left open the option that things might start to get better between them.

Jason’s character left the stage first as the scene closed, giving Adam a small, hesitant wave while Adam watched him walk away. For a moment it looked like Adam would call out to him, but he stopped himself and bowed his head at the moment that the stage lights would go out.

Applause from the back of the theater startled Adam and he looked up in surprise to see his boyfriend standing in the aisle. “Hello darling,” he greeted after slipping out of character and regaining his composure.

“Did you enjoy that?” he asked, giving Kurt a warm smile.

Kurt nodded as he walked towards the stage. “That was amazing. It’s a totally different scene than the last time I saw it,” he complimented. He looked to the other young man on the stage. “Hi Jason. That was fantastic.”

“Hey Kurt,” Jason greeted, giving Adam’s boyfriend a friendly wave. “Glad you liked it.”

“Liked it? I can’t wait to see the full performance,” Kurt insisted. “There’s a lot more emotional punch to it now.”

Jason smiled at the praise, having come to know Kurt well enough to know that it was sincere and not just trying to flatter his boyfriend. He turned to Adam and asked, “Since we’re almost out of time, do you mind if I cut out or did you need help clearing the stage? I’ve got a meeting with my advisor at four.”

“That’s okay, Jason,” Adam assured him. “I’ve got this. I’m going to finalize costumes and props so we can do a full dress later this week. And Jason? Absolutely fantastic job. I really appreciate the hard work you’ve given this.”

Jason smiled at the compliment and gave Kurt a brief wave before heading off to collect his things.

Kurt climbed up onto the stage to help Adam gather the few props they’d had set out for the rehearsal. “You know… I think that the final scene might need one thing,” Kurt suggested carefully.

“Hmmm? Anything you had in mind?” Adam asked as he moved a table offstage.

Kurt cocked his head, considering the scene that he’d just seen. “Maybe to have the two of you hug before Jason’s character leaves. Something kind of awkward and hesitant, like neither of you is really sure about what you’re doing,” he suggested. “It would kind of give the audience the impression that you two really do care about one another even though there’s all this baggage.”

Adam considered the idea carefully with how he’d planned the scene in his head. “I like it… that would help give a more rounded sense of closure in the end.”

The smile he gave Kurt was positively luminescent. “Darling, you are absolutely brilliant.”

Kurt just smiled as he dragged the last chair off the stage and gave his boyfriend a quick hug. “Do you mind if I sit in on the dress rehearsal? I can’t wait to see the whole thing in action.”

“Of course,” Adam promised, rubbing his nose against Kurt’s playfully. “I’ll need my lucky boyfriend to make sure that everything goes smoothly.”

Kurt gave him a nudge, his mouth curved in an amused grin.

“So how is your day going?” Adam asked. “Any interesting adventures?”

“Well, Acting Theory was… interesting is a good way to describe it. Professor Williams had us all exploring childhood trauma,” Kurt chucked ironically. “I certainly had plenty of experiences to draw upon.”

Adam sighed, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s head. “I’m sorry… I had him in my freshman year so I know what he’s like. He sometimes likes to get his students twisted into emotional knots and thinks that he’s so clever.”

“It’s okay,” Kurt promised. “I didn’t get into anything too upsetting and I think that I impressed him with my ability to ugly cry on cue.”

Adam smiled, glad to see that Kurt was able to take it all in stride. His ability to compartmentalize would certainly be helpful in letting emotions feel more genuine while acting and not be overwhelmed by it. He didn’t seem particularly bothered by the lesson with a teacher that had Adam reduced to tears on more than a few occasions. Instead, Kurt looked more than a little pleased with his own cleverness.

“And I’ve got some interesting news,” Kurt said, as they got the last of the props stored away in the prop room.

“Oh?”

Kurt nodded. “Madam Tibideaux is going to conduct the final auditions for the applicants in New York because her schedule isn’t going to allow her to travel like she did last year.”

“That makes sense,” Adam said knowingly. “She had only just become Dean last year. I’m sure that her schedule is rather packed.”

“Well, she wants some of us to do a special performance for the applicants. I think she wants to weed out the weak,” Kurt chuckled.

Adam laughed, tossing his messenger bag over his shoulder. “And you were picked?” he guessed. “Because she’d be insane not to.”

Kurt nodded. “Rachel and me. I mean… I figured that Rachel was a given, but my technique is still in the development stages so I was a little surprised.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Adam insisted. His expression grew somewhat somber at Kurt still surprised that he was recognized for his talent. “Darling, you…”

“I know that I’m good,” Kurt maintained. “And I know that I can perform well. But I’m very aware of how my training stacks up against the rest of the class. I’m mostly self-trained and I’m finally learning what I should have learned years ago. But she said that I’ve improved a lot and my hard work has been noticed.

“And she reminded me that this is a school and not just a performance venue,” Kurt explained. “So I get that she wants to show how someone who might not have had the backgrounds of some of the applicants can come here and still become a strong performer.”

Adam smiled, relieved that Kurt was finally accepting that he was in a good place. “Love, you are an exceptional performer. You were before you started here, and you’re getting better every day,” he assured Kurt. And Madam Tibideux’s sometimes inexplicable behavior was now starting to make some kind of sense to Adam.

“Do you know that you’re the only person that was not yet accepted as a student at NYADA to perform at Winter Showcase?” Adam asked. “I mean, you’ve been working with her for a few months now and you know how uncompromising she is. Do you think for an instant that if she didn’t believe that you could rise to the occasion that Madam Tibideaux would have allowed you anywhere near her stage? Especially in a production that’s supposed to display the best talent that NYADA has to offer?

“Now that I think about it, I’m not at all surprised that she’d want to show you off. You’re one of her personal discoveries,” he pronounced.

“You really think so?” Kurt asked. He hadn’t considered that as a possibility before.

Adam nodded, the idea making a tremendous amount of sense now that he voiced it. “I really do. A young man with almost no formal training and whose application shouldn’t have warranted serious consideration that was able to not only hold his own against her prize students, but surpass most of them? Who could have very well won Showcase if he’d been eligible to compete? She all but hand selected you herself.”

Kurt considered what Adam was saying and it seemed outrageous at face value. Especially when he considered how she rejected him the first time around and didn’t seem too inclined to give him a second chance. But he couldn’t help from remembering Rachel’s former sycophants who’d tried so hard to latch onto him after he won Midnight Madness. They had seemed convinced that he held some kind of favor with the Dean, referring to him as her “pet turtle face”. He really hadn’t given their comments that much weight, as he’d been mocked by far wittier adversaries in the past. But what if they were right and he’d just been ignoring it?

He turned to his boyfriend and reached out to take Adam’s hand. “I think that I’m finally getting that. Even after I got admitted, I kept thinking that I should just count myself as lucky to be here. But now? I deserve this,” he said with greater resolution. “I deserve my place here. And I earned my place in this presentation.”

Adam nodded, his smile broadening at Kurt’s pronouncement. “Now there’s my bold darling. I was wondering where he was hiding.”

Kurt snorted and gave him a playful nudge. “Hush, you… I’m finally getting the message. You don’t have to beat me over the head with it.”

“Good,” Adam chuckled, giving him a gentle kiss. “I’m so glad that you stopped by. I missed you, and I’m sorry that I haven’t had a lot of free time.”

Kurt just nodded as he leaned into Adam’s personal space so that his boyfriend could wrap his arm about his shoulders. “It’s okay,” he assured Adam. “I know how much is riding on this project. And it’s only for another week.”

“I still feel like I’ve been neglecting you.”

Kurt shook his head. “You haven’t. But I’m not going to lie… I’m going to be glad when your project is completed. I know how much it’s been taking out of you.”

“Like you said, it’s only another week,” Adam promised.

“Well, I’m looking forward to spoiling you a little bit after your star turn,” Kurt stated, giving his boyfriend a mischievous smile. “I’m thinking a long weekend of pampering that involves neither of us wearing a lot of clothes.”

“Mmm… I like that,” Adam muttered, very much liking the idea of having all that lovely pale skin available to him. It would be a lovely reward after all his hard work.

Kurt chuckled darkly, feeling a delicious shiver running through him. “And maybe you can help me with my audition prep a little bit,” he asked teasingly.

“Naked Shakespeare? Now that sounds intriguing.” Adam chuckled, waggling his eyebrows teasingly.

Kurt laughed, glad that he was losing his fear over the upcoming auditions. They had just two weeks after Adam’s play was staged before the audition and hopefully Kurt wouldn’t start second guessing his decisions.

“So you’re going to read for both plays, right?” Adam asked as they walked out of the auditorium.

Kurt nodded. “I might as well. I don’t think that I’m likely to get cast for anything other than a background player in MacBeth, but I’m still going to read for Banquo. You spoke so highly of the company that I’d like to get their feedback, even if I don’t get a part.”

“And for Much Ado?”

Kurt gave him a determined smile. “I’m going to read for Claudio and Don John. I think that way I can show my range and maybe improve my chances of actually getting cast as something.”

Adam considered Kurt’s choices and nodded approvingly. “That sounds like a plan. We can polish up your monologues once I’m out from under this load.”

Kurt kissed him. “Thank you,” he said appreciatively. “And thank you for being so patient with me when you had so much on your plate. First with the wedding and now all this.”

Adam smiled warmly, his hand reaching up to cup Kurt’s cheek. “Darling… I do it because I love you and I want to support you. Just like you support me because you care about me.”

Kurt turned his head into his touch, feeling his heart swelling almost painfully. What this man did to him…

“Are you done for the day?” Kurt asked hopefully.

Adam nodded. “Completely free. Did you have anything in mind?”

Kurt nodded. “How about dinner at my place? Rachel’s not going to be home because she took a job… something about needing to get more into Fanny’s head. And Santana’s working, so I thought we’d pick up some take out and cue up something on Netflix.”

“That sounds like a smashing idea, sweetheart,” Adam sighed happily. “A quiet evening is just what I could use right now.”

Kurt grinned and took his hand to lead him out of the building. He was glad that there was at least one change of clothes for Adam back at the loft, because if he had his way, Adam would be late for his morning class tomorrow.

* * *

Rachel sighed tiredly as she finished setting out the refilled salt and pepper shakers on each table and wondered just what she had been thinking off when she took this job. It wasn’t as if she really needed the money. Her fathers were covering her school and living expenses and while they had made several comments about the recent credit card statements, wondering just why she needed to replace half her wardrobe again, they never hesitated in covering her bills.

But it seemed like a good idea when Santana had mentioned that the diner where she worked was looking for help because several staff members had resigned to join a touring company of Mama Mia. The way she described it, it seemed like it would be a good fit for Rachel. Most of the staff were actors or singers and the management was really good about letting them adjust their shifts around auditions and classes. Even better, it gave her a venue to sing in on occasion with ready audience and none of the criticisms that she got at school.

But it was still hours of being on her feet on top of her school schedule that left her with a lot less free time than she’d been used to. She didn’t exactly enjoy waiting on customers who often were more interested in their meals than seeing the talent of the staff.

Still… she knew really shouldn’t complain. Not when Kurt still put in time at Vogue on top of his school schedule and he was taking two more classes than she was this semester. He’d always had that tough, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps demeanor that she very much needed to cultivate if she was going to play Fanny Brice with any authenticity. Being a member of the working class would help in letting her really capture Fanny’s essence.

The last of the patrons were paying their bill and Santana slumped into the booth near her and put up her feet. “At last… I thought those two would never leave,” she groused. “I mean… how long does it take to drink a cup of coffee?”

Rachel shrugged disinterestedly. She was just glad that their night was finally over.

Santana cocked her head at Rachel’s apathy. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Regretting already that you joined us plebes in the working world?”

“Huh? No… I mean…,” Rachel huffed. “This isn’t quite what I was expecting.”

Santana shrugged. “It’s a job, Berry. A low paying, thankless job where you wear a tiny skirt and sing for tips. You said that you were too sheltered to play Fanny right, so what’s wrong?”

Rachel didn’t want to say anything because any complaints would really make her sound like a spoiled child. Santana held down at least two jobs at any given time, and Kurt’s schedule was so packed between classes and Vogue that she was amazed that he had time at all for himself, let alone managed to keep his relationship with his boyfriend going. Many of their classmates held down jobs, and Rachel realized that she was very privileged in how generous her fathers were in supporting her financially.

“It’s nothing,” she insisted, knowing that she had no good answers. “I’m just…”

Santana just shrugged, visibly irritated by Rachel’s indecisiveness. “Just what? Look, Rachel… if you don’t want to work here, no one is twisting your arm,” she reminded her. “You asked me to put in a good word for you, remember?”

“I know,” Rachel insisted, realizing that she was sounding spoiled and ungrateful. Santana didn’t have to help her get this job. And she had a rational for taking it, but she just couldn’t understand why she felt so disconnected.

“Santana… do you think I’m a bitch?” she finally asked.

“Is that a rhetorical question?” Santana chuckled without a hint of irony.

Rachel gave her a hard stare. “I’m serious,” she insisted.

Santana shook her head unrepentantly. “Berry, what do you want me to tell you? You’re only interested in whatever affects you at a given moment. You treat other people like shit on a regular basis. By most people’s standards, that would probably qualify you for life-long bitchdom.”

Rachel sighed, knowing that she couldn’t have expected a different answer. “Do you think that’s why Kurt is avoiding me?” she asked, even though she probably already knew the answer.

“Probably,” Santana answered, shrugging indifferently. “I mean… he does have that pretty hot looking man, so I wouldn’t blame him for wanting to get all up on that every chance he got. And face it… you’re awfully high maintenance. Maybe he just feels like taking care of himself for a novel change.”

Rachel’s expression sank at the realization that others had noticed what was going on. She wasn’t sure what was worse… that she’d been reverting back to habits that she’d promised that she would try to work past, or that Kurt was past the point of telling her that he was annoyed and just stayed out of her way. Even the idea that Kurt might be past the point of wanting to save their friendship caused her heart to pound dangerously.

There were moments when things seemed to be good between them. Like when he brought breakfast the morning after her audition and make sure to get her favorites. But so often, she could see him holding himself back. That if he let her get too close, they’d fall right back into their old patterns.

She was very aware at just how much she depended on Kurt. Too much apparently, because she was feeling completely lost without his help as she navigated through this process. While she waited for word about a call back, she was growing increasingly anxious and had no one to talk to. She really didn’t have any friends at NYADA. Rachel hadn’t managed to find a niche the way Kurt did with the Apples and that was her own fault. Santana wasn’t going to be helpful in the least. Kurt had been her best support since coming to New York and she had squandered it out of her stupid sense of competitiveness.

Kurt had clearly drawn a line in the sand and Rachel was trying very hard to respect it. He wasn’t wrong… she had been unreasonably selfish and as much as she hated to admit it, it was entirely understandable why he’d withdrawn from her the way she had.

That didn’t mean that she didn’t miss him or the influence he’d had in her life. She longed to return to the way it was those first few weeks after he arrived in New York, when she’d been so relieved to have her loneliness ended. How they’d carved out a little corner of New York for themselves and began to find their way. Before things got so complicated, with Brody and NYADA and her selfishness that pulled them apart. She just didn’t know how to fix things.

She wanted her best friend back and knew that this holding pattern they’d locked themselves into would do nothing to fix the fissure between them. But pushing the issue would likely only drive Kurt farther away from her.

Once the last of the cleanup was finished, they changed out of their work uniforms and took the subway back to Brooklyn. Rachel was looking forward to going to bed, hoping that her anxiousness over Funny Girl wouldn’t interrupt her sleep that night. She was seriously considering breaking out the boyfriend pillow that Kurt had given her for a bit of reassurance. She would never admit it in a million years, but despite how silly she’d thought the entire concept was when she first saw Kurt with Bruce, she had found her own pillow to be a comfort on more than a few occasions.

Sliding open the loft door, they stepped inside and found Kurt nestled on the couch with Adam. The television was still on, but the two of them were fast asleep and curled up together like a couple of kittens. Rachel found herself smiling at the utter sweetness of the scene before her. Kurt’s head was resting on Adam’s shoulder, the older man having an arm wrapped about him to hold him close. They were nestled beneath a soft throw blanket and the remnants of their dinner – Thai take-out, it looked like – was still on the coffee table in front of them.

This was so unlike Kurt, his fastidious nature would never normally permit a mess of any kind. He was forever picking up after them, complaining about their not rinsing out the shower or dishes left scattered around the loft. But the cold pad see ew and green curry in the take out containers was evidence of a shift. Cuddling with his boyfriend clearly took precedence of cleaning up after themselves.

She couldn’t help from feeling a little jealous. She hadn’t wanted to like Adam, afraid that the older man would pull Kurt further away from her. But it was hard to hold into that in the face of Adam’s unwavering support for Kurt and his bright, cheerful nature. Kurt was so much calmer and more relaxed now, and his renewed confidence had been wonderful to watch unfold. Rachel couldn’t help remembering how she’d urged Kurt to rush into a new relationship so quickly after ending things with Blaine. Partly it was because she had been involved with Brody at the time, but even though things with Brody had ended badly, she knew that it had been the right call. Adam had been wonderful for Kurt and she wouldn’t begrudge her friend having this man in his life.

“If they were any cuter, I might hurl,” Santana chuckled, looking down on the sleeping pair. The two men were so deeply asleep that they didn’t move at all.

Rachel made a shushing sound, not wanting to startle the pair. Knowing Santana, she’d be likely to wake them with a bucket of ice water.

She sat down on the couch next to Kurt, being careful not to surprise them. “Kurt? Honey?” she said softly, gently nudging him. “Sweetie…”

Kurt made a soft humming sound and nestled closer to Adam. Rachel couldn’t help from smiling at how absolutely adorable they were like this. She hated to disturb them, but Santana would want to get to bed and if she couldn’t get the sofa free, then the other girl would co-opt Kurt’s bed and that would just lead to an argument in the morning. “Kurt, come on,” she urged gently, nudging him a bit more firmly. “It’s getting late and Santana’s giving you the evil eye right now.”

Kurt blinked awake, looking a bit confused as he found himself on the couch. “Rachel?” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. “What time is it?”

“It’s nearly midnight,” she chuckled. “You two must have dozed off while watching TV.”

“And I need some sleep, Hummel,” Santana sniped from the kitchen. “Unless you and Lord Byron clear out, I’m taking your bed.”

The threat was enough to get Kurt to shake off the last traces of sleepiness. “Sorry,” he said apologetically. “We didn’t mean to fall asleep. We were watching…”

Santana held up her hand to silence him. “Save it. It’s late and I’ve been on my feet for hours. So get yourself and your lump of a boyfriend out of here so I can get some sleep.”

Kurt nodded, turning to wake up Adam. The older man blinked tiredly at him. “Did we fall asleep?” he asked, his accent thick because of his drowsiness.

Kurt chuckled. “Yeah, we did. Right in the middle of Sherlock.”

Adam rubbed at his eyes sleepily. “Oh dear.” He looked up at Santana apologetically. “I’m sorry, love. I guess that we were just so tired that we nodded off.”

The young woman’s expression softened at the sincere apology. “It’s okay, Dr. Watson,” she assured him. “But why don’t you and Hummel clear out of here so I can get my beauty sleep?”

“Of course! Let us just clean up here and…”

“I got it,” Rachel insisted, moving to clear away their leftovers. “You two get to bed… you look like you need it.”

Kurt  paused, never one to let someone else clean up after him but at Adam’s yawn made him decide better of it. He wasn’t about to argue with her, not with how tired Adam has been the past few days. He gave Rachel a quick kiss on the cheek to thank her for the display of consideration, then pulled his boyfriend to his feet.

“Come on,” he urged, giving Adam a gentle push towards his sleeping area. “There’s a bed in there with your name on it.”

Adam looked as the mess they’d left on the coffee table, his expression positively mournful. “But it’s not right that you should clean up after us,” he protested weakly. “You both worked.”

Rachel just smiled as she gathered up the takeout boxes. “For all the times that Kurt picked up after me, even after working and school,” Rachel explained. “I more than owe him.”

Kurt seemed surprised by her thoughtfulness and didn’t want to jinx things by pushing too hard. He wasn’t sure where this shift in Rachel was coming from, but he was going to appreciate it as long as it lasted. Taking Adam’s hand, he pulled him into his sleeping area and closed the curtain, giving them a modicum of privacy.

Santana sighed as she got out her blankets. “Hopefully they’ll be too tired to get up to anything,” she muttered. “Because I’m not in the mood to be kept up all night by Hummel’s yelping.”

Rachel just chuckled as she tossed the garbage away. “Be nice, Santana,” she admonished gently. “He deserves to have someone who makes him that happy.”

The other girl shrugged as she laid out her bedding. “I know that. You know that I’m just joking.”

“He does a lot for us,” Rachel reminded, putting the dirty glasses and plates into the sink to be washed in the morning. “And we need to be more considerate.”

Santana cocked her head, her eyes narrowing in confusion. “Okay Berry… I get that you’re feeling bad about being such an ass, but this sainthood act is pretty weak.”

“It’s not an act!” Rachel insisted, trying to keep her voice down so they wouldn’t disturb Kurt and Adam. “You know, Kurt had always bent over backwards for both of us and neither of us show our appreciation the way we should.”

“Okay… now who are you and what did you do with Rachel Berry?” Santana snorted. “Because this… this isn’t convincing anyone. You kind of forget that we all know you. And sooner or later, you’ll show your true colors.”

Rachel squared her shoulders.”Well, that’s what I’m trying to change. Because I do not want to lose him anymore than I already have!”

She looked at the other girl with a look of absolute anguish. “I know what I monster I’ve been,” Rachel insisted. “To him, to you, to Finn… I’ve already lost Finn. I can’t lose Kurt too.”

Santana’s expression betrayed her surprise at Rachel’s outburst. The smaller girl looked like she was about to break down in tears and Santana’s first instinct was to pull her over to the couch and sit her down before she completely came apart. She put an arm around the smaller girl, offering what comfort she was capable of giving while Rachel tried to regain her composure.

“Look, Berry… Kurt loves you,” she tried to assure her. “I mean, he’s put up with all your crazy up until now. He’s always forgiven you.”

Rachel nodded, wiping at her eyes. “But for how long? I thought that we’d start getting closer, but for the past few weeks… I always feel like I’m just getting the scraps he’s willing to spare.”

Santana nodded knowingly. “Yeah… he hasn’t been too subtle, has he?”

Rachel ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back away from her face. “I just don’t know what to do. If I try talking to him, I feel like he’s ready to run out the door. But if I don’t, then he’s just slipping away from me.”

Santana glanced at Kurt’s closed curtain, wondering how much he might have heard. Given how done in he and his English hunk of man meat were, probably not too much, if anything. And judging from what she’d seen enough of the past few weeks, he and Rachel were badly in need of Santana’s particular wisdom.

“Look… you know that Hummel’s got a passive aggressive streak a mile wide,” she reminded Rachel. “He won’t respond until he gets pushed into a corner. So give him a shove.”

Rachel’s reddened eyes narrowed in confusion. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Santana gave her a sharp grin. “You’ve been so worried about not pushing too far that you’re just letting him walk away. You need him? Tell him that.”

“But that’s the point!” Rachel reminded her. “I’m selfish. Remember? I was using him and not being interested in his feelings.”

“Rachel, you’ve got to talk with him,” Santana stated firmly. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

She looked at Santana sharply. “I could lose him completely,” Rachel said quietly, finally giving to voice to her fear. “I’d just be proving what he’s trying to avoid.”

Santana pursed her lips and nodded. “Yeah… that might happen. But seriously… is avoiding dealing with this helping?”

Rachel inhaled deeply, hating to admit that Santana was right. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do if he tells me that it’s just not worth it anymore.”

The other girl shrugged. “Then at least you’ll know and stop angsting about this. And I’ll get to stop watching the two of you dance around each other. Because while it’s been highly entertaining, it’s kind of wearing thin. It’s time to change things up if you want to have a chance to get out of this rut.”

Rachel hated to admit that Santana was probably right. That didn’t mean that she was looking forward to the overdue confrontation, or what the consequences of that painful discussion might be. “I’m afraid,” she confessed. “I… I don’t have any real friends except Kurt. And you… but you…” Her voice trailed off.

Santana just nodded. “I get it. I’m complicated.”

Rachel couldn’t help from chuckling, strangely relieved that Santana wasn’t offended. “Kurt’s been so important to me and I keep treating him like garbage. I just… I can’t stop myself sometimes.”

“Well,” Santana drawled. “You’d better figure out how to get a leash on yourself because if you don’t, it won’t matter what you say to Kurt. And I won’t blame him for cutting you loose.”

Rachel could only nod, knowing that Santana was right in her brutally honest manner. She didn’t bother to try to cloak her criticisms with any false niceties to soothe the sting of her sharp words. And it wasn’t as if she didn’t deserve the blunt criticisms.

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” she told Santana, drawing away. “I’ve got a lot to think about. You want to grab a shower?”

Santana shook her head, yawning loudly. “Too tired. I’ll grab one in the morning if I manage to wake up before the Unambiguously Gay Duo.”

Rachel couldn’t help from laughing at Santana’s gibe, knowing that she didn’t pack any heat behind what would have sounded insulting coming from anyone else. But she knew that Santana didn’t mean it that way, nor would Kurt take it as an insult. He really was too nice for his own good.

Closing her privacy curtain, Rachel knew that she couldn’t put this off forever. She wanted her best friend back and she wanted very much to be the kind of friend that he deserved. She needed his support. She felt so lost and adrift without him and it hurt to acknowledge that he apparently didn’t need her quite as much as she needed him.

It was her own fault and she knew it. He had managed to find new friends when she had pushed him away. She had been so focused on her relationship with Brody and her status as the new star of NYADA that she hadn’t given Kurt the attention or support that he deserved. She’d left him alone those first few weeks of school, too busy and self-involved to both helping him get settled. And then her ego started getting the better of her and she all but shoved him away. The Apples had embraced him and showed that they would stand up for him, as he had stood up for them. She had no one to blame but herself for not just screwing over her one real friend, but lapping up the attention of some craven sycophants rather than trying to cultivate some real friends at NYADA.

Things had to change, and she knew it. She had a lot of damage to undo. And she was determined to fix what she had broken. Finn might be lost to her for good, but she still had a chance to save her relationship with Kurt. And she wasn’t going to squander it.

* * *

Adam sighed happily as he came slowly awake. He felt the crispness of high-thread count cotton sheets around his naked body and knew that he’d been sleeping in Kurt’s exceptionally comfortable bed. He blinked and found his younger lover curled up beside him, looking at him adoringly.

“Good morning,” Kurt greeted quietly at seeing Adam’s gorgeous blue eyes open.

“Morning, love. What time is it?”

“Around 6:30,” Kurt informed him, glancing over to his alarm clock. Both of their internal clocks were cued to wake them relatively early. “Did you sleep okay?”

Adam’s hand reached out to smooth Kurt’s sleep-mussed hair. “Of course. I have to admit that I’ve gotten exceedingly comfortable in your bed.

“And it’s not just because of the mattress or designer sheets,” he whispered huskily, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s mouth.

There was a time when Kurt would have been uncomfortable with a long kiss immediately upon waking. He’d always wanted teeth to be brushed and a liberal swish of mouthwash before he’d want anyone’s lips on his. He’d never liked the burn of razor stubble against his skin. Hell, he’d never liked sleeping naked with someone else next to him, like he needed clothes to keep a barrier between himself and his partner.

He could never figure out why it had been so easy for those barriers to fall to the wayside with Adam. It wasn’t something that he’d deliberately tried to become comfortable with. He just was. He never thought twice about curling up nude against the older man, or making love immediately after waking. He’d slept with this man, showered with him, shared space and never felt so at ease in his life. Or so thrilled to just see his lover’s smile first thing in the morning.

“You are so amazing,” Kurt whispered, his hand touching Adam’s cheek. “I can’t believe sometimes how lucky I am to have you.”

Adam just smiled and turned his head enough to kiss Kurt’s fingers.

He felt Adam’s morning erection pressing against his leg and it didn’t take long for things to get heated between them. Frankly, all Adam had to do was look at him and Kurt would be all over him. As their kisses deepened, Adam pulled Kurt close and their erections rubbed together. Kurt groaned and grabbed hold of Adam’s ass, grinding hard against him to increase the friction. It didn’t take long for Kurt to climax messily against his lover.

Adam came with a grunt, coming to rest against Kurt’s heaving chest. “That’s a wonderful way to wake up,” he groaned, rubbing his jaw against Kurt’s.

Kurt chuckled, his body shivering with the aftershocks of a surprisingly intense orgasm. “I could get very used to having this on a regular basis,” he agreed.

“It’s a pity that you have roommates,” Adam said wistfully. “They’re lovely girls, but they’re keeping me from stealing you away.”

“Your apartment is too small,” Kurt stated. “I’d end up taking over every closet and then where would we be? Fighting over where you could keep your endless supply of beanies.”

Adam laughed. “Well, if we lived together, we could afford a bigger flat,” he claimed. “With enough closets for your fabulous wardrobe.”

Kurt smiled at the idea. “That would be nice,” he mused. “But like you said… I have roommates. I can’t just abandon them.”

Kurt didn’t want to say just how tempting he found the idea. Of finding a place for himself and Adam to live together, to start really building a life. But he couldn’t ignore his obligation to his friends. There is no way that they would be able to afford the rent on the loft without him and while Rachel could always go to the NYADA dorms, Santana would be left homeless. He couldn’t do that to them.

“Well, it’s an idea to keep on the back burner,” Adam mused, stroking Kurt’s hair. “We can see how things stand after I graduate… let you start finding yourself more in New York and see what you want.”

Kurt grasped Adam’s hand and pulled it to him. “I’m not going to need a few months to know what I want,” he claimed. “Just because I can’t right now doesn’t mean that I don’t want it. I don’t care that we’ve only been together a few months. I know how you feel about me and what I feel about you, and that’s all that matters.”

“Are you sure, love?” Adam asked gently. “I don’t want to push you into something that you might not want.”

Kurt smiled, kissing Adam gently. “Trust me… there’s no chance of that. I don’t know when it happened, but you managed to get into my heart in a way that I didn’t know I was ready for. But I am and I’m not afraid anymore, because I love you.”

The softly spoken words belied the confidence behind them and Adam’s eyes began to water. “Darling…”

Kurt shook his head ruefully. “It’s funny, but I was trying to think of how to tell you. You deserve some kind of grand pronouncement,” he said. “Something with orchestral accompaniment and a choir singing, because you are such a wonderful man. You’re kind and generous and patient and you’ve gone so out of you way to show how much I mean to you.”

He nestled closer to his lover, completely at peace now that he’d finally spoken the words that had been fighting to make themselves heard for too long. “You put up with all my drama and shown me nothing but love and support and I can never say how much that means to me. So yes, I do love you.”

Adam pulled Kurt tight against him and pressed a long, hard deep to his lips. “What a pair we are,” he whispered thickly when he finally pulled away, leaving Kurt breathless. “So focused on what the other deserves. Let’s just enjoy this, sweetheart.”

Kurt nodded. “It just feels so good to be able to say it,” he explained. “I wanted to say it before, but it was so hard to get the words to come out.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Adam assured him. “You had a lot to work through. I understand that.”

“But now that it’s finally out, I want to say it all the time,” Kurt claimed.

“I love you. I love you. I love you…” he said, peppering kisses all over Adam’s face.

Adam laughed brightly, rolling them over so that Kurt was pressed beneath him. “And I love you, my amazing darling,” he exclaimed, kissing him deeply.

Kurt sighed happily as he felt Adam growing hard again. Yup… both of them were definitely going to be late that morning. And he couldn’t be happier.

* * *

Cassandra July watched critically as her class went through their cool down exercises, the entire group looking like they were ready to drop the instant she released them. With one sole exception, who stood at the barre looking nearly as perky as he had when he’d arrived for class despite the sheen of perspiration on his face.

China Doll was standing out in more ways than one, she thought as she watched him carefully. He’d remained annoying cheerful through the entire class, all but smiling as if to spite her barked out orders. He didn’t seem overly bothered by her insults or harsh corrections. Instead, he just focused and continued his steady improvement.

To be honest, Hummel surprised her. He started late and hadn’t had much formal dance training in his background and by all rights should have washed out quickly. But he had a lot of good natural movement that gave him some decent tools to work with. He had more than decent spatial awareness and picked up choreography quickly. If she could beat some of the annoying quirks that he’d picked up over the years out of him, like that irritating shoulder shimmy, he could make a more than passable dancer. Which was a lot more than she could say for the majority of her class, more than a few of which were going to have to repeat the beginners class if they had any intention of being able to market themselves as dancers professionally.

“Okay... that’s enough,” she finally called out. “I’m totally over watching you clodhoppers when I have better things to do. Now listen up…”

The group ended their exercises and turned their full attention to their teacher.

Cassandra gave them all a hard glare, her hands planted on her hips. “I’m sure that by now, you all know that the applicants for next year’s class are going to be gracing us with their presence in a few weeks. I’m not inclined to go out of my way to impress a group that odds are will not be joining us next year, so we’re going to have class as normal. Now if you’re smart, you’ll be on point so that you don’t embarrass yourselves because I am not going to go easier on you just because we’re going to have visitors. Am I making myself clear?”

There were some muttered sounds of accordance from the cattle. They didn’t dare do otherwise.

“Good,” she snapped. “You’re dismissed. Get those sweaty bodies out of here so you stop stinking up my studio.”

The students gave a sigh of relief and hurried to gather up their things and head for the changing rooms. Kurt trotted over to the corner where he’d tucked his bag when he was blocked by his dance teacher.

“Just a minute Hummel,” she advised, waiting for the room to clear out before speaking. “Look, I know you’ve got other classes so I’ll make this quick. Next semester I’m recommending you to be placed in the intermediate level classes. You’re ready to move on.”

“I… seriously?” Kurt asked, surprised at her abrupt pronouncement.

She nodded, her long hair swinging about her shoulders.

“I know that you’re a semester behind, but you’ve more than caught up with the rest of the class,” she stated. “I don’t think you’ll benefit by staying in the beginner levels. You need to push yourself more.”

Kurt could only stare in astonishment for a moment before he was able to reengage his brain. “Thank you,” he said.

Cassandra just shrugged. “You’re the one who put in the work,” she reminded him bluntly. “Look, I know that you’re not looking to make dancing your focus, but you’ve got some talent. If you give your dance training some serious application, you’ll have a major skill that you can market yourself with. There are quite a few parts out there where strong dancing as well as singing is required, so you’ll be in a good position to take advantage of that.

“I’m also going to recommend you get yourself into the stage combat class next semester. That’s a skill you’re definitely going to need and you’ve got enough coordination that you’re not likely to kill anyone.”

Kurt nodded eagerly, knowing that if she was making the suggestion that he needed to take it seriously. “I’ll definitely think about it.”

“Good… now get going,” she ordered.

Kurt would never swear to it, but he was almost sure that there was a slight smile on her face. And he knew that she would happily kill him and hide his body in the sub-basement before she admitted to anything.

As he hurried to the showers, having only a half hour before his Intro to Stagecraft class, Kurt felt a strange sense of peace coming over him despite the challenges facing him. He was proud of what he was accomplishing, and for teachers as demanding as Madam Tibideaux and Cassandra July to note his improvement… that meant something to him. Even more so than Winter Showcase of Midnight Madness. He was learning and growing and becoming the performer he’d always believed he could be.

He was working harder than he ever had in his life, but he couldn’t be happier.

* * *

“So what do you think about ‘Not While I’m Around’ from Sweeny Todd?” Rachel asked as they sat on the couch together. Kurt had his laptop open and they were looking at songs to propose to Madam Tibideaux for their special performances.

Kurt pursed his lips, considering. “That’s a duet,” he pointed out.

“I know, but I was thinking about you and me singing it,” Rachel answered. “She did say that we might have some duets.”

“I don’t know… I’m not sure about getting the accent down right,” he considered. “If we botch it, it’s just going to sound silly.”

Rachel wrinkled her nose as she considered it and nodded. “I’d probably butcher the accent. Maybe about something from My Fair Lady?”

“That might work,” Kurt agreed. “Have you thought of some solos to propose?”

Rachel nodded, giving Kurt a warm smile. “Am I ever without a solo at the ready?” she chuckled, giving him a playful nudge.

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling. “Point taken.”

“What about you?” she asked.

Kurt gave her a warm smile. “I’ve got a few ideas… I’m just trying to narrow down my choices and not do what’s totally expected.”

“Oh come on… tell me,” she urged, giving him a playful poke in the ribs and causing him to laugh.

“No! It’s going to be a surprise,” he insisted. “Besides, for all I know, Madam Tibideux is going to hate everything I’ve selected and assign me… oh, I don’t know… something from Starlight Express.”

Rachel laughed brightly. “I have no idea what you have against that show… it’s a great musical.”

“It’s inane and trite and you know it,” Kurt insisted playfully. “I’d like to do something a little less dated… and preferably something that doesn’t require me to be on roller skates and pretending to be a choo choo train.”

Rachel snuggled close, enjoying the comfort of his presence. It was a rare night that they both had some free time and neither had any plans. Spending a few hours together was something that she very much missed and wanted to savor.

“Listen, I wanted to ask you something. When is Adam staging his play?” she asked.

“Wednesday night. He’s got the West auditorium reserved.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow in surprise. It was one of the larger of the performance stages at NYADA. “He must be expecting a pretty decent crowd,” she surmised.

Kurt nodded, the pride evident in his expression. “Pretty much all the faculty and students from the Dramatics program will be attending. Of course, all the Apples will be there to show our support.”

“Do you think he’d mind if I came too?” she asked tentatively. “I mean… it sounds like it should be a great show and I’d like to show him my support.”

Kurt seemed a little surprised at her request, but quickly nodded. “Of course you can attend. Adam will be thrilled to have you there.”

Rachel smiled warmly. “Good. I’ll make sure that I’m not working that night. Maybe we can drag Santana along too,” she suggested. “She’ll never admit it, but she likes Adam.”

“I’m sure he’ll be happy to have her there,” Kurt assured her. “He’s so anxious about this play being received well. Having friends there will definitely boost his confidence.”

Rachel nodded, her sense of eagerly surprising her with its sincerity. “We should take Adam out afterwards. To celebrate,” she insisted.

Kurt laughed brightly. “We’re way ahead of you. The Apples already have something planned. But you and Santana are more than welcome to come along.”

“Great!”

Kurt cocked his head curiously at her sudden enthusiasm towards anything involving his boyfriend. Rachel had always treated Adam in a casually friendly manner but hadn’t shown any real interest toward anything really having to do him before this.

“Not that I mind it,” he said tentatively. “But you’ve never really had any interest in anything about Adam. So what brings it on now?”

Rachel had expected Kurt to call her out on her change in behavior since up until that moment, she’d never expressed interest in anyone else’s work unless it affected her in some manner. “I know I’ve been caught up in my own stuff,” she admitted, more than a little ashamed of her selfishness. “But I like Adam. And he means a lot to you. I want to get to know him better because I have a feeling that we’re going to see a lot of him in the future.”

Kurt couldn’t hold back a short bark of laughter. “Yeah… I think there’s a good chance of that,” he admitted, thinking back to that morning. If he had his way, Rachel would have to get accustomed to seeing Adam on a very frequent basis.

Rachel nodded approvingly. “Good… because I like what he brings out in you,” she claimed. “I’ve never seen you this happy. Or this sure of yourself. I mean… I liked Blaine, but you… you’re so much more ‘Kurt’ now.”

“Great… I’ve become an adjective,” Kurt laughed, giving her a hug.

“You know what I’m talking about!” Rachel protested, playfully shoving him.

“Hey! Let’s not kill my laptop,” Kurt protested, putting his computer aside. Rachel seized the opportunity to cuddle closer to him, drawing up her legs and curling into his warmth. Kurt looked down at her in surprise, but wrapped his arm about her shoulders and pulled her closer.

“What brought all this on?” he couldn’t help from asking.

Rachel just shrugged, closing her eyes and savoring the rare moment of closeness between them. “I just missed you,” she claimed softly. “Both of us are so busy that we never really spend time together like this.”

Kurt didn’t comment that it was due to her choices more than anything else. But she was clearly trying so the least he could do was try to meet her halfway.

“Well, since you have the night off and my boyfriend is busy… want to call in a pizza?”

“How about Chinese?” Rachel counter offered.

“What about Indian?” Kurt suggested. “We haven’t ordered from Bombay Kitchen in awhile.”

Rachel’s eyes brightened. “Sold! Let me grab the menu!”

Kurt watched as she trotted into the kitchen with a soft smile on his face. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into Rachel, but he hoped that would be different from previous times when her remorse was sincere, but short lived. Because he really was over her revolving door routine.

His phone chimed, warning that he had a message. Thumbing in his pass code, he smiled at seeing that the message was from Adam. No words, just a kissy emoji. Kurt flicked open his keyboard and typed a quick message, admonishing him not to work so hard and get some sleep. There was also some emails that he’d read later when he had a few minutes. One from his father, one from Finn and… Tina?

Why the hell was she emailing him? Their last conversation hadn’t been a particularly nice one and he thought that would be the last he’d heard from her. Well, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with her nonsense any longer. He quickly deleted the email and turned his attention to more important things.

Lima was firmly in his past now, and he wasn’t about to let it get in the way of the future he was building.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt inhaled deeply to steady his nerves as he waited for Madam Tibideaux’s secretary to grant him entrance to her office for his meeting. He was ready for this, he thought, so there was absolutely no need to be anxious. He’d thought long and hard about his song selections, taking extreme care in making his choices because he knew that she would utterly destroy him if she felt that the song options that he was presenting weren’t up to snuff. Being chosen to represent the school like this was an honor that he took seriously and it was a great opportunity to prove himself that he wasn’t going to squander.

Hopefully Madam Tibideaux would agree and not laugh him out of her office.

“Mr. Hummel? She’s ready for you,” the prim young woman at the desk in front of Madam Tibideaux’s office called out to him.

He gave her a thankful nod and steeled himself for his appointment. Grabbing his messenger bag, he stepped inside the lushly appointed office and found his teacher working at her desk. She didn’t look up from what she was doing, but he knew that she was aware of his presence.

“Have a seat, Mr, Hummel,” she said, the invitation sounding a lot more like an order. “I’ll be with you in just a moment.”

Kurt quickly took the chair across from her desk and waited for her to finish what she was doing. It felt like an eternity before she set aside whatever she’d been working on and looked up at him. “So, Mr. Hummel… I trust that you’ve selected some appropriate solo pieces.”

“Yes, Madam. I think I found a few things that might be interesting,” Kurt offered, handing her the list that he’d printed out. “I tried to also look at some lesser known musicals for ideas so some of them might not be as familiar.”

She adjusted her reading glasses and looked over the list, her mouth drawn into a small frown. She picked up her pen and began to cross off the ones that she disapproved of with sharp strokes. At one point, she glanced up at him with an expression that looked like she was wondering who had dropped him on his head for making such absurd choices and Kurt began to grow nervous. He’d wondered if he played this wrong and that he’d managed to offend her when he saw her expression relax as she came to the last few on his list.

“This one is a possibility," she muttered, checking off one that met her approval.

Kurt bit the inside of his cheek as he watched her responses carefully. When she came to one of the last songs on the list, she finally nodded in approval. With a swoop of her pen, she circled the song and handed the list back to Kurt. “That one… definitely,” she pronounced.

Kurt accepted the sheet and saw which song she’d circled and tried his best not to smile too broadly. She didn’t miss his happiness at her selection.

“I take it that this was the one you had as your first choice,” she surmised, her mouth drawing into a knowing smirk.

There was no use in denying it to her. “Was it that obvious?” he asked.

“Considering that half the songs on your list are songs that are completely inappropriate for your voice? You’re not nearly as clever as you think you are,” she warned. “I mean… Javert? You couldn’t be serious because you are no more a baritone than I am.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling, not terribly embarrassed about his efforts at manipulation being so obvious. Not when it got him the result he’d been hoping for. “But you liked…?” he asked carefully, refusing to fall into the trap of assuming anything when it came to his challenging teacher.

She gave him a brief nod, considering his selection. “It’s a very good song for you,” she confirmed. “The key is right in the middle and lower part of your range, where you’ve been showing a lot more depth. And it certainly gives you room to tailor the emotional tone, which has always been one of the strongest performance tools you have.”

Kurt exhaled in relief. “I’m really glad that you approve.” He couldn’t help from giving a rueful chuckle. “In all honesty, I was second-guessing myself about that song.”

“Any particular reason?” she asked curiously. “Because you have shown a very good instinct for selecting material and using it appropriately. I’d be hard pressed to find a song that would be better suited to your voice and performance style.”

Kurt felt a bit silly bringing up is concerns. In the grand scheme of things, they were sure to sound petty and he didn’t want to offend his teacher.

“Mr. Hummel?” she prodded, her eyes narrowing with impatience.

Kurt sighed. “I’m just a bit worried about playing a gay character,” he admitted reluctantly. She gave him a sharp glance and he tried to explain his concerns.

“I mean… I’m pretty obvious,” he admitted sheepishly. “I don’t get taken seriously for straight roles and I’m afraid that I’m just going to pigeonhole myself.”

His teacher didn’t answer immediately, giving him a long, appraising gaze.

Kurt felt himself being to squirm internally, knowing that he sounded like a self-pitying child who whined over parts that he didn’t win. Here he was, a student at one of the most challenging schools in the country, and all he could do was complain that he might not get straight parts. He wouldn’t be surprised if Madam Tibideaux not only kicked him out of her office, but out of school entirely.

Instead she took off her glasses and gave a deep sigh. “When I first started in opera, there were only two parts that I would be considered appropriate for,” she said with a trace of anger that apparently still lingered. “Aida and Cleopatra. I was told very early on in my career to forget about trying for roles like Brunhilde or Desdemona, regardless of the fact that my voice was ideally suited for them. When they wanted to be polite, I was told that I was too ‘ethnic’ to be cast in many productions, but it was obvious what they really meant. They weren’t going to say outright that they just weren’t going to entertain the idea of casting a black singer. Of course, it was never an issue to stick some white paint and a wig on some blond and she could be Cio Cio San. Or blackface on a white man to play Othello.”

Kurt didn’t miss the bitterness in her tone and realized that she knew full well what it felt like. To be rejected for a role before she even had a chance to show what she could do.

Madam Tibideaux nodded briefly, understanding precisely the concerns that he’d tried to express. “This isn’t an easy business to get into,” she warned. “I’m not going to snow you about that. The sad reality is that regardless of how talented you are, you’re going to get rejected. A lot. Often in favor of people who are no more talented than you are. So before you get worried about being typecast, you need to focus on getting cast in the first place. Becoming a working actor is a big enough challenge when you’re just starting out.”

Kurt inhaled sharply. It wasn’t anything he hasn’t heard before and nothing that he didn’t know was waiting for him out in the world. It just felt disconcerting to hear it coming from a place of practical experience from a woman as deeply respected in their profession as Carmen Tibideux.

She gave him a long stare, seeing that her point had been made. “This is something that every actor faces and the ones who are successful are the ones who not only can work with the attributes they were given but show that they can surpass them. So don’t believe for an instant that every single student in this school isn’t going to face very similar challenges to what you will. Maybe it won’t be their sexuality, but mark my words that it will be something.

“Now this particular song? This particular role? That would be an excellent one for you,” she advised. “Because you have the depth of talent to do something special with it. And in the end, it’s what you do with whatever part you earn that will impact what happens afterwards. Taking an expected role and doing something unexpected is what separates a truly great performer from a generic one. And one thing you most certainly are not is generic.”

Kurt nodded understandingly, feeling more confident about his choice. He really needed to learn to trust his instincts more. He looked up from his list and saw a bemused expression on Madam Tibideux’s face.

“You did get to play Brunhilde, if I remember correctly,” he stated.

“Yes, I did,” she confirmed. And if she appeared a trifle bit smug, he couldn’t blame her. “At Beyreuth, no less. And let me tell you, that was exceedingly satisfying.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing. “I’ll bet it must have been,” he granted. There was something reassuring about having his imperious teacher showing that bit of human, petty emotion.

The small smile she gave him was reassuring, showing more understanding for what he feared than anyone had shown him before. Because she’d actually been there herself and overcame prejudices that stood in her way.

“Mr. Hummel, at NYADA we try to turn out students that are going to be able to excel as performers,” she reminded him. “And it’s not just about craft and talent… it’s also about learning how to survive in this industry. To learn how it actually works and to use that to our advantage. To build up the kind of strength that it takes to endure because if you don’t build up a tough skin, this industry will chew you up and spit you out in a heartbeat.

“You’re going to hear the word ‘no’ a lot in our business,” she warned. “The actors who are successful are the ones who have the strength to work past being told ‘no’. To keep trying and pushing until you get the chance to prove what you’re capable of. Otherwise you just won’t last long.”

Kurt nodded, finally recognizing that he was hardly alone in facing this kind of challenge. And it would be entirely on him to push past whatever roadblocks he found in his way.

“So that song… are we in agreement?” she asked, the question sounding more like a command than an actual query.

“Most definitely,” he agreed. “And I think that I have some interesting ideas about how to approach that character.”

“Good… I’m looking forward to seeing what you come up with. In the meantime, you are also going be doing a duet with Ms. Khorey,” Madam Tibideaux advised. “I believe that your voices are well matched and I have several pieces that would be very suitable. The two of you can arrange time to rehearse on your own.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow in surprise. He’d hoped to do a duet, but hadn’t expected to be assigned a partner. “I think that Rachel was expecting that she and I would do a duet,” he offered cautiously. “We’ve performed together before and…”

“I’m sure you have,” Madam Tibideux said dismissively “But this time you’ll be singing with Ms. Khorey. The warmth in her voice will be contrasted very pleasantly by your brightness, I think. I trust that the two of you will live up to my expectations.”

Kurt knew better than to argue the point. He was fairly positive that Rachel would be disappointed not to be singing with him, but he was sure that she’d be happy to sing with Jamie McLean. Their classmate had an absolutely magnificent baritone and he’d sound great with Rachel.

And he had to admit that his teacher was right… Analisa Khorey had a gorgeous voice and he was looking forward to seeing how they’d sound together.

Madam Tibideaux handed him a sheet with her song suggestions for their duet and he was more than a little surprised to see that they were all romantic songs. He had never really tried to do a romantic performance with a female partner and realized that this was a challenge that he would have to face and succeed at if he was to expect any kind of career beyond being a background player.

And really… how hard could it be to act opposite a girl and pretend to be in love? He’d been so worried about being taken seriously that he’d never really tried beyond his disastrous attempt at Romeo and Juliet with Rachel.

Checking his watch, he hurried across the street to meet Rachel at the local Starbucks so they could compare notes about their performance plans. She had met with Madam Tibideaux earlier that morning and he was curious about what the Dean had planned for her.

Rachel had already managed to grab a table and had his coffee waiting for him when he arrived. “Thanks,” he said with sincere appreciation as he took the chair opposite her. Meetings with Madam Tibideaux were always draining and he very much needed the caffeine to reenergize him.

“So tell me, how did your meeting go?” she asked eagerly. “I’ll tell you, she was so unreasonable when I proposed my solo and just assigned me a song.”

Kurt took a sip of his latte, raising an eyebrow in surprise. “What did you want to do?” he asked, curious because it was such a total contrast to how his meeting with Madam Tibideaux had gone. And Rachel knew better than anyone how to showcase her own voice.

“Well… I thought that ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina’ would have been perfect. I mean, you’ve heard me sing it and my rendition is flawless,” Rachel insisted. “And if she didn’t like that, I’d had “Maybe This Time’ as a back-up, but she rejected that too.”

Kurt didn’t miss the irritation in Rachel’s voice and nodded with reluctant understanding. Those were the usual kind of songs that Rachel gravitated towards; big showy numbers that highlighted her power and range and allowed her to engage her sense of drama. Either one would have been a reasonably good, if predictable, choice for Rachel.

“So what did she suggest instead?” he asked, hoping that Rachel would give him a straight answer and not get all huffy the way she usually did when thwarted.

Rachel sighed and took a long sip of her tea so she could gather her thoughts. “She said I should sing ‘Funny Honey’. It’s not normally my style, but…”

Kurt nodded knowingly, seeing exactly what Madam Tibideaux was trying to do. “I think it’s a great idea,” he assured Rachel, showing a bit of enthusiasm over the concept. “I know that it’s not your usual type of song, but I think that you can really stretch yourself as a performer with it.”

“It’s not something that’s really going to make use of my range,” she complained.

“But that’s just it,” Kurt insisted. “She’s trying to get you to push out of your comfort zone a little bit. You tend to focus a lot on the power in your voice and you can sound amazing when you dial it back. Some of my favorite songs you’ve done have been when you aren’t belting like you’re trying to reach the cheap seats and I really get to enjoy your voice.”

He paused to take a sip of his coffee, hoping that she was really listening to him. “Take this as a challenge and see what you can do with this song. You can really play with the character and emotion to make it work for you.”

She gave him a hesitant smile. “You really think so?” she asked. She still seemed a bit dubious over the idea.

Kurt nodded. “Sure. Madam Tibideaux may be difficult, but she wouldn’t assign you something that she didn’t think you’d be able to perform well,” he reminded her. “I mean, this is all about showing off what her students can do. Why would she pick one of her best singers to represent her class and then give her a song that wasn’t within her capabilities? That wouldn’t make sense, would it?”

“But why would she tell me to sing something that really doesn’t make use of my voice? ‘Funny Honey’ is a lovely song, but it’s kind of beneath me.”

“It’s definitely not your usual type, but it is a pretty complex song if you really think about it,” Kurt pointed out. “Remember what’s going on with Roxy at that point in the show and the resentment she feels towards Amos. This will really give you a chance to show off your acting chops even if the song won’t be as demanding as far as technique goes.

“And keep in mind that if you ever end up playing Roxy that you’re not just going to be performing the big showstopper songs,” he reminded her. “You’ve got to be able to handle the smaller, more introspective songs too and make them worth listening to. That’s just as much of playing the role as the big numbers.”

The young woman gave a small sigh. “I guess that you’re right,” she admitted a bit reluctantly. “I just got so caught up in her rejecting my choices that I wasn’t thinking clearly about it.”

Kurt reached out to take her hand, keeping a rein on the impatience that always crept in when her inner diva came out to play. He knew better than anyone how Rachel’s mind worked. “Rachel… she’s not your enemy, and she’s not looking to sabotage you,” he insisted gently. “She’s our teacher and it’s her job to help you improve as a singer.”

“You really think I need that much improvement?” Rachel asked in a small, hurt voice.

Kurt bit back a sigh of exasperation. He hated when Rachel got like this, and he wasn’t in the mood to indulge her.

“Rachel, we’re in a school,” he reminded her. “Being critiqued and pushed to change how we normally do things is all part of learning. We need her to show us where we’re weaker so we know what we need to work on. If we’re not looking to get better as performers, then what’s the point of being here?”

Rachel looked down at her hand wrapped around her cup and Kurt knew that she had fallen in her self-pitying moods. This happened every single time anyone even remotely called into question her talent as a singer and he was not at all inclined to indulge her.

“Rachel, can I ask you a question,” he asked, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. Getting into an argument would not help matters. “Why are you at NYADA?”

She looked at him with a startled expression, the blunt question taking her by surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not trying to be an asshole,” Kurt assured her, knowing how overly sensitive she could be. “I’m serious. It’s pretty clear that you’re not enjoying the instruction part, and you never liked having anyone correcting you. You spent most of the last semester arguing with Ms. July instead of actually trying to learn from her. And now you seem to think that Madam Tibideaux is looking to give you a hard time. I just don’t get why you’re putting yourself through this if you really don’t want them telling you where they think you need to work.”

“Kurt, I can’t believe you’re asking me that,” she snapped, not bothering to hide the betrayal in her voice. “You know how much being at NYADA means to me! What I went through to get here.”

“But why?” Kurt asked. “I’m really serious Rachel, and I’m not trying to start an argument. But why do you want to be here so much? If you’re not interested in being told where you can improve and actually learning, why do this?”

He put aside his half-empty cup, no longer wanting to make polite conversation. “Rachel, this is important,” he insisted. “If you honestly don’t think that you need to learn anything, then you’ve got to figure why you’re even here.”

Rachel inhaled sharply, the hurt and anger still visible just beneath the surface. “Going to NYADA opens up a lot of doors for us,” she reminded him. “Having this on our CV will get directors to take us seriously.”

“Because they expect us to have the kind of training that NYADA offers,” Kurt pointed out, as if it should be obvious. “We’re not going to become seasoned professionals by osmosis. We have to work at it.”

The anger flashed in Rachel’s eyes again. “Kurt, I’ve been in training since I was in diapers,” she snapped. “I don’t need to be told that I’m over singing a song when I know that I’m performing it the way it should be performed. Or that I’m ‘artistically lazy’.” She made quotation marks with her hands.

This was exactly what Kurt had been afraid of. Rachel had never taken criticism of any kind well and it doesn’t matter if it came from him or a respected teacher. Once she was sure that she was right, there was nothing that anyone could do to change her mind.

“Rachel, I’m not looking to start a fight with you,” he insisted, trying to keep his voice level and not escalate things. He knew better than anyone how things could get out of control when Rachel felt affronted. “And I can’t tell you what to do. If you think that you’re right, then no one is going to be able to tell you otherwise. I just don’t want to see you shortchange yourself on a chance to really learn from someone who has so much to teach us.”

“Kurt, I thought you were on my side,” Rachel whined, not bothering to hide her hurt. “I…”

“Rachel, I am on your side,” Kurt stated firmly, not letting her obvious pouting deter him from saying what needed to be said. “You are an amazing singer. And you can become a better one. This is such an amazing opportunity for both of us, to learn from teachers like Madam Tibideux. And we’re getting the chance to work with a lot of people that will have a big impact on our careers. Other students that we’ll probably end up working with in the future. Don’t throw that away because you’re too stubborn to accept any kind of correction.”

When Rachel didn’t answer immediately, Kurt knew that it was pointless to continue trying to reach her. She might be his friend, but she had always followed her own council and there was nothing anyone could do to argue otherwise. Deciding that it was best to grant her a polite excuse to escape, he checked his watch.

“I’ve got to run,” he advised. “I promised Adam I’d help finalize the costumes for his play. And I’ve got to get in touch with Analisa to arrange for rehearsal time.”

“Analisa? Is she one of the Apples?” Rachel asked, her brow furrowing in puzzlement.

“Analisa Khorey,” Kurt explained, indentifying the other student. “Rachel, she’s in our voice class. Don’t you know who the other students are?”

“Not really,” Rachel admitted a bit sheepishly. “I mean, not on a personal level. I don’t talk to them much outside of class. And Madam Tibideaux always calls us by our last names. But what do you have to rehearse with her?”

“Our duet for the visiting applicants,” he explained. “Madam Tibideaux said that we would be performing together.”

Rachel looked at him, not able to hide her shock. “But… but we were supposed to sing together!” she insisted. “I had it all planned out. We were going to do ‘Anything You Can Do’ and I was even going to let you have the high notes.”

Kurt realized that Rachel probably thought that she was being generous by giving Kurt the highlight of the song rather than hoarding it for herself. But then, it would mean him taking on the traditionally female role, which he had no interest in doing.

“Unfortunately Madam Tibideaux had other plans,” he said with as much mournfulness as he could force into his voice without sounding completely insincere. “She just assigned me a partner. I wasn’t given much of a choice about it.”

“She didn’t mention anything to me about a duet to me,” Rachel muttered. “I thought that we would just plan it out amongst ourselves.”

“I guess not. Maybe she plans for you to sing with Jamie. Jamie McLean,” he clarified, remembering her admission about not being familiar with much of the class.

Rachel began to look a bit concerned. “She didn’t mention anything when I met with her.”

“Well, you can always ask her,” he reminded her, hoping to alleviate her concerns. Besides having her talent questioned, the thing that irked Rachel most was to be overlooked or slighted. “Look, I really need to run. I’ll see you at home tonight.”

“Yeah… sure,” Rachel answered half-heartedly.

Kurt could see that she was closing herself off, but this was something that he couldn’t help her with. Rachel’s myriad of issues were entirely her own and it was something of a relief to not make resolving them for her a priority. He’d wait for her to see what Madam Tibideaux was thinking off before offering his very careful council.

But for now… he’d better catch up to Adam at the thrift store otherwise they would be subjected to an overload of plaid during the show.

* * *

“How about this?” Adam asked, holding up a chambray shirt he found on the rack. The pickings at the Good Will store were better than the last two stores they’d been in. “It looks like its Jason’s size.”

He would have thought that given that his play was set in current era and not in anyplace especially exotic that the costuming would be a snap. But it turned out to be a bit more difficult than he’d planned. He wanted the look of both characters to represent how he saw them, with Jason’s character, Brian, being very casual and laid back. It was meant to be a marked contrast to his Daniel, who was more emotionally burdened than his younger sibling.

Kurt considered the button down shirt and cocked his head. “It could work. But that will be a lot of blue if you’ve got him wearing jeans.”

Adam nodded and put the shirt back on the rack. If there was anything that he trusted, it was Kurt’s fashion sense.

“I suppose it’s a little too Texas,” he admitted, looking at what else was on offer.

“I kind of like this one,” Kurt suggested, pulling out a light grey pullover. “It’ll work well with his coloring and contrast nicely with your costume.”

Kurt had already found a very nice white button down for Adam to wear and he wanted to keep the colors for the costumes clean and a bit monochromatic so that they wouldn’t distract from the performances.

“Is it his size?” Adam asked.

Kurt checked. “He’s a medium, right?” He checked the sweater for pulls or any signs of damage, and tested the weight. It seemed like it would be light enough for Jason to wear on stage without overheating under the stage lights.

Adam nodded.

“Then we’re set if you like it.”

“Its fine,” Adam granted, glad that this task was rather quickly resolved. He’s taken a costuming class during his studies, but admittedly his interest in costuming didn’t really extend beyond wearing them. He wasn’t ashamed to acknowledge that Kurt had a much better eye for dressing characters. “You are a lifesaver, love.”

Kurt gave him a warm smile and draped the sweater over his arm. “Let’s pay for these and we can drop the off at the dry cleaners on the way back to your place. Is there anything else we need to look for?”

“Nope,” Adam assured him. Under his arm, he carried a box holding the last prop he’d been looking for. Something to symbolize the presence of the deceased mother in his play. He’d spotted the rather garish vase at the Housing Works store and couldn’t resist walking out with it.

“Thanks for helping, sweetheart,” Adam said sincerely. “I’m a reluctant shopper at best.”

“Which is why it’s a very good thing that you’ve got the proper incentives for me to help,” Kurt said flirtatiously as he followed Adam to the cashier.

“Ah yes… I did promise you lunch,” Adam chuckled.

Kurt gave him a playful nudge. “Well that and some alone time this afternoon. Because after today, I’m not going to see much of you until after your show.”

Adam turned a warm smile to his boyfriend, very appreciative that Kurt was being so patient with him. Kurt’s support had been crucial to his ability to focus on his play and see it through completion. Kurt didn’t demand more of his time and attention that he was able to spare and was willing to pitch in on the drudge work that went into staging a production. Adam was able to concentrate on his work and was now on the verge of seeing his play realized and that was due in no small part to Kurt’s understanding and support.

With their purchases made, the pair walked down to Madison Square Park to enjoy the bright spring afternoon and a late lunch from Shake Shack. Kurt carried their food to a convenient table and the pair settled to enjoy the pleasant weather and one another’s company.

Kurt made a low moan of pleasure as he bit into his burger, enjoying the indulgence. He wasn’t as inflexible with his diet as Rachel could be, but he was proud of his increasingly lean and toned physique and wanted to make sure that he kept it. But he enjoyed his treats and so long as he kept them in moderation, he could enjoy the bounty of amazing food that New York had to offer and keep his trim waistline.

Watching Adam enjoying his chocolate shake, he was reminded of the fact that his boyfriend seemed to be able to eat anything without it affecting his weight. Darn him.

“Sweetheart, thank you so much for helping me,” Adam offered sincerely, taking Kurt’s hand in his. “I’d still be running around, dithering about shirts without you.”

“I’m glad to help,” Kurt replied warmly, munching on a french fry. “I mean… the benefits package is pretty appealing.”

Adam grinned at the teasing tone of Kurt’s voice. “Then I’m so glad that I was able to convince you to sign on,” he chuckled, giving Kurt a mischievous wink. “And just so you know, it’s never held against you for shagging the boss.”

“Quoting Bridget Jones now? And who said you were the boss?” Kurt demanded playfully. “I seem to be the one setting the terms. I mean… hot man at my beck and call, all the tea I can drink… amazing sex… I’ve got everything I could want.”

“Me too,” Adam admitted, giving Kurt a loving stare. “You’ve made my life absolutely amazing, sweetheart. I’m so glad that that I worked up the courage to talk approach you when we first met.”

“So am I,” Kurt said softly, squeezing Adam’s hand. “And I’m glad that I listened to Rachel and took a chance. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy.”

“And you deserve to be happy, my beautiful, clever darling,” Adam whispered, his eyes aglow with his love for the younger man.

Adam offered Kurt a sip of his milkshake, knowing that Kurt would never order one for his himself and enjoyed watching Kurt’s eyes glaze over with pleasure as the thick, sweet liquid washed over his tongue.

“Oh, that is so good,” Kurt moaned in a way that Adam normally associated with really good sex and he knew that he was going to need a few minutes before he was going to be able to stand without embarrassing himself. Of all the things that he found arousing about his lover, Adam would happily admit that Kurt’s voice would be at the top of his list. The unconscious sounds that Kurt could make always managed to trigger a response in him.

Needing find a distraction, otherwise they wouldn’t be leaving that table anytime in the foreseeable future, Adam took a bite of his burger. “Do you think you can get the Tuesday after next free?” he asked. “I got an email from the festival and they want to get us scheduled for our live auditions.”

“Both of us?” Kurt couldn’t help from asking. He’d been dubious when the festival organizers had requested a recorded monologue reading along with their CVs, and hadn’t expected anything to come of it. Despite Adam’s confidence that he would be chosen to audition, he’d been fairly certain that once they saw that he’s never done any real theater work and heard his voice and that would be it for him.

Adam nodded proudly. “Most certainly. They’d like us to take the train up to Garrison for the audition. We can make a day of it.”

Kurt considered his class schedule, trying to keep a rein on his excitement. He couldn’t believe he made it past the first round of consideration. “I think that shouldn’t be a problem. I’m on top of my work in everything and I’ll check with my professors. I don’t think they’ll give me a hard time since it’s for an audition.”

His phone beeped, indicating that there was a text waiting for him. Pulling his phone from his jacket pocket, he queued up the message and couldn’t help from smiling. This day just kept getting better.

“Something good, sweetheart?” Adam asked.

Kurt quickly typed a response and put the phone away. “Yeah… that presentation that Madam Tibideaux has us doing? Well, besides my solo… which is going to be amazing, I must say… I have a duet. That was my partner, who is apparently thrilled that we’re singing together.”

“Well, Rachel is always thrilled to sing with you. Isn’t she?” Adam asked, taking a last sip of his milk shake.

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling and shook his head. “Nope. It’s not Rachel. I was really surprised that Madam was pairing me with someone else but I think we’re going to sound fantastic together. She’s got the most gorgeous lyric soprano voice.”

Adam chuckled at the way Kurt’s eyes almost glazed over at the prospect of singing with this classmate. “Think I’ll be able to sneak in to watch?” he asked. “You know that I love to watch you perform.”

“I’ll check,” Kurt promised. “I’m not sure where we’re doing this, but I’ll get the details.”

“Good.” Adam gathered up their trash and tossed it into a convenient trash can. “Coming, darling? We can go back to my flat and I can show you my etchings,” he joked, giving Kurt a playful waggle of his eyebrows.

The younger man chuckled, picking up their shopping bags. “Oh, you’re going to show me a lot more than that,” he swore.

Adam laughed brightly and flung his arm about Kurt’s shoulders, pulling him close as they walked to the subway. He was looking forward to seeing what other moans and delicious sounds he’d be able to wrest from his lover that afternoon.

* * *

Rachel waited outside of Madam Tibideaux’s office, knowing that she was fortunate that she would be able to catch her teacher directly after she meeting she was currently in. Kurt’s mention of his assigned duet had her concerned since there was no mention of a duet when she met with the Dean earlier. She hoped that her teacher had merely forgotten to mention who she would be paired with and that this was just a minor misunderstanding.

The door opened and an elegant dark skinned girl that Rachel recognized from her voice class breezed out, a brilliant smile on her face. “Oh, hey Rachel,” she greeted at seeing her.

“Hi…” Rachel began, her mind racing to try to place the other girl’s name. She quickly remembered the other girls selected for the performance and tried to figure out which one it was. Kurt was right; she was really awful at paying attention to others.

“I’m actually glad that you’re here,” the black girl said, her long braids swinging about her shoulders. “Do you know where Kurt is now? I need to get in touch with him.”

Rachel realized that it was Analisa Khorey that she was speaking to. Kurt’s duet partner. That was the only reason that she would be looking for Kurt. “I think that he’s with his boyfriend right now,” she answered reluctantly. “They’re doing some work for his senior project.”

“Thanks!” Analisa said brightly. “I need to set up some time with him to rehearse. I can’t believe that Madam paired us up. I thought for sure you’d be singing with him.”

So did I, Rachel thought darkly, at turns saddened and angry over this situation. But as frustrated as she was, Analisa wasn’t to blame. Taking her frustration out on her classmate would be pointless. “Do you need Kurt’s number?” she offered.

“No, I got it from the class directory,” the other girl answered. “Thanks though.”

“No problem,” Rachel said listlessly, feeling like she was completely out of control of the situation. It was disconcerting how absolutely thrilled the black girl seemed to be at the prospect of singing with Kurt. Not that she could blame the other young woman as Kurt was one of her favorite duet partners, but it was hard to be generous when Rachel knew that Analisa was taking her rightful place. She’s the one who was supposed to be Kurt’s partner and it bothered her terribly that Kurt was so willing to go along with whatever he was told to do. It felt like a betrayal.

Hopefully Madam Tibideaux was in a mood to be reasoned with and would get this all sorted out.

She lucked out that the Dean was willing to meet with her and she entered the office with as much confidence as she could muster. “Thank you so much for agreeing to see me,” she said, stepping up to her desk.

Madam Tibideux just gave her a brief nod of acknowledgement. “You said this was about the presentation. Did you have any questions about the material?”

“No, Madam,” Rachel assured her. “I did some thinking and I think that your suggestion for my solo would be an interesting challenge. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Good,” the Dean granted, apparently satisfied with her answer. “Then what did you want to discuss?”

Rachel took a breath to steady her nerves. She didn’t know what it was about her teacher, but she always felt intimidated by the older woman’s sharp stare. “Well, I was talking to Kurt and he mentioned that he’d also be doing a duet with Analisa Khorey. We didn’t talk about a duet partner for me, and…”

“No, we didn’t. Because I didn’t plan on you doing a duet,” Madam Tibideaux informed her bluntly. “I felt that you need to concentrate on your own development right now and a duet would be an unnecessary distraction.”

Rachel’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I’m sorry… I’m not sure I understand.”

The Dean gave her an unyielding stare. “Ms. Berry, I gave this a great deal of consideration. There is no question that you’re exceptionally talented, but lately it’s become apparent that you’ve been resting on your laurels and not pushing yourself. I’m not seeing any real growth and most of your performances have become repetitive. I want you to use this opportunity to try to show that you can do more than loud vocal gymnastics.”

Rachel felt her cheeks heat at the rebuke from her teacher. “But Kurt…”

“What I’m asking of Mr. Hummel is not your concern,” Madam Tibideaux admonished. “This is not being set up as a competition where you think that the best students get the most songs. You need to focus on your own progress and not what others are doing. Because winning Winter Showcase is only going to get you so far, Ms. Berry. Not if I continue to see this kind of stagnation.”

Rachel felt herself nodding, but the humiliation was burning a hole in her stomach. But she wasn’t going to let her teacher see just how deeply she was hurt. “I’m going to prove that your faith in me isn’t unwarranted, Madam,” she tried to assure her teacher.

The Dean just shook her head. “Ms. Berry, this isn’t about my faith in your abilities. I already know that you’re talented. It’s about your determination to grow as a performer. I need you to start proving that you see your time at NYADA as being about more than just a place to show off what we already know you can do.”

Rachel just nodded, knowing that this wasn’t an argument that she was going to be able to win.

“Good,” the Dean said, satisfied that she’d made her point. “Because I want you to keep in mind that you will be critiqued and this performance will be factored into your grades this semester. This isn’t just about giving you a chance to show off, so I want you to take this seriously.”

“Yes, Madam. I will,” Rachel promised.

“Then, do you have any other questions?”

Rachel shook her head, knowing that pressing the issue would not get her anywhere. “No, Madam. Thank you for your time.”

The Dean nodded, dismissing her.

Rachel walked out of the office, feeling her stomach clench from the stress of the encounter. She couldn’t understand what was going on. It seemed like her status had been on the decline for some time now and she knew the exact moment that her fortunes seemed to have turned.

Midnight Madness.

On that night, she went from being respected by her fellow students to being vulnerable. Rather than being recognized as being one of the best, even fellow freshmen weren’t afraid to challenge her. She’d always had trouble with Ms. July, but her other professors seemed to have a high opinion of her. Now they were questioning her talent and work ethic all the time. Even her voice teacher was starting to doubt her potential.

All of this was terribly confusing. She wasn’t a weaker performer than she was before coming to NYADA, but something had changed in how they saw her and she could only suspect that somehow her teachers found out what happened that night. Because she couldn’t explain how suddenly everything she did was criticized while Kurt was routinely praised and rewarded.

She knew that it was not fair to blame Kurt. She had done more than enough to instigate him and neither of them would have known just how far reaching the consequences would have been. She’d expected a loss of some status among the other students, but not with the faculty as well.

She needed to fix this. To prove that she did deserve the regard and regain the status that she lost. There was too much riding on this. Her future at NYADA, Funny Girl… her dreams were at stake.

So Madam Tibideaux was only granting her one song? And not one of her choosing? That was fine. She could overcome this challenge. She knew very well how fortunes could shift with a single performance.

Her dreams were within her grasp. There was nothing that she could allow to stand in her way.

* * *

Adam smiled contentedly as Kurt’s strong fingers found the tense muscles in his shoulders and massaged the knots out.

“Darling, you can do that forever…” he groaned.

Kurt grinned and nudged him gently. “Hold the book up. I can’t see…”

Adam smiled and complied, lifting up his old Shakespeare text so Kurt could see the dialogue. It was rather difficult to concentrate when he had a naked Kurt pressed up against his back, so he felt that he could be forgiven for this lapse.

“When you went onward on this ended action, I look’d upon her with a soldier’s eye,” Kurt read, trying to keep his accent even. “That liked, but had a rougher task in hand. Than to drive liking to the name of love. But now I am return’d and that war-thoughts have left their places vacent, in their rooms.”

He leaned against Adam’s back, wrapping his arms about the older man and helping to support the weight of the heavy text as he continued to read. “Come thronging soft and delicate desires, all prompting me how fair young Hero is, saying, I liked her ere I went to wars. **”**

Adam tried to play close attention to Kurt’s voice, listening to the cadence of his speech and thinking that despite Kurt’s initial hesitation that he was born to do Shakespeare. Kurt had the perfect appearance for a young, heroic role and it would not take very much effort to coax that natural ability into a more than satisfactory stage presence.

“That sounds lovely,” he complimented. “You’ve clearly been practicing. And you sound like you’re more familiar with the text now. Enough that you’re playing the character with a lot more conviction.”

Kurt knew what his own flaws were and didn’t need his boyfriend to point out his shortcomings. “My accent sucks,” he admitted a bit mournfully. “I sound like Austin Powers with a head cold.”

“Not quite,” Adam assured him, chuckling. He grasped Kurt’s hand reassuringly. “But it does sound a bit forced. Just read the dialogue without deliberately trying to do an English accent. The way you did it when we recorded your monologue.”

Kurt nodded and selected another bit of dialogue. “How sweetly you do minister to love, that know love’s grief by his complexion,” he read, the tone of his voice more natural but still carrying the gentle cadence of the language. “But lest my liking might too sudden seem, I would have salved it with a longer treatise.”

Adam nodded approvingly. “Much, much better!” he complimented. “See? That’s the magic of Shakespeare right there. The writing alone coaxes your voice into the right rhythms. You don’t need to try so hard to make it happen.”

“I still wish that I’d found time to take the diction class this semester,” Kurt said regretfully. “I’d sound a lot better.”

Adam chuckled, giving Kurt’s long fingers a kiss. “Darling, as amazing as you are, you just can’t squeeze four years worth of classes into a single semester. Cut yourself a little slack,” he urged.

“I know,” Kurt sighed, resting his chin on Adam’s broad shoulder. “I just hate that I can’t walk in there as prepared as I know I should be.”

“You will be fine,” Adam assured him. “We’ll work on it a bit more and you’ll be more than ready to audition.”

“I wish I had your confidence,” Kurt muttered.

Adam sighed, not liking the defeat he heard in Kurt’s voice. “I’m confident because I know you can do this,” he insisted, placing the book down. “I wish that you had more faith in yourself.”

Kurt sighed, knowing that giving up before he even started was a sure way to ensure that he never got cast in anything. “I just need to practice a bit more,” he claimed, snuggling closer. “Let’s try this again.”

The second read through sounded much better, with Kurt relaxing a bit and letting the dialogue flow. Even without deliberately trying to approximate an English accent, Adam thought that Kurt sounded very natural and would do well at the try outs.

“See?” he asked, putting the text aside. “That sounds a lot better, doesn’t it? You just need to relax and have a bit of confidence in yourself and it turns out fine.”

“Well, I sounded better than Keanu Reeves, I guess,” Kurt chuckled, kissing the side of Adam’s neck.

“Infinitely better,” Adam assured him. He turned about so he could face his lover. “You are going to be amazing, love. Just remember to relax and let the words flow. They’ll do half the work for you.”

Kurt smiled softly, looking up at Adam from beneath his lashes. A soft flush touched his cheeks and Adam was once again struck with just how beautiful Kurt was. His heart began to pound in his chest and he could feel himself getting hard again.

“You are so gorgeous,” he said breathlessly, reaching up to gently cup Kurt’s cheek with his hand. “There are so many times when I wonder why you’re with plain, dull old me.”

“Because I love you,” Kurt said softly, his eyes shining. “And because you love me.”

He leaned close, his lips just barely brushing Adam’s. “And never let me hear you call yourself plain or dull. I am admittedly biased, but could you ever see me with someone who wasn’t totally amazing in every way? I’m not that noble.”

Adam smiled and kissed his lover deeply, savoring the taste of him. Mint from his toothpaste, coffee and something vaguely sweet and spicy that always seemed to linger in the background. It was a taste that Adam had come to associate solely with Kurt. Delicious and completely addictive.

Adam wasn’t a silly child and he’d been in love before. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he tended to fall hard and quickly, and Kurt had been no exception to that rule. From the moment he first laid eyes on him, Adam was infatuated. But this was different from all those other times. Adam often fell out of love as easily as he fell in, once the initial infatuation wore off and he learned the true nature of the person he was with. Disappointment was a frequent feature in his past relationships, and one that he was sad to admit that he was very familiar with.

But it was different with Kurt. Adam’s feelings had only gotten stronger and deeper as he came to truly know the remarkable young man he held in his arms. Learning what made Kurt tick and all his joys and fears… he feel deeper in love and knew that he would be left forever changed from knowing this amazing creature. Even the less admirable aspects of Kurt’s nature… his temper and peevishness… they fascinated him endlessly. He felt that he could make a study of Kurt’s nature for the rest of his life and never suffer a second of boredom.

For all the times when he’d thought he’d truly been in love, not once did he ever try to envision a future. He’d relished being caught up in the moment and figured that the future would take care of itself. Now, even though their relationship was a scant few months old, he looked forward to a future. One that had Kurt directly in the center of it.

He leaned forward, pressing Kurt into the coach beneath them, the Shakespeare text falling to the floor beside them. Adam lost himself in the taste of Kurt, thinking that while the future was wonderful to contemplate, he had a pretty spectacular present to enjoy.

* * *

Sitting at his dressing table tucked away in the backstage area, Adam made the final touches to his stage makeup. Thankfully he could do a more natural look for this performance, but he still needed a fair amount of foundation and eyeliner to make his features stand out more clearly. Maybe a tiny bit of lip color too, just enough to give his mouth a bit more definition.

He sat alone, needing the time to center himself before what promised to be the single most important performance of his life. Everything was as prepared as it possibly could be. The stage was set and he had gathered a crew from the technical programs that were happy to help in exchange for the school credit they’d receive. The audience was starting to fill the theater. It was well past the point that he could be second guessing his staging or direction choices. He would just have to make sure that his acting was as good as it possibly could be.

He looked over at the flower arrangements decorating his dressing table. He’d not wanted to make this such a big deal, but those closest to him wanted to commemorate his achievement in the traditional manner and it felt almost like he was ready to make a Broadway debut. The largest arrangement was from his family in England, the card urging him to “break a leg”. He couldn’t help from smiling. His parents had always been so supportive of his dreams, even when they took him so far from home.

The second arrangement was from his Apples, the card that had been haphazardly stuck into the bouquet was covered with signatures from everyone in the group. Like his chorus, the flowers were a riot of mismatched colors, as if everyone in the group had picked one or two stems and threw the whole thing together without rhyme or reason. He absolutely loved it.

The third was the one that nearly caused his eyes to start watering again; a small and elegant display of bright sunflowers in a square glass vase. There was no card, but he didn’t need one to know who’d sent it. Only his Kurt would have such exquisite taste and know exactly what Adam needed to bring a smile to his face.

“Hey Adam… how are you holding up?”

Adam looked up to find Mags approaching his dressing area. “I’m okay,” he assured her. “I suppose they nominated you to check up on me.”

The young woman gave a quick grin and cocked her head bashfully. “They figured that I’d be the least likely to bother you, or get thrown out on my ass.”

That was true, Adam considered. Mags was one of Adam’s oldest friends at NYADA, a fellow senior and the first to join the Apples when he first started the choir. They’d been through a tremendous amount together and after Kurt, Adam didn’t think that there was anyone who knew him quite so well. While Adam had been regretting his decision not to have Kurt join him during his preparations and help talk him through his initial nerves, he knew that Mags was the far better choice. As much as he loved Kurt, he needed to focus and Kurt wouldn’t be able to step back emotionally the way that Mags could.

“I really appreciate it,” he said sincerely. “It’ll keep me from brooding before I go on.”

He noticed her outfit, which was a lot dressier that he was accustomed to seeing her wear. A slim-fitting black dress revealed the curves that she more often than not hid beneath denim and leather, paired with fishnet tights and boots. Her normally tall mohawk was worn down that night, and decorated with braids and beads that trailed down her neck.

“You look lovely, my dear,” he complimented. “Any particular reason for dressing up?”

Mags smiled, reaching out to trail a finger along the petal of one of the sunflowers on Adam’s table. “You can blame that on your boyfriend,” she warned. “He decided that since our fearless leader was preparing for his tour de force performance, we all needed to dress for the occasion.

She gave him a knowing smirk. “And if you think I look good, you ought to see him. If he had a single grain of bisexuality in that lovely little body of his, I’d be fighting you over him.”

“That good, huh?”

Mags chuckled and leaned against his dressing table. “All I’m going to say is that there’s leather involved. That should give you some incentive to do your best.”

Adam laughed aloud, knowing full well that she was only mostly joking. “Thank you, Mags. I needed the laugh to break the tension a bit.”

She smiled, her dark eyes sparkling behind her glasses. With a gentle hand, she smoothed a wayward curl on his head. “You’re going to do fine, honey. And you’ve got an entire section – an extremely well-dressed section, I have to say – all cheering for you,” she stated. “We’re so proud of you.”

Adam felt his cheeks warm beneath his makeup and reached out to pull her into a hug. “Thanks,” he said softly.

“Yeah, well… don’t get all mushy on me,” she warned, giving him a teasing shove. “Otherwise I’ll just drag Kurt back here, ruin his surprise and let him worry all over you.”

Adam laughed brightly, knowing that she was only giving him fair warning. His friend never liked to play fair.

“Hey Adam?” a new voice called out carefully. Adam turned to see one of the student stage hands approaching. “They’re taking their seats now and the curtain is set to go up in fifteen.”

Adam nodded. “Thanks, Peter. Let the crew know that I’ll be there in just a minute to go over final instructions.”

Mags stepped back and picked up her purse. “I’d better get back to the others and let you finish up here.”

Adam gave her a warm smile. “Tell Kurt and the others that I’ll see them after the show,” he requested.

“Of course,” she responded cheerfully. “And Adam? Break a leg.”

Adam turned to follow Peter to meet with the rest of the tech crew and answer any last questions about the staging. Amazingly, now that he was nearly ready to take the stage, his initial bout of nerves had vanished and he knew that he was ready. He’d done his job well. All there was to do now was play his role.

* * *

“Come on!” Rachel urged as she rushed up the steps to the school as fast as her high heels would allow her. “We were supposed to be here half an hour ago!”

“The show doesn’t start until seven.” Santana snapped as she hurried to keep up. “And we would have been here in plenty of time if you could decide what to wear without pulling out half your closet.”

“Kurt said that everyone was dressing up and I wanted to be appropriate,” Rachel reminded her as she paused to get her bearings. Kurt did say it was the East Auditorium, didn’t he?

Santana smirked wickedly. “So you couldn’t decide between one of the ten nearly identical black micro-minis you currently own? I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be tragic or pathetic.”

Self-consciously, Rachel tugged at the hem of her skirt, knowing that the choice wasn’t the most exciting, but it was the nicest dress she owned. Kurt had let her know that the Apples were treating this as a major event and dressing in whatever they considered to be formal wear so she wanted to fit in. While she couldn’t honestly claim that she was close to Adam, this was important to Kurt and she wanted to show her support as best she could. She’d finally settled on a dress that Kurt had brought home from Vogue that felt more than appropriate.

Santana quickly followed in Rachel’s wake, shaking her head at her friend’s antics. The other girl always made thing so much harder for herself than they needed to be.

They arrived at the theater and Rachel looked about for Kurt, surprised that the theater was nearly filled to capacity. Kurt spotted them coming in and called out to her, giving them a wave to where his group was sitting. The Apples had claimed two full rows in the front and Kurt had held two seats for his friends.

“I’m so glad you both made it,” he said, giving them a quick hug in greeting. “You look great.”

“Sorry we’re so late,” Rachel said sincerely, taking the seat offered to her. Her feet were starting to hurt from all but running in her heels.

“You got here in plenty of time. Don’t worry. I figured that you two got caught up on your way over,” Kurt allowed, giving her a warm smile.

Rachel took a moment to catch her breath and looked about the theater. “It’s absolutely packed,” she noted, more than a little surprised. Given what she’d been told about the Apples and how being a member doomed one to permanent entry to the lowest rung on the NYADA hierarchy, this kind of turnout was not what she had been expecting.

Kurt smiled proudly. “Well, most of them are Adam’s classmates in the Dramatics program. And the Apples, obviously,” he explained. He pointed to a number of seats at the very center of the auditorium with a table and lamp. “That’s where Adam’s advisor and the Dramatics Dean will be sitting. They’ll be the ones grading his project.”

Santana gave a knowing nod, not hiding that she was a bit impressed. “I will have to say that this is some turn out,” she said admiringly. “And you can tell Number Ten that I said that.”

“Is this normal for senior projects?” Rachel couldn’t help from asking. “I mean… I’ve never seen any done yet.”

Kurt nodded. “Sometimes. I mean, the Apples may not be thought of too highly but Adam is quite well respected in his program. So I’m not especially surprised that he’s got such a good turnout.”

Rachel couldn’t help from flushing in embarrassment that she had made that unkind observation to Kurt about the Apples and her assumption that Adam would not be respected by the other students. It was unsettling at how she’d been so quick to look down on when they seemed so happy to turn out to support one of their own. It reminded her of New Directions in some ways and she found herself very much missing being part of a close knit group like that.

She shouldn’t be at all surprised at how easily Kurt fit in with them. He had never as mindful about status as she was, focused more on having friends and it appeared that he had those in abundance now. He turned to chat with a pretty Asian girl dressed in a red Victorian-style gown and they were soon joined by a skinny young man with red hair who was wearing a formal kilt.

Kurt had put his own spin on formal wear and Rachel admired that even in a group that obviously prized eccentricity and individuality that he found ways to stand out. He wore a black velvet jacket and a pair of leather trousers that hugged his legs enticingly and his favorite top hat. The pants were tucked into tall black riding boots that made Rachel immediately envy his ability to take pieces that didn’t look like they would go together and create a stylish and cohesive outfit. Her attempts at that kind of creativity with her wardrobe had only resulted in some pretty embarrassing combinations that never saw the light of day.

Kurt looked up from his conversation with Mei when Mags strutted over to the group. Once again, he found himself admiring her inventiveness with her hairstyle, admitting to himself that he’d been wondering how she’d dress that evening. He particularly liked the braids and didn’t know too many people who’d be able to pull off that look without looking silly in the process.

“Hey, Mad Hatter… I checked up on Adam, just like you asked. He’s remembering how to breathe so he should be okay,” she advised him.

“Thanks, Mags,” Kurt said sincerely. “I would have checked him myself, but…”

“Yeah, we all know. You’d distract him. And then his play would fall apart and he’d flunk out of school and never work in theater again,” Mags chuckled. She gave Kurt a playful nudge. “He’s going to be fine. But you, my darling boy… you need to take a serious chill and sit down. Remember… positive vibes.”

Kurt nodded, taking off his hat and smoothing his hair. “I know. I just want this to go well for him. He’s worked so hard on this.”

Mei smiled and took her friend’s hand reassuringly. “Kurt, you sat through the dress rehearsal,” she reminded him gently. “You spent the whole afternoon raving about how amazing he was. So let him do his thing and then we’ll all go out and celebrate.”

“Jezz, Hummel… you’d think you were more nervous about this than your boyfriend,” Santana noted wryly. She sat down and crossed her long legs, gazing up at his amusedly.

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling a bit contritely, knowing that he was acting out a bit. “I’m sorry guys,” he apologized to the group. “It’s just…”

“We get it Kurt,” Mei assured him. “It’s Adam. You’ve a bit overinvested.”

“Understatement of the century,” Santana snarked playfully, giving Kurt a fond smile.

Rachel smiled and squeezed his hand. “We understand,” she assured him. Anyone who knew anything at all about Kurt would expect this level of emotional interest in those he cared about, Rachel mused fondly. Kurt gave his all to those that he loved.

More than a few times she had been the recipient of that effort and to her shame, she had not reciprocated nearly enough. She was trying to change that, but kept getting sidetracked by her own needs. Kurt deserved a lot better from her and she wasn’t quite sure how to change that.

Kurt glanced over to the entrance to the auditorium and spotted Professor Mackey walking in with a broadly built man that Kurt assumed was Professor Chacon, the Dean of Adam’s program. “It looks like the faculty has arrived,” he mused, biting his lip nervously.

As if on cue, the theater lights dimmed and blinked, advising the audience to take their seats.

Kurt inhaled deeply, knowing that the moment he’d been dreading has finally arrived. “This is it,” he breathed, feeling the butterflies in his stomach getting stirred up again. He sat down, carefully balancing his top hat on his knee and holding it in place.

Rachel reached over to gently squeeze his hand reassuringly, offering her support as best she could.

Kurt paused to give her a thankful smile before turning his attention to the stage. The theater lights dimmed and the curtain rose, revealing a sparsely decorate stage with that awful vase that Adam had found, holding a place of honor. Music began to play softly, and Kurt recognized it as an instrumental version of Leonard Cohen’s “Closing Time”. Adam stepped onto the stage and was greeted by enthusiastic applause. Kurt watched as Adam silently puttered about the stage, adjusting the pillows on the couch and putting some fresh flowers into the vase. He looked tired, with an air of a great burden being on his shoulders. He was soon joined by Jason, who watched his “brother” straightening the room and looking like he wasn’t sure what to do.

_“Can I help?” Brian asked._

_Daniel looked up at him, almost surprised at the request. “No… I’m just about done,” he assured his brother._

_Brian looked about the room, a bit at loose ends and not knowing what to do with himself before taking a seat on the sofa. “It was a nice service,” he said blandly. “Mom would have liked it.”_

_Daniel seemed to hesitate an instant too long before answering. “Well, she always did like being the center of attention,” he finally said, with a slight edge to his voice. “I’m sure that she’d be pleased as anything that her funeral was the event of the season.”_

The next hour and a half went by in a blur as Kurt sat totally enraptured by the play he was watching. It was easy to forget that the man he was watching perform was his boyfriend because Adam became his character so completely. He was riveting as Daniel, showing both the strength of the character and the hidden damage done by his emotionally abusive mother.

Kurt leaned forward, watching intently as “Daniel” and his younger brother played a subtle emotional dance around one another. “Brian” had been mostly shielded from his mother’s worst behavior and seemed unaware of just what was happening in the house around him, while “Daniel” was quietly resentful of the brother he’d protected. Kurt felt his eyes tearing as “Daniel” spoke in a dull monotone about how he gave up on his chances to attend college, coerced into taking care of their mother and belittled if he considered leaving to live his own life while “Brian” was able to fulfill his dreams. If “Brian” was blithely ignorant about just what their mother really was, he still loved his brother and felt horrible guilt at what “Daniel” had sacrificed for his sake.

The emotional cauldron boiled over when “Daniel”, furious with their mother for holding him back while his brother was encouraged to leave home and feeling like he’d been cheated of his chances in life grabbed the vase that she’d loved so much and smashed it on the floor. That single act of unrestrained emotion seemed to break open something in “Daniel” and he slumped down, utterly drained and feeling lost. He wasn’t a kid anymore and now that his mother was gone, what did he have left?

Kurt sniffled, blinking away tears. Adam’s writing was absolutely heartrending and while he didn’t want to miss a second of the play, Kurt couldn’t resist tearing his attention away from the action on stage to see the response of the audience. They seemed as engrossed by what they were seeing and there were several who were dabbing at their eyes. Including Rachel, who was sitting there with her eyes wide and shimmering with tears as she watched the action on the stage.

“Brian” tried to comfort his brother, feeling tremendous guilt that he had gotten the opportunities that he had not suffered the way “Daniel” did, urging him to take advantage of his newfound freedom. The brothers knew that their time together was coming to a close. “Brian” would be returning to school and “Daniel”… “Daniel” had to figure out how to salvage his life. Their reconciliation was not complete and it was left up in the air if the brothers would ever see one another again. But Adam had taken Kurt’s suggestion and the scene ended with a hug between the siblings before “Brian” left, giving “Daniel” a brief wave and a promise that they’d stay in touch. The scene closed with “Daniel” standing alone on the stage, gazing about at the room that had been as much a prison as a home and trying to decide what to do next.

The lights narrowed to a spot that focused on Adam, as if holding him captive on the stage for a long moment before finally shutting off, the darkness settling over the audience like a shroud. Kurt could hear the breathing of people around him, a sniffle here and there as people tried to regain control over their emotions. Then the applause began.

When the stage lights came on again and Adam and Jason stepped into view, the applause became thunderous. Kurt couldn’t help from cheering loudly as the two men took their bows, and then Jason patted Adam on the shoulder before stepping aside, letting the man who deserved their accolades get his due.

Kurt quickly got to his feet, giving his boyfriend the standing ovation that he so richly deserved. And he wasn’t alone. One by one, the entire audience rose to their feet, the applause and cheers growing louder as Adam bowed to them. He looked exhausted but radiant as he nodded his thanks to his audience, accepting their enthusiastic response.

Mei gave Kurt a quick nudge to get his attention. “Kurt, look at Professor Mackey,” she urged. She was smiling so broadly that Kurt would be surprised if her face wasn’t hurting.

Kurt took a quick glance over to where the professor and dean had been seated and both men were on their feet, applauding Adam. Professor Mackey was giving Adam a deliberate nod and Kurt knew that Adam’s project had passed muster.

Relieved and thrilled for his boyfriend, Kurt applauded and cheered as loud as he could. Adam bowed again, then looked to the rows where his friends were sitting and placed his hand over his heart to thank them for their support. The smile on his face was brilliant as he took in the ovation from those he was closest to.

Adam bowed again, and then exited the stage. The house lights came on and the audience became to disperse.

Rachel looked up at Kurt in wonderment. “That was amazing,” she said a bit breathlessly. “I can’t believe he wrote and directed that.”

Kurt just smiled proudly. “What can I say? My man is talented as well as handsome.”

Santana rose to her feet and patted Kurt on his shoulder. “Well, I will have to say that it was really good,” she admitted without her usual sarcasm. “And you can tell him that I said that. I’ll deny it of course, but…”

Kurt just gave her a warm smile.

Mei reached over to give Kurt a quick hug. “Why don’t you head backstage? I’m sure that Adam would love to see you now that the hard part is over.”

Rachel nodded. “Go ahead, Kurt. We all can head out and get things ready for the party.” She took Kurt’s hat from his hands and set it back on his head, smiling warmly.

Kurt gave her a thankful look and kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks,” he said sincerely. “We won’t be too long.”

“Take your time,” Tommy urged. “That’ll give us a chance to get the booze flowing and the party rocking before you get there.”

Kurt took a deep breath and headed back stage where he found Adam’s stage crew busy moving the props off the stage and clearing things up. Kurt agilely dodged them, keeping out of everyone’s way and letting them work. They’d done a smashing job with the staging of Adam’s play and the last thing they deserved was to have him interfering with their work.

He found Adam’s dressing area where his boyfriend had already scrubbed off his stage makeup and was currently wiping down his upper body with disposable cloths, cleaning himself of the layer of sweat that clung to his skin. Kurt paused, admiring Adam’s beautifully muscular body before making his presence know.

“Hey Future Drama Desk Award Winner,” he greeted cheerfully, stepping into Adam’s area.

The older man looked up, a bright smile curving his lips. “Hi sweetheart,” he greeted, leaning down so that Kurt could give him a kiss. “I’m almost done.”

“Don’t hurry on my account,” Kurt chuckled, enjoying the view of all that lovely skin on display.

Adam grinned and finished cleaning himself up. He cocked his head, taking in Kurt’s attire. Mag’s hadn’t been exaggerating. “You look absolutely smashing, love,” he complimented. “Is this for me?”

Kurt blushed a bit and cocked his head mischievously. “I wanted to give you something to look forward to after the show.”

“Mmm… very much worth it,” Adam said appraisingly, eyeing Kurt’s impossibly long legs so beautifully displayed by all that leather. “Come here.”

Kurt smiled and stepped forward in Adam’s waiting embrace. There was something so arousing about Adam being partly unclothed while Kurt was fully dressed and he could feel Adam shudder at the feel of the velvet against his skin. It gave him a feeling of power and strength and Adam seemed to be enjoying the slight shift in their usual dynamic.

“You were so amazing,” Kurt said gently, reaching up to smooth back Adam’s tousled hair. “Everything was perfect.”

“I missed a line cue,” Adam admitted. “I was lucky that Jason was able to cover it up.”

Kurt shook his head. “No one could tell. Not even me, and I saw the dress rehearsal. It was a fantastic show, and you had half the audience in tears. And Professor Mackey seemed really impressed, so I wouldn’t be too worried about your critique.”

Adam leaned into Kurt’s warmth, letting the younger man soothe him. “Thank you, darling,” he said gratefully. Despite the play having gone well, he wouldn’t be completely at ease until he got his grades for the project.

“Well, you’d better get dressed,” Kurt urged, gently nudging Adam to his dressing table. “I’ve got a whole group of people, Apples included, looking forward to celebrating your triumph.”

Adam chuckled, releasing his lover and looking for the athletic bag where he’d stowed the change of clothes that Kurt had packed for him. “You’re not going to tell me what you’ve got planned, are you?”

Kurt just grinned and shook his head. “Nope. You’re just going to have to trust me.”

“Always,” Adam promised.

* * *

By the time that Kurt and Adam had arrived at the loft, the after party was in full swing. The heavy door slid open to reveal a brightly decorated space, with party lights strung about to create a cheery glow. Their dining room table had been pushed up against a wall and set up as a buffet with trays of finger foods and plastic plates. A large sheet cake decorated with a Tony Award drawn out in icing was ready to be devoured. Jules from their chorus had taken over the kitchen counter and set it up the bar, serving up concoctions that were as delicious as they were potent.

Kurt was glad that he’d thought to hold the party here, and that he’d managed to coax his roommates into going along with his plans. It was a lot less expensive than it would have been if they’d tried to have the celebration in a restaurant or club and they were able to focus what money they had on food and alcohol. The loft was certainly big enough to throw an amazing party and they really hadn’t entertained since Thanksgiving. It was long overdue and Adam gave them a wonderful excuse to pull out all the stops.

Jules greeted them at the door with glasses filled with ice and something red and strong smelling. “What’s this?” Kurt couldn’t help from asking, sniffing dubiously. Whatever it was, it was very strong.

The heavy-set young man grinned. “I’m calling it a “Pele’s Kiss”. I used two different rums and vodka so it’s got a real kick, but it still tastes really good. Think of it like a Hawaiian vacation in a glass.”

“Well, you’re in a poetic mood,” Adam noted. “At our last party, your signature drink was just called ‘purple stuff’.” He took a careful sip. It was indeed strong, but the fruit juices balanced it out nicely and made it very drinkable. Still, he’d treat it respectfully because the sweetness would make it too easy to bolt down and Kurt didn’t deserve having to deal with his drunken ass all night.

The loft was absolutely filled with people, mostly the Apples but Adam saw that Kurt had invited many from Adam’s program. They streamed around Adam, offering their congratulations on his performance and how highly they thought of his writing. Adam seemed almost dazed, floating on the high of his performance. He was grateful that Kurt remained at his side, a warm and supportive presence that was happy to just bask in his lover’s accomplishment.

The Apple’s two redheads, Tommy and Corrine, were already singing up a storm. Rachel had graciously volunteered the use of her karaoke machine for entertainment and the loft was filled with music as people took turns singing. Not all of them were especially good, Rachel noted. But they were enthusiastic and seemed to be having a wonderful time so it felt petty to critique their performances.

It had been awhile since Rachel had sung just for fun, she realized as she watched the two Apples perform a very interesting rendition of one of her favorite Little Mix songs. Since coming to New York, it seemed like every single time she’d sung it was with the mindset that she was being judged. Even if she wasn’t in class, every note that poured from her mouth was going to be evaluated and dissected and that her future prospects depended on every single one of them being absolutely perfect. But watching the two Apples singing their hearts out, neither of them caring if a note or two went off key was rather infectious.

She watched Kurt circulating around the room with his boyfriend, looking as happy as she could ever remember him being. He looked at ease, chatting with some of Adam’s classmates from the theater program and laughing brightly. He had found a niche in NYADA that she never did and Rachel couldn’t help from wondering if maybe Kurt had it right… that worrying about status was robbing her of opportunities that she never knew that she was missing. She couldn’t even claim to know many of her classmates by their first names.

Adam called out to get the groups attention and someone turned the music down so that everyone could hear him. He looked tired, but very happy and he looked about the room at all of his friends.

“I just wanted to thank all of you,” he said sincerely. “These past few weeks have been difficult and I probably bit off a bit more than I could chew. I wouldn’t advise trying to direct and act at the same time if you want to be sane in the end.”

The group laughed good naturedly at his self-deprecation, and Kurt gently reached out to touch his arm reassuringly.

“All of you… you’ve done so much to help me,” Adam insisted. “I owe special thanks to my fantastic co-star, who put in so much work and was so crucial in making my play work.” He raised his glass in toast to Jason, who smiled in response and toasted him back.

“My wonderful classmates… you’ve challenged me and pushed me to become a better, more instinctive actor and never let me rest on my laurels. And my dear Apples…”

Several members of the chorus chuckled at being singled out, with Mei blushing bashfully and Tommy suddenly was fascinated with his shoes.

“When we first started our group, I don’t think any of us realized just how important the Apples would be for us. It might have just started out as a bit of fun, but the Apples became so much more. It gave us the chance to decompress and experiment without teachers criticizing our choices and whatever program we were in, I dare say that we’re better and more confident as a result. You’ve shown me so much support through this whole process… I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. Whatever I was able to accomplish, I owe in no small part to all of you.”

Adam’s eyes softened as he turned his gaze to Kurt. “And lastly, to my wonderful boyfriend, who singlehandedly kept me sane through this whole thing. Who suffered through multiple readings and rewrites and listened to my ranting and did everything he could to help bring my play to life. Thank you, darling,” he said gratefully, pressing a gentle kiss to Kurt’s lips. The kiss probably went on a few seconds longer than absolutely necessary for a gesture of thanks, but no one was commenting. Not when they could enjoy the way Kurt was clinging to Adam like a vine, or the way Adam’s hands slipped down to Kurt’s waist to hold him close.

When Adam finally pulled back, his cheeks were a bit flushed and Kurt’s eyes were a bit glazed. Some of the Apples hooted good-naturedly, well familiar with seeing these two in such a state. The older man cleared his throat and regained his composure before addressing the others again. “So thank you… everyone,” he said before wrapping a giggling Kurt in his arms.

The group applauded Adam, Adam found himself surrounded by his Apples. Mags patted him on the shoulder. “That was a television award ceremony-worthy speech,” she complimented, a playful smile curving her lips. “Are you saving that for the Tonys next year?”

“Not hardly,” Adam insisted, enjoying the way Kurt nestled against his body. “But I was being honest. You all mean a great deal to me, and I doubt that I would have survived the past two years without you all.”

“Yeah, we love you too,” Tommy chuckled.

Mei hugged Adam from the other side, knowing that she risked life and limb if she tried to get between Kurt and his boyfriend. “We’re just so happy that it went so well for you,” she said brightly. “You’ve been an amazing leader for us and I don’t know what we’re going to do when you graduate.”

“You’ll just keep on, keeping on,” Adam said confidently. “I don’t doubt that in the least. The Apples will go on, even if there isn’t an Adam leading the way.”

The group cheered their affirmation and drew into an awkward, but deeply felt group hug.

Adam looked down at Kurt, his heart swelling at the joy glimmering in the gorgeous eyes of the younger man. He didn’t know how he could possibly ever be happier than he was at that instant. There were few moments in life that he would think were perfect in every way but this one… surrounded by his second family and holding in his arms the man that he loved… it was pretty damn perfect in his books.

* * *

Rachel had her best party face painted firmly in place, but she couldn’t deny to herself that she felt very out of place. Everyone was friendly and she couldn’t claim that she was being shunned or ignored, but it was clear that this wasn’t her crowd. She really didn’t know many… okay, any of Kurt’s other friends and she lacked Santana’s ability to just blend in whatever group she found herself in. The other girl was chatting with one of Adam’s classmates and judging from the coy glances they were sharing, Santana had found another lady loving lady to keep her company.

To distract herself from feeling so isolated, she kept busy making sure that the buffet was full and serving slices of cake. A few people tried to make small talk with her, but she found herself at a loss of what to say to any of them. She didn’t have Kurt’s shared experiences with the Apples to fall back on, and hadn’t even been interested in hearing Kurt’s stories about their antics. How pathetic was it that she couldn’t even claim to know them second-hand?

A girl around her age and height, but much heavier and dressed in a retro black lace dress stepped up to her. “Rachel, right?” she stated, giving Rachel a rather stern look.

Rachel nodded, a bit uncertain. “You’re one of the Apples?” she said questioningly. She didn’t recognize the other girl. “I’m sorry… I don’t think Kurt introduced me to everyone.”

“I’m Jill,” she said. She paused, biting her lower lip. “Look, I’m not trying to make trouble here. But Kurt means a lot to us. We didn’t take too kindly to how you had treated him. That was a shitty way to treat a friend.”

Rachel felt her cheeks burn at having a perfect stranger telling her that so flatly. “I know that,” she admitted.

The other girl didn’t answer immediately, keeping Rachel under a steady gaze until Rachel began to squirm uncomfortably. She finally gave a brief nodded. “Well, he said that things are cool with you, and you are letting us have Adam’s party here,” Jill granted. “So I just wanted to let you know that we’ve got no problem with you now. But we stick by our own. So long as you keep treating Kurt the way he deserves, we won’t have issues.”

The warning in the other girl’s voice was unmistakable and Rachel felt her stomach lurch painfully. Jill saw that her point had been made and apparently decided to extend an olive branch of sorts.

“Look… it would mean a lot to Kurt if we got along. So if you want, I can introduce you to some of the others,” Jill offered. She gave Rachel a tentative smile. “I mean, if you think you can handle hanging with the lowest of the low.”

Hearing how she’s thought about the Apples all but thrown in her face just shamed Rachel even more than she thought possible. But she recognized the peace offering behind the dare and she drew herself up.

“Sure, if you don’t think that your reputations will be utterly ruined by being around a Midnight Madness loser.”

Jill’s eyes brightened at the returned challenge and gave Rachel a bright smile. “Come on,” she urged. “The guys aren’t that bad. I promise, they won’t bite.”

Rachel smiled thankfully, recognizing the social lifeline she was being offered and placed down the cake cutter. She followed the other girl to where several members of her chorus were congregated and decided that she could be gracious. Kurt found something worthy in these people and she would be foolish to not at least try to see if she could benefit from their friendships as well.

Kurt gave Adam a gentle shove, pushing him to sit down on the couch. “Stay here,” he ordered, bending to give his boyfriend a quick peck on the lips. “I’ve got a little surprise for you.”

“I don’t think my poor heart can take any more surprises,” Adam laughed, grabbing at his boyfriend playfully and trying to pull him down next to him. Kurt eluded his grasp and ordered Mags and Tommy to keep an eye on him. Mei and Corrine were waiting for him at the karaoke machine and handed him the microphone.

Kurt whistled loudly to get the attention of the guests. “Hey everyone… I just wanted to offer my own thanks for everyone joining us to celebrate Adam’s incredible accomplishment,” he said, a wide smile on his face. “He means a lot to everyone here. He’s our classmate, our chorus leader, and the weird guy who keeps coming around to annoy my roommates… Adam, this is for you.”

He nodded to Mei, who cued up the music and Adam couldn’t help from laughing when he immediately recognized the song’s intro. Kurt tilted his hat at a jaunty angle and tapped his foot in time to the music.

“ _I don’t drink coffee, I take tea my dear_ ,” he sang. “ _I like my toast done on one side. You can hear it in my accent when I talk. I’m an Englishman in New York_.”

Mei and Corrine fell into place behind him, joining into the song with an ease that implied to Adam that they’d practiced a bit beforehand. “ _I’m an alien. I’m a legal alien_ ,” they sang with Kurt. “ _I’m and Englishman in New York._ ”

Adam laughed brightly, clapping his hands as he watched his boyfriend perform. Kurt was strutting about the loft, interacting with the guests flirtatiously as he sang Sting’s immortal lyrics, putting his own playful spin on the song. Kurt turned to his boyfriend and tipped his hat to him.

“ _Modestry, propriety can lead to notoriety. You can end up as the only one_ ,” he sang with his girls, their voices soaring. “ _Gentleness , sobriety are rare in this society. At night a candle’s brighter than the sun_!”

Adam felt his eyes begin to tear as he watched his lover singing, knowing that Kurt had selected this song with enormous care. Kurt was making it patently clear that his feelings towards Adam, and how he saw Adam. And that realization caused his heart to swell in his chest.

“ _If ‘manners maketh man’ as someone said, he’s the hero of the day_ ,” he sang sweetly, giving him a loving gaze. “ _It take a man to suffer ignorance and smile. Be yourself no matter what they say_.”

Kurt finished the song and seated himself on Adam’s lap, pressing a deep kiss on him as the other guests applauded. Adam couldn’t imagine a finer way to celebrate any event. He had his friends and his lover… what more could he possibly need in life?

The party didn’t starting winding down until nearly two in the morning. The guests that were sober enough to get home safely found their way to the subway while those that had too much to drink had been piled into taxis. Kurt suspected that many were going to be missing their morning their classes, but it had been well worth it. Everyone seemed to have a lot of fun and he was glad to have such a great turn out for Adam.

For such a large group, they left behind very little in the way of real mess and nothing that couldn’t be taken care of in the morning. Rachel and Santana wrapped up what remained of the food, while Kurt and Adam hauled out bags of trash to the basement to be taken out in the morning and cleared up around the coach so Santana could sleep. They’d take care of putting the rest of furniture back to rights later.

Once they’d straightened things out as much as they could for the moment, Kurt pulled Rachel and Santana into a warm hug. “Thank you both for putting up with this,” he said gratefully. “I really appreciated it.”

“Hey, it’s not like we didn’t have a good time,” Santana assured him. “I mean, I got a date for Saturday night out of it and even Rachel seemed to socialize a bit.”

Rachel nodded in agreement. “It really was fun,” she insisted. “Your friends… they’re really nice.”

Kurt smiled happily, glad that Rachel seemed to have made some kind of peace with the Apples. “Why don’t the two of you get some sleep,” he suggested. “I’m going to put Adam to bed. It’s been a long day.”

The girls nodded, bidding Kurt goodnight as he dragged his boyfriend into his sleeping area and closed the privacy curtain. He swatted away Adam’s hands as he wriggled out of his leather pants, tossing them aside. Adam had just enough to drink to be all thumbs as he tried to get out of his own clothes and Kurt efficiently stripped him down and nudged him towards the bed.

They were too tired to make love, but Kurt was content to hold Adam against him as they drifted off to sleep. The older man’s breath began to even out as he snuggled against Kurt and gave into his exhaustion. Kurt wrapped his arms about Adam and took comfort in his presence as his own eyes began to drift close.

“Love you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Adam’s cheek. Adam didn’t respond except to curl as closely as he could, his face pressed against Kurt’s shoulder. The loft settled into quiet stillness and Adam’s gentle snores began to softly drone in his ears. Completely at ease and holding Adam in his arms, Kurt gave into his own dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

It was late afternoon before they were able to catch the train back to Manhattan, the pair sitting quietly together as they processed the audition they’d just completed. Adam seemed to be taking everything in stride, having gone through the process before and he had a fairly clear idea of how things had gone. This would be his third year performing with the festival and it would be a surprise if he didn’t land at least one of the major parts he’d read for.

As for Kurt, it had been a relatively new experience. It wasn’t that that he’d never auditioned for anything before, but it was a markedly different experience than any of his auditions at McKinley. He’d been painfully nervous before starting his monologues, but reminded himself that he’d already made it past the first round of consideration. The directors had already seen his CV and there weren’t going to be any surprises about his inexperience. He was getting a fair chance to prove himself.

There had been about fifty men in total auditioning that day for both plays. Most were reading for multiple parts to improve their chances of being cast and they’d ranged in experience from relative novices like Kurt to seasoned professionals with decades of theater experience. Kurt performed his monologues for both plays and thought that by what little real commentary he’d received from the directors that he’d done fairly well.

_He’d just finished his reading for Macbeth and was held on stage by the festival director, Matthew Tillman, who had some questions._

_“Thank you, Kurt. That was very nice,” he allowed. Mr. Tillman glanced down at Kurt’s CV. “I understand that you’re a student at NYADA.”_

_“Yes, sir. I started this past semester,” Kurt affirmed. “My focus is on musical theater, but I do want to branch out into dramatics as well.”_

_“And you’d be available to start rehearsals in early June?” Mr. Tillman asked._

_“Definitely,” Kurt insisted._

_Mr. Tillman gave him an appraising look. “How flexible are you with what role we might cast you in? Besides the ones that you’ve read for. Would you consider an understudy role?”_

_Kurt had been prepared for that kind of question. While he very much wanted a regular speaking part, he’d been realistic that with his lack of real theater experience, getting cast as an understudy might be the best he could reasonably expect. It would still give him the opportunity to be on stage and to learn from working with a professional company and that was the most important thing to him._

_“Most definitely,” he answered confidently. “I’d also be happy in the ensemble if that is where you could best use me.”_

_The director gave him an appraising stare, as if looking for false modesty before nodding. “Well, you’ve definitely given us some things to think about,” he granted. “We will be in touch.”_

He would have thought that leaving without a firm offer of a role, even in the ensemble, would have bothered him but he was glad that he had Adam to guide him through the process. Rather than being a cattle call, the directors had already weeded out a lot of other applicants before the live auditions. And judging by the comments, it did feel like that he would more than likely be cast in some capacity.

At least he knew that he wouldn’t be waiting forever to get an answer. With rehearsals set to begin literally as soon as the school semester ended, they’d be notified about any callbacks in the next week and final casting would be determined shortly afterwards.

Given his lack of real experience, Kurt would be more than satisfied with being in the ensemble. It would give him a chance to get a real taste of what being in a professional production was like and would give him a chance to prove himself, hopefully leading to a speaking role in the future. He wanted the chance to learn and show that he was not only talented, but that he was willing to work hard and could be depended on.

Adam gently wrapped his arm about Kurt, pulling him close and Kurt smiled, sinking into the comfort of his boyfriend’s embrace. He would enjoy it while he could since it seemed like they were destined to have little in the way of free time with one another. Now that Adam’s senior project was completed, it was Kurt’s schedule that was overloaded. Besides his classes, he needed time to focus on his preparations for his vocal presentations having both his own solo and his duet with Analisa.

It seemed like the last few weeks have been a never-ending roller coaster that showed no signs of slowing down anytime soon. So any quiet moments that they could seize for themselves, even if was only an hour on a train… they grabbed at it with both hands.

“Do you have to go home straight away?” Adam asked.

“Well, I did want to run over to the Capezio store to pick up a new pair of dance pants. Mine are getting pretty skanky. Did you have something in mind?” Kurt turned his head to look at Adam, giving his lover a gentle smile.

Adam gently tightened his hold on Kurt. “Nothing in particular. I’m just not inclined to let you go so quickly,” he explained.

Kurt chuckled warmly. “You are such a sap,” he accused playfully.

“I just know that you’re going to be busy and we’re probably not going to see much of one another for the next week or so,” Adam acknowledged. “I don’t want to distract you when you’ve got work to focus on. And admittedly, watching you try on skin tight pants will hardly be a hardship.”

Kurt smiled at Adam’s teasing tone and kissed him deeply, drawing a long groan from his boyfriend. “I will always have time for you,” he promised. “I just need to get through this presentation with my sanity intact.”

“And you’re going to be spectacular,” Adam assured him. He gave his boyfriend a wry look. “I do wish that you’d tell me what you’re going to sing.”

Kurt just grinned and shook his head. “Nope… this is going to be a surprise. All I’m going to say is that Madam Tibideaux was very pleased with my choice and it’s going to be amazing. And I’m rather excited about the duet.”

“Well, I can’t wait to see it,” Adam insisted. He pressed a kiss to Kurt’s lips.

Kurt heard a loud throat clearing from the other side of the train and broke away from the kiss to see an older woman sitting a few rows ahead of them giving them a sour look. Adam saw what had distracted Kurt and stiffened slightly at her clear offense. Kurt felt his boyfriend’s hold on him loosen as Adam made to separate.

He turned a fierce look to Adam. “Don’t you dare,” he warned, taking Adam’s hand firmly in his and pulling Adam’s arm back around him. He then turned to glare at the woman, daring her to say anything.

Adam watched as she tried to stand her ground, fueled by righteous offense, but quickly withered under Kurt’s unrelenting stare. She finally huffed indignantly and turned away, deliberately shutting them out.

Kurt’s mouth was drawn into a taunt frown as he glared at her back for a long moment before he finally relaxed, sinking back into Adam’s hold.

“Sorry,” he apologized softly, giving Adam a reassuring smile. “I just didn’t like her attitude.”

Adam could only stare at Kurt in wonderment. “Darling, you are amazing,” he said softly. “You don’t let anything get to you.”

“Oh, that’s not true at all,” Kurt protested. “But I’ve had too many people thinking that I shouldn’t be proud of what I am back in Lima. I refuse to take it here.”

Adam gently stroked Kurt’s arm, trying to soothe him.

Kurt looked up at him, his eyes wide and soulful. “I’m not at all ashamed of us and I won’t let some uptight bigot try to make me feel ashamed. Not about you or how I feel about us.”

Adam smiled, gently kissing Kurt again to show that he wasn’t upset at all. “You shouldn’t be. And I’m sorry. I’m not the most confrontational person in the world. Must be the British in me.” He looked a bit ashamed that he’d been so quick to pull back.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Kurt assured him, grasping Adam’s hand in his. “Sometimes I’m probably too confrontational for my own good.”

The older man shook his head. “Don’t ever apologize for being so bold, sweetheart. It’s one of the things that I love so much about you. No one is ever going to hold you back from what you want.”

He squeezed Kurt’s hand gently. “And if I ever again do something that upsets you like that, I hope that you’d tell me.”

He saw Kurt worrying at his lower lip, a sure sign that something was bothering him. “Sweetheart?” he pressed, concerned that he’d truly done something wrong.

Kurt shook his head. “It’s not something you did,” he assured Adam. He hated to bring this up because it wasn’t fair to be saddling Adam with his old relationship baggage.

Adam smiled reassuringly, tightening his embrace about Kurt. “Tell me,” he urged.

Kurt sighed. “When you started to pull away… that was something Blaine would do,” he explained with more than a little reluctance. “Whenever he thought someone might see us as a couple, he wouldn’t touch me. At all. Even when we were with friends, he kept his distance.”

Knowing how physically affectionate Kurt could be once you got past his well-defended shields, that had to be very difficult for him to take, Adam considered. And with Kurt’s boldness, it had to have grated on his nerves for his boyfriend to not show even a fraction of that courage and been forced to hold himself back as a result.

“I understand,” Adam said reassuringly, hoping that he was being clear that he wasn’t in any way offended. “And I’m glad that you told me. In all honesty, I was just thinking about avoiding a fuss in public. I’m sorry that I upset you.”

“You didn’t,” Kurt insisted. “And I shouldn’t be putting my Blaine issues on you. You don’t deserve that because you’ve never treated me the way he did. I’m sorry that I’m letting him get to me like this. That’s not fair to you.”

Adam’s eyes softened and he pressed a kiss to Kurt’s head. “Sweetheart, it’s okay,” he assured Kurt. “I’d rather know that something is bothering you than accidently do something that hurts you. I don’t ever want you to ever feel like you can’t talk to me, or that I’m going to be angry if something upsets you.”

Kurt smiled and grasped Adam’s hand in his. “Thanks. I’ll try to be more open about stuff like this,” he promised. “I know that’s not my strong suit.”

He glanced back at the woman who’d glared at them and saw that she was still pointedly ignoring them, her mouth drawn into a thin line. “You know… I think that she’s just jealous,” Kurt theorized, speaking just loudly enough that he knew she would hear him. “I mean, she’ll never have someone as gorgeous as you in her life with an attitude like hers.”

Adam chuckled. “I think it’s me she’s jealous of. Because I’ve got the most beautiful man in the world in my arms.”

Kurt laughed softly and settled into Adam’s arms contentedly.

The rest of the train ride passed uneventfully and they arrived back in Manhattan without any further harassment. Kurt knew that he would need to head home at some point since he had such a long day facing him tomorrow. He and Analisa had reserved one of the smaller stages so they could rehearse and while he was rather pleased with how their duet was shaping up, they still had a lot of work to do. He had his solo close to where he wanted it, but he was trying to see where he could add another layer of emotional complexity to his performance.

In the meantime, he had a few more hours that he could spend with his boyfriend. They strolled through the grand waiting area of Grand Central Station, Kurt gazing admiringly at the celestial figures adorning the expansive ceiling. “Want to grab some dinner after we’re done with your shopping?” Adam asked, keeping Kurt’s hand in his as they found their way outside.

“Sure. I think that Rachel is working tonight, but let me just give her a heads up that I’m not going to be home right away,” Kurt answered, pulling his cell phone out and typed out a quick message to his roommate. He then checked his messages and found when he saw that there were several emails waiting his attention.

“I don’t get it,” he muttered, deleting them without reading. “You’d think they’d take the hint by now.”

“What is it, darling?” Adam asked, peeking over.

Kurt huffed, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “Tina has been pestering me since we got back from Lima. Now Sam has been emailing on almost a daily basis.”

Adam frowned, not pleased to hear that some of Kurt’s former friends had apparently taken to harassing him. “What are they going on about now?”

“Who knows?” Kurt snorted. “I’ve just been deleting Tina’s messages. So now she apparently thinks that I’m more inclined to listen to Sam.”

He gave a deep sigh and put his phone away before he gave into the temptation to send out a mass email that would set their asses on fire. It was exceedingly annoying that people that he no longer had anything to do with could spoil what had been a pretty good day for him.

Adam just wrapped his arm about Kurt’s shoulders and pulled him close. “Do you know what you need?” he asked.

“An assassin based in the greater Lima area who’ll work for show tune performances?” Kurt joked.

“No… I was thinking about a properly poured pint, a plate of chips and a bit more focus on your education as an adopted Englishman,” Adam proposed as they strolled down the street. “You’ve got tea down fairly well, but if my parents get hold of you and we don’t have you suitably prepared… well, it won’t be pretty.”

Kurt grinned and fell into step alongside his boyfriend. “Oh, and we can’t have that, can we?” Kurt chuckled.

“Most definitely not. But do not fear, my darling,” Adam urged, sweeping Kurt along. “We shall have you properly acclimated before you know it.”

Kurt laughed brightly and let Adam lead the way.

* * *

Rachel sighed when the couple seated in her section finally finished their meal, leaving behind a minimal tip. She could tell that they hadn’t been overly pleased with her service but couldn’t bring herself to really care.

The deadline for when she should expect to hear about a callback for Funny Girl was only two days away and she’d yet to hear anything from the producers, one way or the other. And the longer she had to wait for any news, the more it began to affect her frame of mind. She could no longer feign a good mood now that it appeared that her greatest dream was slipping right through her fingers.

She sighed despondently as she began to straighten up the table for the next customers, her shoulders slumped and no longer able to even attempt hiding her mood. She hadn’t even found the interest to join any of the other waiters singing even once during her entire shift.

With the dinner rush starting to die down, she felt the nearly overwhelming need to retreat to the back and escape the smiles and overwhelming cheerfulness of her coworkers. While she wasn’t in any mood to deal with Santana’s customary pointed commentary, Rachel very much missed the buffer that her presence usually provided. Santana was good enough at drawing attention to herself that Rachel could have hidden behind her when the scrutiny of her customers grew too strong.

The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. It felt like everything around her was moving in slow motion and she didn’t know what she was going to do. Everything she’d worked for her entire life was at stake and she had no idea of what might be left if she didn’t get this role.

“Rachel! What the hell is the matter with you?”

The harshly spoken words snapped her to attention and she looked up to see her manager, Gunther, glaring at her crossly.

“You’ve been sleepwalking through your entire shift and this is the second set of customers to complain,” he said angrily.

“I’m sorry,” she said as sincerely as she could manage. “I… I’m just not feeling too well today.”

Gunther stepped forward and stared down at her, his hard gaze making her feel like she was shrinking in on herself.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten complaints about you,” he warned. “You haven’t exactly been an exemplary employee and I’m done making excuses for you. I want to see a serious change in attitude if you want to continue working here.”

Rachel felt her cheeks burning in embarrassment at the harshly spoken reprimand. It wasn’t that she cared so much about this job, but she couldn’t deny the mortification of being so severely criticized.

“I’m sorry Gunther. It’s just that this audition I’ve had on my mind, and…”

He held up his hand to silence her. “Look, Rachel… everyone here wants to be an actor. And I’m pretty damn tolerant and make sure that everyone can work their shifts around school and auditions. But when you’re here, I expect you to do your job. And that means serving your customers properly and being prepared to sing if requested. Is that clear?”

Rachel felt herself nodding. “Yes sir. It won’t happen again.”

Gunther gave her a hard stare, making it very clear that he was serious. “It had better not. Now get out of here. You’re done for the day if you can’t crack a smile once in a while. I don’t want to see you back here until you’re ready to do your job the way you’re supposed to.”

Rachel’s cheeks flushed hotly at the reprimand, but she was smart enough to recognize that she was being given a chance to regain her composure. “Yes sir. I’m sorry,” she insisted, taking off her apron.

She knew that she was getting off relatively easy, as he had plenty of grounds to fire her right there. But she wasn’t sure if she was relieved that she would still have a job to come back to. She turned to head to the back room where their personal items were stored when she heard Gunther muttering to himself.

“Hrmph… thought you were supposed to be some kind of actress,” he grunted. “Not much of one if you can’t fake a decent smile on the job.”

Rachel flinched as if slapped and it was all she could do to scurry away before she completely lost what little self-control she was clinging to.

The subway ride home seemed to last forever it and it was a relief to find the loft empty when she arrived. She just didn’t feel up to handling Santana’s particular cutting brand of humor, or Kurt’s nearly inextinguishable good mood. Not when all she wanted to do was cry over what a total disappointment her life had become.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, she mused sadly. She knew that New York would be a challenge, but she hadn’t expected to be struggling so much at NYADA. Or to be shut out at her first auditions.

Fortunately she had everything she needed to throw herself a proper pity party. She had solitude and there was half a container of her favorite soy ice cream in the freezer that she could drown her sorrows in. She changed out of her hated waitress uniform into her favorite pajamas and went looking for her ice cream. Maybe there was a suitably depressing movie on TV to complete the mood.

She settled down on the couch with her ice cream and turned on the television to see what sparked her interest when she was interrupted by her cell phone ringing. Rachel grunted in annoyance, not wanting the intrusion on her self-pitying mode and considered just ignoring it.

She picked up her phone to put it on silent mode when she saw the phone number on the display and her heart seized.

* * *

Kurt hummed cheerfully to himself as he slid open the door to the loft. It had been a pleasant ending to what had been a surprisingly satisfying day, and it had taken all of his willpower to actually return home to sleep in his own bed. The more time he spent with Adam, the more he craved his presence.

He tossed the shopping bag from the dance store onto the table, blushing a bit at the memory of trying on dance leggings while his boyfriend ran a steady commentary about how amazing his ass looked in everything he modeled. He’d ended up buying dance shorts as well, mostly because he’d been warned how steamy the dance studio could get in the warmer weather. But he’d be the world’s biggest liar if he tried to claim that Adam’s response had nothing to do with his purchase choices.

_“Darling… those legs…”_

Kurt couldn’t help from blushing at how Adam all but swooned over him. Having such a gorgeous man so obviously physically as well as emotionally attracted to him was doing wonders for his mental outlook and again, he found himself wondering why he’d tolerated Blaine’s behavior for as long as he did. Never, in all the time that they’d been together, had Blaine once made Kurt feel as physically desirable as Adam did on nearly a daily basis. And it still troubled him that he’d been willing to settle for so little just to be in a relationship.

It took him a moment to realize that the loft wasn’t empty. He’d expected both Rachel and Santana to be working that night, so seeing Rachel seated on the couch in the dark was a surprise. She was just staring into the darkness, lost in her thoughts and didn’t seem aware that he’d come home.

“Rach? You okay?” he asked carefully, not wanting to startle her.

When she didn’t respond, Kurt became a bit concerned. He stepped towards her, not liking the completely blank expression on her face. He cautiously sat down next to her and gently touched her shoulder, hoping to get her attention. “Rachel?”

She finally blinked and looked up at him. “Kurt?”

He gave her a reassuring smile. “You were really lost there for a minute. You had me worried.”

He noticed the container of melting ice cream on the coffee table, and that Rachel was dressed in the terry pajamas that she tended to wear for comfort when depressed. “Is everything okay?” he asked. “How long have you been sitting here?”

She looked down at her cell phone, clutched so tightly in her hand that the case had left deep indentations in her palm. “I… I don’t know,” she admitted.

“I thought you were supposed to be at the diner tonight,” he prodded gently, hoping to gt her to start explaining just what was going on with her. It wasn’t often that he’d seen this kind of numb blankness in her demeanor and it had him worried. It was usually a sign that something was terribly wrong.

Rachel blinked again, the question seeming to take her by surprise. “I got sent home,” she admitted. “I wasn’t in a very good mood and my boss told me to leave. All I could think about was Funny Girl and that I hadn’t gotten any word about a callback.”

Kurt knew that the deadline was only days away, and that it had been weighing on Rachel’s mind. “I know it has you worried,” he acknowledged, nodding carefully.

She finally turned to look at him directly, her eyes impossibly large and dark. “I came home really feeling sorry for myself and I got a phone call.”

Kurt gently stroked her hair, waiting patiently for her to continue.

“It was the casting director for Funny Girl,” she finally said, her voice little more than a whisper. Her eyes began to water. “I got a callback.”

It took Kurt a moment to absorb what she was saying. He pulled her into a hug and squeezed her gently. “Rachel, that’s fantastic!” he exclaimed softly. He saw the tears running down her face and was surprised to see her huddling in on herself. “Honey?”

Rachel was openly sobbing now, wrapping her arms about herself as she finally gave in to the chaotic emotions that she’d been fighting for so long. She went limp as Kurt pulled her into his arms, muttering soothingly as she cried.

“I was so afraid it wouldn’t happen,” she admitted, blubbering loudly. “I waited so long to get any kind of answer about how I did and I knew that the longer I waited, the odds were that I didn’t make it. There were so many talented people at the audition and they barely seemed to notice me at all. I mean, there were over a hundred people.

“And everything at school has been so hard lately. Everyone knows that I auditioned and was waiting to see if I’d get the part and it’s like they’re all just waiting to see me fail. I just don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t get a callback.”

Kurt nodded understandingly. “I get it,” he acknowledged. He’d long suspected that Rachel had painted an overly rosy picture of how the open call had actually gone and he’d seen her struggles at NYADA himself. For all her strength, she really had no clue how to handle the adversity of competition, not when she couldn’t control it in some capacity. Whereas he’d had enough disappointments in his life that he knew he could survive the ones that were sure to be in his future at some point.

Rachel never really recognized what a charmed life she’d lead. How she’d always been able to cajole or sweet-talk her away around any roadblocks to her goals. She was finally at a point where things weren’t coming quite so easily to her, and she seemed to have no idea of how to handle it.

“Sweetie, it’s amazing that you got a callback,” he reminded her. “I know this show means a lot to you, so take it step by step. You’ll do the callback and see where it goes from there.”

She nestled into him, pressing her face against his shoulder and taking comfort from his supportive presence. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t get the part,” she said softly, her voice wavering as she fought back another round of tears. “It’s what I’ve always dreamed of.”

“Honey, if you don’t get it, there will be other roles,” he reminded her gently. “You’re just starting out.”

“But not this part,” Rachel insisted. She knew that she was sounding irrational, but this was her dream at stake. “From the time I was a little girl, I’d wanted to play Fanny. There’s no point in any of this if I don’t get this role.”

This was nothing that Kurt hadn’t heard many times before, and he realized that there was absolutely nothing he could tell her to counter the laser-focus she had for this particular role. He’d always known that there were certain roles that Rachel had dreamed of playing for as long as he’d known her and as much as he sympathized, he felt that she was being unreasonable. They had many years of working to look forward to if they were fortunate and there would be many opportunities in their futures. If she couldn’t look past Fanny and didn’t get the part, she was going to be in trouble.

He knew that when she got into this mindset, there was nothing he could do that would gainsay her. He could only try to be supportive and if things didn’t turn out the way she wanted, be ready to help her pick up the pieces.

He kissed her on her forehead, trying to reassure her. “But you got a callback,” he reminded her. “Your first year in New York and you got a callback for a Broadway lead role. You’ve got every right to be proud, no matter what happens after that.”

His words seemed to soothe Rachel’s spirit and she offered him a half-hearted smile. “Thanks,” she said gratefully. “I needed to hear that. But how did your day go? Tell me all about your audition.” She folded up her legs beneath her and looked up at him expectantly.

Kurt inhaled a bit. “It went well, I think. Odds are that I should at least get an ensemble role. Maybe even an understudy part,” he said hopefully. “It’s going to be a great opportunity for me to get some practical experience under my belt and a professional line on my CV.”

She cocked her head, giving him an appraising stare. “I wish that you would have auditioned with me,” she insisted. “You should be on Broadway.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at her, his heart warmed by her faith in him as a performer. “I will be one day,” he assured her. “But I have a lot I need to learn before then. As much as I want it, I’m just not ready yet.”

He didn’t want to tell Rachel that he didn’t think that she was really ready either, but he knew that she wouldn’t be at all receptive to that appraisal. Instead he hoped that he was able to put things in a bit of perspective for her and just offered quiet comfort. He would deal with the future when it arrived.

* * *

The final notes hung on the air as the duet drew to a close. Kurt and Analisa had played around with several arrangements before they decided to go for simple piano accompaniment that gave their performance a more intimate feel than the original Broadway rendition. It was softer and less intrusive, allowing their voices to soar gently. The choreography was still something of a work in progress, the two of them wanting the focus to be on their voices while still allowing them to give the characterization room to develop and be more personalized.

Kurt opened his eyes as the music faded, holding the young woman in his arms. Analisa gave him a bright smile. “Damn, but we sound amazing,” she pronounced happily.

Kurt pursed his lips thoughtfully, but nodded in agreement. “We do, don’t we?” he chuckled.

She gave him a nod of affirmation, seeming very pleased. “Oh yeah. And I am so glad that I’m singing this with you. I don’t think there is anyone in the class who can handle this material the way you can.”

Kurt couldn’t help from preening inwardly at the compliment, pleased that his partner found his ability to play the character so satisfactory. He greatly admired her talent and in the brief time they’d worked together felt that they had developed a rather sweet mutual admiration society. She was a remarkable performer, having a beautifully trained voice and an emotionally genuine performance style. They definitely seemed well matched and now that he’d worked with Analisa a bit, he could see why Madam Tibideaux paired them together.

He hadn’t been worried about his ability to sing this particular song. While it was a technically complex number, he enjoyed the nearly operatic quality of the piece. It was the character; playing a young man who was deeply in love with Analisa’s character was a bit more daunting test. He needed to be convincing and it was hard for him to see how anyone was going to believe him as a straight character. Not with the way his previous efforts had fallen so flat.

“Let’s take a look at the recording,” he suggested. “I still think that the choreography needs some work.”

They’d been considering how the scene played out in the show, with the two characters beginning to make love as they song concluded and had debated how physically explicit they should be. Thus far, they’d been allowing the song and their voices to show the romantic connection before a chaste embrace at the end.

“What are you thinking?” Analisa asked, seeing the thoughtful look on his face as they watched the recording of their run through.

“I’m really having an issue with the choreography now that I’m seeing it from the audience’s perspective,” Kurt mused, watching the playback critically. “We’re singing like two people in love and we sound fantastic, but we’re physically holding back. All I can see is that I’m singing about how much I love you, but I’m standing halfway across the stage from you.”

She cocked her head, considering his critique. Putting together this performance was a bit of a challenge, as they were making all the performance choices on their own and didn’t have a teacher directing them how to play their parts. Or telling them how far they could take it.

“You’re right. We’re not connecting,” she said agreeably. She watched the conclusion, where she and Kurt joined hands and realized just how disjointed their actions were with the emotions of the song. “We’ve been so focused on getting the vocal tone right that we’ve neglected having the rest of the performance match.”

Kurt rubbed at his chin, considering the overall performance. “We’re going to have to totally rework the choreography,” he stated, annoyed that he let this get by him.

“I think we need to act it out a lot more physically,” she offered. “I mean, Fabrizio is proposing to Clara. They’re supposed to be two people deeply, passionately in love.”

He looked at her curiously.“I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he said carefully. “I know that you have a boyfriend.”

“So do you,” Analisa pointed out impishly. “Is he going to mind me being all over you? Because I have absolutely no problem with it. You are very cute.”

Kurt chuckled, a bit relieved that she seemed to be on the same page as him. “Then let’s give it another run through and give it a try.”

It took several times before the choreography started moving in the direction that they wanted it. Midway through the song, Kurt pulled Analisa into his arms, letting their characters give in to the passion that had been building up between them. He felt her hands slide down his back to his hips and she drew him closer to her as she sang, letting her character be as assertive as Kurt’s was. They were pressed close together and it felt right.

The first time they tried to kiss it was a bit clumsy since they hadn’t quite pinpointed the exact moment when they would come together and they ended up bumping foreheads and laughing. The second and third runs went more smoothly and felt a lot more natural. Analisa was a total professional and unlike that disastrous one time acting opposite Rachel, she showed no reluctance in kissing a gay man or difficulty seeing him as a proper partner in a romantic performance. She certainly didn’t laugh in his face, which made him more comfortable and confident in his own performance.

Kurt felt a sense of relief that this wasn’t going to be a repeat of Romeo and Juliet and after one last full run through, he thought they had it pretty well set. They had the video recording to consider and they’d email each other their notes after having a chance to review the performance more thoroughly. Hopefully they’d only need one or two more rehearsals after this.

“Hey, Kurt… you mind if I ask you a question?” Analisa broached carefully.

“That sound ominous,” he chuckled. “But go ahead.”

She brushed back her long braids. “No, it’s not anything like that. I was just wondering if you would mind watching my solo if we’ve got a few minutes. I’d like to get your opinion since I really don’t have anyone to give me some decent feedback. I mean, I showed it to Jeff, but he’s not exactly helpful.”

Kurt chuckled, thinking that she was probably right. He’d met her boyfriend, a pre-med student at NYU, and he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who really got the nuances of stage craft.

He nodded agreeably. “Sure. We’ve got the room for a bit longer. What are you singing?”

She gave him a sly smile. “'Don’t Tell Mama' from Cabaret,” she confided.

“Nice! That’s a little unexpected from you,” he said thoughtfully.

She nodded enthusiastically, her braids swinging. “Exactly! Everyone’s expecting me to do something like Ain’t Misbehaving just because I’m black. I’m so tired of being pigeonholed all the time with what people think I should be playing.”

Kurt nodded understandingly. “I get it. I’ve been there,” he admitted.

“It’s funny that it’s still considered odd to see a black woman in a lot of roles,” Analisa acknowledged. “I wanted to do something a little outside the box and put a bit of a Josephine Baker spin on it.”

Kurt laughed, loving the idea. “Just so long as you’re not wearing the banana skirt, because I don’t know how that would fly with Madam Tibideaux.”

She laughed brightly, glad to have found something of a kindred spirit in Kurt. Her eyes widened slightly as an idea came to her. “Hey, I’ve got an idea. In the song, Sally is being introduced by the Emcee. I was just going to do a cold start, but why don’t you do those lines for me? You would be great playing that part. If you don’t think it’ll be too much trouble.”

“Sure! I love that character,” Kurt said agreeably. The song worked better with the introduction and it would give Kurt a chance to show himself as another character.

“Great! Let me cue up the music so we can give it a try. And if you want someone to give you some feedback in your solo, I’m glad to help.”

He nodded. “You know, that won’t be a bad idea,” he said thoughtfully. He’d been so focused on keeping his solo a surprise to those closest to him that he realized that he was sacrificing the chance for some needed critical feedback.

It was a good thing that they had the room for a bit longer. He had a feeling that they were going to need it.

* * *

Adam felt like he was waiting for the headsman at the executioner’s block. He wished that he could have Kurt there to reassure him. Or Mags or Tommy. He wished that he had someone to remind him that he’d done well with his project. It had gotten a more than decent review on the NYADA student news blog and he’d been receiving a steady stream of compliments from his classmates.

It was his advisor’s critique, though, that would really tell him how he’d done. He liked and respected Professor Mackey. The older man had been an absolutely amazing teacher and an excellent advisor. He had pushed Adam, challenging him at every turn so that he could excel. Now he needed to find out if he’d fulfilled Professor Mackey’s high expectations.

It seemed to take forever before the office door opened and Professor Mackey peeked out. “Come on in, Adam,” he invited, his mood congenial and welcoming. “We have a lot to go over.”

Adam inhaled deeply, steadying his nerves and followed his teacher inside.

Professor Mackey’s office had become very familiar in the past few years. It was cluttered, with what appeared to be hundreds of books and scripts crammed into the bookcases. It seemed to have no organization, but Mackey somehow knew where everything was and could find whatever he was looking for with minimal difficulty. On one of the shelves were the awards he’d won over the course of his career, reminding those who entered that for all his mild and measured demeanor, Timothy Mackey had won pretty much every theater award possible. On his desk sat the Tony award he’d won as a young director. It was a career that Adam could only hope that he might emulate in some small manner.

On his desk was the script for his play and the printout with all of Professor Mackey’s notes and criticisms. Adam steeled himself and sat down in the offered seat, accepting the offer of tea. He waited for his advisor to settle himself in his own seat and pick up his notes.

Mackey looked to Adam and gave him a reassuring smile. “Well, you definitely gave me a lot of work to do,” he complained good-naturedly. “Most students don’t try to do every aspect of putting on a show, but you’ve always been willing to push yourself. It’s one of the things that I’ve always liked about you, Adam.”

“Thank you, sir,” Adam said sincerely.

“Well, let’s get started.” The professor put on his reading glasses. “Overall, it was a very strong project. You’ve more than shown that you a very well rounded talent and this project showed that you have a professional future both on and off the stage.

“Now there are always some criticisms,” he warned. “But they’re relatively minor ones and I think most of them are a result of just trying to do too damn much. If you hadn’t tried to write, direct and act, I think that most of those flaws would have been tightened up. And like I said, they were more nitpicks and didn’t detract from the overall quality of the play.”

Adam sighed in relief. “I’m glad to hear that,” he admitted. “What do you think were the biggest problems?”

Mackey looked over his notes. “You have to keep in mind that I was actively looking for things to be critical of and these are things that in no way detracted from the audience enjoying the play. I think that the script could have been tightened up in a few spots and there a few moments where you could have better capitalized on the emotional focus for your character, who should have carried the primary focus more.

“I think that were you so concerned with being evenhanded in how you handled both characters that you missed the opportunities to give a stronger emotional punch. You didn’t want the play to be ‘all about you’, except that this is your senior project. It should be all about you.” he stated. “When you look at the play as a whole, Daniel is the emotional heart of the story. You could capitalize on that more and give the storyline a more defined emotional focus.”

“That was the biggest weakness as far as your writing and direction went. Your acting was spot on. It was mature and emotionally nuanced and you played every aspect of your character with tremendous sensitivity. Overall, it was a tremendous effort,” he complimented.

“Now I’ll give you a full copy of my notes and I’d like you really look at them seriously,” Professor Mackey advised. “Because I think you need to consider where this project goes from here.”

Adam’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not quite sure I understand, sir,” he said a bit worriedly.

Professor Mackey paused, considering Adam appraisingly. “What I’m thinking of is your play having a future outside of a school stage. Because it was very, very good. And I think with a bit of work and tweaking the weak points that I spotted, it’s very strong prospect for a proper theater run.”

“I…” Adam blinked, not quite sure he was grasping what his advisor was saying.

“I can definitely see it as an off-Broadway prospect,” Mackey explained. “Something for a small theater with an intimate setting. If you expanded the script a bit and gave the story more room to breathe and develop, it would be very workable.”

“You’re serious,” Adam said breathlessly, not quite sure he was able to believe it. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Professor Mackey’s opinions, and his professor had guided many students to professional careers. He knew that if Professor Mackey believed that it would be possible to bring his little play to a professional stage, then he could believe him. It just wasn’t anything he could have expected.

Professor Mackey nodded, giving Adam a reassuring smile. “Most definitely. I’ve got people that we can present the script to once you’ve had a chance to make some of the revisions that I’ve suggested. And you’ll have to consider whether you’d rather focus on acting or directing. Because while you’re talented in both fields, I wouldn’t advise trying to do both plus writing for a professional outing at this stage in your career.”

He handed Adam a folder with his notes. “Now I know that I’ve just given you a lot to think about it,” Mackey advised. “It’s not something that we need to jump on immediately. Take your time and consider your options and see what happens in the coming months. I think that this play is worthy and has potential, so it’s something to keep on your radar while you’re making your post-graduate plans.”

“I will, sir,” Adam assured him. “Thank you so much.”

Mackey stood up and shook Adam’s hand warmly. “You did a fantastic job, Adam. Now go enjoy the rest of your semester.”

Adam walked out of the office clutching the folder in his hands and not quite able to grasp what he’d been told. Having his play pass muster was the most he’d been hoping for. But to be told that it had professional potential? That was so beyond anything he’d allowed himself to consider.

He had a lot to think of now, and this was definitely something he’d want to explore. Maybe nothing would come of it, but would at least consider his options. He’d tell his parents and his friends later… once he had a chance to really absorb the news.

But first, he needed to tell Kurt. And when he saw the delight in Kurt’s eyes when he heard the news and heard the breathless laughter as Kurt hugged him tightly, he knew that his future would be a bright one and that he could face the challenges and decisions facing him.

* * *

Kurt was all but staggering out of his dance class, thinking that it was a good thing that Ms. July seemed to like him. Or at least wasn’t going out of her way to torment him since he showed his willingness to work. Because he wouldn’t think that he would survive if she didn’t like him.

The semester was more than halfway over and teachers were looking forward to spring critiques for the current class and considering applicants for next year. Current students would need to justify continuing their education at NYADA while prospects were fighting to even be considered. Seniors were wrapping up their projects, showing that they’d earned their degrees and now faced the daunting prospect of facing their future careers without the safety net of school. The pressure was nearly suffocating as the challenges mounted.

Adam had advised Kurt not to worry about what everyone else was dealing with and just keep his focus on his own work. It was good advice as it allowed him to tune out a lot of adverse energy and concentrate. He was able to maintain his calm while other students were clearly starting to crack under the pressure.

He had an hour before his Stagecraft workshop, which would give him enough time to get away from school for a few minutes and get something to eat. He’d been so crazed lately that lunch usually ended up being just a sandwich that he’d bolt down while running between classes or rehearsals. He needed a break and decompress a bit. If he couldn’t see Adam, he could at least give himself a chance to mentally regroup.

He ordered a salad from one of the local cafes and decided to eat in the park. It was a nice day and he needed a little bit of sun to recharge. He found a park bench and enjoyed doing a little people watching as he ate. He was mostly finished with his meal when his phone rang.

He answered immediately at seeing who was calling. “Hello,” he greeted, keeping his voice as even as possible despite his anticipation.

“Kurt, it’s Matthew Tillman,” the caller greeted. “Do you have a moment to talk? I didn’t want to interrupt you if you were in class.”

“No, you called at a great time,” Kurt assured him, putting the remainder of his lunch aside.

“I wanted to know if you could come back to do another reading,” Mr. Tillman requested. “We’re in the home stretch for casting and we’d like to see you again for Much Ado About Nothing.”

“When do you want me?” Kurt asked, mentally going over his schedule. It was going to be difficult to find time right now, but he’d have to figure it out somehow.”

“How about late Friday afternoon or early evening?” Mr. Tillman suggested. “I know that you’ve got classes and we don’t want to get it way of your schooling. If that doesn’t work, we can do Saturday morning.”

“No, Friday evening would be fine,” Kurt assured him. He could take the train up right after his last class.

“Fantastic. We’re looking forward to seeing you again,” Mr. Tillman said, the tone in his voice coming across as very sincere.

Kurt hung up the call, knowing that he was grinning like an absolute loon and not caring in the least. A callback meant actually being considered for more than an ensemble role and it didn’t bother him in the least that no mention was made of Macbeth. He hadn’t held out much hope for being cast in that show, but if he got a speaking or understudy role in Much Ado, that would be more than satisfying.

Well, lunch was a wash, Kurt realized and tossed the remainder of his salad into the trash. He knew that Adam was tied up in classes and they wouldn’t see each other until Apples rehearsal that afternoon, but he quickly texted his boyfriend a quick message.

_Doing anything on Friday? I need to go to Garrison for a callback._

He added a few smiling emojis, then pocketed his phone. The call back was all well and good, but he had classes and rehearsals to focus on. He’d wait until he had free time after school to appropriately freak out.

* * *

Rachel sighed when she looked over her schedule, knowing that there was no good way around this. The callback was right in the middle of the week and there was no way that she was going to miss it. But she would have to get her professors to excuse her from her classes that day if she wanted to avoid an unexplained absence that could affect her grades. Fortunately she didn’t have Madam Tibideaux that day. Unfortunately she did have dance with Cassandra July.

All of her other professors quickly signed off on her permission slip, wishing her good luck while reminding her that she’d be responsible for making up any missed work. She could only pray that her dance teacher would prove to be equally reasonable.

She decided to catch Ms. July before classes started that day. Hopefully she would find her teacher in a marginally better mood than usual before she got riled up by dealing with the students that she hated so much.

Arriving at the dance studio around a half hour before the first class was set to start and found her teacher doing a set of warm-up exercises at the barre. Under other circumstances, Rachel would have to admire her form. While she detested the older woman, she couldn’t deny that Ms. July was an accomplished dancer. It was just a shame that she was such a horrible bitch.

“If you’ve got something to say, Schwimmer, spit it out already,” Cassandra barked from the barre. She turned to glare at her student. “Now I know that you’re not here to accept the extra help that I offered so what do you want?”

Rachel forced a stiff smile onto her face, knowing that antagonizing her teacher would not get the excusal that she was looking for. “I have a callback coming up and it’s on a class day,” she explained carefully. She pulled out the paperwork from her messenger tote. “I know that it’s an imposition, but…”

The dance instructor strode over and held out her hand. “Give them to me,” she demanded, all but snatching the school forms from Rachel’s hand. She read it briefly, snorting in bemusement at the name of the show that Rachel was auditioning for, but quickly signed the paperwork and handed it back to her.

Rachel was shocked, to say the least. She hadn’t expected it to be this easy. “Thank you,” she said a bit uncertainly, again mystified by her teacher’s mercurial moods.

‘What? You thought that I was going to give you an argument?” Cassandra demanded. She shrugged indifferently. “You skipping class to audition for a show that you’re in no way ready for? That’s no skin off my nose. It’s not like you don’t need the work in class,” she said sarcastically, shrugging dramatically.

Rachel ignored the barely veiled insult, putting the paperwork back in her bag. She would drop it off at the Dean’s office that afternoon after class. “Well, I won’t waste anymore of your time,” she offered, backing away now that she had gotten what she needed. She didn’t want to press her luck.

“Wait, Berry,” Cassandra ordered, giving her a hard, appraising look. “I’m not going to give you grief about missing a class, because with the way you’re going it’s not going to make any real difference. I want you to keep in mind that you are barely skirting by. And if you don’t do well in your spring critique, I’ll be recommending that you repeat the introductory level class.”

Rachel looked at her in shock. “You… you can’t do that!” she snapped, surprise quickly evolving to anger. “You’ve got no right!”

“Oh, I don’t know… the name plate on my office door kind of does,” Cassandra reminded her.

“You cannot fail me,” Rachel insisted. “I work my ass off in this place.”

The older woman crossed her arms over her chest and glared down at the smaller girl. “I’ve got plenty of grounds to do so. Your technique is still lousy and your lines are non-existent. You barely have the stamina to get through class, which tells me that you’re not doing any work outside of class. You don’t have the basics down enough to tell me that you’d have a hope in hell of surviving the intermediate classes. This is for your own benefit.”

Rachel’s cheeks were burning with fury at her cutting assessment and it was all she could do to grind out a response. “I’ve been in dance classes since I was in diapers,” she protested. “I…”

“Yes, I know. You’ve told me that many times before,” Cassandra all but yawned. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you just aren’t good and you’re not willing to do the work to get better.

“Now you can of course protest my assessment,” she reminded Rachel. “We can bring in the dean of the dance program and you can let him decide whether or not you deserve to advance. Which you won’t. And if it’s any comfort, you won’t be alone. About half the class is probably going to fail.”

Rachel’s fists were clenched so tightly that her nails cut into her palms.

Cassandra gave Rachel a long, appraising stare. “Look Berry, I could just pass you on and get you out of my hair, but there is no way that you would survive the intermediate classes. You’d have to have the skills from this class to build on and you just aren’t there. And if you think that I’m a hard ass, you haven’t seen anything yet because you’d be either taking the class with me or with Madam Robson. And if you think you’re going to get a former ABT soloist to buy that you’re some kind of amazing dancer, you are really delusional. You would totally wash out and that would reflect on me for putting you through. Whether you believe it or not, I do take teaching seriously.

“Your other option would to take the summer intensive,” she suggested. “That way you could get the basics down enough to have a shot of surviving the next levels. And since I won’t be teaching because I am not going to waste my summer break, you might do a bit better.”

She turned away, shrugging. “But whatever… you’re going to do what you’re going to do. So I’m not going to waste any more effort. Come to class or don’t come to class… it’s not going to matter in the end.”

Rachel watched her return to her exercises, clenching her jaw tightly but had the sense to know that this wasn’t a fight she was going to win. Not now.

She had her callback to focus on. She knew that she was going to blow them away and once she got this part, she could make Cassandra July eat her words. Because once she was Fanny, there was nothing that her dance teacher could do to hold her back.

Nothing else mattered now. She wasn’t going to let anything or anyone stand in her way.

* * *

“Are you sure that you don’t want me to go with you?” Adam asked as he walked Kurt towards the train platform. He’d had his callback earlier in the day and found that he had been cast as Benedick and McDuff, but felt it was unfortunate that he and Kurt weren’t scheduled together so he could support his lover. “I don’t mind.”

“Thanks, sweetie. But I’m okay,” Kurt assured Adam. He was surprisingly calm about the prospect and felt like this was something he could handle. “You don’t have to make another trip there.”

“Well, break a leg,” Adam wished him, giving Kurt a lingering kiss before sending him on his way. “Call me when you’re done and I’ll see you when you get back.” He’d already laid claim to Kurt’s time and offered to let Kurt stay at his flat rather than having Kurt making his way back to Brooklyn late in the evening.

Kurt gave him a happy wave before hopping into the train. It took him a bit of time to find a seat, given the evening rush hour crowd, but the car was quiet enough that he was able to focus on his preparations.

He had his monologues memorized and was about as ready as he could be. Rather than being nervous, he was getting excited over the prospect of his callback and being able to show what he could do. Just having them wanting to see him again was a wonderful achievement and like he told Rachel, no matter what happened afterwards he had every right to be proud.

The train ride was relatively quick and he caught a cab to the theater where Mr. Tillman and some of the other producers were waiting for him. They had just finished with another performer and greeted Kurt warmly.

“Thanks for coming in, Kurt,” Mr. Tillman said cheerfully.

“My pleasure,” Kurt assured him, keeping his demeanor calm and accessible. Despite his excitement, he didn’t want to come across as too over-eager. He wanted to appear professional and dependable.

“Well, let’s get started,” Mr. Tillman offered. “If you’re ready.”

“Of course,” Kurt insisted, taking his place before the director. He had the pages for his monologues in case he needed them, but had it committed to memory enough that he really didn’t need to refer to it. He hoped that showing his ability to memorize a role would make a good impression on the director.

Claudio was very straightforward and Kurt kept in mind how he was playing opposite Analisa in their duet. He was the starry-eyed romantic, deeply in love with the incomparable Hero. There was a sweetness to the character that Kurt wanted to express; that here was a young soldier who hadn’t been so hardened by his experiences that he couldn’t find all his happiness in a young girl’s eyes.

Don John was, to him, the more interesting character. The prince’s illegitimate brother who always felt overshadowed by not just his brother, but his brother’s allies who took the place in his brother’s regard that John felt rightly should have been his. It wasn’t difficult to draw from his own experiences to tap into the bitterness and self-righteous anger that John felt. That he was constantly pushed aside and would never be allowed to achieve what he was capable of because of his brother’s favoritism.

Once Kurt had finished, Mr. Tillman politely thanked him and took a moment to confer with the rest of the direction team before asking Kurt to join them.

“Well, that was excellent, Kurt,” Mr. Tillman granted. “You’re a very talented young actor. I wanted to ask you what you were thinking of when you were playing those parts.

Kurt knew that this wasn’t just a polite inquiry. He needed to show that he had considered the characters beyond their dialogue and how he saw them impacted how he played them.

“Well, with Claudio, I kept in mind that this was a soldier. He’d just been in the wars and probably saw a lot of horrible things. And he back and sees the girl that he liked before he went off to war. But now he’s seeing her again and it’s almost like he’s seeing her through new eyes,” Kurt explained. “He’s strong, but kind of vulnerable.”

Mr. Tillman nodded approvingly. “And Don John?”

Kurt knew that he was smiling a bit more broadly when the villain of the play was brought up. “I think that he really feels justified in what he does. I mean, he feels like he’s been completely screwed over. No matter what he does or how good he is, his brother is always going to favor Benedick and Claudio over him. He’s probably got really good reason to be angry and bitter and it ends up taking a really destructive turn.”

The director leaned over to whisper briefly with one of the producers, who nodded in agreement.

“Well, you did a wonderful job reading for both characters,” Mr. Tillman assured him. “And we certainly do want to bring you on for this season.”

Kurt smiled thankfully. “Thank you,” he said sincerely, trying to keep a rein on his growing excitement.

“When it comes to Macbeth, we’d like to offer you a part in the ensemble. I very much liked your reading for Banquo, but you do come across as very young,” Mr. Tillman explained. “That’s not a criticism of your acting or how you approached the part. It’s just… you are young.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing a bit. “My baby face is an issue then?”

“You’ll probably find it a blessing in the future, but for this production it’s not going to work so well,” the director granted. “We’re also keeping in mind your relative inexperience and we don’t want to overwhelm you in your first year with us.”

Kurt nodded. That was a fair assessment and he couldn’t argue with their logic. “That sounds more than fair,” he insisted, not at all disappointed.

“Well, that leaves us with Much Ado, where I think you’re much better suited. You were excellent as both Claudio and Don John and we were kind of wrestling over which role we think you would serve best in,” Mr. Tillman explained. “I want you to keep in mind that our decisions are not a statement about your ability, which I think is considerable. But we are keeping your experience in mind. This would be your first major production.”

Kurt tried to keep his nerves calm and nodded agreeably. It was a more than fair assessment and he knew that he couldn’t be upset. Getting into the ensemble at this point would be more than enough of an accomplishment.

Mr. Tillman gave him a warm smile. “As I said, we loved you both as Claudio and Don John, but Claudio is a much bigger role and we’re going to be offering it to an actor that’s worked with us before. But we are offering you the part of Don John.”

“You are?” Kurt exclaimed, not even bothering to hide his excitement.

Mr. Tillman grinned and nodded. “Yes, we are. I know that isn’t not quite as large a role, but I think you can do something really interesting with his part. And it looked like you enjoyed playing him a bit more. This way we won’t overburden you in your first time out. We want to give you the opportunity to be successful and really show us what you’re capable of. How does that sound?” he asked.

“Fantastic!” Kurt insisted. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you so much!”

Mr. Tillman rose to shake Kurt’s hand. “We’re happy to have you with us this season. I know that you’re going to be a wonderful asset to our festival.”

The rest of the meeting was to review the basics over the rehearsal schedule and when they’ll need him to sign the contract. There would be a photo shoot for the festival advertising and Playbill and he was instructed to make no significant changes to his appearance before the play was staged. It was all relatively straightforward and Kurt was grateful that Adam had explained things in advance so that he knew what to expect.

He walked out of the theater offices, feeling like his feet weren’t quite connecting with the ground. He’d managed to keep control of his emotions until he started to laugh. And couldn’t stop. Even when he stepped into the waiting cab, he felt the overwhelming feelings of delight and relief spilling over him. This was more than he could have ever possibly have hoped for, and the first real sign that he wasn’t deluding himself over his dreams on the stage.

He pulled out his cell phone, knowing that Adam would be waiting to hear from him. The line rang once before Adam picked up. “Sweetheart? How did it go?” Adam immediately asked.

“Well, Macbeth ended up being what I’d expected. I’m going to be in the ensemble. They don’t want to overwhelm me my first year in,” he answered, biting the inside of his cheek to keep the nearly hysterical laughter from bubbling out. “Which is great.”

“That’s wonderful, darling. I can’t wait to see you in a kilt,” Adam chuckled teasingly.

“We’ll that’s not the best news,” Kurt teased. “I got Don John!”

“Oh, sweetheart! That’s brilliant!” Adam exclaimed. “I’m so glad for you. I know that’s the part you really wanted.”

“It was,” Kurt admitted, his smile so broad that his face actually hurt. “I mean, I would have been happy in the ensemble, but I’m not going lie. I really wanted this!”

“And you got it,” Adam reminded him. “Are you on your way back now?”

“I’m on the way to the train station,” he promised. “The next train back is in about half an hour. I’ll see you when I get there.”

“Okay,” Adam said softly. “I am so proud of you, darling.”

“Thanks! I’ll see you soon. Love you!”

He texted his father to give him the good news and wasn’t terribly surprised when he called back almost immediately. Of course, his father and Carole were beyond delighted for him and promised to make a trip to see him perform in both shows. He texted Finn and Puck next, but decided to give Rachel and Santana the news in person. Rachel was completely fixated on her upcoming callback and he wasn’t sure how she was going to respond to him actually being cast in something, regardless of her previous expressions of support.

The train ride back to New York went in a happy fog, with Kurt struggling to grasp what he had achieved. This would be his first professional production; a real chance to prove himself as an actor. All he’d needed was a fair chance and he was able to convince the festival to give him a shot.

When he stepped off the train, he was shocked to find not only Adam waiting to greet him, but all of the Apples who began to cheer and applaud when they saw him. Adam was holding a bouquet of flowers and smiling brightly. He held out his arms and Kurt ran, all but flying into his embrace. His friends surrounded him, calling out their congratulations and happiness for his achievement.

“Congratulations, darling,” Adam said softly.

“I take it that you already told everyone,” Kurt chuckled.

Adam gave the group a fond, tolerant smile. “It wasn’t like they weren’t ringing my phone every minute until you called. I hope that you don’t mind.”

Kurt just smiled and kissed his boyfriend, feeling the amazing energy from his friends washing over him. He couldn’t imagine it possible to be any happier than he was at that instant.

* * *

“So… Shakespeare, huh?” Santana asked when Kurt arrived home Sunday afternoon.

Kurt nodded. “Uh hum.”

“And an actual speaking part,” she noted. “Not like what you got shafted with at school?”

Kurt felt rather gratified that Santana seemed to think that his being cast as Krupke was as much an injustice as he did. However firm his belief in the old adage about there being no such thing as small parts and only small actors might be, that didn’t ease the anger that he still felt over how he’d been treated. But to have a real director seem happy to have him in the cast just showed how badly he’d been served at McKinley.

“Yup,” he confirmed. “I get the play the villain. Mwah ha ha!”

She laughed at his mimicking the twirling of an imaginary moustache. “So Berry… looks like Kurt’s in the lead now,” she pointed out. “I mean, he’s actually gotten cast in something, so he’s leaving us both in the dust.”

Rachel looked up from the script she was reading indignantly. “I’m auditioning for Broadway!” she pointed out. “Not some little festival production.”

Kurt felt his good mood begin to evaporate at her unconscious slight. “It’s a respected, regional theater program,” he reminded her, allowing a bit of sharpness to enter his voice.

Rachel flushed, knowing that she had gone too far and mindlessly offended Kurt. Again. “I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. “I’m just really anxious about the callback.”

Kurt knew that Rachel had spent nearly every waking moment preparing for Funny Girl and her tunnel vision was apparently getting the better of her again. “Have you practicing your solo?” he asked. “We’ve got our presentation this week.”

Rachel nodded, barely looking up from the script. “I’ll be ready,” she assured Kurt. He just rolled his eyes, having no idea of how much she might actually have practiced.

“Well, I’d better start getting my act in gear,” Santana stated, curling up on the couch next to Kurt. She cradled her mug of tea in her hands. “Because both of you are starting to make me look really bad.”

Kurt gave her a fond smile. If Santana put her mind to something, he doubted that there was very much that could stand in her way.

There was a knock at the door and Rachel looked up in annoyance. “Kurt, Adam isn’t coming over, is he?” she demanded. “We were supposed to have a quiet night so I could focus! I only have a week and…”

Kurt sighed at her accusatory tone. “Adam would have called if he was coming over,” he reminded her tiredly as he stood up. “It might be the landlord… our rent is almost due.”

“Or he’s gonna complain about Berry’s coyote howls at six in the morning again,” Santana groused, giving Rachel an annoyed look.

“Guys, can we not fight tonight?” Kurt pleaded, cutting off Rachel’s outraged squeal. He unlocked the door and slid it open, his eyes widening in shock when he saw who was standing there.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he spat.


	5. Chapter 5

Blaine’s wide and brilliant smile deflated a bit at the outraged expression on Kurt’s face. Kurt’s eyes darted about, taking in the sight of his ex standing in his doorway with wearing an outfit that a color-blind clown would have found offensive.

“Hi Kurt,” Blaine greeted as brightly as he could manage, holding out a box to his ex-boyfriend. “I brought you pastries from that bakery that you said you liked. I wanted to get you cronuts, but they were out and…” His voice trailed off at the unwavering stare from his ex and Kurt pointedly refusing to accept the box from him.

Kurt’s eyes narrowed as he stared down the intruder. “I am not going to ask you again… what are you doing here?” he demanded.

Blaine huffed at Kurt’s belligerence. “I’ve got my live audition for NYADA this week. You knew that I was applying,” he reminded Kurt petulantly, as if the reason for his presence should be obvious.

Kurt’s mouth drew into a tight frown, thinking back with annoyance to the moment that Blaine had dumped that bit of news on him. While he was grappling with the news about his father’s cancer diagnosis and the stress of having his cheating ex intruding on their time together. That made for an exceedingly uncomfortable Christmas holiday.

“Yeah, I remember. I was kind of hoping that you’d change your mind, but you always do what you want regardless of how anyone else feels.” Kurt shrugged, trying to maintain an air of indifference when he was actually seething inside. Blaine’s absolute inability to see when he was seriously overstepping bounds was evidently something that hadn’t changed since Kurt last saw him.

What remained of Blaine’s smile faded completely in the face of Kurt’s open hostility, replaced by an expression of confusion. “Look, can we talk inside?” he asked, trying to sound like the reasonable one. “I mean, we shouldn’t be having this out on your doorstep.”

Every instinct in Kurt’s body warned him to slam the door in Blaine’s face and walk away. He didn’t owe Blaine any kind of consideration at this point. “Well, if you had an ounce of sense, you wouldn’t be on my doorstep,” he mocked, not stepping aside.

The shorter man looked at him in astonishment. “You mean that you’re just going to shut us out? After we traveled all this way?”

It was then that Kurt noted the taller figure standing a discrete distance back, holding their suitcases. Seeing the tall blond in the McKinley Titans t-shirt struck something in Kurt that he didn’t want to examine too closely. Despite all the internal warning that he could just turn his back and walk away, he held the door open and stepped aside, letting them enter.

With a reluctance that surprised Kurt, Sam followed Blaine inside, dragging their suitcases behind him. He gave Kurt an apologetic look as he settled the suitcases by the door.

“Hey, Kurt. Sorry for just dropping in on you like this,” Sam said sincerely. “I told Blaine that he should have called before we just showed up.”

Kurt’s hard gaze didn’t soften at all at Sam’s attempt to smooth things over as Blaine walked past him. “Yeah… he should have,” he stated flatly. “But that’s typical of Blaine, isn’t it?”

Sam winced at Kurt’s harsh tone and looked like he wanted to say something that might fix this, but he seemed something at a loss in how to respond to Kurt’s more than justifiable anger. After a moment of hesitation, he followed Kurt while Blaine strode boldly into the main living area, looking about for any changes that might have been made since his last visit. Rachel looked up in surprise at the unexpected guests.

“Blaine! What are you doing here?” she exclaimed. She put the script down and got to her feet, giving Blaine and Sam brief hugs and seemed generally happy to see them.

Kurt’s eyes narrowed, but he managed to refrain from saying anything. One thing that he’d prided himself on was his absolute refusal to make his and Blaine’s mutual friends choose between them after they broke up. That consideration hadn’t been rewarded as so many, like Sam for example, chose to do just that. Still, he’d maintained his pride and consideration for others and never said anything to Rachel about her maintaining contact with Blaine. He’d been determined to be the better man.

Thankfully, if she had been in communication with Blaine recently, she’d been discreet and let Kurt keep reminders of his ex as far away from himself as possible. It seemed that she was as surprised by Blaine’s sudden appearance in their home as he was, so he was fairly sure that Blaine had not mentioned to her that he would be coming to New York. Kurt was sure enough of whatever loyalty that Rachel still had for him that she would have told him if she’d known. That didn’t alleviate the stress of having his ex unexpectedly invading his home.

“Oh no… like one yappy dwarf isn’t enough,” Santana snipped from the kitchen. She sipped at her tea, her dark eyes sparking with irritation at the intrusion into their home. “Not that I mind seeing Trouty, but what the hell is the grease ball with the wandering penis doing here?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out myself,” Kurt said sharply. “Most people have the intelligence and the courtesy not to show up unannounced at their ex’s place.” He gave his former boyfriend a hard stare as Blaine place the box of pasties on the dining table. Leave it to Blaine to think that cake would be enough to placate Kurt. Maybe at one time gifts like that might have soothed Kurt’s anger, but what passed between them went well beyond appeasing Kurt’s sweet tooth.

Blaine huffed indignantly at having his infidelity brought up again. “Like I said, I’ve got my live audition at NYADA. I’m also going to be visiting NYU and Columbia while I’m here.”

“Which is wonderful for you. That doesn’t explain why you’re here. In my home, where you are not exactly welcome,” Kurt specified, his temper growing short. He was well past the point where he could feign politeness where Blaine was concerned.

And Sam… seeing him in some ways hurt Kurt a lot worse. He fully expected Blaine to be manipulative and uncaring about Kurt’s feelings, but Sam had never seemed the kind to deliberately do something to cause hurt to someone else. It was one of the qualities that Kurt had liked so much about him; an inherent kindness that he didn’t see too often in others. And he’d genuinely thought that he and Sam were good friends.

That was, of course, until Blaine transferred to McKinley and became the ideal “gay bro” for Sam. Suddenly after that, the closeness they’d shared began to evaporate as Kurt was once again excluded from “the guys”.

Blaine huffed and shuffled his feet, giving Kurt the bashful glance that he always used when trying to pacify his ex-boyfriend. “I thought it would be nice to see old friends and catch up. Maybe have someone to show me around NYADA. You know… someone with inside knowledge and maybe help me get through my audition since you know what they’re looking for.”

Santana’s laugh was a loud bark of derision. “Oh, that’s rich,” she snapped. “You fuck around on Kurt and think he’s going to lift a finger to help you get into your school? I think all that hair gel has seriously softened your brain.”

Santana’s support reinforced the steel in Kurt’s spine and he gave a nod of agreement. “Well, she’s right about that,” he said resolutely. “I can’t stop you from applying, but there’s no way in hell that I’m going to do anything to help you.”

Blaine gave Kurt his best hangdog expression, which at one time Kurt would have found difficult to resist. “But Kurt…”

“No ‘but Kurt’,” he said firmly. “I don’t owe you anything, Blaine. We’ve been broken up for months, for reasons that I don’t think we need to revisit again. So what make you think that I would have any reason to help you?

He moved to open the door for them. “I think that you and Sam should leave. Now.”

Blaine shuffled his feet, looking down at the floor. “That’s… that’s kind of a problem,” he said carefully. “I was kind of counting on… we didn’t reserve a hotel room.”

Kurt could feel his blood pressure building at the admission, his anger mounting at his ex’s assumption that he could just drop in and find a warm welcome. “Not my problem,” he ground out, barely keeping a rein on his temper.

“Kurt! You would really just kick us out?” Blaine demanded, seemingly shocked that Kurt was refusing to bend at all. “What, you’re just going to throw us out onto the streets?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Kurt saw Sam flinch unconsciously at Blaine’s outburst and he was reminded that Sam had experienced just that. It might be a few years in the past, but Sam clearly still had strong memories of his family losing their home. However angry he was at Blaine’s presumptiveness, he would feel some guilt over Sam reliving that past trauma.

“It’s not like there aren’t a few million hotels in New York,” Santana pointed out helpfully.

Blaine shrugged. “We really can’t afford one for the entire week,” he insisted.

Kurt rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Blaine, your parents aren’t exactly hard up for money. You’re trying to tell me that they’re not covering you when you’re visiting schools?”

“I used the money my parents gave me to pay for Sam’s plane ticket. He’s trying to look at schools too,” Blaine explained. He gave Kurt a bashful smile. “His folks couldn’t afford for him to come and I didn’t want him to miss out. I thought that he could check out NYADA too.”

Kurt could see his ex puffing up, all but swelling with pride at his munificence towards his less-affluent buddy. But a quick glance at Sam’s discomfort and being openly made the excuse for Blaine’s intrusion cause Kurt to suspect that his presence was less about scholastic opportunities and more about Blaine not wanting to go without his best bro to keep him company. Blaine never did well if he didn’t have a personal cheerleader in tow.

“Well, I’m sure that if you explain to your parents what you did, they won’t mind getting a hotel room for you,” Kurt suggested, unable to completely quell the malicious satisfaction in his smirk. Undoubtedly the Andersons would be very irritated with their son at blowing his travel budget like this. “Just tell them that you need more money.”

His ex was positively squirming with discomfort at Kurt’s refusal to bend. “Kurt, please be reasonable,” he pleaded. “You’ve got plenty of space here.”

Blaine turned to Rachel to plead his case when he saw that Kurt was not going to give in and Kurt felt his temper flare even hotter. “Don’t look at her to approve this,” he demanded, increasingly angry at Blaine’s presumption that Rachel would just overrule him. “My name is the one on the lease, so I get final say over who stays here.”

Rachel gave a half-hearted shrug. “He’s right,” she confirmed, apparently somewhat relieved to not be the one making this uncomfortable decision. After the fight they’d gotten into over Brody moving in without her asking Kurt first, it wasn’t something that she was going to stick her neck out for again. “Sorry, Blaine.”

“But Kurt..,” Blaine whined, his complaint falling quiet in the face of Kurt’s anger.

“Blaine, come on,” Sam urged, grabbing Blaine’s arm and pulling him back. He gave Kurt an apologetic look, clearly trying to defuse the situation. “We’ll figure something out.”

Kurt felt his anger kindle again. It was so typical of Blaine to make a mess of things and then have someone else have to clean up after him. He wouldn’t be at all surprised if Sam was an unwilling accomplice here. Sam might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he was never the kind who went out of his way to make trouble for other people.

Blaine began to complain about how they’d traveled so far as were being turned away by the only people they knew in New York, while Sam was fighting a losing battle to try to reason with him. Santana began to call out insults to the both of them and urged Kurt to throw them out on their asses. Rachel was looking at Kurt helplessly, pleading with him to just fix all this.

He could feel the vein throbbing in his forehead, warning of an impending migraine. This was not what he was in the mood to deal with at the moment. He had so much on his plate and to have his ex-boyfriend intruding on his life like this and stirring up conflict was more than he could stand.

He was done with this. Completely. He was sick to death of this mess and just wanted out.

“Enough!” Kurt yelled, banging his fist down on the table to get everyone’s attention. The four of them turned to look in shock at his outburst. Kurt glared at the lot of them, the anger nearly palpable about him. He took a deep cleansing breath so that he could say what he had to clearly.

“Blaine… you’re right,” he said with overdone saccharine sweetness, making no effort to hide his real meaning. “Despite the fact that I have made it abundantly clear that I have no desire to be anywhere near you and you just showed up at my home uninvited, I can’t just throw you out with nowhere to go. That wouldn’t be at all charitable. So you and Sam can have the coach.”

Considering that the sofa was barely comfortable for Santana to sleep on alone, how it would contain two much bigger young men would be amusing to consider. He hoped that they both threw their backs out.

“Hold it!” Santana snapped. “That’s my…”

He turned to her with a reassuring nod. “Santana, you can take my bed while they’re here.”

“What? You expect me to sleep with you?” Santana complained. “I don’t think so, unless you’re planning to strap on some water balloons so I’ve got something to cuddle with.”

“First of all… ew. But secondly, it’s not going to be an issue because I’m not going to be there,” he assured her.

“Where are you going?” Rachel asked worriedly.

He drew himself up proudly, his face set in a stern glare. “I’m going to stay with Adam for a few days,” he informed her, as if the answer should be obvious. “That will give you all plenty of time to catch up on things without me spoiling your fun.”

“Kurt, you’re being ridiculous,” Blaine snapped, irritated by Kurt’s continued stubbornness and the mention of his current boyfriend. “We can talk, and…”

Kurt turned his back on him, focusing his attention on Santana. “I’m going to pack some stuff before I head out. Do me a favor and keep them out of my area when I’m not here?” he requested.

She nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. “You got it.”

Kurt smiled thankfully, grateful to have at least one person that he was sure would be on his side. He glanced over to Rachel. “I’d appreciate it if you all give me a few minutes to get my things.”

Rachel could only nod helplessly, her eyes betraying the fear that Kurt leaving now would be a prelude to another, more permanent departure later. “Kurt, are you sure?” she asked worriedly.

He felt his jaw set stubbornly and nodded, refusing to be argued out of his decision. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Blaine huffing in annoyance. “It’s okay, Rachel,” he assured her. The sooner he got out of there, the better.

He closed the curtain to his sleeping area behind him, wishing that he had a more substantial barrier to ward off the unwanted intruders to his home. As it was, he could easily hear Blaine complaining about his stubbornness just a few feet away, which was setting his teeth on edge. He needed to get out of there before he completely lost what little control he had on his temper. Not that he really cared what Blaine thought about him at the moment, but he was determined to maintain his dignity. At least as much dignity as someone being driven out of his own home could manage.

He sat down on his bed and took a deep breath to steady his nerves. He needed to be calm before he called Adam, because his boyfriend could always tell when he was upset and he didn’t want to get into a long explanation until he got out of there. He didn’t care that anyone could hear him. In fact, he rather hoped that Blaine was listening in just so he would know that whatever he had planned was not going to work. Kurt refused to be manipulated by him any further. Thankfully Adam answered his phone quickly.

“Hello sweetheart,” Adam greeted cheerfully. “I thought that you’d be tied up with school work. Not that I’m not happy to hear from you.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling, his body relaxing at the mere sound of Adam’s warm voice. “I am,” he admitted ruefully. “But something kind of came up. Do you think that I could stay with you for a couple of days?”

“Of course!” Adam insisted immediately. “You never have to ask that. I’m always glad to have you. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be seeing much of you until after your presentation.”

He paused for a brief minute. “Sweetheart, is everything all right? You sound upset. Have you been fighting with Rachel again?”

Kurt wasn’t at all surprised that his perceptive boyfriend picked up on his mood, even over the phone. Adam could always read him well. “I’ll tell you when I get there,” he promised. “I just need to get some stuff together.”

“Take your time, love. I’ll see you in a little bit,” Adam said, not hiding the concern in his voice. Kurt wasn’t at all surprised that his boyfriend picked up on his mood, but he very much appreciated Adam not pushing for more information until Kurt got there. This wasn’t something that he wanted to get into over the phone; not when he knew that it would likely upset Adam as much as it upset himself.

“Thanks. Love you,” Kurt said before hanging up. He put his pocket and sighed, trying to get his bearings. He had so much at school to worry about this week and he had to quickly figure out what he would need for the next few days. At least he could be fairly sure that if he forgot something, he could ask Rachel to bring it to him at school.

He pulled his suitcase out from under his bed and laid it open. Once he got the basics of underwear and socks out of the way, he moved to his clothing rack to put together outfits for the next few days. He had his costume for the vocal presentation already set aside and laid out neatly on his bed before choosing an assortment of pants and shirts to give him a bit of flexibility with his wardrobe. He was sure that he was probably over packing, but he didn’t want to forget anything.

He was carefully folding his clothes so that they wouldn’t arrive at Adam’s apartment in a complete mess when a shadow fell over the curtain granting him the scant bit of privacy that he very much needed.

“Kurt?” Sam said uncertainly, trying to get his attention. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Kurt’s teeth grit at the inquiry, not wanting to have his space intruded on anymore than it already was. He didn’t want to talk to Sam and hear his justifications and excuses for Blaine’s behavior since it was patently obvious that he was on Blaine’s side.

“I’m busy,” he said as evenly as he could manage.

He should have remembered that Sam wasn’t especially good at picking up social cues because despite Kurt’s firm refusal, Sam poked his head behind the curtain. Kurt stiffened at the intrusion but was determined not to show how much this was upsetting him. Sam watched him carefully and kept a respectful distance, trying not to intrude on Kurt’s personal space more than he already was.

Sam didn’t speak immediately, taking a moment to watch Kurt and try to gage his mood before saying anything. Despite Kurt’s attempts at calmness, he knew that he looked upset and Sam at least seemed genuinely regretful that he had something to do with that.

“Look, dude… I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I’ve been trying to reason with Blaine for weeks, but you know how stubborn he is.”

Kurt didn’t need a reminder about that as he shoved a pair of jeans into his suitcase with more force than was necessary. He’d been the one trying to manage Blaine’s moods and having to work around him when his ex dug in his heels about something and refused to budge.

“Tina and I both tried to talk him out of this,” Sam claimed. “He kept saying that he wasn’t going to let you chase him away from what he wanted to do, but we really tried.”

Kurt huffed as he shoved a few shirts into his bag. “I’m sure you did,” he said, not bothering to tone down the sarcasm in his voice.

Sam looked up at him, obviously taken aback by the harshness of his tone. “We did,” he insisted. “Kurt, you don’t know what it’s been like.”

“Sam, I dated him for almost two years,” Kurt reminded him. “I do know what he’s like. Blaine showing up just to make trouble for me because I won’t give in is exactly the kind of thing I’d expect from him.” He picked out a few pairs of shoes for the next few days.

Sam nodded grimly. “Since the wedding, he’s been really difficult. And he’s pretty much shut Tina out when she told him that he’s an idiot for chasing you the way he is. When he made it clear that he was going to New York no matter what, Tina tried to warn you.”

Kurt dropped his toiletry kit in surprise. “She what?” he demanded.

Sam bit his lower lip and nodded. “Both of us tried,” he insisted. “Tina said that she texted and emailed you a few times but didn’t get a response. Then I tried too. I was thinking that maybe you changed your number or something.”

Kurt inhaled deeply, now realizing what all those messages he erased actually entailed. “Shit,” he muttered. He looked up at the younger man, trying to gage how truthful he was being and it was obvious from Sam’s expression that he was. Sam’s guileless face made him probably the world’s worst liar.

“I deleted the messages,” he admitted, angry with himself for being so stubborn and not even looking at the messages. “With how everything went down the last time I was in Lima, I thought that you both were just going to hassle me over Blaine.”

Sam nodded, clearly disappointed but still understandingly. “Well, I can’t really blame you,” he granted. “Tina’s really sorry for how she behaved when she saw you. She just got really caught up in how she felt about Blaine and you got the blowback.”

That was an understatement, Kurt thought bitterly. And while Sam’s support felt good, he couldn’t help from thinking that it was a little too late.

“Well, that’s typical when it comes to Blaine,” Kurt said, finally giving in to his resentment. He knew that it probably wouldn’t mean anything, but Adam had been encouraging him to be more open about his feelings. A lot of his problems could be directly traced to not speaking up when he was upset.

Sam had hurt him. Kurt had really thought that they were friends. Or at least, they were as close as a gay boy could ever allowed to be with a straight boy at McKinley. But none of the rules that seemed to exist just to beat him down ever applied to Blaine. As usual, Kurt had ended up with the short end of the stick.

“Look Sam… it’s really nice of you to try to smooth this over, but it’s a bit late for you to be showing any kind of concern,” Kurt said bluntly. “You and Tina made it pretty clear where your allegiances are, so you don’t have to play act for my benefit.”

Sam looked confused at Kurt’s blunt statement. “What are you talking about? Kurt, I’m your friend too.”

Kurt gave him an appraising stare, nearly snorting in derision. “Sam, I’m not stupid. You stopped being my friend the minute Blaine showed up and became your perfect ‘bro’. I’m just the other gay kid that used to be in your show choir.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sam demanded. “Where is this coming from? Kurt… don’t you remember what we’ve done for each other? You were there for me in a way that no one else ever was.”

“Well, that’s nice of you to remember,” Kurt snapped. “Us being there for each other. Because that didn’t seem to mean shit for a long time now.”

He turned his back and shoved the privacy curtain aside. Blaine saw him emerge from his room and opened his mouth as if he wanted to speak to Kurt but was stopped by Santana’s warning glare. Kurt hurried to the bathroom to gather his toiletries and returned to throw them into his suitcase. Slamming the case shut, he wheeled it into the main living area.

“Kurt, are you sure…?” Rachel began, but her question was cut off by the determined look on his face as he gathered up his laptop and shoved it into his tote bag. He checked for the books he’d need for the next few days and added them to the bag.

Blaine stepped forward, reaching out as if he could stop Kurt from walking out but the older man gave him a stare that set him back on his heels.

“Don’t,” Kurt warned dangerously, no longer in a mood to play nicely. “You’ve done more than enough. Don’t push your luck.”

Sam stepped out of Kurt’s bedroom, a worried expression on his face. “Kurt, please… don’t run off like this,” he pleaded, but was ignored.

Kurt slung his tote bag over his shoulder and nodded to Santana. “The bed is all yours,” he advised. “The sheets are clean. Just do me a favor and no bringing over one of your girls for recreational activities? I’d like to be able to sleep there again.”

“You got it,” she promised brightly, grabbing her bag and dragging it into Kurt’s area. “Yay! Mattress!”

He couldn’t help from smiling at the delight in her voice. Santana might be tough as nails, but she could be very appreciative when someone did something nice for her. And she would stand up for the very few that she counted as real friends.

He slung his tote over his shoulder and took hold of his suitcase before turning a glance to Rachel. “I’ll see you in school on Monday. Try not to let them wreak the place.”

“Kurt!” Blaine exclaimed, completed exasperated with his ex’s behavior but Kurt ignored him. He walked out without another glance, thankful that he had a refuge to escape to. That didn’t ease the bitterness that he was being driven out of his own home against his will, but there was no way in hell that he would spend a single night under the same roof as Blaine.

The subway ride into Manhattan seemed to go by in a fog, Kurt trying to make sense of what had just happened. The loft had always been a place of safety for him and this is the third time when Blaine has made it just another place that he wanted to escape from. He couldn’t understand how someone who was supposed to have loved him would go so out of his way to hurt Kurt. And then seeming to have no idea why Kurt wanted nothing to do with him.

Coming to Adam’s building in Chelsea was a tremendous relief and he climbed up the stairs of the old building. When Adam opened the door to his tiny apartment, Kurt all but flew into his arms, letting the older man enfold him in a comforting embrace.

He felt Adam press a kiss to the top of his head, muttering words of comfort and holding him close. “It’s alright, sweetheart,” he assured Kurt softly, his broad hand stroking Kurt’s back soothingly. “Let’s get you inside.”

Kurt let Adam lead him inside, able to keep a firm grasp on his churning emotions until he was within the safety of Adam’s apartment. Once the door was closed behind him, he finally felt his control unravel and let the tears flow. He felt Adam’s arms wrap about him offering what comfort he could and reassuring Kurt that he was safe.

Kurt pressed his face into Adam’s shoulder, letting his boyfriend do what he could to protect him from the world. There would be plenty of time for him to deal with the problems waiting for him outside, but for now he allowed himself to savor the security that Adam’s arms provided and know that at least for now, everything would be all right.

* * ** * *

Rachel pressed her fingers to her temples, feeling the beginnings of a stress headache. Since Kurt walked out in what had to be the most self-composed huff she’d ever had the privilege to see, Blaine had been in a state of agitation. He ranted angrily about his ex-boyfriend’s stubbornness, furious that Kurt was refusing to even behave in a civil manner as friends.

“I can’t believe him!” Blaine spat as he paced about the loft. “We come all this way and he’s running out the door like the damn loft is in fire!”

Sam, to her surprise, seemed very much on Kurt’s side in this and finally snapped at his friend.

“Look, what did you expect?” Sam demanded, exasperated at Blaine’s obstinacy. “Kurt’s made it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with you right now and you keep pushing him. Did you think he wouldn’t push back?”

“He’s such a damn drama queen!” Blaine complained, flinging himself onto the couch. He made a face when he realized that this was where he was going to be sleeping for the next few days. “What does he expect me to do? Crawl on broken glass and beg him for forgiveness? It’s been months!”

Sam shook his head in bewilderment, as if amazed that Blaine could really be that dense. “Maybe you could do what he asked and leave him alone? You cheated on him. End of story. I don’t blame him for not wanting anything to do with you. And I’ve been in his shoes.”

Blaine looked up at Sam with an expression of betrayal. “Sam! I thought you were on my side! You’re supposed to be my friend.”

“I’m both your friends,” Sam pointed out. “And I’ve been there for you a lot more than I was there for Kurt. But dude… you’re wrong here. And showing up and pushing Kurt out of his own home was not a cool thing to do. I don’t blame Kurt for being angry with us.”

“I can’t believe that you’re siding with him,” Blaine screeched. “You know what his leaving did to me.”

“All right! That’s enough!” Santana snapped, emerging from Kurt’s room. She fixed Blaine with a withering stare. “Listen up, dwarf… Kurt was right to kick you to the curb. He’s so out of your league that you should just count yourself lucky that you had a chance to get all up on that before he wised up and moved on to better things. Don’t blame him that you’re an idiot and for sticking your dick where it didn’t belong.”

“Stay out of it,” Blaine argued, his face flushing with anger. “You have nothing to do with this. And besides… you’re not one to talk. You don’t exactly have any kind of track record with relationships.”

He set his jaw firmly, returning her stare. “You couldn’t even keep Brittany, and she’s not exactly the brightest bulb on the tree.”

“Dude, that’s enough,” Sam inserted, getting between them before Santana physically attacked Blaine. He knew that Brittany was still something of a sore point with Santana and pushing the issue wasn’t going to help them. And he wasn’t going to have Blaine insulting his girlfriend.

Rachel sighed and stepped in before the three of them launched into a full fledged war. “Guys, that’s enough! Fighting isn’t going to make this better,” she insisted.

Santana gave her a dismissive wave. “Figures that you’d be siding with your fellow midget here. Why should you care that he drove Kurt out of his home.”

Rachel’s mouth drew down into a sharp frown. “No, I’m not at all happy about that. But Adam will be able to calm Kurt down, and it’s only for a few days. It’ll give him a chance to cool down.”

Santana smirked nastily, knowing just how to twist the knife. “Yeah, Adam fucking him into the mattress a few times will definitely take his mind off the Oil Stain here. That’s if the moans and groans I hear whenever Sherlock stays over are any indication.”

“Santana, that’s not helping,” Rachel sighed. She didn’t miss the look of outrage on Blaine’s face when Santana pointedly mentioned Kurt’s sex life and needed to defuse things quickly before she had a fully fledged war on her hands. She looked to her unexpected guests, wanting to make the best of a difficult situation. “Look, why don’t you both get settled? I’ve got work to do, but we’ll go out for dinner a little later.”

Sam nodded, grateful for a voice of reason. He felt terribly about causing Kurt further stress and was upset that he wasn’t able to dissuade Blaine from his idiotic scheme. One thing he knew about Kurt was that when backed into a corner, he did not give in. Blaine very likely just started a battle that he would have no chance of winning.

Blaine huffed in exasperation, ignoring Santana’s barbs as she slipped back into Kurt’s room. He joined Rachel at the table, hoping that he had at least one person there on his side. She was reading over a script and making notes.

She noticed his interest and offered a tentative smile. “It’s for my call back next week.”

Blaine nodded knowingly. “That’s fantastic. You getting to do Funny Girl. On Broaday, of all places. I mean, there’s no one who can play Fanny as well as you can.”

Rachel couldn’t help preening a bit at his show of confidence in her. “I hope so. There are a lot of talented people vying for the part but I think I have a good chance,” she said optimistically.

“But no one like you,” Blaine insisted. “I’ve seen you sing and there is no one that can touch you. Let’s be honest, the only one who could possibly play that part better than you is Barbra herself.”

That overt display of support might have made her feel better at one point, but now it reminded her too much of her former followers who said nearly exactly the same thing before they couldn’t get anything else out of her and dumped her. She just smiled in response, not taking the compliment too seriously. “Thanks,” she responded, keeping her tone friendly.

Blaine gave her a brilliant smile and cocked his head. “If you want, I can help you. Give you a few pointers, maybe.”

“I appreciate it, but I need to figure out how to play this,” she said with as much sincerity as she could manage. Part of her very much appreciated his interest, but it felt a bit… off putting. She wasn’t sure if he was really interested in helping her or if he was just using her concerns to ingratiate himself into her life.

She was very much bothered how Blaine’s sudden arrival affected Kurt and felt a bit uncomfortable in how the other man was trying to gain her favor. As if by winning her over to his side that he could score some points against his ex. Or at the very least, make things very difficult for Kurt. She’s seen him do this before and she didn’t appreciate being used against her friend.

Blaine didn’t seem at all offended that she wasn’t enthusiastic about his offered support. He looked about the loft, taking in the homey atmosphere that she and Kurt had carefully carved out of the empty space. “I really love it here,” he said, admiring the artfully decorated space. “It’s such a great place. It just inspires you to be creative and artistic.”

Rachel couldn’t help from smiling. That was exactly what she and Kurt were striving for. There was room to think and practice without tripping on one another. Kurt had been talking about getting a portable barre and tall mirror so they could practice their dancing better.

He turned back to her. “You know… when I get admitted, it would be great to be able to stay with friends. I’m sure that the dorms are nice, but it’s going to be a lot nicer to be with people that I know.”

Rachel could see where this was going, and there might have been a time when she wouldn’t have thought twice about agreeing with Blaine. But Kurt’s influence was impossible to ignore and going along with what Blaine was so blithely proposing would come at an astonishingly high cost for her.

She put aside her notes and gave her friend a firm stare, knowing that she needed to nip this in the bud before damage that might never be fixed could happen. “Blaine, I’m glad to see you,” she admitted. “You’re a dear friend to me and I’m not going to lie. I missed you a lot. But I need to ask you a favor, as a friend.”

“Of course, Rachel,” Blaine said agreeably. “Anything you need.”

“Don’t ever try to pit me against Kurt,” she warned, choosing her words carefully. “I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes but I won’t let anyone, not even you, try to use me against him. If we’re going to stay friends, you’ll have to respect that.”

The young man seemed a bit surprised by the seriousness in her tone, and it took a moment before he flashed another smile at her. “Of course, Rach. That’s the last thing I would ask you to do.”

He turned to see Sam watching them cautiously, and Santana glaring at him from Kurt’s sleeping area. “This is going to be so much fun,” he insisted.

Rachel schooled her features into calm resignation, hoping that this didn’t blow up in all their faces.

* * *

 “You’ve got to be kidding,” Corrine exclaimed, looking at Kurt in astonishment. “He just showed up at your place?”

Kurt nodded, taking a sip of his water. He’d just gotten out of his first voice class of the week and wanted to keep his throat well lubricated. It wouldn’t do for him to get a scratchy throat right before his big vocal performance.

Yet again, he was amazed at the efficiency of the Apples grapevine. Because as soon as word got around that he was staying with Adam for a few days, his friends had managed to piece together the reasons from the scant hints that Adam had offered. And as they were wont to do, the Apples had rallied about one of their own.

Jill had met him when he arrived at school with a hug and a latte. Mags had caught up to him after his musical theory class to offer a word of support and a proposal to have Blaine’s kneecaps broken if he wanted. Throughout the day, various members of the group found him to offer a friendly word or hug. And now he had most of the younger members of the Apples joining to show support for their friend.

Jules shook his head in disgust. “Man, that is a totally dick move,” he stated flatly. “Kurt, no offense, but before you and Adam got together your taste in men really sucked.”

“I’m not going to disagree,” Kurt admitted ruefully. He doubted any break up was good, but he was increasingly left wondering what he had ever seen in Blaine in the first place.

“And he’s really planning on applying here?” Mei asked. “Why would he do that? If he gets in, it’s just going to make drama. It’s not like there aren’t other schools.”

Kurt sighed, knowing that drama was exactly what Blaine was looking for. “I think that’s partly the point,” he admitted. “He can’t stand not having the last word and if I’m moving on, then he’ll go out of his way to make things difficult for me. He’s always been like that.”

Mitchel shook his head in disgust, his long curls swinging about wildly. “Shit, that’s such a bitchy thing for him to do.”

Kurt sighed, grateful to have the support of his friends. “So now I’m going to have him haunting the school for the next few days. This is not going to be fun.”

“You know, Kurt… if you tell us what the douche looks like, we can make it clear that he’s not wanted here,” Jules offered. The portly young man cracked his knuckles loudly. “I mean… everyone’s always rushing to classes and it would be unfortunate if he was to break his neck falling down the stairs. You know… if someone ‘accidentally’ sticks their foot out and trips him.”

Mei chuckled darkly at the idea. “Or if he manages to get lost and ends up locked in the prop room for a few days and misses his audition. That would be such a shame.”

Kurt smiled at his friends, grateful for their support. “Guys, I really appreciate it but can you do me a favor? When you see him, don’t give him a hard time,” he requested.

“Seriously?” Mitchel asked.

Kurt nodded emphatically. “As much as I hate the idea of him being here, I don’t want to be the one responsible for him not getting in. Because if I even blink the wrong way, he’s going to spread it all over the place that I tried to stonewall him. And I kind of like not being the villain in this scenario. I just don’t want to give him anything he can use against me later on.”

His friends hesitated, clearly not liking his answer.

“Kurt, are you sure?” Corrine asked hesitantly. “I don’t like the idea of him just coming here thinking that he can walk all over you.”

He sighed tiredly and nodded. “Yeah. I’m not happy about it either, but I’m not going to put my reputation on the line over him. He’s going to do what he’s going to do and I’m just going to stay out of his way as much as possible.”

He gave them a reassuring smile, hoping to ease their worries about his decision. “This way, he’ll have all the rope he needs to hang himself with. And my hands stay clean,” he insisted.

Mei smiled, relieved that Kurt wasn’t just giving in. “I should have known that you weren’t just taking this lying down,” she said admiringly.

Kurt chuckled, letting her pull him into a warm hug. “Of course not,” he assured her. “Trust me… Blaine will dig his own hole. I don’t need to hand him the shovel.”

“How is Adam taking this?” Jules asked, giving Kurt a sly grin.

“He wasn’t happy that I’m upset over this, but he’s not going to complain about me staying over for the next few days,” Kurt confided. His boyfriend had remarkable talents at relieving Kurt’s stress and it was nice to have time together after so many weeks of them having to focus on projects. Perhaps he should send Blaine a thank you note for all but forcing them to spend time as a couple.

“Guys, I really appreciate this, but I’m okay,” he assured them. “Blaine is sorely mistaken if he thinks he’s going to shake me.”

Corrine gave him a carefully appraising look, trying to get a sense of how sincere he was with that pronouncement. “Well, we’ve got your back,” she reminded him.

“I know. And it means a lot to me,” he assured her. He looked to all his friends, offering a resolute smile. “Just don’t let him bait you into reacting. He loves to do that and it’ll just mean trouble for you. He’s very good about painting himself as the victim.”

The others nodded, not happy about possibly having to ignore Kurt being treated badly. “If you’re sure,” Mei said with obvious reluctance.

Kurt nodded, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “It’s going to be fine,” he promised, as much to reassure himself as his friends. “Now I’ve got to get to class. I’ll see you all at practice later.”

Kurt hurried to class, wanting to keep himself as busy and distracted as possible. He knew that Blaine would be arriving at some point in the afternoon for the applicant orientation and Kurt wanted to make sure that he was focused on his learning and not the knowledge that his ex was on campus. He tried hard to keep in mind something he’d read a long time ago; that he might not be able to control what happens around him, but he could control his responses. Whatever happened this week, he was determined to emerge with his dignity intact.

In the meantime, he wondered what emotional baggage Professor Williams would want to uncover in class. Because if on the off chance he wanted to explore bad relationships, Kurt had plenty of material to work with.

* * *

Blaine studied the stately exterior of NYADA with a look of breathless wonder. It was a beautiful building, with an elegant entry and the kind of turn of the century styling that lent the structure an air of drama and majesty. Appropriate for one of the most prestigious performing arts schools in the country.

Numerous other high school seniors were starting to file inside, some arriving alone while others were being dropped off by their parents who watched with pride as their children entered the building.

He turned a smile to Sam. “Well, this is it. Sure you don’t want to come in with me? I know that you didn’t want to apply this year, but…”

“Nah. I really don’t think it’s appropriate,” Sam said. “It’s cool... I’m going to check out Washington Square Park while you’re in there.”

Blaine gave him a plaintive look. “I could really use you in there. For support.”

Sam just gave him a brief smile. “You’ll be fine,” he assured Blaine. “Call me when you’re done and we’ll go check out Greenwich Village. Rachel is saying that there are some really cool places down there.”

“All right,” Blaine finally said as agreeably as he could manage. Nothing about this trip was going the way he’d planned. He’d expected some resistance from Kurt since his ex-boyfriend could be astonishingly stubborn before he could be brought to his senses. But Rachel was so focused on her call back that she barely had any time to spare and Santana was taking an obscene amount of pleasure in insulting him whenever they were near one another. Even Sam seemed to be drifting away, openly disagreeing with his actions and apparently looking for excuses to spend time away from him.

He drew himself up proudly, straightening out his jacket as he climbed up the stairs. He was sure that things would settle down once he got into NYADA and moved to New York. Kurt would hopefully get over his little snit and in time they’d be able to start rebuilding their relationship. Life would be what he wanted, filled with music and love and Kurt back with him were he was supposed to be.

There was a line of students waiting to sign in and he took his place with them, tuning out the chatter around him. Some of the students seemed to know each other and chatted about their excitement about being there, even if they didn’t get in. Blaine signed in and received a binder with the applicant information for his visit. He was then directed to an auditorium for the official welcome by the dean.

He managed to get a seat in the first few rows, where he had a clear view of the lectern and a line of chairs on the stage. The room was filled nearly to capacity with prospective students, all of them the best in their respective schools and Blaine finally got a real sense of just how steep the competition was likely to be. He tried not to let it shake his confidence, because what did he really have to be worried about? His talent was the one thing that he knew was an unshakable truth. He could match every single person in that room.

Once all the applicants had been processed and seated, the auditorium lights dimmed and the stage lights came on. Several people stepped onto the stage that Blaine guessed were instructors in the Musical Theater program and sat down in the chairs waiting for them. They were then joined by the woman wearing a long brocade jacket and turban that Blaine remembered from Kurt’s and Rachel’s audition, who took her place at the lectern.

“Good afternoon everyone,” she said in her commanding tone. The room fell silent as the applicants turned their attention fully to her. “For those who don’t know me, I am Carman Tibideaux, the dean of the Voice and Theater program here at NYADA. I’d like to welcome you all to the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts for the final stage of your application process; the live audition.”

She looked about the theater, taking measure of their expectant faces. “Each of you has managed to stand out in some way. Whether it was professional roles or community theater credits, competition awards or specialized training. That is what got you into this room.

“Now put all of that out of your mind. Because as of this moment, none of that is going to matter in the least,” she warned.

Blaine’s eyes widened and he heard some confused murmurs around him at her pronouncement. Madam Tibideaux waited patiently for them to settle before continuing.

“NYADA is, first and foremost, a school. Not just a stepping stone to a professional career. Whatever training and experience that you may have had before you stepped through those doors is merely a starting point. I’m not interested in students who think they are the best of the best and who just want a line on their CV. I want to see those who not only are talented, but have a hunger to learn and grow as artists. Who has that gift to be more than just another talented singer or actor.

“Now you are being given a rare opportunity,” she advised them. “You’re going to have a chance to see this school in action and get a sense of just what you might be letting yourselves in for. This isn’t a place where you’ll be coddled and assured of your talent as you may have already experienced. You will be driven and broken down and challenged every step of the way. You are going to have a chance to see just how demanding this institution is, and you will get to see what it’s going to take to thrive here.”

She gave a small smile. “Take a look around this room. There are two hundred and fifty applicants sitting here, and there are only twenty spots open for the incoming class,” she reminded them, giving a moment for that fact to sink in. “Do the math. Because that means that less than one in every thirteen of you is going to be offered a place at NYADA.

“And it won’t necessarily be the person with the most training, or who got all the leads in their schools. It’s going to be the students who show me that something special that makes them stand out from the crowd. So think carefully about your auditions. Because you will have one chance to show me that you deserve one of those twenty spots. The reality is that for the majority of you, this will be the only time that you perform on our stage.”

She looked down at her notes, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. “Your binder will contain information on the classes that you will be able to view, as well as the different clubs and activities. I expect that you will conduct yourself respectfully with the faculty and students and not be a distraction during the classes you may be observing.

“If you have any questions about your observership, you have the information for the faculty and student liaisons that can help you. And don’t forget to take time to fine tune your auditions.”

Now that the imperious woman had them all suitably terrified, she offered a small smile. “Good luck to you all and I hope that you enjoy your visit to NYADA.”

When she exited the stage, the other faculty following her, the applicants began to murmur excitedly. They all knew in an abstract sense what the stakes were when they applied to NYADA, but seeing their competition in the same room made everything very, very real.

Blaine inhaled deeply, knowing that he had a steep hill to climb here. But if Kurt could be admitted with his lack of real training and no real lead roles or solos, then he shouldn’t have that much of a problem. He knew that he was an engaging performer and his record with the Warblers and New Directions spoke for itself. Not that he didn’t think that Kurt and Rachel weren’t immensely talented, but certainly no more so than himself.

He gathered his things and followed the other finalists out of the hall to officially begin his observership. A glance at the schedule advised of some organized activities, but otherwise he was free to watch whatever classes he wanted. He had a list of the classes that he was particularly interested in.

He set his shoulders confidently, knowing that this was within his reach. Kurt wasn’t going to stand in his way, and his ex-boyfriend could either come to his senses or Blaine would do his best to make sure that it would be McKinley all over again. His ex might be talented, but Kurt had never managed to beat him when it came to performing. He couldn’t imagine Kurt having improved enough, even with a few months of study at NYADA, to be better than him.

He didn’t want to hurt his ex, but he wasn’t going to allow Kurt to win. Whatever happened after this would be Kurt’s doing.

* * *

Adam set the table as Kurt drained the pot of pasta for their dinner. He watched his lover moved confidently about the small kitchen, putting the final touches on the meal and couldn’t help from smiling. He knew that Kurt might not have been there had it not been for the intrusion of his annoying ex, but Adam couldn’t help from being happy to have this time with his boyfriend.

Since returning from their visit to Lima, they’d spent more nights like this, either in Kurt’s loft when the girls were out or in his own flat. Adam very much enjoyed this quiet time together, doing everyday things like shopping or cooking meals together. Over the past weeks, Adam had become well versed in Kurt’s tastes, knowing how he preferred his morning coffee and that he needed to be awake for a little bit before he could even consider eating breakfast.

He got out glasses from the cabinet and went to the refrigerator for ice and the bottle of sparkling water chilling there. Kurt tossed together a quick salad and placed it on the table before dishing up plates of grilled chicken and penne with pesto.

Adam took a bite and made an approving moan. “Delicious, love,” he complimented appreciatively.

Kurt smiled and speared a bit of salad with his fork. He reached out with his bare foot to tease Adam’s, offering him a coy glance.

Adam chuckled, feeling the slow burn kindle in his chest at his lover’s flirting. “Darling, do you think we can get through supper before you lure me to bed? Because I’m starving.”

Kurt laughed and sipped at his water. “I make no promises,” he warned. “Not my fault if you can’t control himself.”

Adam shook his head, knowing that Kurt would now make it his mission to tease and distract him throughout the meal. Not that he was going to complain, because he did fall to Kurt’s charms, they could always microwave dinner later. So he’d win either way.

Part of him truly hated Kurt’s ex and he detested how this intrusion was impacting on Kurt. But since he was the beneficiary of Blaine's poor behavior, perhaps he should send the younger man a fruit basket. It felt wonderful having Kurt in the evenings when they were so busy with school.

In their time together, Adam felt it was clear that they could manage to live with one another. Both of them were relatively neat, though Adam would not be ashamed to admit that Kurt was a bit tidier than he was. Despite the flat being too small for two people, they managed to keep it orderly and relatively free of clutter. Both of them were more than decent cooks, which saved them from depending on take out and kept their food budget under control. They managed quite well and Adam couldn’t help from harboring some hope that they could make a more permanent arrangement in the not too distant future.

He knew that there were things that would need to be settled before he could make a serious proposition on the subject. He would need to see what happened after he graduated and what his employment prospects were. And they would certainly need to find a bigger flat because while they could manage for a few days at a time, they really would fare better over the long run if they weren’t on top of one another every waking moment. They would also have to keep in mind the welfare of Kurt’s current roommates, to ensure that they would not be adversely affected. But it was a subject that they had talked about, albeit casually, and both had it on their radars for the future.

They finished dinner with comfortable congeniality, and Adam took over cleaning up since Kurt cooked. Once they were settled on the couch with an evening cup of tea and a plate of biscuits to share, Adam looked to his young lover with a questioning gaze.

“Sweetheart, do I you mind if I Skype my folks tonight?” he asked. “I missed speaking with them yesterday because my dad had a concert.”

“Sure,” Kurt said agreeably as he got out his notes for his acting theory class. “Do you want me to go inside while you talk?”

Adam shook his head, giving his boyfriend a soft smile. “No. I think that it’s past time that you’ve met them officially. If you want to, that is.”

Kurt looked up, biting his lower lip a bit nervously. “Are you sure?” he asked.

Adam smiled reassuringly, reaching out to take Kurt’s hand. “Most definitely. I want them to meet the man who’s totally captured my heart and see just how amazing you are.”

Kurt inhaled deeply, knowing that he needed to rally his courage to put himself up for judgment. He remembered how nervous Adam had been to meet his own father and a Skype call was hardly the same as getting on a plane to meet your significant other’s family.

“I just hope that they like me,” he said uncertainly, but Adam pulled him into a warm hug.

“They’re going to love you,” Adam promised. “I’ve told them all about you and they’ve been itching to meet you for quite awhile now. But if you’d rather not…”

Kurt gathered up his courage, knowing that it wasn’t fair to put this off any longer. “No… I’m looking forward to meeting them myself.”

Adam smiled and pressed a gentle kiss on his boyfriend before getting his laptop. It took a few minutes to make the connection with Adam’s folks but the screen opened and a slender middle aged woman came into view.

“Hello, Mum,” Adam greeted, his face lit with a broad smile. “How was Dad’s show?”

“Well, it got off to a bit of a rocky start,” she laughed. “His new violist managed to rip her dress, but once they got started, the performance was absolutely lovely. They did Dvořák, and you know that’s one of my favorites.

“But tell me how you are, my sweetheart.” she asked. “Now that school is winding down for you.”

Adam smiled. “Things have been wonderful. Classes are still a bit busy and I’m putting out feelers for work after we finish the summer festival. But is Dad there now?” he asked. “I’ve got something I need to talk to both of you about.”

“He’s in his study. Let me get him,” she said. She stepped away from the computer camera and returned shortly with her husband. They shuffled a bit so that Adam would be able to see both of them, sitting closely and leaning forward.

“Hello, son,” Adam’s father greeted warmly. “How are things in New York?”

“New York is amazing, as usual. It’s starting to get a bit sticky with the warmer weather, but it’s still lovely. It’s a nice excuse to get outside a bit more.”

“Well, your mother said that you had something to discuss with us,” his father said curiously. “Nothing upsetting, I hope.”

Adam looked to his parents and took a deep breath. “I’ve someone important for you to meet,” he advised. “I know you’ve asked before and I’d been putting it off, but…”

His mother suddenly looked excited. “You mean we’re finally going to meet your boyfriend? You’re not going to keep hiding him away?”

Adam’s father chuckled. “Your mother has been complaining that you’ve been keeping him away from us, but I think she’s gotten a bit overexcited when you told her how close you were getting. She’s already started naming her grandchildren.”

“Peter!” she complained, giving him a bit of a swat. “You weren’t supposed to tell him that!”

Her husband laughed. “Just so you know son, that if you have a girl she wants her named after your grandmother.”

Adam laughed brightly at his parents antics. “Well, you may be getting a bit ahead of yourselves. But, I do want you to meet Kurt.”

He looked over to his boyfriend and motioned for him to come closer. A bit nervously, Kurt stepped into view of the computer camera and settled in close to Adam, reassured by the older man’s arm wrapped about his shoulder and holding him close.

“Mum… Dad… this is my Kurt,” Adam said proudly.

Kurt took a brief second to look at the two people on the computer monitor and had to admit that they looked just like the kind of people who would have Adam for a son. Adam’s father looked like an older, more portly version of his son with salt and pepper hair and lines on his face that hinted that he smiled a great deal. His mother had Adam’s coloring, with Adam’s clever look in her eyes. Her hair had been expertly colored a warm gold and she wore it in an elegant chignon.

“Oh, lean closer sweetheart! Let us get a good look at you!” Adam’s mother urged. When Kurt complied, she cooed in absolute delight. “You’re even more lovely that Adam described.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Crawford,” he said politely, allowing a small smile to touch his face.

“Oh, none of that nonsense,” Adam’s father said cheerfully. “It’s Peter and Ellie. It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Kurt. Adam’s always talking about you.”

“He talks about you at least as much as he talks about his own things. It’s always ‘Kurt this’ and ‘Kurt sang that’ and ‘Kurt’s so beautiful’,” Ellie claimed. “I was quite cross that he wasn’t introducing us to the person that means so much to him.” The look she gave her son was one of fond annoyance.

“Don’t blame him,” Kurt insisted, coming to Adam’s defense. “We were taking thing slow because I was coming out of a bad relationship. I was a little nervous about meeting his family because that would mean that we were serious.”

“Well, you seem to be getting serious,” Peter pointed out. “And we’re glad that Adam found someone that he clearly feels so strongly about.”

“And who feels the same about him,” Ellie hinted, smiling hopefully.

Kurt nodded, leaning close to his boyfriend. “I love him,” he assured Adam’s parents.

Adam’s eyes softened and he pressed a kiss to the top of Kurt’s head.

“You have such a lovely voice,” Ellie said appreciatively. “You must be a remarkable singer.”

“He’s amazing,” Adam confirmed, giving his boyfriend a loving look and causing Kurt to blush.

“Well, hopefully we’ll get a chance to hear you perform. We’re coming to New York for Adam’s graduation in June,” Peter said. “I’m looking forward to having a chance to meet you in person, Kurt.”

“Likewise,” Kurt agreed. “Well, I’m going to let you all talk and do some school work. It’s been wonderful to meet you both.”

“Take care, lovey,” Ellie said. “We’ll talk again soon I hope.”

Kurt kissed Adam before stepping away, retreating to Adam’s bedroom so he could study without distracting them. He really did have schoolwork to get out of the way and he wanted to give Adam time with his folks. He didn’t have the luxury of seeing them as frequently as Kurt was able to see his family.

About fifteen minutes later, Adam stepped into his bedroom and stretched out on the bed by Kurt with an appreciative sigh. Kurt put away his notes and rolled over to face him. “Have a good talk with your parents?” he asked.

Adam nodded, taking Kurt’s hand. “Um hum… of course, half the conversation was about you. They’re quite taken with you. Mum said that you look like an angel, and Dad said that you sounded like one.”

“They seem really nice,” Kurt said thankfully, blushing a bit at the compliments. He was glad that they seemed so accepting of someone that they hadn’t met you, just on account of their son’s word.

“I suppose I should warn you that Mum is already making plans to steal you away. And Dad would like to possibly have you sing with his quartette if they can convince you to visit England,” Adam informed him. “He didn’t believe me when I’d told him that you were a true countertenor and he’s quite enthralled with your voice.”

Kurt felt his blush deepening.

Adam reached out to gently stroke Kurt’s hair. “Thank you for talking to them,” he said softly. “I knew that they would adore you.”

“So now we’ve met each other’s parents,” Kurt noted. “Is this some kind of official milestone we’ll need to mark?”

The older man smiled. “Lots of little ones we’re making.”

Kurt shoved his books aside so he could curl in close to Adam’s body. “It’s funny but it doesn’t feel like we’re trying to get too serious. It’s just happening.”

Adam lay his head down next to Kurt, enjoying his presence. “Nothing is getting forced. It’s all just going along at its own pace.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling when he felt Adam’s hand rest casually on his hip, keeping them nestled closely together. He peered up so that he could see Adam from beneath his lashes.

“It’s funny, but when we first got together, I wasn’t sure what to expect,” he admitted. “I tried not to let myself get too excited about this handsome older man being interested in me because I was so sure it would blow up in my face.”

Adam sighed sadly, knowing where those feelings were coming from. He looked at his boyfriend quietly for a moment and decided that a bit of shared experience might help Kurt put things more into perspective.

“Did I ever tell you about my first real boyfriend?” Adam asked. When Kurt shook his head, he went on. “It was so cliché… we met at boarding school when I was fifteen. He was a year ahead of me and the Head Boy.”

“What was his name?” Kurt asked curiously.

“Hugh,” Adam answered. “Lovely boy… his father was a member of the House of Commons. He had jet black hair and the most gorgeous grey eyes you’d ever seen. I fell completely arse over head for him. And for the life of me, I couldn’t imagine how someone so handsome could ever want a lad like I was… all greasy and spotty.”

Kurt tried to imagine Adam as a young boy trying to entice his older classmate and couldn’t imagine him having a difficult time doing so. “But you did get together,” he pointed out.

“Eventually,” Adam admitted. “After I made a bit of a fool of myself trying to get his attention without the rest of the school knowing. And even after we got together, it wasn’t all sonnets and walks in the rain. I was already out to my family and wasn’t planning on hiding it at school. And Hugh…”

“In the closet?” Kurt guessed.

Adam nodded. “So far in that he could have been keeping house with Mr. Tumnus. I had the pleasure of being the little secret that he never would dare let his family know about. But I was in love and I thought that eventually it would all work out. They were starting to offer civil partnerships and I thought that we’d get ourselves a nice flat in some fashionable part of London and he’d find a way to introduce me to the Queen. I even picked the song for our reception.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at Adam’s admission of youthful romanticism. “What was it?”

Adam huffed, his cheeks coloring a bit in embarrassment. “'My Heart Will Go On'.”

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling at Adam’s choice. “I had the song picked for my wedding with Blaine,” he admitted. “I wanted 'Come What May'.”

Adam’s gaze softened when he realized what must had been running through Kurt’s head when they’d watched Moulin Rouge all those weeks ago. He pressed a kiss to Kurt’s lips. “Well, I suppose you can guess that I didn’t get that song played at our reception. It didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped for and I had quite the broken heart when I realized that I would never get from Hugh what I really wanted. And he wasn’t the first man that I lost my head over only to be disappointed.”

He looked down at his lover, seeing the sympathy in Kurt’s gaze for his long-ago pain. “It’s natural to lose yourself in fantasy when you’re young and in love. To try to see the best and close your eyes to the pitfalls. And it’s okay to be hurt and a bit skittish when it doesn’t work out. We make our mistakes and we try to learn from them. And we keep loving and hoping that we find someone deserving of that love. Someone who can love you back.”

His fingers stroked Kurt’s elegant jaw, causing the younger man to tilt his head so he could enjoy the caress and Adam couldn’t help from smiling softly. “I’m more than happy to go at whatever pace you want to set,” he assured Kurt. “I can’t promise that I know exactly where all this is heading, but I do know that wherever it is, I want it to be with you. And I think all the other stuff we can work out as it comes.”

Kurt sighed, resting his head against Adam and letting the older man stroke his hair. “Do you have a song for us?” he couldn’t help from asking.

Adam nodded. “Love, I have an entire songbook in my head where you’re concerned. Romantic songs… sad songs… a few silly ones…”

Kurt blushed shyly. “I’ve got a couple I’ve thought about with you,” he admitted bashfully.

Adam smiled and gently kissed Kurt again. “Maybe one day, you’ll sing one of them for me.”


	6. Chapter 6

Even under the best of circumstances, Kurt would have expected the observers to be disruptive to everyone’s normal activities at school. At least to a small degree. NYADA wasn’t exactly a huge school and the number of observers vastly outnumbered the students in the musical theater program. Even with only a dozen or so sitting in on every class, it made the students feel a bit self-conscious as they tried to focus on their studies.

Kurt tried to keep his focus on his classes and not let the presence of the visitors distract him, but it was difficult to maintain his normal routines. Especially when he wasn’t living at home. As feared, he did forget a few things in his hasty retreat from the loft. That necessitated a panicked text to Rachel at six in the morning because if she didn’t get his dance bag to him, he would be completely and totally fucked. Ms. July might not have anything against him, but he did not want to court disaster by missing class or showing up without his dance gear when they had visitors.

Thanks to whatever imaginary deities there might be, Rachel got the message and promised to catch him before class with his bag, relieving one source of his current state of stress. The other, though…

The hallways were a lot more crowded as their guests filled up the empty spaces, impossible to miss with their white binders and wearing lanyards around their necks with their identification cards. The quiet places where students used to be able to duck into to study, or to collect their emotions after a harsh critique were taken over by high school seniors who, entirely inadvertently, made their school a lot less comfortable. Kurt knew not to hold it against the visitors, because they were not intending to be intrusive.

Well, most of the students.

Kurt had no illusions that he would be able to avoid Blaine for the duration of his visit. The school just wasn’t big enough to allow him to hide. But like a bad penny, Blaine managed to track Kurt down to every single one of his classes. He arrived at his playwrights class to find Blaine one of about five observers to brave the early morning, very academic class. One by one the visitors were worn down by Professor Holt’s dry teaching style about plotlines and story structure, drifting out in search of a more exciting class to watch. Or coffee. Blaine was finally the last holdout and seemed on the verge of dozing off at one point.

Kurt knew that it wasn’t the most thrilling class, especially at eight o’clock in the morning but he was finding it pretty invaluable. They were learning how the flow of a storyline might affect their choices as potential actors and directors and how to not get lost in individual scenes and lines. Kurt had dabbled a bit with writing before, but it was obvious to him after his first class that he had a lot of room for improvement.

His second class of the day was his acting class with Professor Williams and he was praying that their teacher didn’t have any really embarrassing lesson exercises in mind. Nothing about traumatic potty experiences or digging into their personal traumas to experience what being a method actor was like. Not with his ex-boyfriend seated in the back of the room, watching his every move.

Thankfully Professor Williams was conscious about their observers and instead decided to build upon developing their instincts as actors. He stood before the class and discussed the challenges that often came with actually acting in a show and finding a character’s emotional center. Rather than putting them through any kind of humiliating exercises, he announced that they were going to try something a little different this time around.

“Now I know that a lot of you plan on making musical theater your focus,” he granted. “But there is an entire theater world out there where if you want to be cast, you won’t be singing a single note. In fact… the majority of the work out there, whether you’re looking at Broadway or film or television, requires you as an actor to be able to perform without depending on your admittedly talented voices.

“So what I want from all of you is to pick a song from one of your favorite musicals and act it out without singing,” he instructed. “I want you to be able to show who your character really is and play out the scene without using your singing tricks to do so.”

He smiled at the muttering of his students as they considered the exercise, some more enthusiastic than others.

“Yes, I know… most of you consider yourselves singers primarily,” he admitted. “But you have to be able to do much, much more if you want to fully take advantage of the employment opportunities out there. You need to be more than just a singer who dabbles in acting. And you’ll find that if you approach your characters beyond the script or lyrics, you’ll better be able to develop your own ideas about how to play a role that lets your character be more fully realized. A script and a director will only tell you so much. The rest is going to have to come from you and how you see the character you are playing. That is going to be the difference between an actor that wins a Tony award and one that just gets work.

“So what I want is for each of you is to create your character,” he instructed. “Build up something from these bare bones without relying on music to give characterization and emotion. Try to make your character as real as possible and make the rest of the class feel what your character is experiencing.”

He gave them a moment to consider the object of the lesson before looking at them expectantly. “So… who wants to go first?”

Kurt went third, wanting to have a chance to really consider the character that he decided to play. He’d always really loved RENT and felt that picking his favorite character over the more obvious choice of Angel would work to his advantage. And he thought that this song in particular would suit the exercise since it really told a story as well as tapping into his character’s core.

When it was his turn, Kurt rose to his feet and stepped forward to the front of the classroom, immediately slipping into character. He had his hands shoved into his jacket pockets and hunched inward slightly, as if fighting off a chill. He inhaled deeply and looked about, his eyes taking on a slightly faraway stare as he slipped into memory.

“How did we get here?” he asked, his voice slightly wavering in confusion and mourning. “How the hell..? Pan left! Close on the steeple of the church.”

He shifted suddenly in his character’s distraction, holding up his hands as if he were holding a camera in them. He then lowered his hands again, realizing what he was doing at a highly inappropriate time.

“How did I get here?” he questioned, looking to his fellow students, as if they might be able to provide the answer to him. “How the hell…?”

“Christmas… Christmas eve, last year,” he said with sad realization.

“How could a night so frozen be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild be so raw?” he demanded desolately. Kurt paused, inhaling deeply, looking about as if taking in a scene around him.

“Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memories? When single frames from one magi night flicker in close-up on the 3-D Imax of my mind?”

“That’s poetic,” he said, thinking about what he’d just come up with and initially thinking it was so clever. But then his expression fell when he reconsidered his original opinion. “That’s pathetic.

“Why did Mimi knock on Roger’s door? And Collins choose that phone booth, back here Angel set up his drums?”

His expression became more despondent as all the tribulations of those that he loved began to fall on his shoulders. “Why did Maureen’s equipment break down?” he demanded, his voice growing desperate and angry. He looked up at his fellow students with fear and vulnerability in his eyes that wasn’t there before. He inhaled deeply, as if steeling himself for what he needed to say.

His voice wavered ever so slightly from the overflow of emotion, a bit breathy as his character finally realized a hard truth that he’d managed to avoid that suddenly became impossible to do so any longer. “Why am I the witness? And when I capture it on film, will it mean that it’s the end and… I’m alone?”

The rest of the class and observers applauded politely when he was finished and Kurt inhaled deeply, shaking off the character as he waited for his teacher’s judgement.

Professor Williams gave a nod of approval. “Very nice, Kurt. Multi-layered and subtle. That would have been an easy scene to overdo. And I do want to compliment you on your selection. You picked a passage that does paint a very evocative picture without needing one of the showier numbers. Anything in particular that you were thinking of in regard to how you played that out?”

Kurt considered his answer carefully, trying to articulare what he’d been thinking of. “Well, I’d always liked Mark in particular as a character. He’s not the obvious lead, but pretty much everything in the show circles around him in one way or another. He’s kind of the keystone that stabilizes everything, but he feels very isolated since he sees himself hovering around the periphery of his group. And he feels totally helpless to change any of the events that he’s watching and documenting and he’s just watching it all fall apart.”

“Good. That’s exactly the kind of thinking I want to see,” Professor Williams complimented. “Showing consideration for your character’s storyline as a whole and not just an isolated moment in a scene. Good job.”

Kurt felt rather pleased with himself as he returned to his seat, pleased that he hadn’t embarrassed himself in front of the visitors. A few of his classmates gave him supportive smiles as he sat down with them to watch the next student try their luck. By the time they’d gotten through the group, the class was nearly over.

Professor Williams seemed quite happy with how his lesson had gone. “I do have to say that I’m rather pleased that all of you dove right into this exercise the way you did,” he said happily. “Acting is a challenging field to get into and while we hope that our directors are willing to guide us, as actors we need to do our due diligence in making our characters as real as possible. Good work everyone.”

Once dismissed, the students happily gathered their things to head out to their next classes. Kurt grabbed his bag and hurried out the door, hoping that he could vanish into the crowd before Blaine could catch up with him. He had time for a break and was hoping to get a cup of coffee and a bite to eat before facing dance class with Ms. July.

Kurt yelped as he was caught up in two large hands and spun about. He ended up enfolded in his boyfriend’s muscular arms. “Adam!” he exclaimed laughing a bit in surprise as he settled into his boyfriend’s very comforting embrace.

“Hello sweetheart,” Adam greeted, his voice raised just enough that he would be heard by others. Kurt raised an eyebrow in surprise at the overt display of affection. Because it was a display, as much for any observers as it was for Kurt himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Blaine’s garish outfit and nestled in closer to Adam.

“Don’t you have class?” Kurt asked teasingly, making sure that he was heard by those around him. He wasn’t going to feel guilty about upsetting Blaine, not with how Blaine had been acting the past few days. Rubbing his relationship in Blaine’s face was not something he was going to feel at all guilty about.

“I ditched it,” Adam said brightly. “I know that you have some time before your dance class and thought I’d take you to lunch. So you can fuel up, as you’d say.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at Adam’s thoughtfulness. “Nothing heavy,” he warned. “I’m not going to have Ms. July finding my _jetés_ subpar today.”

“I was thinking of walking over to Panera for a salad,” Adam offered. “You do love their Thai chicken salad.”

It was obvious what Adam was doing. Showing off in front of Blaine how he knew his boyfriend’s tastes so well and doted on him without making Kurt feel like he should just be grateful for the consideration. And Kurt was more than happy to accept his attention.

He could see Blaine standing back looking for a way to approach them, but Kurt decided not to give him the opening. He kissed his boyfriend deeply, letting him know how much he appreciated the rescue. “That sounds perfect! And just what I needed.”

Adam smiled and placed his arm about Kurt’s shoulder, holding him close. “Good. I thought that you could use a chance to get out of here for a little bit.”

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling, thankful for Adam’s thoughtfulness. “I knew that there was a reason that I loved you,” he praised.

And if Blaine heard him, so much the better, Kurt thought with a hint of deserved maliciousness as Adam lead him out.

* * *

Rachel hurried over to the dance studio, seeing Kurt waiting for her. “Here you go,” she said breathlessly, handing him his athletic bag. “I threw one of your Vitamin Waters in the freezer so it should still be cold by the time you need it.”

Kurt sighed in relief, slinging the bag over his shoulder. “Thanks!” he said gratefully. “You are a life saver. I owe you.”

She gave him a withering stare. “Oh, you’d better believe it that you owe me,” she warned.

Kurt nodded sympathetically. “How bad is it?” he asked.

Rachel huffed in frustration. “It’s like living in a war zone. Whenever Santana’s around, I’m tempted to hide anything sharp and pointy. She and Blaine are constantly at each other’s throats. This is not what I needed when I’m preparing for a call back!”

Kurt winced, knowing that he’d retreated and left his friends to deal with the problem that he refused to deal with any longer. “I’m sorry,” he said honestly, feeling more than a little guilty. “But you know that I couldn’t stay.”

Her mouth drew into a thin line, but she nodded. “I do. And I’m sorry that this happened,” she said sincerely. “I don’t blame you at all. It’s just… it’s bad for everyone.”

“It’s only for a few more days,” Kurt said hopefully. “By the end of the week, Blaine should be back in Lima and we can go on with our lives.”

Rachel looked hopeful at the prospect of things returning to normal. But she couldn’t help from anticipating the worst. “Kurt… have you thought about what we’re going to do if Blaine gets admitted. Because you know that he’ll come here if he gets offered a slot. It would be too much of an opportunity for him to pass up.”

That was certainly something that Kurt had considered. And he knew that the odds are that Blaine would get admitted. His ex seemed to always get what he wanted, so Blaine getting admitted to NYADA was a very real possibility that Kurt would have to face.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’ll… I’ll just have to deal with it, I guess. And hope that I build enough of a reputation that I don’t fall into his shadow again.”

“That is not going to happen,” Rachel insisted. “Kurt, you’ve come so far here… Winter Showcase, Midnight Madness… Don’t let him pull you down because you’re already being seen as one of the special talents here.

“Besides… I think that Adam might have something to say about that,” Rachel added. “And the Apples certainly aren’t going to throw you over for Blaine. They are very loyal to you. I mean, one of them completely ripped me a new one about how I’d been treating you.”

That took Kurt a bit by surprise. “Who?” he asked, needing to know who he owed a hug to later on.

Rachel gave him a fond smile, bemused that he always seemed so shocked that a friend would stand up for him. “Jill,” she informed him. “She very rightly called me out on how I was acting and made it clear that they’d be standing by you. So I don’t think you need to worry about them siding with Blaine.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling. “Well, if things get too hard for you at the loft, you can always join Adam and me for dinner sometime,” he offered.

Rachel snorted. “Sure… and are you the one who’s going to help me clean the blood off the walls if I leave Blaine and Santana alone?”

“Point taken. You know, I would love to know how Blaine manages to find every single one of my classes,” Kurt complained. “He’s always waiting before I even get there.”

Rachel sighed, knowing that the answer was a painfully simple one and that they’d both be mentally kicking themselves. “We have our schedules on the fridge,” she reminded him. “I’m sorry… I should have taken them down but I just didn’t think about it at the time.”

“Shit,” Kurt muttered. “He’s going to be at every class of mine.”

“Then all he’s going to see is how amazing you are, and how well everyone thinks of you,” she assured him.

She checked her watch. “You’d better get inside. And I’ve got to get to my class,” she advised.

Kurt nodded. “Look, when all this is over, let’s have a day together,” he offered. “Bunch and we can go for pedicures. My treat.”

She smiled brightly at the offer. “You’re on. I’ll see you later.”

He gave her a quick hug before letting her head to her own class. He needed to get his head together because despite Ms. July insistence that she had no intention of tailoring her class with the visitors in mind, he didn’t really believe her. She was going to want to show off and he’d better be on point or she would make him suffer.

* * *

Blaine checked the schedule that he’d jotted into his notes, realizing that he’d better hustle if he wanted to get to the dance studio. He’d lost track of Kurt after the acting class, when Kurt’s boyfriend showed up to spirit him away. He knew that his next chance of trying to corner Kurt so they could talk would be before his afternoon dance class.

He’d known that this wouldn’t be easy. Kurt had months of separation from him and built up a remarkable level of resistance. And it seemed like everyone, even Rachel, was making an effort to keep him from getting anywhere near Kurt. He’d hoped that by dropping in that he could push Kurt into just talking to him. But Kurt had escaped to his boyfriend’s apartment and everyone around him was forming a protective wall to shield him from Blaine’s presence.

He’d very much hoped that Kurt seeing him at NYADA would reawaken what Kurt had felt when he saw Blaine for the first time at Dalton, or the day that Blaine had surprised him after his transfer to McKinley. A rightness, that they belonged together no matter where that was. Their biggest problems were when they were separated. His own lapse was due entirely to feeling cut off from the man he loved, and Kurt drifted because he didn’t have Blaine there to achor him.

Watching Kurt in his classes was showing him how much Kurt was changing, not just as a performer. There was something different in not just how Kurt carried himself, but how others treated him. Even the teachers seemed to regard very differently than he remembered Mr. Schuster and the other teachers did back at McKinley. As if he was really that special.

Like the acting class. Kurt really didn’t do much with those lines, but his professor seemed very complimentary about what he’d shown. Blaine just didn’t get it.

According to the schedule posted back at the loft, dance was Kurt’s last class of the day. After that, Kurt would probably be holed up with his boyfriend or his friends with that loser choir group. That would give him only one more day before his own audition.

Time was running out and he knew that he needed to start making some inroads into getting through to Kurt. And if that failed, then he had no choice but to make sure see that there would be consequences to his stubbornness. Blaine had little doubt that he would be able to make Kurt regret his mistake if he kept digging in his heels.

After checking his guide for directions, he found the dance studio up on the top floor of the school. He walked into the large open space, taking in the surprising grandeur of the room. The wide windows that allowed in ample light and glinted off the chandeliers overhead and lighting molecules of dust floating on the air. The honey colored wooden floors showed the wear from decades worth of students learning their lessons there, scuffs and scrapes scarring the wood but polished over smooth. A row of movable barres were set up in front of the wall of mirrors so that all of the students that would be standing there would be able to see themselves. A set of benches in the back would provide ample seating for the relatively small classes that an elite school like this would conduct.

He dropped his messenger bag onto the bench and stepped about the room, getting a feel for it. Blaine stepped up to the barre and noted that it was a bit too tall for his comfort. He’d have a hard time getting his ankle hooked over the lowest bar so it would have to be lowered when he was in class. He stepped back to the center of the room where he could see himself fully in the mirror and did a quick ball change and kick, the floor level and smooth beneath him.

He could see himself thriving in an environment like this, having the best teachers in the world to guide his progress. He’d stand out here just as he stood out at Dalton and McKinley. NYADA would open up the theater world to him. And Kurt could be a part of that or suffer the consequences.

He saw a student hurry through the dance studio into the changing room in the back and Blaine thought that he should check it out as well. Just to make sure that the facilities were up to his standards.

There were two doors in the hallway behind the dance studio, one for the men and one for the girls. Blaine hesitated, knowing that he wasn’t really permitted in the dressing areas while they were being used, but he doubted that anyone would fault him for wanting to see all of the facilities. And he doubted that the students would really begrudge him a chance to check things out since he would be joining them in the not too distant future. He opened the door and quietly stepped inside, taking in the rather bare surroundings. There were cubby holes for the students to store their belongs while they were in class, and a bench to sit on while they changed clothes. He could see the doorway to the showers in the back; the washroom looking like it was barely a step up from the showers at the McKinley gym.

The students were gathered about and busy getting ready for class, chatting with one another and laughing. Blaine looked about and felt his jaw drop at the sight of Kurt talking with another student while wearing nothing more than his dance belt.

Kurt’s changes had clearly been more than mental, Blaine noted, feeling a heat begin to pool in his lower belly. Kurt always had an amazing ass; full and firm and wonderful for grasping. It looked even firmer now, high and tight and just begging for a man’s fingers to grip. His long legs showed off layers of lean, long muscle, the thong of the dance belt showing off his attributes beautifully.

Kurt’s shoulders looked broader, his back neatly muscled and drawing the eye down to his trim waist. Kurt’s body was long and lean and Blaine didn’t have any problem imagining tracing all of those gorgeous muscles with his tongue and fingers. He knew the spots that were most sensitive and wondered if that hadn’t changed.

The man Kurt was talking to made some kind of joke and Kurt tossed his head back, laughing brightly and showing off the line of his throat that made Blaine want to sink in his teeth and leave his mark there. He felt his pants tightening at the sight of his ex standing in front of him nearly naked and looking absolutely incredible.

Kurt’s shoulders stiffened, the older boy seeming to sense his presence and Kurt turned, his eyes narrowing at the sigh of his ex-boyfriend standing in the doorway. “Blaine, what the hell are you doing in here?” Kurt snapped angrily.

Blaine opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. His mouth went dry as he stared at Kurt standing there, making no effort to cover himself and the only concession to modesty being the quilted pouch covering his groin.

“I…” Blaine stammered, unable to tear his eyes away from Kurt’s body. When did he get abs?

“You’re not supposed to be in here,” Kurt all but snarled. “Get the hell out!”

Blaine swallowed tightly, trying to gather his thoughts. “Kurt… I needed to talk to you. You just…”

“Un-fucking-believable!” Kurt snapped, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Can I even change without you trying to horn in on everything?”

He pointed at the door. “Get out right now!”

“Kurt, just listen to me,” Blaine started, taking a step towards him. “I just…”

“What the hell is going on in here?” a loud voice demanded.

Blaine looked up in surprise to see an older student in dance gear standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his broad chest. He gave Blaine a suspicious stare before turning to Kurt. “Everything okay, Kurt?” he asked.

Kurt inhaled deeply and hesitated a second before nodding. “Yeah. He just got lost,” Kurt explained carefully, nodding his head towards Blaine.

The older student gave Blaine a hard look. “I think you’d better get back with the rest of the visitors and not be bothering the students when they’re trying to get ready for class.”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine said with as much sincerity as he could manage. “I was checking out the dance facilities and…”

“You know that changing rooms are off limits,” the TA said flatly. “Now get out here before I have to report you.”

Blaine swallowed tightly as arousal was replaced by embarrassment. He turned and tried to leave with as much dignity as he could manage when he’s head Kurt’s voice again. Someone had apparently asked Kurt who he was and Kurt’s answer struck him like a blow.

“Nobody.”

Blaine felt his cheeks burning as he hurried back out to the dance room to join the other observers gathered there. Was that what he really was to Kurt? Nobody? After everything they’d been through, good and bad, he meant nothing to Kurt.

His jaw tightened as he took a seat on the bench and waited for the class to begin. If that was the case, then he would have to remind Kurt of just who he was. And what happened whenever Kurt tried to set himself above him. His ex was very much going to regret this error in judgment.

* * *

Kurt pulled on his singlet over his head, immensely grateful that Ms. July’s TA had saved him from a prolonged confrontation with Blaine. He couldn’t believe that his ex would intrude in a changing room and catch him undressed, but then again, Blaine’s sense of boundaries was always questionable.

And this would only be a small taste of what he could expect if Blaine got accepted, he realized sourly.

He put on his ballet slippers, preferring to wear them for the barre work but took his jazz shoes with him since he would need them for the rest of the class. After making sure that he had his hand towel and bottle of water, ice cold just as Rachel promised, he stepped out into the studio to start stretching before class began.

The benches where the class normally stashed their things were filled with observers and he wasn’t surprised to see that they had a heck of a crowd. A class like this would warrant a lot of visitors and it appeared to be standing room only. Fortunately having so many observers allowed Kurt to tune out Blaine’s presence and he could focus on his classwork.

Kurt dropped off his things in a corner where other students had already put their belongings and stepped over the barre. He hooked his heel over the top bar, giving a deep, steady stretch. He felt the gentle pull on his muscles and tendons, but he was quite flexible and wasn’t straining. Once he’d stretched the other leg, he moved on to his upper body stretches so that by the time Ms. July stepped into the studio, he was nice and loosened up.

“All right, let’s get started,” Cassandra called out sharply, the heels of her jazz shoes clicking on the wooden floor. “Everyone at the barre for warm-ups. Now!”

She turned to address the visitors, her lip curled in an aggressive sneer. “And to our guests… let me make it clear that I do not want any interruptions or disruptions in my class. I’m preparing dancers for a professional career, not putting on a show for people who more than likely will never step foot in this school again. So if I hear one peep out of any of you, I will throw your asses out myself.

“Is that clear?” she demanded sharply, gesturing at her students. “They’re not here for your entertainment.”

The students hurried to take their places as the teaching assistant at the piano began to play the music for their warm-up patterns. Kurt had done this often enough that he could lose himself in the repetitive motions, the routine committed to memory. It was the same for every class. Stretches for the arms, legs and back, focusing on form and keeping his spine in alignment with the rest of his body.

 _Pilés_ came next, in first and second positions. Kurt felt the stretch in his thighs as he went through the movement. He sank into the _grand_ _plié_ , making sure that he kept his butt tucked in, then rose up on his toes and held the position to stretch his Achilles tendons. He repeated the pattern twice more before returning to first position toe points and circles.

Ms. July walked among the students as they went through the patterns, occasionally pausing to make corrections for a student’s form or snapping at someone to straighten their spines. Kurt moved on to the leg swings that would open up his hips, keeping his movements controlled as he brought his leg up to a ninety degree angle to his body and held it for several beats.

By the time they drew to a conclusion, Kurt felt nicely loosened up and his body warm with a light sheen of perspiration. He felt good and changed his shoes for the floor work. The barres were moved aside and students formed two lines as they went through the movements that they’d been learning, again focusing on form. Ball changes, _chaines_ turns, _chasses_ , lock steps… Kurt concentrated on his form, watching himself in the mirror as he performed each movement and accepting his teacher’s corrections.

Once they’d completed the exercise, Ms. July moved them onto showing the choreography they’d been learning. “Now comes the fun part,” she warned. “You’ve been working with some of the better known Broadway stylists so now it’s time to show that you’ve gotten Fosse under your belts. I want to see the right timing and form out of all of you.

“China Doll, Thunder Thighs, Beanpole and Sweaty Betty… let’s get going,” she commanded. “On the line!”

Kurt hurried to take his place at the center of the studio and fell into line between the unfortunately named girls with the tallest student in the class finishing the line. It was not lost on Kurt that she had picked four of the more competent students to start off with and he knew that she was depending on them to show off the quality of her teaching. He was determined to live up to her expectations.

Fosse as a choreographer fascinated Kurt because his style was so distinct. And Kurt tried hard to keep that style in mind as he danced. The fluid, nearly serpentine movements punctuated by sharp turns, finger snaps and pauses. There was something slinky and raunchy about this particular choreography, a slouch to the shoulders and snake-like flexing of the arms and legs. He moved in unison with his partners, turning in time with them and the music and paying attention to his teacher’s critiques.

“Watch those hip rolls, people!” she called out, banging her dance stick on the floor in time with the music. “Keep it moving!”

Kurt felt sweat start to spill down his face, his abdominal muscles straining as he leaned deeply back on his right leg, fighting to keep his balance and dragging his left leg before stepping into a hinge lunge. With a final turn, he tipped his imaginary hat and in time with his partners, bowed.

The four of them stood together, waiting for their teacher’s pronouncement of their efforts. Kurt knew that they weren’t perfect. Each of them were half a beat behind the music at some point, but they didn’t get flustered and quickly corrected themselves.

Ms. July pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Well, you didn’t completely screw it up,” she granted. “You all definitely have a feel for the choreography and it looked properly like Fosse.”

Kurt couldn’t help from sighing in relief, glad that they weren’t going to be torn apart in front of the visitors. From her, that was as good as an A plus and a gold star.

“Your timing needs to sharpen up a bit. And Jared… you’ve got to watch your turns,” she warned the tallest in the group. “With your height, you really need to pay attention to your balance to keep in sync with the others. That’s not easy when you’ve got legs like a freaking giraffe.

“Kurt, very nice form on your _chaine_ leap, but watch your landings. You get a little wobbly and I don’t need you snapping an ankle on my watch. And girls… relax those hips. I want fluid, not jerky.”

“But all in all, it wasn’t bad. Good work.” She complimented the group.

The visiting students applauded, and Kurt gave quick hugs to his partners before hurrying to the corner where his things were stashed. After a workout like that he very much needed the cold drink that was waiting for him. After taking a few discreet sips, he leaned against the wall to watch the other students do the choreography. He’d learned the hard way that was just as much a part of his education, seeing how others were doing things so he could recognize what they were doing right and what they might be doing wrong.

“Psst… Kurt!”

Kurt sighed, pointedly ignoring Blaine. He took another sip of his Vitamin Water and flexed his legs so that he wouldn’t tighten up.

“Kurt… please,” Blaine said as carefully as he could so he wouldn’t disrupt the class. “I need to talk to you.”

Kurt kept his eyes fixed on the quartette of dancers performing the routine. They weren’t nearly as in sync as his group had been, with one of the girls obviously not comfortable with the choreography and a full beat behind the others through most of the performance. And it wasn’t lost on their teacher, who was snapping at her to catch up, the dance stick banging on the floor.

“Kurt, stop ignoring me!” Blaine hissed, his volume increasing as he tried to get his ex’s attention.

Kurt kept his back to Blaine, feeling sorry for the girl at the center of the studio floor that was now bearing the brunt of their teacher’s ire and being told in graphic detail just how badly she had performed. Ms. July had been telling the truth that she wouldn’t be holding back just because there were people watching. The observers were getting a pretty clear lesson of just what awaited them if they managed to get in.

“Kurt… I…” Blaine said, his voice raised a bit more.

“Oh for Christ’s sake!” Ms. July snarled, turning her attention to the bench, her eyes fixing on the offending visitor. She pointed at Blaine, making no doubt who she was talking to.

“You! Out of my dance room! Right now!” she ordered.

Blaine looked at her in shock, immediately trying to take his way out of trouble. “Ms. July, I’m so sorry!” he stammered. “I didn’t mean…”

“Save it for someone who cares,” she snapped. She held up her hand to halt any apologies Blaine could possibly say before he even opened his mouth. “I don’t tolerate interruptions from my own students, so I’m certainly not going to stand for someone who looks like he’d be lucky to play a dancing teacup in a community theater production disrupting my class. Get the hell out of my studio before I throw you out personally.”

Kurt tried not to smile at seeing Blaine’s face turn a bright shade of red while he gathered up his things with everyone watching. He gave Kurt a sullen glare before leaving the studio with what little dignity he could salvage for himself. Ms. July watched him with steely eyes as he retreated, making sure that there was no dissent as she sent the offender out. Her TA stepped up to whisper something in her ear and Kurt had a feeling that he was telling her about Blaine’s intrusion into the changing room.

Knowing Ms. July the way he thought he did, he had little doubt that an official complaint would be brought to the dean’s attention. Blaine was going to have a black mark against him before he even auditioned.

Kurt knew that he shouldn’t be taking such pleasure at the prospect, but it was hard not to. He just wasn’t that noble and he’d been on the short end of the favoritism that was usually shown towards Blaine. To have it backfire on his ex a bit… he’d have to be a saint to not feel a trace of satisfaction.

Once the disruption had been dealt with, Ms. July barked out orders for the next set of students to take their turns on the line to work through the choreography and Kurt shifted his focus back to the class and his fellow students. And the occasional glance at the visitors showed that the point Ms. July was making was not lost on the candidates. That even if they managed to get into NYADA, it would only get exponentially harder for them. And that they would have to spend every moment in this school being put through the wringer in an endless fight to justify their presence there.

Once the entire class had performed for her, she ordered them back into their lines. The students complied without hesitation and steeled themselves for their teacher’s judgment. From the stern expression on her face, it wasn’t going to be pleasant.

“I’m not going to mince words here,” she warned as she walked down the line of students like a slender drill sergeant. “We’re coming into the final weeks of the semester and the spring critiques are right around the corner. For a lot of you, how you do in that test is going to determine who moves on and who’s going to need to repeat the intro level. If you haven’t proven yourself by this point, the odds are that I’ll be seeing you here again in the fall.

“The critique is going to show not only who’s got a shred of talent, but who’s been putting in the work. So the next few weeks are going to be critical for a lot of you,” she stated firmly. “Maybe you’ve been hiding some secret genius talent up until now. Who knows?” She shrugged dramatically.

“I would strongly suggest that you use these next few weeks wisely. If I’ve warned you that you’re struggling, put in the practice time outside of class. I doubt that you’ll suddenly turn into a fantastic dancer, but at least you’ll be able to avoid totally embarrassing yourselves.”

The class continued after her lecture in the usual fashion, with barked out corrections and insults. By the time they finally got to their cool down exercises, Kurt felt like a wrung out dish rag. And he wasn’t one of those constantly on the receiving end of her cutting criticisms and jabs. When she finally dismissed them with an admonishment to hit the showers so that they stopped stinking up her room, Kurt was ready to drop and slumped to the floor to catch his breath.

Kurt ran his fingers through his sweat dampened hair to get it off his face. The class had been incredibly draining physically and if he was a less determined person, he might be inclined to believe that Ms. July was deliberately trying to kill them. He’d seen the caring, serious side of her as a teacher so he was sure that she really did have their best interests at heart, but that belief didn’t totally erase the suspicion that she had a pit someplace where she hid the bodies of her numerous victims.

As pleasant as the idea of sitting there for the next twenty years, there was only so long he could get away with loitering before Ms. July found him and accused him of toxifying her studio and he did not want to get on her bad side. He could smell himself and there was no way he could inflict his sweaty body on his friends. With a groan, Kurt managed to get to his feet and headed into the back where the other students were already cleaning up from class. Kurt stripped off his sweaty clothes and shoved them into a plastic sack that he kept in his athletic bag so that they wouldn’t contaminate his clean clothes. He didn’t bother wrapping his towel around his waist, padding naked into the showers to join the others where he was greeted with smiles and a few friendly nods.

Standing under the hot spray and feeling the warm water soothing his aching muscles, Kurt couldn’t help from marveling at the shift in his life. Back at McKinley, he’d avoided the communal gym showers for a number of reasons. Primarily because as the only openly gay student he didn’t want to be accused of using the opportunity to leer at the naked straight boys around him, but he’d also lacked confidence in his own body. He didn’t want the other boys to see how soft and thin he was despite his late growth spurt and make himself more of a target.

He had changed, mentally and physically. Sure, it was nice to be around all these naked, fit bodies and he couldn’t be faulted if he took a peek now and then. He also had the comfort of knowing that he wasn’t the only gay man in the group and that he was being peeked at just as much. His body was still on the lean side, but he had definitely put on muscle and some of the glances that he’d caught thrown his way in the showers were admiring, not mocking. For the first time in his life, he understood that other men were finding him physically desirable.

Rachel was right, Kurt considered as he rinsed off. He had found a place here and Blaine was not just going to come in and take it away from him. He wouldn’t let him. He had friends and a wonderful boyfriend and teachers who thought highly of him. He had to trust that they would support him and if the worst happened and Blaine came to NYADA, then he would find that Kurt would have his allies.

He wasn’t going to let Blaine take this away from him, he swore to himself as he stepped out of the shower. It would be over his dead body.

* * *

“Here… this is the one I was telling you about,” Jules said, holding out his headphones to Kurt. They were taking a break while Adam conferred with Mags over something that the Apples were working on. “For some reason, I kept thinking about you when I was listening to this.”

Kurt eyed his fellow Apple dubiously, but took the headphones and placed them over his ears. “I think I should be frightened, given your taste in music.”

Since he’d joined the Apples, his friends had been making it their business to expand his musical horizons a bit. Kurt would be the first to admit that his appreciation of music was limited to a few key genres and with other musical styles becoming increasingly more commonplace in modern Broadway productions, he needed to get as familiar with those genres as he was his favorite Broadway divas. Mei had exposed him to K and J Pop, while Jules and Mags had been nudging him towards the hard stuff. And much to his bemusement, Kurt had found himself liking a lot of it more often than not.

“Shush,” Jules admonished gently as he queued up the song he wanted Kurt to hear. “Just give it a chance.”

Jules was hoping that getting Kurt to shift his focus might help improve his mood a bit, because it was obvious to everyone that their friend was irritated by the presence of his ex and wasn’t in the best frame of mind. He’d seemed to relax somewhat once the Apples had started practice, but it was clear that he was distracted and not quite all there.

He hoped that the music he’d found for Kurt might get his mind off his problems and it didn’t take long for Kurt to get that thoughtful, distant look in his eyes that they had become familiar with. Jules felt himself starting to smile as Kurt leaned forward slightly, his head bobbing ever so slightly in time with the beat. There was a slight movement, back and forth in his shoulders, as if he was physically being pulled by the music.

Kurt’s concentration increased as he found himself caught up in the music; the engaging synth line and heavy rhythm feeling very much like it would suit the jazz choreography that he’d been learning in class. The singer’s rough baritone voice was less a focus than it was another instrumental element of the whole. He found himself wanting to get up and play with the dance movements, the music uncannily seductive in how it balanced its discordant elements and created a strange harmony.

It was nothing like anything Kurt had listened to before, having some elements of the electronic music he’s heard at dance clubs but a lot more structure and he found himself wanting to get up and see how it would work with the chorography he needed to present for his critique. He could certainly edit it for what he needed.

He pulled off the headphones and looked to Jules in surprise.

“So… did you like it?” the portly young man asked, a hopeful look touching his face.

Kurt considered his answer carefully before nodding. “Yeah… I think I did,” he admitted.

The smile on Jules’s face widened and he looked up to some of their fellow Apples. “Hey, Mags!” he called out loudly to get her attention.

The mohawked young woman looked up from her conversation with Adam. “What?” she demanded.

“You owe me five bucks,” Jules announced proudly.

“Seriously?” Mags questioned, feigning disappointment. “Kurt… you’re ruining my image of you.”

“What’s this now?” Adam asked, amused at the antics of his Apples.

Mags sighed. “Jules got Kurt to listen to some Nine Inch Nails, and he seems to like it,” she explained.

“And you’ve been wagering on it?” Adam shook his head in bemusement. “You’re like a bunch of kids, trying to get the youngest to… I don’t know… see if he’ll eat a bug or something.”

Kurt climbed to his feet and came up to hug his boyfriend. “They’re corrupting me,” he complained playfully. “Help!”

“My poor darling,” Adam cooed, stroking Kurt’s hair gently. He threw a teasingly stern glare at Mags and Jules. “What’s next, you monsters? Forcing him to listen to Black Sabbath?”

“Oh, we already did that,” Jules chuckled unapologetically. “He didn’t like them so much, but he seemed to like some other British rock bands, so you should be happy about that.”

“They’re trying to ruin me,” Kurt whined, nestling closer to his boyfriend and pouting dramatically. “Next think you know, I’ll be wearing studded leather and eyeliner.”

“Hmmmm… I wouldn’t find that at all off putting,” Adam growled playfully. He wasn’t going to state in public just how arousing he was finding such an image.

Kurt didn’t miss the edge in Adam’s voice and looked up to his boyfriend with a sly smile. “You like that idea, don’t you,” he said softly, pressing up closer against him.

Denying it would be stupid, as Kurt would see right through him. “I’m not going to lie,” Adam stated. “You’d look good in anything, but the idea of you in a getup like that is pushing a few buttons that I wasn’t aware that I had.”

Kurt’s grin grew a bit more wicked at his boyfriend’s admission. “Well, I do have an eyeliner pencil in my stage makeup kit and that Marc Jacob’s jacket,” he warned. “We can play dress up when we get home.”

Adam cocked his head thoughtfully. “Ohhh… that sounds like fun,” he whispered roughly, nuzzling at Kurt’s throat. “We can play Rock Star and Groupie…”

Mags rolled her eyes at the antics of her friends, turning to the others in the chorus. “Guys, take a break,” she called out. “They’re at it again.”

The group as a whole groaned, this not being an uncommon occurrence for them.

Adam looked up at his friends, taking in their amused expressions. “Are we really that bad?” he asked sheepishly.

Tommy chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “A bit,” he admitted. “I mean, you two go from cute as kittens to sexy times in no time flat.”

“Well, some of us don’t mind,” Corrine insisted coyly. “It gives us something hot and pretty to look at.” Mei nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing, never understanding why the girls liked watching him and Adam so much. “Well, maybe we should tone down the public displays so we don’t distract from practice.”

Adam sighed reluctantly, knowing that he needed to be the professional here and get their practice back on track. “All right then… let’s everyone get back in place and do another run through.”

Kurt gave Adam a quick pat on his rear and hurried to take his spot between Mitchel and Tommy. He was glad that this number was making use of his upper range to accent the other men’s voices and rather liked the blues-influenced arrangement of a classic rock song.

Adam was just about to cue up the music when he noticed a figure lingering at the back of the small auditorium watching them. He couldn’t help from stiffening slightly when he realized who it was.

“This isn’t a class,” he advised Kurt’s ex with as much politeness as he could manage.

Blaine’s smile seemed anything but genuine as he walked towards the stage, holding his white observation binder to his chest like a shield. “I know,” he granted, looking the group over. “I was hoping to check out some of the extracurricular activities and heard some interesting things about the Apples.”

Kurt’s frown deepend at the left-handed compliment, because he knew better than anyone else Blaine’s tendencies towards passive aggressiveness. It was obvious that Blaine had heard some unflattering things about the chorus and was looking to embarrass Adam and Kurt’s friends.

“I’m sure you did, but you’re interrupting a rehearsal,” Adam pointed out firmly, refusing to give in to the younger man’s baiting. “If you don’t mind…”

“Actually, I was really looking forward to seeing the Apples in action,” Blaine interrupted. He put his bag and binder down on one of the theater seats and looked up at the group appraisingly. “I mean, I’ll need a club to join in the fall when I’m a student and I’m sure that Kurt’s mentioned that I was the lead singer with two show choirs. One of which won a national title.”

“But not with you on lead,” Kurt pointed out sharply, reminding Blaine of his relatively small supporting role in New Direction’s national title win. “And this isn’t a competitive choir, so I don’t think it would interest you too much.”

“He’s right,” Adam granted. “This is more about experimentation and fun. And we don’t have designated leads. We choose our leads based on what material we’re working with at a given moment.”

Blaine cocked his head curiously, not seeming to grasp how something like that might work. “Well, maybe you’d like to hear me sing,” he offered. “Rachel mentioned that you’ll pretty much take anyone in, but you’d get to see that I would be an asset to your group.”

“We don’t take just anyone,” Mags said harshly, clearly angered by Blaine’s assumption that he would be welcomed there. “We decide who joins us. And right now, we’re full up. Sorry!” The smile she gave was completely devoid of sincerity.

Blaine’s eyes narrowed at her dismissal. “Then why are your signup sheets still all over the place?” he asked, knowing that he had his opening. “And I know that at least a few of you are graduating this year so you’ll need new people next semester.” He looked pointedly at Adam when he made that observation, the slight smile on his face making it clear who he was expecting to be gone.

Adam stiffened at the thought of this arrogant little sod thinking that he could just bulldoze his way in and run roughshod over his friends in his effort to ruin something important to Kurt. He glanced over at his lover, seeing the tight set to his jaw. Kurt was barely holding back his fury and while he would love to see his boyfriend giving this toad what he so richly deserved, it would only reflect badly on Kurt and the Apples if Blaine complained that he wasn’t being treated politely.

“Let me show you what I can do,” Blaine insisted, climbing the steps to the stage.

Kurt moved to Adam’s side, letting his lover wrap his arm reassuringly about his shoulder as Blaine fiddled with the musical equipment, hooking up his phone to the dock so he could play his music. Adam inhaled deeply, hoping that once Blaine made his big display that he would leave without further difficulty.

The music began to blast through the speakers, Blaine having set it to nearly maximum volume. Kurt winced at hearing the very familiar whine of synthesizers and the heavy percussion, recognizing the song immediately.

Blaine began to move across the stage in what they assumed was some kind of dancing, though the flailing movements looked painfully uncoordinated. A few of the Apples looked questioningly at Kurt, who could only shrug helplessly and mouth “I have no idea.”

“ _Here we stand, worlds apart! Hearts broken in two, two, two…_ ” Blaine sang, looking directly at Kurt. “ _Sleepless nights. Losing ground. I’m reaching for you, you, you…_ ”

“Journey… why does it have to be Journey?” Kurt muttered, not bothering to hide his annoyance. Adam gently squeezed his shoulder, reassuring Kurt with his presence.

“ _Feeling that it’s gone! Can’t change your mind. If we can’t go on, to survive the tide. Love divides_!”

Blaine spun on his heel, coming to a stop before Kurt and giving him what Kurt assumed was supposed to be an earnest look. To Kurt, it looked like Blaine was suffering from a severe bout of constipation.

“ _Someday love will find you_ ,” Blaine sang to him. “ _Break those chains that bind you! One night will remind you, how we touched and went our separate ways_!”

Blaine glanced at Adam, pointing his finger and bouncing in a way that resembled a broken child’s toy. “ _If he ever hurts you, true love won’t desert you!_ ”

He turned his attention back to Kurt, his eyesbrows furrowed in earnestness. “ _You know I still love you, though we touched and went our separate ways!_ ”

Blaine spun again and pranced across the stage, trying to engage some of the Apples into joining him. Mei curled her lip distastefully at Blaine’s contorted dance movements and looked to Kurt sympathetically. Mitchel was looking at Blaine like he was something unpleasant that was just stepped in and Corrine was clearly struggling not to laugh.

“ _I still love you, girl!_ ” Blaine bellowed, again apparently forgetting the gender of the person his song was directed to. “ _I really love you, girl! And if he ever hurts you, true love won’t desert you! Noooo….._ ”

He dropped to his knees dramatically as the music began to fade and for a second Kurt thought that Blaine was going to pull a James Brown and Sam would be rushing out with a robe to help him off the stage. But Blaine just caught his breath and ran a hand to smooth back his gelled hair looking at the group expectantly.

“See? I think I would fit in well here,” he insisted. He flashed them a bright smile before hopping off the stage to gather his things.

He glanced back at the group on the stage, apparently not bothered by the expressions of outrage and distaste aimed at him. Not when he achieved what he’d set out to do. “So I’m looking forward to seeing a lot of you next semester,” he announced before trotting out of the auditorium.

The Apples looked to their leader who had turned his attention fully to his boyfriend. Kurt looked absolutely livid and ready to explode and Adam was trying to offer comfort and support.

Mei looked to Jules and Tommy, who gave her an affirming nod. No matter what, they were going to stand by their friends. There was no way in hell they were going to let this interloper cause Kurt any more suffering.

* * *

Kurt was glad that he had scheduled some practice time for himself so he had a chance to decompress and work through his stress before heading back to Adam’s apartment. He needed to get into the right frame of mind for his presentation the next day and running through his song a few times let him clear his head a bit.

And if he didn’t already love Adam, his boyfriend’s behavior the past few days would have surely cemented those feelings. Adam respected his ability to take care of himself and didn’t act as if Kurt wasn’t capable of handling his own problems. He respected Kurt’s boundaries and didn’t push any further than Kurt wanted him to, just showing Kurt the support and caring that he needed.

Thankfully, the stress he’d been feeling hadn’t adversely affected his emotional connection to the song. If anything, it gave him even more insight into the character he was playing, and how his own history let him find an emotionally genuine place to perform from. He was very secure in his ability to let the character feel true while still putting his own spin on the number.

After taking a quick drink from the bottle of water he’d had waiting for him, he texted Adam to let him know that he’d be home soon. Maybe tonight they’d go out for dinner, or maybe just pick up a pizza. He was looking forward to a quiet evening before facing the stage in the morning.

He was still so angry at Blaine’s intrusion on the life that he’d built here. That Blaine could so easily drive Kurt out of his own home and act as if he could just insinuate himself into Kurt’s life against his will was not something that Kurt was going to stand for. He might not be able to do anything to prevent Blaine from coming to NYADA, but he could control his response. He would trust in his friends, including Rachel and Santana. He would focus on his own education and ignore Blaine’s presence. Whatever Blaine did or achieved would have absolutely nothing to do with him. Blaine would not be able to touch him.

The school relatively quiet as he walked through the halls with the majority of classes over and most of the observers gone for the day. There were some who, like him, were taking time to practice presentations or classes that they were struggling in. There were clubs meeting and some students hanging out in the common areas to study or socialize. Kurt had grown to deeply love NYADA and enjoyed the flow and ebb of the energy he found here. For the first time in many years, he felt accepted and even respected. He refused to lose that.

He stepped outside the school building, taking in the warm early spring evening when he saw a familiar figure sitting on the steps. Kurt sighed in annoyance, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Sam, what are you doing here?” he demanded, pleased that he was able to keep his tone as even and betraying none of his justifiable annoyance. “Shouldn’t you be shadowing Blaine since he’s incapable of functioning without a cheerleader close at hand?”

Sam sighed and shook his head. “He’s over at NYU for a mixer,” he explained. “I told him that I was going to check out the sports program over at Fordham.”

He got up off the steps to face Kurt fully. “Rachel said you’d be practicing late today. I figured that I’d hang out to try to catch you.”

Kurt felt his grip on his bag tightening. “Why?” he demanded. “It’s not like we have anything to say to each other.”

Sam looked at him, not hiding his confusion. “Kurt… you’re my friend,” he insisted. “I know that you think that I sided with Blaine against you, but dude… you’re wrong!”

“Am I?” Kurt asked sharply. “Last I checked, you didn’t even email me to see if I was okay after I broke up with Blaine and I was the one who got cheated on. The couple of times I’ve been to Lima since, you hardly went out of your way to talk to me, so what am I supposed to think?”

He stepped down the stairs and started to walk away, wanting to get away from Sam and the lingering hurt he still felt around the younger man. Sam hurried to follow him down the street,

“Kurt, I didn’t mean to shut you out,” Sam insisted, falling into step alongside him. “I just… Blaine really didn’t have anyone around him to support him and you were here and had Rachel and Santana and Finn… all of Blaine’s best friends graduated except for Tina and me. It wasn’t because I thought he was right.”

Kurt spun on his heel, poking his finger angrily in Sam’s chest. “You are so full of shit!” he accused. “But that shouldn’t surprise me since Blaine is ‘one of the guys’ and I was always shoved in with the girls. You were okay being around me until the moment Blaine showed up. Then suddenly he’s the gay friend that you wanted.”

Sam shook his head in bewilderment, clearly not understanding what Kurt was saying. “Is that what you really think?” he asked, realizing just how much anger Kurt had been harboring. And Blaine was only part of the problem.

“Kurt, are you forgetting what we were for each other?” he asked sincerely. “You were one of the first to approach me when I transferred to McKinley. You wanted to sing with me. You kept in touch with me even when my family moved back to Kentucky and I lived under the same roof as you for months. Hell, I stood up for you when Karofsky was giving you trouble.”

He looked to Kurt, his blue eyes beseeching him for understanding. “Kurt, why would you think for a minute that you weren’t one of my best friends?”

“You sure didn’t act like it,” Kurt snapped, feeling that old wound ripping open again. Sam was a harsh reminder that back at McKinley, he was always too flamboyant and too gay to be taken seriously by his male team mates. That Blaine was a guy’s guy, while Kurt remained an honorary girl and nothing he did would ever change that fact.

Sam sighed deeply and gave a reluctant nod. “Okay, that’s fair enough. I probably didn’t show it nearly enough when I should have. But that doesn’t change that you’re important to me.”

“That showed all the times when I got invited to guy’s nights out and your video game competitions,” Kurt said derisively. He then slapped his forehead, as if suddenly realizing what was really happening. “Oh yeah… I wasn’t invited. But Blaine was.

“Just like Blaine was a perfect male lead, but I was ‘too much a lady’ to be. I could go hang with my girls and do mani/pedis because I wasn’t enough of a guy for you to stand being with.”

“Hold it!” Sam exclaimed. “Is that why you think you weren’t asked? Kurt, you hate stuff like video games. We didn’t ask you because we knew that you’d be bored to tears, not because we didn’t want you there.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at Kurt forlornly. “I’m not going to lie… for the casual stuff, I do have more in common with Blaine. We can talk about stuff like movies and comic books. Maybe I spent too much time with him because it was easier and let’s be honest… I’m not the brightest person in the world.

“But Kurt… you were always the one that I talked to about the important stuff,” Sam reminded him. “Like when Quinn cheated on me with Finn. You were the one who cheered me up. You’re the one who helped me pass algebra when I was flunking.”

Kurt felt his anger started to drain, but not the hurt that he was still feeling. “That wasn’t enough for me to be your ‘bro’,” he reminded Sam.

“But you’re my brother,” Sam stated. He looked at Kurt with a look of confusion, not understanding why the older man didn’t see that. “You helped us out when we were living in that motel, and you never minded helping out with my brother and sister while my folks were working. You were one of the few people that was really there for me during one of the worst times in my life and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t important to me.”

“Then where were you the last few months?” Kurt demanded, fighting back tears. “You and Brittany and Tina? I needed my friends and all of you just ignored that I existed.”

Sam could not miss the hurt in Kurt’s voice and carefully moved closer to him. “Part of it was that I figured the best way that I could help was to keep Blaine away from you,” he explained. “I knew that you would be okay because you’re so damn strong. But Blaine would have dogged you until you gave in so I tried to distract him.”

“Really?” Kurt asked, hating the wounded sound in his voice.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, between glee club and the super heroes club, I got him to ignore you for a bit. I think he even had a little crush on me, which I kind of encouraged so he’d leave you alone.”

Kurt snorted. “What a sacrifice.”

Sam just smiled. “It was interesting. I mean, I like Blaine but even if I swung that way, he’s so not my type. I probably would have been dating you if I liked guys like that.”

“Yeah, right,” Kurt said, dismissing the idea.

“Look at the girls that I’ve dated. Blaine isn’t like any of them at all. But you sure are,” Sam insisted gently. He gave Kurt a warm smile. “You just have the wrong equipment.”

Kurt scoffed at the idea. The idea was absolutely crazy, but then he looked at all the girls that Sam had dated since coming to McKinley. Quinn, Santana, Mercedes and Brittany. He could find traits in each of them that he saw in himself and suddenly the idea wasn’t so completely insane. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that.

Sam looked ashamed when he gazed over to Kurt. “I should have been there for you,” he admitted. “I wasn’t and I’m really sorry about that. I don’t have any excuse. I just don’t think sometimes except about what’s right in front of me.

“And Kurt, Tina is really, really sorry,” Sam insisted. “She knows that she really screwed up, but maybe you could cut her just a little slack. She really went through a rough time when she and Mike broke up and Blaine took advantage of her feelings for him. She feels terribly about how she treated you and wants to make things right.”

Kurt inhaled sharply, finally realizing that maybe he had jumped to a few conclusions that he might need to walk back a little bit. It didn’t totally erase the lingering hurt and anger, but he had to accept that just maybe he didn’t have the whole picture.

“I should have tried to call you after I found out,” Sam accepted. “But I think you did pretty good with without me.

“I mean, look at you!” Sam insisted, gesturing at the older man. “You’re here in this amazing school, and you have a great guy who really is good for you. You’re totally kicking ass here.”

Kurt chuckled darkly, shrugging. “A bit,” he granted.

Sam took a step closer to him, looking like he wanted to reach out to Kurt but wasn’t sure how his gesture would be received. “I didn’t mean for you to feel that I didn’t care. Can you forgive me?” he asked softly.

Kurt inhaled deeply, wondering if he was just setting himself up for more hurt in the future. Sam had admitted that he lost track of what wasn’t right in front of him and wasn’t in a position to provide the everyday companionship and support that he enjoyed from his friends in New York. But Sam seemed sincere in his regrets and Kurt knew that for his own sake, harboring anger would do little good.

“I’m not going to lie, Sam,” he said carefully, not wanting to be misinterpreted. “You really hurt me. I really felt cut off and it did feel like you all took sides against me. It was like all my fears about how I never measured up were true.”

Sam looked at him sadly, the regret apparent on his face. “Kurt…”

Kurt held up his hand. “Let me finish… This isn’t easy for me,” he admitted. “I got to the point where I don’t like to give second chances because more often than not, it just comes back to bite me. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I don’t feel like I always have to accept my relationships on another’s person’s terms. I have the right to set the tone for how I want things to be.”

“Fair enough,” Sam said sadly. “I can’t argue with that.”

Kurt bit his lower lip, looking at Sam appraisingly and trying to balance the younger man’s clear sincerity versus the real limitations set by a lack of proximity.

“I know that you being in Lima with Blaine and me being here… I know that there’s a limit to what I can expect from you. But if you really mean it...,” He paused, steeling himself for what he wanted to say. “I want to try to move forward. I want us to stay friends.”

Sam’s expression brightened when he realized that Kurt was forgiving him. “Thank you so much!” he exclaimed, rushing forward and catching Kurt into a tight embrace. Kurt closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the feel of the other man hugging him with so much abandon. Sam had always been one of the few boys he’d known back in Ohio with no issues with touching him. He’d missed Sam’s friendship terribly, and he could only hope that Sam wouldn’t disappoint him again.

Sam patted Kurt on the back, savoring the renewal of their friendship. “This means so much to me,” he insisted, wanting very much for Kurt to believe him. “I know I don’t really deserve it, and I promise that I’m going to do right by you.”

“I know that you’ll try,” Kurt granted, knowing that he couldn’t really expect any more. He knew Sam very well and he knew that there was a real limit to how close they could try to be. But they would have something to build on if they worked at it.

Sam stepped back, sensing Kurt’s desire for his own space. “Listen… we don’t have a lot of time before I head back, but I’d like to see if we can hang out a bit. Blaine’s gonna have stuff at the other schools. I really want to see you. Maybe check out this guy of yours… make sure he’s treating you right.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling, knowing that Sam was trying. “We’ll see what we can arrange,” he offered. “Listen… I’ve got to…”

Sam just nodded in understand. “I know you want to head home. I’ll text you later.”

Kurt smiled in acceptance. “Okay. I… I guess I’ll see you.”

Sam smiled and stepped back, giving Kurt a wave. Kurt watched as he walked down the street. He didn’t think that things were totally fixed and he didn’t know what kind of relationship he would have in the future, but at least now he could consider that they would have one. That was a lot more than he had when he woke that morning.

With all that was going on, Kurt realized that he needed that confrontation. He now felt like he was really moving forwards and his ties to Lima, outside of his family, were no longer something that really bothered him. His true friends would show themselves and the others? He would no longer be bothered by them.

In the meantime, he had a loving, gentle man waiting for him and he’d best not keep him waiting.

* * *

Kurt couldn’t complain about Adam’s suggestion for pre-performance relaxation. They’d gone to bed early the night before, and woke early for a gentle bout of love making before sharing a shower. Kurt ate lightly at breakfast, not wanting to feel weighed down. He checked his costume one last time before zipping up the garment bag. Adam had prepared a thermos of tea and a snack for him to have backstage in case he felt peckish.

Adam walked him to NYADA and dropped him off at the main auditorium with a kiss and a promise that he and their friends would be there to see him perform, leaving him to find his way to the backstage dressing area. He wasn’t surprised t see that he was the first to arrive. That was good, he thought, as he’d be ready to help any of the others who might need it.

Hanging up his garment bag, he set out his supplies on one of the dressing tables and looked about the backstage area and felt the thrill that he always felt before a performance. In another hour or so, the theater would start to fill and he’d be ready to take the stage. In the meantime, he had a moment to walk about, taking in the feel of the theater and study the lights and the riggings. He could enjoy the quiet before the stage crew students came in to start work and his fellow performers came in.

In the meantime, he sipped at his tea and took a few minutes to relax. He felt no nerves and only anticipation. He was going to totally own that stage.


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt studied himself in the mirror, looking for any imperfections with his appearance. He made a grunt of annoyance when he saw that there was a small dusting of powder clinging to his black shirt. He hadn’t been dressed while applying his stage makeup, but the setting powder always just seemed to get everywhere no matter how careful he was. He frowned and used one of his makeup remover wipes to clean his shirt, trying to avoid making any damp spots that might show.

He was grateful for the privacy that the small number of performers allowed him. There were no individual dressing rooms, but Jamie took a dressing table further down the row and the girls were situated on the other side of the stage. He relished the quiet time to prepare himself and get mentally focused before their performances began.

Once that his shirt was cleaned off to his satisfaction he put the final touches on his hair, combing it into a proud swoop and giving it a liberal dose of hairspray to make sure that it would stay in place for the entire show. He checked himself over one last time. Something didn’t look quite right…

He adjusted his tie, making sure that the knot was perfectly centered and carefully rolled up his sleeves midway. That looked much better. He was making his final tweaks to his outfit when he heard Rachel’s voice calling out to him from a discrete distance away.

“Kurt? Are you dressed yet? I need some help,” she asked, keeping back in case he wasn’t decent. “I can’t get my dress zippered.”

Kurt smiled and called her forward. “Sure. Come on over.”

Rachel sighed in relief and stepped into view, looking absolutely lovely in her knee-length sheath dress and kitten heels. “The zipper got jammed,” she explained, trying not to look anxious over the unexpected wardrobe malfunction. “We tried to get it unstuck but none of us could fix it.”

“Not a problem,” he assured her. “Let me take a look.”

It didn’t take long to see what the issue was. She had gotten the fabric of her dress caught in the zipper’s teeth and rather than trying to free the fabric, it looked like she had tried to force the pull up which only got the fabric even more tightly lodged. It took Kurt several minutes of working carefully at the snag to tease the fabric free without breaking the zipper while Rachel was clearly trying not to start hyperventilating.

When she finally felt the zipper slide up neatly, Rachel gave a deep sigh of relief. “You are a total lifesaver,” she praised, adjusting the lay of her dress. “I’d kiss you but I don’t think you want lipstick all over your face.”

Kurt grinned. “Not a problem. And you look gorgeous,” he said honestly. The dress showed off her petite figure beautifully and her hair had been styled in large barrel curls that framed her face softly. She had applied her makeup with a more refined manner than she had been doing the past few months; her dark eyes rimmed with black liner done up in a dramatic cats eye and lips painted with an attractive shade of crimson.

“Thanks. Let me get a look at you,” she requested, motioning for him to make a quick fashion turn so she could see him from the back. “You look very handsome. Those pants though…”

Kurt frowned slightly. “Is something wrong?” he asked. He had run his costume by his boyfriend and Isabelle at the office and both had approved of his choices.

“No! They look great,” she assured him. Kurt’s legs looked ridiculously long and she could see why Adam always seemed to smiling from the fit around Kurt’s crotch and butt. “It’s just… could you get them any tighter?”

He chuckled at her bemusement. “Not if I want to maintain circulation to my feet. Don’t worry… I can still move and dance in them,” he assured her. He gave her a warm smile before offering his arm. “Ready? Our audience awaits us.”

She gave him a fond look and accepted his arm as they went to join the rest of the group waiting in the wings of the stage for the show to start.

All of them were dressed in black from head to toe and it made a striking impression. Madam Tibideaux had been very clear in her instructions for their outfits, wanting nothing to distract from their performances. Kurt did not forget her sharp remarks when she advised them of her staging instructions.

_If you need a costume in order to show the character you’re supposed to be portraying, then you have no business being on my stage._

Kurt could see the logic of her commands, and having them all dressed in a similar color scheme would make for a unified presentation. They looked pretty amazing and even with the uniform color still found some freedom to individualize their looks and tailor them for the characters they would be portraying. Each of the girls chose dress styles that flattered them individually and suited their performance material. Jamie wore his shirt unbuttoned at the throat and topped it with a slim cut jacket that drew attention to his broad shoulders in contrast to Kurt’s shirt and tie.

The other young man was peeking at the audience from behind the curtain and gave a low whistle. “Wow… we’ve got quite a crowd out there. And there are a whole bunch of people in the back.”

Katya Federova leaned into take a look, being careful to keep out of sight since her white blond hair would be very noticeable. “They all look like babies,” she mused at the applicants. She looked up at her duet partner with a winsome smile. “Were we really that young when we applied?”

“It was only a year ago,” Jamie reminded her.

Kurt felt himself smiling in response and giving Rachel a fond look. They’d both changed so much since high school. Has it really been only about a year?

They all stepped away from the curtain at Madam Tibideaux’s approach, the group lining up for her final inspection. Their patrician instructor looked each of them over from head to toe, not missing a single detail.

“Very nice,” she complimented. She looked at them as a group and nodded her approval. “You all look wonderful. I don’t think that I could have picked a better group to represent our school.

The students relaxed slightly, having met her strict criteria.

She gave them an encouraging smile. “Now there is an auditorium filled with candidates who think that they belong here with you. I expect you to show them just how high our standards are, and I have every confidence that you will do me proud.

“So break a leg, and don’t forget to enjoy yourselves.”

Once she released them the tech crew stepped in to fit them with their cordless microphones, making the final sound checks to ensure that everything was in order. The lighting crew reviewed final instructions for staging and marks and then the performers were left to ready themselves to take the stage.

Kurt heard Rachel inhale deeply to steady herself and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. They had this.

* * *

Adam knew that he shouldn’t have been overly surprised to find the main auditorium filled to capacity by the time the Apples arrived to cheer Kurt on. Besides the aspiring youngsters filling the seats, there were the other students in the voice program in attendance to watch their peers take the stage and hopefully learn a bit from their performances. The entire voice program faculty was in attendance to watch their best students and the only place for the Apples could find for themselves was to stand all the way in the back of the auditorium where other curious NYADA students had gathered for the show. Even the Audio/Visual Arts students recording the performance were pressed to find appropriate space to work from.

He couldn’t spot Blaine in the seated audience and was rather glad about that since all he wanted to do was pummel the younger man for harassing Kurt. He knew that Kurt would not allow himself be rattled by Blaine’s presence; not the way he had managed so admirably when called upon to perform at the Winter Showcase with absolutely no notice or time for preparation. Or Midnight Madness for that matter. No, his love had nerves of steel and having Blaine present would not prevent Kurt from giving the best performance he was capable of. He doubted that Kurt would even bring himself to care that Blaine was in the audience.

That didn’t mean that Adam was happy. He had seen what a toll this had taken on Kurt and he absolutely hated the idea of Blaine sitting there and judging Kurt when he had absolutely no right to. If that little display Blaine gave to the Apples was any real measure of his talent, Adam wondered where he got the idea that he belong at NYADA, let alone trying to be at all critical of Kurt’s abilities.

It was gratifying that all of the Apples were present to see their friend, taking time off from their own classes to show their support. As for himself, he could barely decide how to express the pride he felt for Kurt and what he’d managed to achieve in such a brief amount of time. Adam had known from the instant that he’d first heard Kurt sing that his boyfriend had the potential for great things. To see that talent recognized made him delighted beyond words.

At precisely ten o’clock, the auditorium lights dimmed and brought the lively chatter of the audience to a low murmur of anticipation. The student musicians selected to provide musical accompaniment to the vocalists arrived to polite applause and took their places in the orchestra pit in front of the stage. The curtain then rose, revealing a stage set up with large blocks in a seemingly random arrangement that would give the singers rudimentary props to use during their performances. The blocks were backlit with a violet light that cast them into deep shadows, creating a striking setting for the performers. A spotlight then hit the stage as Madam Tibideaux stepped out, her purple robes swinging about her as she walked regally to the waiting microphone. The candidates enthusiastically applauded the woman who very well held their futures in her hands.

There was a soft smile on her face as she greeted the audience before her. “Good morning, everyone. I hope that you all have been finding your visit to NYADA enlightening, and that you are finding your time here as inspiration for your auditions.”

She paused looking over the crowd. “I had spoken to you about NYADA being a school, first and foremost. As much as we pride ourselves on the excellence of students that we accept, we taken even more pride in what our students are able to accomplish during their years of study here. We strive to recognize the unique talents and interests of each student, and give them the opportunity to develop to make the most of their abilities.

“NYADA is a place of growth. But our students are pushed and challenged in a way that no other school will. This isn’t a hothouse where delicate flowers are nurtured and coddled. The students that can survive and grow here can stand out in a way that few others can claim.”

Adam felt himself nodding in agreement, finding no fault in her appraisal. For the students that really take advantage of what NYADA had to offer, there was no limit to how much they might evolve as performers.

“The students that will be performing today were in your position last year,” Madam Tibideaux advised with a clear show of pride. “They were waiting to do their live auditions, hoping to be one of the few to establish that they were deserving of a place here. They proved that they had not just the talent, but the hunger and drive to continue developing their craft. And even among a student body that can rightly be labeled as elite, they continued to stand out among their peers as unique talents.

“So without further ado, let me introduce Ms. Katya Federova, Mr. Jamie McLean, Ms. Analisa Khorey, Mr. Kurt Hummel and Ms. Rachel Berry.”

The audience applauded as the five students took the stage and Adam could not fault his friends if they were particularly boisterous in their clapping. He could barely contain his feeling of pride at seeing his lover striding onto the stage, tall and proud to stand with the group forming a line beside their teacher. And he wasn’t ashamed to admit to himself that he hoped that Blaine would be surprised to see Kurt being honored in this manner.

Madam Tibideaux held out her hand to gesture at the students on stage with her. “Each of these students entered with school with extraordinary abilities as performers and it’s a very special privilege for you to see them on this stage. I hope that they can inspire you and give you a better understanding of what we strive for at our institution. Please give them the respect of your attention during their performances.”

The audience applauded again and Ms. Tibideaux exited the stage with her customary stateliness, the five chosen students following in her wake. The stage lights dimmed, leaving the band to prepare for the first singer to open the show.

Adam couldn’t help from feeling a small frisson of anticipation as the first student stepped onto the stage. He wasn’t as personally interested in the other performers but he was looking forward to seeing what they were going to do. He always appreciated seeing talented people in their element, and he wouldn’t have that long to wait before Kurt took the stage.

* * *

Watching from the wings with Rachel and Analisa, Kurt tried to center himself and get mentally ready for his solo. Katya was the first to take the stage and Kurt didn’t envy her the challenge of opening the show. After Madam Tibideaux’s introductions, the audience’s expectations would be high and the first singer would be setting the bar for the rest of them. Having seen her in class many times, he knew that she was up to the challenge. Waiting for the stage lights to focus on her was nearly as exciting as actually being on stage himself.

He placed his arms about the girls as the spotlight fell upon Katya. When them music started, the tension dissipated and he could allow himself to enjoy her performance, as she was more than up to the task.

He had always admired her in class, her sultry voice belying her innocent, spritely appearance. She was taking full advantage of that contrast with her rendition of “Always Be True To You In My Fashion”, singing sang flirtatiously to the audience as she danced playfully about the stage. Katya brought bringing a youthful freshness to the jaded character normally associated with that particular song.

She finished the loud applause from the audience and gave a curtsey before trotting off the stage to rejoin the rest of the group that greeted her with their own applause and cheers. “There… I warmed them up for you,” she pronounced brightly, if a bit breathlessly.

Jamie gave her a grin and straightened out his jacket. “Guess it’s my turn then,” he said with playful resignation.

“Break a leg!” Analisa urged cheerfully.

The tall young man smiled warmly and strode onto the stage like a matador entering the bullring. Watching him from backstage, Kurt could see that it was clear that Madam Tibideaux did not arrange their performances in any random order. She had taken their material into consideration so that the entire show would have a proper ebb and flow and if Katya had roused the audiences’ interest, then Jamie would be cranking up the energy with his performance of “Fortune Favors the Brave”. It was an ideal song for him, suiting his dignified and commanding stage presence and warm voice. Kurt wasn’t a huge fan of that particular musical, but there was no question that Jamie totally owned that song.

As Jamie’s song began to reach its climax, Kurt knew that his moment was quickly approaching. He took a deep, steadying breath and was rather surprised that he wasn’t more anxious. He always felt a trace of healthy stage fright before any performance, but he knew this material well and had a very clear vision on how he wanted to perform it. There was absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

Jamie finished his performance to resounding applause and bowed before the curtain fell and he returned to join the rest of them backstage. “They seemed to like it,” he decided blandly before giving Kurt a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “You’re going make them cry, right?”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling. “That’s the plan.”

Rachel rolled her eyes playfully. “You always make them cry.”

“It’s a gift.”

“Well, your audience awaits you,” Rachel urged. “Get out there and show off that gorgeous voice of yours.”

“And those tight pants,” Analisa chuckled, giving his rear an admiring stare as he moved past her to take the stage.

Kurt walked quietly to his mark, immediately slipping into character. For the first time since he picked this song, the concerns and second thoughts about his choices faded and he let himself become Peter; a young man painfully in love. He could all but feel the anticipation from the audience, but it seemed like a distant thing as he waited for the music to begin.

It started softly, a piano playing plaintively as the spotlight fell on him. Kurt bowed his head and projected an air of confusion and pain.

“ _Everything’s an act when you’re pleasing everyone_ ,” he sang gently, remembering his own youth. Before he had the courage after a football game to tell his father what he apparently already knew about his strange and wonderful child. “ _And he assumes that role to such renown. He plays a perfect part, straight from his heart. Knowing the risk he takes. And hoping that the house is not brought down_.”

He lifted his head so that the audience could see the sadness etched clearly on his face as Kurt looked off into the distance. He couldn’t be sure if his audience would recognize this particular song or the character, but he thought that the message of the song would come out clearly.

“ _The role of a lifetime is living a fantasy_ ,” he sang sadly as Peter’s predicament became clear. “ _The trauma that you struggle to erase. Thoughts battle words over deeds; a war with such casualties. All played out behind a smiling face_.”

He sat down on one of the blocks and looked up at the ceiling, his expression one of gentle pleading as he tried to find some answers, his hands folded before him. “ _God, I need your guidance. Tell me what it means_ ,” he sang prayerfully. Having no religious leanings of his own, Peter’s Catholic upbringing was an alien perspective to him and seemed to make made his confusion even more heartbreaking to Kurt. To be gay and in the closet was tragic enough, but to have deep religious faith that told you that you were wrong all the time would only make existence even more excruciating to endure. “ _To live a life where nothing as it seems. Spending days in silent fear, and spending nights in lonely prayer. Hoping that one day when you wake, those feelings won’t be there._ ”

He stood and let a small smile cross his face as he contemplated the love he felt for Adam, and that he’d even felt for Blaine when things had been good between them. “ _So confused because I feel complete with him. When we’re alone it somehow all makes sense._ ”

The smile faded when his character’s situation became clear, the joy and suffering of being in love and not being able to express it openly coming out with gentle sorrow. “ _Look into his eyes for some compromise. Remember the word, forget. And try to bury something so intense_.”

Kurt had spent a lot of time thinking about how to play this off and found that he’d had his own experiences to draw upon to express that kind of sentiment. The sensation of being trapped and hopeless and seeing no solution to his dilemma.

“ _You learn to play the straight man_ ,” he explained to his audience, pacing across the stage like a caged animal. “ _Your lines become routine. Never really saying what you mean._

“ _But I know the scene will change_ ,” he sang with regret, knowing that Peter’s situation had no easy resolutions and his relationship would end unhappily. “ _White picket fences and a dog. A trophy bride and children. God, I know that’s what he wants._ ”

When plotting out his performance, Kurt had considered the crush he’d had on Finn, back when he was still trying to find his place in things. In hindsight, he could only be thankful that Finn hadn’t had that trace of curiosity that would have made him open to exploring a romantic relationship with him. Because Finn would never have been open with his feelings for Kurt. Kurt would have remained a dirty secret, hidden away until Finn got bored or frustrated with things and left him for the girl that he could be openly with. Finn wouldn’t have had at strength, at least back then, to stand up to the social scorn that would have come with loving Kurt.

Kurt was grateful that the relationship they had never went there so they could enjoy their closeness as brothers, unmarred by that kind of pain.

“ _But Jason, what role do I play_?” Kurt pleaded. “ _Am I a savior or a phase? Am I here to damn you, or to help you navigate this maze?_ ”

He allowed the anger to start to color the pain his character felt, that the boy he loved didn’t have the courage to love him openly. That he himself was forced to remain closeted when he was ready to be honest with those around him, regardless of what the cost of that freedom might be. It reminded him in so many ways about his relationship with Blaine, how he had to often hide his real feelings in order to keep peace in his relationship. He never could allow himself to express unhappiness or anger, at least not openly, until things between them had spun out of control.

“ _Where confusion is a crime_ ,” Kurt sang, the anger now taking precedence over the pain in his voice. “ _So you fill your life with sound. And you dance like hell, you hope you never touch the ground._

“ _What happens with the music stops?”_ Kurt demanded, his voice rising with the knowledge of inevitably waited for his character. Secrets never stayed secret forever and a life in the closet brought little but fear and suffering. “ _In the silence will he stay? One day he’ll realize that these feelings aren’t going away!_

His voice softened as his character finally grasped the hopelessness of his situation, accepting that his relationship with Jason would never the kind of open and loving one that he craved. _“So we drive ourselves insane. Spinning circles in our souls as we dance around and play pretend…_ ”

The piano paused on cue and Kurt used the long moment of silence to take a deep shuddering breath as he let himself regain control over his character’s feelings and pain. He steeled himself for what he was to face, straightening his tie so at least outwardly he could keep an illusion of calm.

“ _And once again… reprise our roles_.”

His voice trailed off softly, drifting onto the music as his character resigned himself to hiding who he was. He sniffled and almost didn’t hear the applause of the audience at first.

* * *

Adam fought back tears as he loudly applauded his boyfriend and he wasn’t the only one emotionally affected by Kurt’s performance. There were more than a few people dabbing at their eyes and the Apples were enthusiastically cheering and applauding for their friend.

“Wow..,” Mei said breathlessly as she clapped as loudly as she could. “Oh my God… He was amazing.”

Adam wasn’t going to try to disagree with her. He’d known what Kurt planned to sing and had heard him practicing, but still ended up shocked and blown away by his presentation. It had all of the elements that he had come to expect from Kurt’s performance style; all of the raw emotion and power that came from such an honest place. But there was a depth and maturity to his rendition that was stunning. He watched with pride as Kurt took his bows and accepted the regards of the audience.

Jill cocked her head curiously when it appeared that Kurt was staying on stage a bit long. “What’s he doing?”

Adam watched Kurt on the stage, waiting for the applause to die down. His lover made no move to step back and the applause began to fade as the audience grew confused over his presence.

“I’m not sure,” Adam admitted.

When the lights didn’t dim, what Kurt had in mind soon became apparent.

* * *

Kurt let the tormented persona of Peter slip away as he let his next character come to the forefront. He loosened up his tie and unbuttoned his collar. The smile on his face was rakish and a bit sinister, and he let a steely glint come into his eyes as he shifted from playing a closeted Catholic school student to the emcee of a seedy Berlin nightclub. He was sure that he probably impressed a few people with his ability to transform into a new character with no visible effort.

“And now, meine Damen and Herren… Mesdames et Messieurs… Ladies and Gentlemen,” he called out, channelling a bit of both Joel Grey and Alan Cumming into his interpretation. He hadn’t had much time to really put his own stamp on the character the way he normally would, but for this brief selection he wasn’t going to beat himself up over that. He was just glad that he was able to get the accent remotely acceptable.

“The Kit Kat Klub is proud to present a most talented young lady from New York.” He paused, making a small face of distaste. “Yes… New York. Eh…” Thankfully the audience laughed at the right spot.

“I give you… and don’t forget to give her back when you’re finished with her… the toast of Manhattan… Fraulein Sally Bowles!”

On cue, Analisa stepped onto the stage, her skirt swinging saucily about her legs, an impudent grin on her face. Kurt grasped her hand and gave her a spin and she rewarded him a quick air kiss on the cheek. Kurt gave her a playful leer, swatting her soundly on the back of her skirt and leaving the stage to her.

Analisa faced the audience with a calculating smile and sat down on one of the blocks, crossing her legs primly as the jazz-tinged music began.

“ _Mama thinks I’m living in a convent_ ,” Analisa sang, confiding in the audience and giving an expression of mock innocence. “ _A secluded little convent in the south of France. Mama doesn’t even have an inkling that I’m working in a nightclub in a pair of lacy pants._

“ _So please sir_ …” She stood, making a playfully pleading gesture with her hands. “ _If you run into my Mama, don’t reveal my indiscretion. Give a working girl a chance!_ ”

Kurt grinned widely as he watched her from the wings, playing her role with a perfect combination of feigned innocence and hard won worldliness that showed her vision of the character. This was a woman in full control of her destiny, who cheerfully embraced an uncertainly and seedy lifestyle for the excitement it brought.

He could see the elements that Analisa had spoken about and her performance did resemble what Sally Bowles would have been like had she been played by Josephine Baker. Analisa used the blocks as props to pose on, showing off her legs as she infused the gritty showgirl with a youthful playfulness and a total lack of shame.

“ _You can tell my Papa, that’s all right_ ,” she confided to the audience with a naughty grin. “ _’Cause he comes in here every night. But don’t tell Mama what you saw_!”

Rachel came up to his side to get a better view. “She’s really good,” she complimented. “But that’s not how Sally is supposed to be played.”

“It’s not like Liza,” Kurt agreed, mentally bemoaning Rachel’s narrow viewpoint of these iconic characters. “But that’s the whole point. She’s making Sally her own.”

Analisa finished with a flourish, and the applause was enthusiastic as the stage darkened. Kurt thought that she did a really great job. She definitely had a knack for reimagining a role in an original manner and Kurt thought that she would be well served by that ability in the future.

“You were fantastic,” he complimented when she rejoined them back stage, handing her a bottle of water.

She took a sip gratefully. “Thanks. I’m just glad that we’ve got a chance to cool off before our next number.”

Kurt then saw why Rachel was placed in the performance order as she was. As the only one not performing a duet, her performance would give the rest of them a chance to catch their breath and refocus before performing again. He hoped that she wouldn’t see it as some kind of slight and could focus on giving the kind of performance that he knew she was capable of.

Rachel drew herself up, taking a deep breath as she prepared to take the stage. “Guess it’s my turn,” she proclaimed. For some reason, she felt a bit of uncustomary apprehension having to follow four strong performances and being the final soloist before the duets. This was her one chance to really show what she was capable of.

“Break a leg,” Kurt urged, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. He could see that something wasn’t quite right with Rachel, and it felt strange to see her a bit out of sorts before performing. Her confidence, often in the face of harsh criticism, was something that he always expected of her. She didn’t seem to have the same vivaciousness and enthusiasm that he normally saw.

Knowing that it was best to give her space to collect herself, Kurt stepped back. He trusted in her ability to pull herself together under pressure. He needed to shift his focus for his duet with Analisa, which was only a few moments away.

Rachel took another deep breath, trying to center herself before stepping out onto the stage and finding her mark. Normally the whole process of performing was familiar and reassuring to her. The anticipation of facing an eager audience and confidence in her talent was always something that gave her very existence meaning. She craved the applause the way others needed food or water, and without it, she would wither and die.

This time, she couldn’t shake the feeling of uncertainty. She would have felt so much surer of herself if she could have chosen her own material. She was painfully aware that the song she was assigned put her at a significant disadvantage following the other singers. She still didn’t feel like the material suited her and probably should have practiced more. Following up on performances that displayed such profound heartbreak from Kurt or Analisa’s flirty exuberance, this was not the best material to showcase her voice. She was saddled with such a downer of a song and trying to match what the audience had already seen would be a real challenge.

There was no going back as the stage lights came on. The music started, a low jazz saxophone and piano and she felt the spotlight fall on her. Rachel looked up at the audience, schooling her face into pouty sultriness, trying to balance the sensuality and innocence that she always saw in Roxie Hart. She cocked one shoulder bashfully, playing up the pretentions of the ingénue while trying to in mind what her character was going through at this moment.

“ _Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong. But he doesn't care, he'll string along_ ,” she sang with a careful measure of heat in her voice. “ _He loves me so. That funny honey of mine_ ,

“ _Sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm up. But he follows 'round like some droopy-eyed pup. He loves me so, that funny honey of mine_.”

There had been only on person who had stood by her, even when she was at her worst. She thought of all the times Finn had supported her, even at times when by all rights she didn’t deserve it

“ _He ain't no sheik, that's no great physique_ ,” she sang, remembering Finn’s soft eyes that always looked at her like she was the most amazing woman in the world. “ _Lord knows, he ain't got the smarts. But look at that soul, I tell you that whole is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts. And if you knew him like me, I know you'd agree._ ”

Rachel walked slowly across the stage, the spotlight following her as she found herself slipping into memory. How all the times Finn stood up for her, defending her against the rest of their friends when her selfish nature got the best of her and bearing the brunt of her temper. She didn’t treat him nearly as well as he deserved.

“ _What if the world slandered my name? Why, he'd be right there taking the blame. He loves me so and it all suits me fine. That funny, sunny, honey, hubby of mine_!”

She wondered if she could have been happy with Finn. Maybe she could have bent enough for him to actually have a place in her life beyond being her support and help mate. Finn himself had pointed out her selfishness, knowing that she never would consider what was best for him as much as she did for herself.

In the end, she lost him because she put herself first in all things and he reached his limit with her selfishness. He would find happiness that would have nothing to do with her and she was left feeling bereft without him to be her rock. Since she last saw him, Rachel found herself drifting and lost and feeling like her dreams were starting to slip through her fingers.

“ _Lord knows he ain't got the smarts. Now he's shot off his trap I can't stand that sap_.”

She was so angry with him at times. He cast her away, turning his back on her and threw all of her shortcomings in her face. Finn wouldn’t be there any longer to hold her hand, to reassure her that she was the most beautiful, most talented girl in the world. And she sometimes hated him for that.

“ _Look at him go, rattin' on me, with just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be! If they string me up I'll know who brought the twine_.”

She stamped her foot, giving in to the anger that she couldn’t shake. “ _That scummy, crummy, dummy, hubby of mine_!”

* * *

Kurt watched from backstage, feeling a bit of apprehension as Rachel’s voice shifted ever so slightly and he saw the moment when Rachel’s performance became less about Roxie Hart and more about Rachel Berry. He wondered what was going on in her head because she wasn’t acting out there. It was something that he’d seen in her before, as her emotions were always close beneath the surface and there were many times when she used singing as a way to sort out her feelings.

But he’d never seen her do it during a performance when she was supposed to be playing a character. If anything, he sometimes found her character interpretations a bit static. Rachel never quite got the balance of using her emotions to fuel a performance while still letting a character come through, and her focus on technique and projection sometimes blunted his enjoyment of her voice. Seeing her like this was surprising, and a little disturbing.

She accepted her applause from the audience and almost seemed startled as she came back to herself and returned backstage to rejoin the others. Kurt saw the flash of emotions across her face that hadn’t quite settled yet and looked at her in concern. “Honey… you okay?” he asked carefully.

He could almost see herself shake off mentally, and looked up at him in surprise. “Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked. “Why? Wasn’t I good?”

Kurt nodded carefully. “You sounded great,” he assured her. “It was just… that was a little raw for you.”

She considered his comment and shrugged. “I guess that song just hit something in me,” she said blandly, playing down the emotional display she had just unloaded on stage.

Kurt wanted to press further, concerned about the nearly uncontrolled manner that she had performed. It was so different from her usual rigid control and fine tuned technique, and she didn’t seem too aware of what she had done.

He’d have to talk to her later, when things were a little more settled to see what was happening in her head. He shouldn’t be so surprised that with her call back looming that she would be so off balance and he needed to focus on himself at the moment. He had another performance to get through and this duet would be more of a challenge than his solo had been.

Jamie and Katya stepped onto the stage for their duet and were greeted with loud applause, the audience by now expecting excellence from the NYADA students. The song they were performing, “In Whatever Time We Have”, was a lovely number for their voices and a marked contrast from their solos. There was something gentle from their rendition, a softness that hadn’t been apparent in their previous performances. Rather than the sultry temptress and commanding leader, now they were secret lovers hoping for the best in an uncertain future.

It would have been lovely to watch from the audience, but Kurt needed to keep his focus on the next performance had to get through. He knew that over thinking things would make his portrayal less authentic, but he wanted to run the choreography over in his head. He tried not to reconsider how he wanted to play his character, knowing that he had a good grasp on him from watching their last run through. He couldn’t be second guessing himself now.

He took off his tie and unbuttoned the collar of his shirt. Looking about for a place to leave his tie, Rachel quickly stepped in and offered to hold it until they were finished.

“Thanks,” Kurt said gratefully. He loosened another button and looked to see if there was anything else that needed to be adjusted.

Analisa came to his side, looking up at him expectantly and apparently seeing some uncertainty in his face. “Hey... we’ve got this,” she reminded him.

He took a steadying breath and smiled at her, grateful for her support. Once again he was grateful that he’d been paired with Analisa for this duet rather than Rachel. He loved Rachel and as much as he enjoyed performing with her, he’d be the first to acknowledge that she tended to focus on herself in a duet or group number. Her interest on her partners tended to hinge on how they showcased her and he needed a partner that could at least meet him halfway.

He inhaled deeply again, letting his anxiety fade. He knew what to do and just needed to get out of his own way to let it happen.

Jamie and Katya took their bows to thunderous applause and returned to the backstage area, aglow with their triumph. Kurt took a moment to congratulate them, but focused on getting into character. There would be plenty of times for accolades once they were finished.

The stage was dark when he and Analisa took their marks and Kurt cleared his mind of any uncertainty. He could do this. They performed this song a dozen times in rehearsal. There was no reason for him to be anxious. And when he felt the stage lights come up, the last of his nerves vanished.

Analisa sat on one of the blocks as she had for her solo, but her demeanor was completely different from the brazen cabaret singer she’d been before. She looked absolutely despondent, leaning against another block with her head resting on her folded arms, staring blankly as if she’d been crying. She had her back to Kurt, and he approached her carefully as the music began to gently play around them.

When he reached her, he gently touched her shoulder and she started slightly. But then the expression on her face blossomed into tentative joy, trying not to expect too much and drive him away. Kurt looked at her in wonderment, as if he’d never seen anyone so beautiful in his life and he could never bear to leave her go now that he was near her again.

“ _Why don’t you trace it on my hand_?” Analisa sang, her voice a bell-like soprano that showed her character as a young girl marveling at the wonder of being so completely in love with the man standing before her. “ _Or make it a song? Do anything. Say it somehow. I will understand! I know you… you are good_.”

“ _There is something inside you. This I know_ ,” Kurt returned, using the lower range of his voice as a counterpoint to Analisa’s pure, bright tones. He made the slight inflection in his voice to show his character’s Italian heritage, but made sure that his words were still enunciated clearly. “ _It’s like a melody. Like there you go just now. Say it somehow. Somehow you can show me…_ ”

“ _Say it somehow_!” they sang together, Kurt’s voice supporting Analisa’s as they rose together. “ _Anyway you can show me! You know me. You are good… oh, you are good! You are good to me._ ”

Analisa rushed forward and all but threw herself into his arms. He caught her and tenderly smoothed back her braids from her face, looking at her with absolute adoration. “ _I know this sound of, touch me_ ,” they sang together in perfect harmony, fully immersed in the characters of Clara and Fabrizio. “ _I think I hear the sound of, wrap your arms around me!_ ”

Their voices trilled together as Kurt lifted Analisa into his arms and held her close to him. “ _Shout and dance with me!_ ”

“ _Or say it softly_ ,” Analisa sang gently, her hands caressing Kurt’s face lovingly.

Kurt could feel his eyes watering, trying to keep his character’s emotions in check. “ _Tell me things_ ,” he all but begged.

Analisa pressed her forehead to Kurt’s, both of them closing their eyes as they savored one another’s presence. “ _Oh, we’ll play a game_ ,” they sang. “ _You’ll trace it on my skin. Do it anyway, but let’s begin. Do it somehow… somehow you can show me. I know that you know me…_ ”

Analisa stepped back and gave Kurt a loving smile. “Will you marry me?” she asked, her bright voice expressing her Clara’s love for Kurt’s Fabrizio and her nervousness at being so impulsive.

Kurt looked at her in shock, nearly running to the other side of the stage. “No! No, no, no, no, no!” he said rapidly, expressing the shock at the unexpected question. Analisa’s expression fell at the apparent rejection, but Kurt quickly turned to face her. “It must be mine to ask it!” he clarified firmly.

The relief in Analisa’s face was nearly painful in its unvarnished sentiment. “Ask it then!” she insisted, hugging herself, as if barely able to keep her emotions in check.

Kurt swallowed hard, his character feeling very much on the spot. “I wish to be the one to decide,” he claimed, but it was obvious to anyone that he was barely able to hold back what he wanted to say.

Analisa was nearly bubbling over with joy at what was happening. “Decide! Decide!” she exclaimed, inching closer to him.

Kurt looked up at her, his eyes wide and soulful. “Will you..?” he began, only to be cut off by her excited answer.

“Yes!” she cried out.

Braver now, Kurt asked again. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” Analisa answered, flinging herself back into Kurt’s embrace. “Yes!”

Kurt laughed brightly and spun her about, holding her as close as he was able to. “ _You are good to me_ ,” they sang together, their voices strong as their character’s bond cemented. “ _I know this sound, of touch me._

“ _I think I hear the sound of, wrap you arms around me… tell me things_ …”

Their voices fell silent as they gazed into one another’s eyes, Kurt’s hands moving to Analisa’s hips and pulling her closer to him. She looked at him adoringly, her hands reaching up to unbutton the next button on his shirt as his face leaned closer to hers. When their lips met, any presence of restraint vanished as their embrace grew more passionate. One of Kurt’s hands reached down to her backside and pulled her flush against him and he felt her hands in his hair.

The music swelled about them as they kissed, and Kurt lifted her up onto one of the blocks as if it were a bed where they would consummate their love. She lay back, holding her arms out to him. As he leaned over her, the stage went dark.

He could feel himself gasping for breath, now holding onto Analisa for support. She patted his back, needing a second herself in order to regain her composure.

“Oh God… that was amazing,” she said, her body still quivering a bit from excitement. Her smile turned impish. “I think I need a cigarette.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing a bit, trying to keep from falling on top of her. “Glad it was good for you,” he joked.

They quickly collected themselves, and when the stage crew saw that they were ready the lights came on so they could face the audience.

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at the applause as he bowed. He’d really done it and it felt amazing. He held Analisa’s hand as they bowed and accepted the audience’s ovation proudly.

And if the cheers from a select group at the back of the auditorium was especially loud and boisterous… well, neither of them were going to say anything.

The rest of the group joined them on stage and the audience as a whole rose to give them all a well deserved standing ovation. Kurt bowed again, with Analisa and Rachel and he couldn’t remember feeling so much satisfaction after a performance. Any last doubts he might have harbored of this not only was a career that he wanted, but one that he could find some measure of success in, died that morning. He got the reaffirmation that this was what he was born to do.

The group bowed again and stepped back to the curtain could fall, ending the show. Once shielded from the audience, they gave into their relief that they had managed to pull off the kind of performances expected from their demanding teacher. Kurt found himself laughingly breathlessly, still on something of a performance high as they hugged and congratulated one another on their phenomenal performances. From behind the heavy fabric, they could hear Madam Tibideaux dismissing the applicants but that barely seemed to matter to them.

Madam Tibideaux stepped behind the curtain and called her students over to her, the satisfaction in their efforts evident on her face. “I wanted to commend all of you,” she said proudly. “You absolutely surpassed what I could have expected of you. I’ll give you your individual critiques at our next meetings, but all around I’m very pleased with what I saw. Good work, all.”

“Thank you for the opportunity, Madam,” Jamie answered, speaking for the group.

“Well, you all clean up,” Madam Tibideaux instructed with a satisfied smile. “We’ll talk more when I meet with you for your individual critiques. In the meantime, I’m sure that you have some well wishers waiting for you.”

Rachel gave Kurt a knowing grin and a nudge over which particular well wisher was likely waiting for him. And likely with a fairly sizable and noisy group.

Kurt gave her and Analisa kisses on their cheeks before hurrying to his dressing area to change clothes. He was amazingly sweaty from being under the hot stage lights and wished that he had time to duck into the showers in the dance dressing rooms. Knowing that his boyfriend would be looking for him before long, he contented himself for the time being with the disposable wipes that Adam suggested he pack, and scrubbed off his stage makeup before dressing.

After packing away his dirty clothes and his stage kit, he turned over this sound equipment with thanks to the tech crew and hurried to meet the rest of the group.

“Listen… Katya and I think that we need to celebrate,” Jamie stated as they headed towards the exit in the back of the auditorium. “How about we all get together for dinner tonight?”

“We were thinking about going to Veselka,” Katya suggested. “I’m suddenly craving pierogi.”

Analisa nodded. “That sounds great. Do you mind if I invite my boyfriend?”

“Of course,” Jamie insisted. “Everyone should bring their significant others if they want to come.”

“Perfect,” Kurt said agreeably. He looked over to Rachel. “You’ll like this place. Adam and I have eaten there a few times.”

She gave the group nodded. “Sure… It sounds like fun. I can ask our roommate if she wants to join us.”

Kurt smiled, glad that Rachel was willing to socialize a bit more with other students. He had been worried for some time that she was isolating herself too much. Since she broke up with Brody and shed her annoying sycophants, she really had no friends at NYADA except for him and he worried about her. He was happy that she thought to invite Santana, as their roommate probably needed a break from their houseguests.

“Great!” Katya said brightly. “My last class lets out at five. We can meet after that.”

“Works for me,” Kurt agreed. The group exchanged hugs again before drifting apart. Kurt felt like he was all but walking on air as he and Rachel stepped down the stairs from the stage.

He saw the contemplative look on her face. “You okay?” he asked, wondering what might be bothering her. She normally was a lot more upbeat after a successful performance.

She sighed, slinging her tote bag over her shoulder. “I was just thinking about stuff,” she explained.

“Anything I can help with?” Kurt prodded gently, hoping to get her to open up a little bit. He knew that he was a bit out of touch since he hadn’t been home in a few days.

Her lips tightened into a firm line, something that usually warned that she was upset with something. “Not really,” she said, not quite dismissively but making it clear that she didn’t want to get into it just then. “I have to get some stuff sorted out in my head.”

“Well… you were great today,” he offered. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you really cut loose like that on stage.”

“It didn’t come out quite the way I’d planned,” she admitted, giving him a bemused smile. “You, on the other hand, were fantastic.”

“Thanks,” Kurt said, gratified. When Rachel complimented someone, she generally was sincere. Kurt knew better than anyone else that while she could be self-involved to an extreme level, she did recognize the talents of other people.

“I mean it,” she insisted. “I mean, your solo was amazing but your duet… I’d never seen you perform like that.”

Kurt smiled ruefully. “Don’t think I ever really had a chance to before,” he admitted.

Rachel looked down at her shoes, looking more than a little ashamed of herself. “That was partly my fault, I think,” she admitted. “I never gave you a fair chance back in high school.”

Kurt sighed, not really wanting to rehash the past. It still hurt, but he’d just proven that he had moved beyond that. “It wasn’t just you,” he pointed out. “I wasn’t anyone’s idea of a leading man.”

“You should have been,” Rachel insisted. She looked pensive as she reconsidered a lot of her own behavior. “I was so busy flinging myself at Finn that I didn’t consider that you would make a perfect duet partner for me. And when we did West Side Story…”

“Rachel, it’s okay,” he assured her. “It’s in the past.”

The young woman fell silent for a second, keeping pace at his side. When she finally spoke, her voice had that thin, sharp tone that always betrayed when she was uncertain about something. Especially something that didn’t reflect well upon her.

“I..,” she began, but hesitated before continuing. She cleared her throat. “I wonder what that show would have been like if I hadn’t laughed when we auditioned together. You were good, but I didn’t take it seriously and I… It was unprofessional of me and I never really apologized for how I treated you.”

Kurt didn’t want to rehash that old hurt again. Yes, he was still angered by how he was treated, that he never had a fair chance in that or any other audition at McKinley. Rachel laughing in his face probably wouldn’t have made a difference, not when Artie and the others had already dismissed him for that part. Maybe it was too much for him to have expected from them to be able to put their biases aside and really consider how he might be able to play the role. Rachel wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been able to see past his identity as “the gay kid”.

“Rachel, we were all too close,” he granted. “Analisa and I were able to carry that off because she didn’t know me much outside of the classroom. She knows me primarily as the performer and not any other labels I got stuck with.

“So don’t beat yourself up over it,” he offered. He really didn’t want to have this coming up again except as a lesson on how to handle a challenging audition. “We can both use is at a learning experience.”

She turned her face up to him, the soft smile on her face a bit tremulous. “I would have liked to have seen how that show would have gone with you playing Tony. I think you would have been amazing.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling and took Rachel’s hand in his. “Yes, I would have,” he answered brightly. “But I did make an unforgettable Krupke.”

Rachel seemed to relax at his forgiveness and let him pull her close. “One day, we’re going to be on stage together,” she swore. “I’d love for you to be Fiyero opposite me.”

Kurt felt his heart swell, just a little bit, at her pronouncement. He wasn’t going to dismiss her promise outright. She wasn’t mentally casting him as Glinda any longer so that as a step in the right direction.

They stepped out of the auditoriorum doors and were meet by loud cheers and applause from the group that had been waiting for him. Kurt grinned and released Rachel’s hand, letting his boyfriend sweep him up into a warm embrace.

“So I guess you all liked it,” he chuckled.

Adam kissed him deeply, moaning softly in appreciation before drawing back enough that he could look into Kurt’s eyes. “Darling… you were spectacular,” he insisted. “I know that I’m biased, but you just blew all of us away.”

“Mags cried during your solo,” Mitchel insisted, giving the older woman a playful nudge. “And Mags never cries.”

Kurt looked to the mohawk adorned woman in surprise, and the deep blush on her cheeks confirmed that Mitchel hadn’t lied. She knew that she’d been caught in a moment of softness and gave Mitchel a soft swat to the back of his head, causing curls to fly.

“Thanks, guys,” Kurt said sincerely, resting his head on Adam’s shoulder. He felt exhausted but exhilarated at the same time. “I’m really glad that you enjoyed it. And I really appreciate you all being there.”

“It was a great little show, and it was fun watching the newbies thinking ‘oh crap’ when they realized just what they’ll have to measure up to,” Jill insisted enthusiastically, before glancing over at Rachel. “You were great too, Rachel,” she said without reservation.

“Thanks,” Rachel said gratefully. Having a compliment from Kurt’s friends who had no reason to support her meant a great deal.

“We’re going out to dinner with the others tonight,” Kurt informed his boyfriend. “If I can tempt you to join us.”

Adam smiled and bent his head to nuzzle at Kurt’s cheek. “You’d have to fight me to keep me away.”

The Apples chuckled at the casual display of affection between the two men and Corrine latched onto Tommy’s arm. “Well, this was fun, but we should get going if we intend to get to any of our classes today.”

With murmurs of reluctant acceptance, the group knew that she was right. They offered their last compliments to Kurt and Rachel, several of the girls gave Kurt a quick hug before departing. Rachel looked over to Kurt and adjusted the shoulder strap of her tote.

“I’d better get going too,” she said reluctantly. “I’ve got time to get something to eat before dance class.”

Kurt nodded and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll see you later then.”

She smiled and gave Adam a quick wave before heading down the hall. Kurt turned his attention to his boyfriend, who was looking down at him adoringly. “Want to walk me to class?” he asked, letting a flirtatious edge color his innocent question.

“Your costuming class isn’t for another hour,” Adam reminded him. “Sure you don’t want to get something to eat first?”

Kurt shook his head. “I’m not hungry,” he insisted. “I was thinking that the costuming workshop will be empty until class starts. And your next class doesn’t start until two. Maybe you can keep me company.” He cocked his head, giving Adam a teasing glance.

One of Adam’s eyebrows rose archly when Kurt’s invitation became clear. “Oh,” he said, his smile turning heated as what Kurt had in mind. “Well, I can’t leave you there by yourself. Not after you giving such a outstanding performance.”

Kurt chuckled, giving Adam a nudge with his hip as they walked. “You can give me your… ovation in private.”

* * *

Fortunately Adam had made his escape before the other students in Kurt’s class began to trickle in and he had a moment to get himself straightened out from what ended up being a very heated make out session. He was sure that he looked less than pristine and there as a slight burn under his ear that warned of a darkening hickey that he didn’t have the wherewithal to hide. Fortunately none of of the other students noticed anything amiss and Kurt was able to shift his focus to his class without being self-conscious.

And for some reason, whether Blaine had finally taken the hint or because he was focusing preparing for his audition, he wasn’t there to watch Kurt. That vastly improved Kurt’s already wonderful day.

This was a class that he very much loved, and if pressed, Kurt would have to say that it was the one that he found easiest and most fun. Olivia Menkes had been behind the costumes of some of Broadway and Hollywood’s most successful productions and had numerous industry awards to her credit, including an Oscar. She was a cheerful, unpretentious woman with hair dyed a rather outrageous shade of red and who had an engaging way of sparking her students’ interest in this craft. It was a nice break from the high pressure performance and theory classes, and it dovetailed nicely with Kurt’s interest in fashion. If he didn’t have such a powerful passion as a performer, he probably would have been quite happy as a designer in some capacity.

Over the course of the semester they had studied how costumes could have a strong impact on the portrayal of a character and the entire feel of a production. Many actors had no clue at how much thought and care went into costume design and how critical the details were. On this day Mrs. Menkes wanted them to start understanding the practical considerations in designing costumes and the differences between what might work on film or television vs what was needed for a stage performance.

She had set up on mannequins several costumes that had been designed by students for NYADA performances over the past few years and instructed her class to study them and decide if they actually worked as intended. They were asked to consider the characters and plays that the costumes were intended for, as well as practical consideration about how they would work on the stage.

Kurt was absolutely enthralled by a gown that had been used in production of Macbeth for the titular character’s infamous wife. Kurt found himself paying especially close attention to that costume, as he was looking forward to being in a production of that very play. The deep red velvet had been embroidered with hundreds of tiny skulls in gold thread, each no bigger than a dime and he thought looked absolutely gorgeous. He leaned in close to really appreciate the details and wondered if there were a few yards of that material somewhere that he would be able to get his hands on.

He was diligently making sketches of the beautiful gown, making notes about the fine details when Mrs. Menkes came up to his side. “You like this one, I see,” she noted when she glanced at his sketchbook.

“It’s beautiful,” Kurt said. “And the skull details are amazing. It really suits the character.”

She nodded, her lower lip pursed in consideration. “Yes, it does. But do you think that it really works in the area of being an effective costume?”

Kurt took a long look at the gown and considered the character it was designed for. “The skull design definitely gives the impression of a deadly woman who will kill to get what she wants,” he stated. “And the color does look like blood, so I think that it works.”

She cocked her head and looked at the costume. “Well, you’re right about that. But do me a favor… take about five steps back and look at it again.”

He closed his sketch book and did as she asked. His teacher watched as his eyes narrowed as the little skulls that he’d been admiring faded into indistinguishable gold dots on the red velvet. Kurt moved back a bit more, and dots began to become harder to pick out, the velvet taking on a golden cast as if dusted with gold sequins when the light hit the gold tread and all the fine details completely lost.

“See what I’m getting at?” Mrs. Menkes pressed. “It’s a great design idea, but it’s doesn’t work unless you’re right on top of it.”

“It wouldn’t work in a film or television either, would it?” Kurt asked. “You just wouldn’t see any of this unless you made the skulls a lot bigger, but then you lose the subtly of it.”

His teacher nodded. “Costume details are a bit like stage makeup. You have to exaggerate anything that you want your audience to actually see.” She gave a reassuring smile at his obvious disappointment. “Small details tend to get lost. So if you were going to redesign this for Lady Macbeth, how would you change things?”

Kurt cocked his head, considering the gown again. He would very much want to keep the skull motif. “Maybe use the gold trim and stitch a design on the bodice that looks something like a skull. That would keep the feel of the original, but the audience will actually be able to see it. If it was done like Celtic knot work, it would look a bit more abstract, but the image would still be there.”

He stepped up to the gown and ran his hand over the front of the bodice. “We can bring the trim up to the shoulders and it would almost look like a breastplate. Like she’s some kind of warrior woman. And since she’s the one pushing her husband that would suit her character.”

Mrs. Menkes smiled and nodded in approval. “That sounds like a great idea. How about sketching that out so we can see how it looks?”

Kurt nodded and opened his sketch book, tracing out the design that was coming to mind. There was a way to make the detailing work, where one might not see the skull immediately, but it was become clear the more one looked. He still very much liked the original costume, but saw the drawbacks of that design and how it could be improved.

Still… he would happily hock an organ to get his hands on some of that fabric, because it would make an absolutely stunning jacket. He wondered if anyone would notice the gown disappearing from the costume shop.

Class ended on a pleasant note, and he saw that had just enough time to sneak into the dance studio showers and freshen up before meeting everyone for dinner. The afternoon class should have already let out and he doubted that Ms. July’s TA would give him grief about using the facilities. He hadn’t offended his teacher and probably could afford to take advantage of that small privilege.

He was about to head up the stairs when a hand on his arm halted him. “Kurt… can I talk to you? Please…”

Kurt huffed in irritation, knowing that he’d been foolish to think that he could escape Blaine for long. He set his features into bland calmness, not wanting Blaine to know just annoyed he really was before turning to face his ex. “What do you want?” he demanded, proud that he kept his voice even when all he wanted to do was lash out verbally at the younger man. He had long since past his limits for Blaine’s antics and was ready to tell him what hell he could happily go to.

Blaine looked apprehensive and didn’t miss how Kurt made sure to stay on the first step of the staircase so that the taller man could look down on him. “I just really wanted to talk to you,” he insisted. “My audition is tomorrow morning and I’m only going to be in New York for another two days.”

Kurt didn’t say anything and just mentally filed that bit of information away. At least he now knew that he could be back in his own bed by the weekend.

“We really haven’t had a chance to talk at all since I got here,” Blaine continued, being careful not to cast accusations about Kurt deliberately avoiding him.

Kurt gave a steady nod. “And there’s a reason for that,” he stated firmly. “We don’t have anything to talk about.”

Blaine looked at him plaintively, the lost puppy look in his eyes failing again to break the ice in Kurt’s heart. “I mean, I saw you perform and you were amazing. I just want to see what’s happening in your life and I was hoping..,” he began, then huffed and tried to rally his courage. “Can I take you to dinner tonight? I’d really like to try to talk and fix things between us.”

“I already have plans,” Kurt informed him coolly, thankful that he actually did and wasn’t just making an excuse to avoid his ex. “And Blaine… there’s nothing to fix. You’ve shown me that I can’t trust you, and that you’re not going to be respectful of my boundaries so there’s no reason to keep dragging this out. Whether you come to NYADA or not is not going to make any difference at this point.”

Blaine’s expression darkened and Kurt could see the angry flush coloring his skin. It wasn’t hard to see exactly where Blaine’s thoughts were heading and he quickly moved to cut off the expected protestation.

“My being with Adam doesn’t make any difference,” Kurt informed him firmly. “Even if I wasn’t in a serious relationship, I still wouldn’t get back together with you. Chasing after me and harassing me isn’t going to change that.”

He inhaled deeply, realizing that other students that had been passing by were watching the live soap opera being played out in front of them. And for once, he just couldn’t bring himself to care. Not with the way Blaine had made the past few days so difficult for him.

“So that’s it?” Blaine demanded. “You’re just going to shut me out?”

Kurt felt his lower lip tighten at Blaine’s indignation and nodded with resolve. “Yes I am. It’s best for both of us,” he insisted. “I’m not looking to hurt you, but you’re not going to move on without me forcing the issue so consider this my final word on the subject.”

Kurt did not miss the hurt expression in Blaine’s eyes and knew that it would be some time before Blaine could really accept what Kurt was telling him, but that was no longer his problem. He had too much to focus on now that brought him satisfaction and happiness to let his ex boyfriend keep trying to drag him down.

“I’ve got to get going,” Kurt stated, not giving Blaine a chance to argue any further. He gave his ex a tight-lipped smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes but tried to end their encounter in a way that wouldn’t leave him feeling guilty. “Good luck tomorrow with your audition.”

Blaine didn’t say anything, his hazel eyes fixed on Kurt as he turned and climbed up the stairs. He really did wish the best for Blaine, as they’d meant so much to one another for a long time.

But he now had his future to look forward to. Friends and peers who respected him and a career that he now really believed could be successful. Kurt hurried to get showers, his expression lightening as the confrontation with Blaine faded from his mind. He had a wonderful evening to look forward to with friends and his wonderful boyfriend and if he wanted to be presentable, he’d better move his ass.

* * *

The West Auditorium had been reserved for the entire day for the prospective students to give their live auditions. Three minutes to prove that that they were more than just a paper resume and had that special gift that NYADA was looking to nurture. As challenging as it was to audition back in Ohio, Kurt couldn’t imagine the kind of pressure that these kids were feeling. They’d been given a taste of NYADA and now would have to fight with everything they had to prove that they belonged there.

Most of them would end up being bitterly disappointed. Kurt knew that feeling well, the crushing sense of defeat when his letter spelled out a coolly worded rejection. This would be the first of many challenges that they would face in a performing arts career and he wondered how many would be crushed beyond repair if they didn’t get in.

Adam was busy with his directing workshop, leaving Kurt at loose ends. Because of the auditions, all of the voice classes and workshops were canceled for the day and he had nothing on his schedule until his dance class in the afternoon. Along with other curious students, he found himself drifting into the auditorium to watch some of the applicants, curious to see if they could guess who might make the cut.

Kurt hovered in the back, arms crossed over his chest as he watched the applicants, one by one, step onto the stage. The blocks that he and the others in his class used for their performances the day before had been left for the applicants to make use of and he supposed that having that rudimentary set would be less intimidating than stepping out onto a bare stage. He’d personally always felt better when he had something to work with.

Seated at the middle of the theater was Madam Tibideaux, wearing a royal blue turban and easily visible to all. Kurt could see most of the voice faculty with her and they were all making notes on the students being paraded before them, but it would be Madam Tibideaux’s judgement that won out in the end. She alone would make the call on who got one of the painfully few slots available.

Kurt watched a petite brunette on stage that reminded him a great deal of Rachel belting out Cole Porter, and was fairly confident that this one wouldn’t be offered a spot. She was technically a very solid singer with a lovely lyric soprano voice, but didn’t seem to have any kind of real emotional grasp for the material. Her performance was all surface, focusing on showing off her technique and little else.

A lot like Rachel in some ways, he realized. Not that Rachel wasn’t capable of singing with great passion, but her focus tended to be more on showing off what her voice could do than engaging the audience. The times when she sang with real emotion, it was because she was using the material to work out some emotional conflict within her. It was one of her biggest flaws as a singer and one that she still struggled with.

He sighed, hating that he was thinking about one of his best friends like this. But he had been exposed to many wonderful performers at NYADA, and had listened carefully to Madam Tibideaux’s teaching. There was something holding Rachel back and he very much hoped that she could get it sorted out in her head before her call back.

He watched several other applicants before, thinking that there were a few that just might make it. They had enough uniqueness that they could stand out, even if they might not be technically perfect. Kurt checked the time on his phone, knowing that he couldn’t stay for too much longer before he would need to head to his class. Blaine did mention that his audition was scheduled for the morning so it shouldn’t be that much longer.

He didn’t want to admit that he was waiting for Blaine’s audition because that would be childish and petty. He didn’t want to be the kind of person who wished misfortune on his ex, and while Blaine coming to NYADA would be stressful for him, he couldn’t bring himself to want to see Blaine fail.

Blaine’s name was called out and Kurt watched him hurry onto the stage. He seemed to have toned down his clothing for the occasion, trading the eye-searing clash of colors and patterns for a more subdued quality that Kurt couldn’t find fault with. He wore a white button-down shirt and a gray waistcoat and dark grey trousers. Except for his hair being combed back in a way that Kurt thought was unflattering, the younger man looked quite presentable for the occasion.

When the piano began to play, Kurt recognized the music immediately and bit back a tense smile. Not that he expected Blaine to have known what Kurt sang in Midnight Madness, but there was a real irony that Blaine had not only selected material from Les Miserables, but the defining musical number for Javert.

That explained the outfit; a rudimentary nod to the character’s costume in the show. Kurt crossed his arms and leaned back.

“ _There, out there in the darkness_ ,” Blaine began, his voice dipping into the lowest recesses of his range. “ _A figure running. Fallen from God. Fallen from grace. God be my witness, I never shall yield_.”

Well, that was at least honest, Kurt thought. Blaine was chasing him as relentlessly as Javert had chased Jean Valjean. He had to wonder if Blaine had known about his performance of “Bring Him Home” and had chosen his material as a result. Otherwise it was a hell of a coincidence for him to sing this particular song.

“ _Those who follow the path of the righteous shall have their reward_!” Blaine sang, belting out as strongly as he was able to. But Kurt could pick up the slight cracks in his tone from strain. “ _And if they fall as Lucifer fell. The flames, the sword_.”

Kurt felt himself frowning at the croaking quality that he was picking up on. The key was totally wrong for Blaine. It was too low and he was straining to keep the lowest notes even. Blaine was engaging his chest voice, but because he was struggling to get to those low notes it was completely stripping his voice of its usual power. Kurt watched Madam Tibideux making notes and knew that if he had picked up on Blaine’s problems, there was no chance that she wouldn’t.

“ _Stars… In your multitudes. Scarce to be counted_.” Blaine stepped forward, reaching outward as if to grasp one of those wayward stars, his chest pumping like a billows in an effort to get the sound out without breaking. “ _Filling the darkness, with order and light. You are the sentinels_.”

Kurt felt terrible for standing there and feeling like he was watching a car crash in slow motion. It wasn’t as if the breaks could be mistaken for overwrought emotion in the performance. Blaine knew better, he thought. Trying to make his voice into something that it wasn’t for this audition was a totally amateur mistake and to see Blaine make it was almost painful to watch. What could be going on in Blaine’s head?

Blaine’s voice softened as he reached the conclusion of his song, but the damage had been done. The strain was evident and each time he dipped for the lowest notes, they shuddered unevenly.

“ _Lord, let me find him_ ,” Blaine all but croaked. “ _That I may see him safe behind bars. I will never rest. Till then, this I swear_ …”

Kurt felt his spine stiffen, feeling that the lyrics were just a bit too apt considering how Blaine had been chasing him the past week. He could see him all but puffing up in the effort to build up for the climax and closed his eyes. Blaine lept onto one of the blocks and raised his fist in defiance.

“ _This I swear by the stars_!”

He didn’t wait to hear if Madam Tibideaux was offering any commentary. Blaine was still on the stage when Kurt walked out of the auditorium, closing the door firmly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music used:
> 
> Kurt's solo: Role of a Lifetime from "Bare: A Pop Opera"  
> Analisa's solo: Don't Tell Mama from "Cabaret"  
> Rachel's solo: Funny Honey from "Chicago"  
> Kurt & Analisa's duet: Say it Somehow from "The Light in the Piazza"  
> Blaine's solo: Stars from Les Miserables


	8. Chapter 8

“All right, Hummel... I guess that I can forgive you,” Santana noted as she popped a piece of an absolutely decedent cinnamon roll into her mouth. She pulled up her legs and curled into him, like a cat who had deigned to seek out her owner’s company for a rare change.

Kurt gave her a fond smile, glad that the offering of pastries appeased Santana’s very justifiable annoyance at having to deal with his ex for the past week. He held his oversized mug in both hands, enjoying the fragrant Earl Grey tea and grateful to finally be home. As much as he had enjoyed his time with Adam, being cramped into that tiny apartment and trying to live out of his suitcase for an extended period had started to wear on him. Now that Sam and Blaine had returned to Lima, his life could start returning to something akin to normal. He relished having his own space back, finally feeling like he could stretch out and relax after a trying week.

Santana had made some small grumbles about giving up Kurt’s comfortable bed when he arrived, but it was fairly obvious that she was teasing and was happy to see him. Not only did she relinquish his room without a fight, but had even changed the sheets before he got home. The prospect of sleeping in his own bed again vastly improved his mood.

It was a rare quiet Saturday morning. Rachel had reserved some time on one of NYADA’s smaller stages to do her final preparations for her callback and would probably be at school until at least lunchtime. Santana had the afternoon and evening shift at the diner, but had a few hours to spend with the friend that she hadn’t seen much of the past week.

He was glad to have this time together since he and Santana rarely had any real one on one time together. Appeasing her sweet tooth was the very least he could do after leaving her to deal their uninvited house guests.

Kurt regretted that he hadn’t had a chance to see Sam again before they left, but Blaine had clung to his “bro” like a tick after his NYADA audition and Sam just didn’t seem to manage to get a few hours alone. If Blaine had even an iota of self awareness, Kurt would assume that he was aware that his audition hadn’t gone over as well as he’d expected and needed the comfort. But that would mean Blaine having to actually accept that maybe he wasn’t so perfect all the time; something that Kurt didn’t believe was a realistic option.

Whatever was fueling Blaine’s neediness this time around might have dominated Sam’s focus but he had managed to find a moment to text Kurt and promise that he would call once things were settled. It wasn’t much but it left Kurt some small hope that the younger man’s overtures had been sincere.

Santana sipped at her cup of chai and sighed contentedly. “Not gonna lie,” she said softly, giving him a fond look. “I’m glad to have you back. Between Berry, Trouty and the toxic oil spill, I’m surprised that you even thought about coming back. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d grabbed Mr. Darcy and went running for the hills of Dover.”

Kurt chuckled, settling his arm about her and enjoying her presence. “I think that Dover has cliffs, not hills,” he corrected gently.

Santana waved dismissively. “Whatever… You know what I mean,” she insisted. “You seem really happy with him and I kind of like this ‘take no shit’ version of yourself that I’ve been seeing lately. And while I’m totally annoyed that I had to deal with both Berry’s ongoing nervous breakdown and your ex’s whining all week, I get why you made yourself scarce for the duration.

“What I don’t get is why you dragged yourself back here when you and Prince Harry could be making beautiful manly grunts together every night.”

Kurt shrugged offhandedly. “I was running low on clean underwear,” he answered simply. “And you and Rachel are my girls. I’m not just going to run out on you both.”

Santana’s normally sharp gazed softened at the admission. “I get that,” she said with uncustomary gentleness. “You’ve always been a better friend than either of us really deserved. It’s just…” She paused, looking down into the depths of her cup.

“What?” Kurt asked, prodding gently.

Santana sighed deeply, pushing back her long hair. “Look, you’re never going to hear this from Berry, because she would rather cut off her own arm than let her favorite chaperon escape her. But you’ve got something really good going on here,” she pointed out. “Between school and Vogue and Adam… I just don’t want to see you miss out on something because you’re too busy taking care of other people.”

She turned her head to give him a penetrating stare. “We love you, and God knows that we’d fall apart without you. Well… Berry would,” she amended. “But your responsibility shouldn’t be for us. You need to focus on yourself for a change.”

He didn’t respond immediately, not entirely comfortable with his desire to do exactly as Santana was suggesting. He didn’t want to be selfish and be bothered with only on his own wants and needs. Santana could see the indecision in his face and knew when to back off.

“Look… just think about it,” she urged. “Rachel is stronger than she acts, but she needs to be pushed to show it. And she’s not going to do that if you’re always there to clean up her messes for her. I’m working and have money coming in, and I’ve got some things in the works so I can cover a full share of the rent.”

Kurt gave her a knowing smirk. “You just want my mattress,” he chuckled.

Her gaze sharpened at his obvious deflection. “Yeah, it would be nice to get off the couch and have a real bed, but that’s not what I’m talking about,” she said firmly. “You and that hunk of English beefcake… you’re really good together. Are you trying to tell me that you’d rather stay here, taking care of us when you could be with him and maybe start building a life for yourself? One that doesn’t hinge on dealing with Berry’s latest drama or my temper all the time?”

Kurt knew that he was being pushed and his first instinct was to dig in his heels. But it was something that he had been thinking about and that he and Adam had discussed, albeit as something for the future. Despite the circumstances that had forced him out of the loft for the past few days, and he still chaffed over that, he had found it surprisingly easy to spend time in Adam’s company and enjoy a few days without the stress that had become second nature to him.

Despite them practically being in one another’s back pockets, spending time both at school and at home together, he didn’t feel at all claustrophobic or pressed in. There was an ease in their day to day existences; an absence of the constant worry that he never quite sure how to deal with. He was so used to caring for the needs of others and dealing with their problems and drama that having someone wanting to take care of him just as much felt strange. He’d enjoyed his time with Adam, making love whenever they wanted and supporting on another. Even with both Blaine and a high pressure performance on his plate, Adam’s support helped him to not just endure, but to excel.

So what was holding him back, Kurt wondered as he sipped at his tea. Rachel was definitely a factor, he acknowledged. She would have a hard time seeing him leave and building a life that she would not longer play such a dominant role in. He knew that she would see him moving out as a betrayal, and he was wondering if their friendship would be able to handle that kind of sift.

And what would happen to his relationship with Adam if they made that leap? He’d already had one relationship crash and burn on him. If things turned out badly when he and Adam were sharing an apartment, he didn’t know how he’d cope. They’d only been together for a few months now. Surely it was too soon to seriously consider such a major move. But he wanted this…

Santana reached out to grasp his hand. “Look, I won’t push you anymore. But promise me that you’ll at least think about it?”

That he could do, he considered as he gave her the affirmation she was looking for. Her expression lightened as she took another bite of her cinnamon roll. “Hey, it’s going to be okay,” she insisted. “Berry and I will be able to survive if you aren’t taking care of us all the time.”

“I know you can. But in the meantime, we can reconfigure the loft a bit,” he offered, hoping to distract her. “There’s a lot of space. We can figure out a way to work in another bedroom and get you off the couch.”

Her eyes brightened at the prospect. “We can work on that when Berry is done with her audition. Because if we start trying to move stuff around and disrupt her before her callback, she’ll gut the both of us.”

Kurt knew that this was a temporary answer, and he would not be able to put off making a decision about his future living arrangements forever. “Our lease is up in September,” he noted. “Adam and I have been talking, but we haven’t made any firm plans. I’ll have to see when his arrangements are and we’d have to look for a bigger place. A lot is going to depend on what kind of work he’s able to get after he graduates.”

Santana’s grin was all teeth and sharp edges. “Look at it this way,” she suggested. “You’re going to be working with him this summer. If you can survive that without egos getting in the way, you’ll be fine. He’s not the Grease Stain.”

That was for sure, Kurt mused as he nibbled at his breakfast. Having Blaine around just threw the differences between his current and former boyfriends into sharp relief. Adam never showed resentment of Kurt’s successes, nor did he take Kurt’s support for granted. It was such a profound contrast that Kurt couldn’t help from wondering if Adam was just too good to be true, but the older man had never given him any of the worrying clues that he now recognized in how Blaine had behaved.

One thing was for certain, and that was that he had a lot to think about. He had to be fair to his friends, but he also had to follow his own heart and do what was right for himself. Balancing the two would be the trick.

In the meantime, he wanted to pause and enjoy what he already had.

* * *

Rachel stood at the center of the small stage, mentally replaying her performance and looking for mistakes or flaws. She had never sounded better. Her voice was as strong and steady as ever, the technique flawless. Not to toot her own horn, but she couldn’t remember anyone singing Barbra better than… well, Barbra herself.

She had considered her choice of songs carefully and as much as it pained her, she had decided against “Don’t Rain On My Parade”. There was no song written that showcased her voice better, but she knew that just about every other auditioner would be using that number. And admittedly, the last audition that she had used that song for had been a disaster. There was no way that she was going to risk jinxing herself this time around. Just to be safe.

She couldn’t be more ready, but it was hard to ignore the feeling of uncertainty that had settled persistently in her gut. The instructions for her callback were clear; to use one of the songs from the musical to show her vision for Fanny Brice and how she would play the role if cast in the part.

That was the simplest part of the challenge, she considered as she looked over her notes. With such an iconic role, there was only one real way to play the part and would highlight the differences between herself and her competition. It would be comparing apples to apples and the smallest imperfection could end her chances. She needed to be flawless.

Her dream was very nearly within reach, so close that she could practically taste it. When she considered the indignities she’d suffered the past few weeks, the way her teachers and fellow students looking down on her or questioning her talent, it was all she could do not to lash out. Even Madam Tibideaux had been somewhat dismissive of her as of late. This was her chance to prove to all of them that they were wrong. That she was far more than any of them gave her credit for and that she deserved to be acknowledged as one of the greats of her generation.

She looked over her notes, wondering if she could possibly be missing something. This was a role that she had been preparing for practically since she was in diapers, and the feeling of uncertainty had her particularly unnerved. She knew what she needed to do. There was no one alive except for Barbra herself who would play the role as well as she could. And while she would admit to not being the strongest dancer in the world, that shouldn’t be an impediment to getting the part. There was no one who could embody Fanny the way she could.

It was ridiculous that she was letting others seed doubt in her. She knew what she was capable of and was as ready as she was ever going to be. Packing up her bag, Rachel fought to keep her excitement under control. She was on the verge of seeing her deepest, most profound dream come into fruition and would allow nothing to stand in her way.

She arrived back at the loft, delighted to see her best friend camped out on the couch. “Hey stranger,” she greeted cheerfully, sliding the door closed behind her. “I was hoping that we’d see you before the term ended.”

Kurt got up from his seat and held his arms open, letting her slip into a warm hug. “I figured that since I’m still paying rent, I might as well show up,” he answered blithely.

Rachel couldn’t help from grinning, knowing that he was a lot more sincere than his light tone let on. “I was afraid that we’d have to fight Adam to get you back,” she teased.

Kurt shook his head, smiling softly. “He wouldn’t keep me from you. I just…” He paused, biting his lower lip a bit. “I just couldn’t be here when Blaine was around. I’m sorry that you and Santana got stuck with him, but…”

“It’s okay,” Rachel assured him. Yes, it had been stressful having Blaine around. Between his complaints about Kurt’s avoidance and his constant bickering with Santana, Rachel was ready to make her own escape. “I do understand why you left and I don’t blame you at all. It’s wasn’t right of Blaine to just intrude the way he did.”

Kurt smiled appreciatively, grateful that she attempting to be understanding. “Well, I brought breakfast, but it’s a little late,” he said regretfully. “I wasn’t sure exactly what time you’d be getting back. But I do owe you brunch and some pampering. Are you free for the rest of the day?”

“Definitely,” she said thankfully. “But we need to make it something light. I need to look my best on Wednesday and we both have to keep in mind that we’re going to need to fit into costumes before too long.”

Kurt chuckled, nodding in agreement. “You don’t have to remind me. Adam and I have our costume fittings and first cast meeting on Wednesday.”

“But that’s the same day as my callback,” she complained. “I was kind of hoping that you’d be here for that.”

“I wish I could,” he said with enough sincerity to surprise her. “But the whole cast has to be there and I don’t want to make trouble my first year with them.”

She knew that he was right, and there was no way that she could reasonably hold this against him. If all went well this would be a fairly common issue for them; both being busy with the demands of their respective careers. They would try but there were no guarantees that they would always be available for one another’s biggest moments.

“I should be cross, but I can’t,” she said with a lot more grace than she knew he was accustomed from hearing from her. “It’s not like you’re missing it for something inconsequential.”

She gave him a brilliant smile, wanting to be happy for him. “This is your first real show! I’m so excited that this is happening for you.”

“Even if it’s just a ‘little festival production’,” he teased, using her own words. There was no real heat in his words, but the reminder of her thoughtless behavior was there.

She felt her cheeks flush slightly, embarrassed that she had dismissed his accomplishment like that. “That was a stupid thing for me to say,” she granted. “One of these days, I’m going to learn to control my mouth. And really… I can’t wait to see you in these shows. Now I’m not sure how the Funny Girl rehearsal schedule is going to be, but I promise that I’ll be there to see you at least once in each show.”

She was being completely honest in that pledge and was determined to live up to her word. She loved watching Kurt perform and having a chance to see him stretch his acting wings was not something that she was going to miss. It was long past time that she showed him the kind of support that he’d always shown her and if that meant rearranging her rehearsal schedule a bit, then that was a very small sacrifice to make.

“Well, let me grab my stuff and we can head out,” he offered. “I was thinking about salads at Mominette, and then get our hands and feet done so we both look perfect.”

Rachel nodded. “That sounds great! Go get your jacket… I’m starving!” she urged.

Kurt laughed and quickly moved to clean up and put the left over pastries away before getting his light jacket from the closet. He offered Rachel his arm, and she happily accepted. They strolled outside into the bright spring weather, chatting animatedly about their excitement over the upcoming week.

Rachel didn’t think that she could be happier, having her dream coming true with her best friend at her side. Seeing Kurt’s dreams coming true as well just made this moment even sweeter. She didn’t think it was possible for her to be more content than she was at that moment, and the future could only be bright for the both of them.

* * *

Kurt sat on the train next to Adam, trying to keep his exhilaration under control and not to fidget too much. He was excited about seeing the costumes for both shows because that would make all of this real. There were moments when he found it hard to grasp that he was actually going to be in a professional production and that he would find himself waking up to realize that it wasn’t really happening.

The older man had his arms about Kurt’s shoulders, enjoying the casual closeness. He could feel the tension in Kurt’s body and bend his head to nuzzle at Kurt’s hair.

“Relax, darling,” he urged. “This is the fun part. The real work starts in a couple of weeks, so enjoy this.”

Kurt looked up at Adam, seeing the warmth in Adam’s eyes and smile. “I just feel like I should be pinching myself. I mean, I’ve had a few weeks for this to sink in so I don’t get why this feels so unreal.”

“It’s your first professional job,” Adam reminded him gently, his thumb stroking Kurt’s hand reassuringly. “I remember how I felt at my first gig… I couldn’t quite grasp that they actually wanted me. It didn’t become real until the curtain went up on opening night.”

Kurt smiled softly and rested his head against Adam’s shoulder, taking comfort from his solid presence. “I don’t know why I’m like this,” he claimed, feeling a little silly. “I mean, it’s what I’ve wanted to do for so long. I’ve worked for this. Why can’t I wrap my head around it actually happening?”

He looked down to his hand that was held securely in Adam’s. “I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll walk in there and they’ll see that they made a mistake and give the part to someone else.”

“That’s definitely not going to happen,” Adam assured him firmly. “That’s not how this company works. They wouldn’t have cast you if they didn’t want you.”

The older man carefully tightened his hold on Kurt, grounding him. “Just ride this out,” he advised. “And on opening night, when you hear the applause, you’ll know that it’s real. When you see the audience that came to see you do what you do best.”

Adam’s gentle words of support meant everything to Kurt and he smiled, giving his lover a warm kiss. “I love you,” he said softly. “I’d probably be flying apart at the seams if it weren’t for you.”

Adam chuckled, giving Kurt a loving smile. “You’d be fine,” he insisted. “Because there is nothing that you let stand in your way.”

When they arrived at the theater, there was quite a crowd waiting. Kurt estimated about fifty people milling about, waiting for the meeting to begin. His cast mates, he realized with a bit of nervousness. Adam gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and led him about, making introductions with actors that he’d worked with in previous seasons.

Mr. Tillman stepped onto the stage, carrying a heavy binder crammed with papers and looked over the crowd with a pleased smile. “Good morning, everyone. I’m so glad to see you all and I’m really looking forward to this season’s productions.”

The group, as a whole, cheered and applauded the festival director and Kurt felt the excitement in him begin to build again. This was really happening…

“Now we’ve got a busy day ahead of us and our costuming team is itching to get their hands on you, so let’s go over a few things before I hand you off to them. If you have any questions, please hold off until we’re done here. To start, rehearsals for both shows will begin on June 23rd, so I expect everyone to be familiar with their lines by then. The performance schedule is going to start with Macbeth for the first week, and we’ll conclude the festival with Much Ado. That way we can end on a fun note.”

He opened up his binder and thumbed through the pages until he found what he was looking for. “We will have a month long preparation period with daily rehearsals for both shows, so it’s going to be long days for everyone. For the festival, we’ve all arranged for you to be put up at the ever so comfortable Super 8 down the road, and we’ll be again providing a traveling stipend during the rehearsal period.

“Those of you who are taking on understudy roles are expected to be at all full rehearsals so we’re all going to have a lot to absorb,” Mr. Tillman warned. “The photo shoot for those in speaking roles is scheduled for next Saturday and we’ll be releasing the press announcement with casting the following week. Once rehearsals start, things are going to be moving very quickly, so I do expect everyone to give us your best efforts.”

Kurt felt himself nodding in agreement, though the question about putting in the work wasn’t something to be seriously debated.

Mr. Tillman looked over the group and looked very proud of his group. “We have a wonderful collection of performers this season, both veterans and a few that will be with us for the first time. I think that this may be one of our best seasons yet and I’m very much looking forward to seeing what you all will do.”

Kurt turned to Adam with a grin of excitement, his nervousness beginning to fade and be replaced by anticipation.

Mr. Tillman turned the page to the cast list and gave the group a smile. “I’d like to introduce our cast so everyone gets to know one another.”

He read out the names of the actors and the roles that they would be playing, most in the group being cast in both shows. Kurt watched carefully, trying to commit to memory the faces and names of the people he’d be working with. Most of the actors in speaking roles were veterans and even many in the ensembles had been with the festival before. Kurt wondered how many who were new to the festival had been cast in speaking roles and the weight of just what he’d accomplished began to hit him.

When Adam’s roles were announced, Kurt applauded loudly, cheering on his boyfriend who had the lead in one show and a very prominent role in another. Adam had been performing with the festival for several years and was well known by the other actors and the audience. Kurt knew that he would be a draw and it make sense to put him in the spotlight.

“Now we have some new people joining us there year,” Mr. Tillman informed the group. “Craig Ross will be joining us as Fleance in Macbeth and Kurt Hummel will be taking on the role of Don John for Much Ado. And Tracy Miller is also new and will be playing Hero in Much Ado. Let’s give them a warm welcome because I’m thrilled to have such talented young performers joining us.”

The rest of the cast cheered the newcomers and Kurt felt his face warm at the acknowledgement. He felt a little lightheaded at what was happening around him. The other newcomers looked just as excited and nervous as he felt, with the girl playing Hero giving him a tentative smile. It was just the three of them, and Kurt knew that they would need to support one another.

“Are you all right, sweetheart?” Adam asked with a hint of concern when he saw the uneasiness in Kurt’s expression.

“Just a little overwhelmed,” Kurt admitted, grateful to have Adam’s presence to ground him. “I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.”

“You’re doing fine,” Adam assured him. “Come on… let’s go take a look at the costumes they have for us.”

* * *

Rachel stood outside the theater, watching as other people began to stream in. She inhaled deeply, trying to steady her nerves and will herself to walk inside. The line for the check-in desk wasn’t quite so long as it had been for the open call, though the same harried woman doing the check-in was no more friendly or interested than she was before. Rachel handed in her CV and head shot and accepted the tag with her number; 53 this time, so that was something of an improvement. She then walked inside the theater and took a seat among the other auditioners.

There appeared to be about half the number of actresses than there were the first time around, and the atmosphere in the theater was much different. Despite the smaller group, it was more charged and more serious. The friendly comradery that she’d seen between several of the auditioners was replaced by the edge of competitiveness. Now that they had made it past the first round of consideration, they were in serious contention for the same job. Even if they knew one another, there would be no friends in this room.

Rachel watched the group carefully, looking for signs of nerves or weakness. There were a few that she thought she remembered from the open call. That slender brunet who had sat near her in the theater made it through, but her redheaded friend apparently didn’t. The leggy blond that she remembered from the open call check in was also there, and a few others that she thought she remembered on sight. She couldn’t remember very much about their actual auditions, but they had to be good to have made it this far.

But this was her role, she reminded herself firmly, refusing to let her nerves get the better of her. None of them looked the part, and she was more ready for this than anything else in her life. She wasn’t going to let any of these people take it away from her.

At ten thirty, the doors to the theater closed and the production team stepped onto the stage to greet the prospective actresses vying for the role. “Good morning everyone,” Mr. Campion greeted the group. “Thank you all for coming in today. This is very exciting for us because this is really where we start getting a sense of who our Fanny is going to be.”

He took a moment to reintroduce the other members of the team and sending them down to the director’s table before addressing the group again.

“Admittedly with the first round of auditions, because of the number of performers we weren’t able to go into depth with each of you and see what you are made of,” he explained. “But each of you sitting here showed us something that made us want to take a second look. That’s what got you all here. What we need to see now is what special talents that you, as individuals, would bring to our production. Around half the people who came to the open call were asked back. By the time we’re done, I’m expecting to have narrowed the group down by at least half again.

“This is your chance to show us why you should be Fanny in our production. You’ve already proven that you’re talented,” he advised. “But now you need to show us what makes you special. You need to show us that you are as special as Fanny Brice herself was.”

Rachel felt herself nodding in understanding and felt her stomach tighten as the weight of what she was facing really began to hit her.

“We have a lot of challenges with this show, and there’s a reason why it’s taken so long to bring a revival to Broadway,” Mr. Campion warned. “This is a show with an iconic character and we’re looking to make her new again. A fresh take that brings Fanny into the modern age without losing the elements that make her who she is. That’s not an easy task with a role that is so closely associated with a specific performer that you know the audience will be comparing you to.

“I want to know who you are as individuals and what you think you can bring to this production. What we really want to see is how you see yourself playing Fanny in the show. We’re looking for a Fanny that speaks for a new generation and this is your chance to really show us what you are capable of, both as actors and as people. I wish you all the best of luck and let’s see some amazing performances. Thank you again.”

The group applauded and watched with building excitement as Mr. Campion joined the rest of team and the pianist stepped out to provide accompaniment for the auditions. When the first girl took the stage, a pretty blond who probably needed to lose about twenty pounds by Rachel’s estimation, Mr. Campion addressed her directly.

“Alicia Eddings, right?” he asked, the microphone carrying his voice though the theater.

She nodded and gave him a bright smile. “Yes, but everyone calls me Ali.”

“So tell me Ali, why should you be Fanny?”

She gave a calm explanation of how she felt an affinity for Fanny as a lifelong theater kid in a small town in Iowa and Rachel tuned her out to center herself. This was going to be a long day and she couldn’t afford to be distracted. She wanted to see what her competition was capable of, but she didn’t want to hear their stories. None of them could lay the kind of claim on the part that she could and she wasn’t going to give them the opportunity to shake her confidence.

When the blonde girl began to sing “Who Are You Now” Rachel had to acknowledge that she was very good. She had a warm resonance to her voice that was very pleasent, but there was nothing in her voice that screamed Fanny. Her cadence and inflection was wrong and Rachel just couldn’t see her in the role. When she finished, it was apparent that the directors agreed with Rachel’s assessment.

“Thank you, Ali,” Mr. Campion said. “You’re very good and have a wonderful voice, but not quite what we’re looking for. But we do appreciate you coming today.”

The young woman appeared disappointed at the abrupt rejection, but rallied quickly. “Thanks for giving me the opportunity. I look forward to getting your notes.”

The casting director gave her a nod. “Of course,” Ms. Gilroy assured you. “We’ll be emailing them out in the next week or so.”

The blonde girl thanked them again and stepped off the stage to gather her things and leave the theater with as much dignity as she could manage. Rachel inhaled in surprise that it was over so quickly. In less than ten minutes, the first of them quickly and ruthlessly cut and the next was ready to step onto the stage. And with no real feedback, Rachel had no way of knowing just why that girl was cut.

The next girl singing could have been a taller, slightly older version of Rachel herself. She had a stunning voice that filled the theater and her rendition of “Don’t Rain On My Parade” was lively. But she also was rejected and politely thanked for her efforts, which surprised Rachel. This was someone that probably deserved to be considered further, and her rejection left even less insight into what the director was looking for.

Rachel knew that she could do this. But she would be lying to herself if she claimed that her confidence wasn’t shaken just a little bit.

* * *

“Okay, that should do it,” Gen, the costuming tech said once she’d finished with her adjustments. “How does it feel?”

There were six costumers working to get through the entire cast, checking sizes and making sure that the right costumes were assigned to the right performers. It was a bit chaotic, but the costuming team was completely professional and seemed to enjoy their work. When it was his turn, Kurt was quickly ushered into a curtained area and up onto a step so that his costume for Macbeth could be fitted properly.

He flexed his shoulders, testing the feel. “It’s good,” he said. “It’s not pulling.”

“Great! Fortunately your measurements were pretty accurate so the alternations are fairly minor. We’ll let out the shoulders of the jerkin a bit and nip in the waist,” she informed him. “But it looks good.”

Kurt stepped down and looked in the mirror, taking in his appearance and liking what he saw. The costume was relatively simple, the brown leather jerkin worn over a Highland-style shirt. The great kilt was done up in the traditional style, the plaid a subtle pattern of brown and gray. There were soft leather boots and belt and some kind of brown leather pouch that Gen explained was his “sporran”. Considering that he’d be standing around in the background and filling in scenes most of the show, the quality was a lot higher than he’d been expecting.

“I like it,” he said happily, looking himself over again. “Nice to have something that shows off my legs.”

Gen chuckled, giving him a good-humored nudge. “Well, you definitely haven’t been skipping leg day,” she teased, giving him a playful wink. “Want to try on the fancy stuff? I think you’re really going to be happy with what we’ve got lined up.”

“Definitely,” Kurt said enthusiastically. He was really curious to see what they had in mind for Much Ado since the choice of costumes would really define the setting. Gen left him to find his other costume, and he took advantage of the moment of privacy to really take in his appearance. His legs were clearly showing more tone after weeks of steady dance training.

Adam poked his head in from behind the curtain and gave a low wolf whistle. “Wow… I was right,” he said happily, looking his lover over. “You do look amazing in a kilt.”

“Hey… get over here and let me see yours,” Kurt urged.

Adam was wearing his costume for Much Ado, and as Kurt expected looked absolutely amazing. The show was apparently going with a Napoleonic theme as far as the costuming went, and it suited Adam exceptionally well. The red dolman jacket with ornate gold trim and buttons emphasized Adam’s broad shoulders, and tight fitting white trousers tucked into tall riding boots made his legs look a mile long.

“I am so close to jumping you right now,” Kurt warned. Adam’s legs were a work of art and on display for him to enjoy. The black boots were hitting all his kink buttons and he wondered what the chance was of convincing Adam to buy a pair for himself.

Adam chuckled and stepped close, keeping a scant inch of distance from Kurt. “I had to wear a kilt for a family wedding a few years ago. Do you know what I’ve discovered the best part of that to be?” he whispered roughly, his breath heated against Kurt’s ear.

“Showing off your legs?” Kurt answered, trying to keep a rein on his arousal. There was no way that he was going to get through the rest of his fitting with a hard on.

“Nope,” Adam corrected gently, one hand reaching down to trail the tips of his fingers up Kurt’s thigh under his kilt. “Easy access. Especially if you wear it properly.”

Kurt closed his eyes, inhaling deeply to regain control over himself at the thought of Adam’s hand reaching up further under his kilt. “I hate you,” he groaned, giving Adam a shove that wasn’t totally playful.

Adam chuckled playfully, grabbing Kurt and getting him close enough to give the younger man a sound kiss. “No you don’t,” he said with certainty, releasing Kurt to give him a moment to regain his composure. “You love me.”

“No, I think that at this moment, I just might hate you,” Kurt insisted, trying not to give in to the smile that was threatening to emerge at his boyfriend’s teasing. Giving a low huff, he sat down and started to nudge of the boots, wanting to be ready when Gen returned.

“Here… Let me help,” Adam said, bending to take hold of Kurt’s heel before he could protest and working the boot loose to make amends for his teasing. With a careful jiggle, Kurt’s foot slipped free but he’d lost his sock in the process.

Kurt laughed as Adam’s fingernails scraped playfully across the sole of his foot and tried to pull his leg free, but Adam tightened his grip. “Hold on here… what is this?” Adam asked, holding Kurt’s foot up. He smiled. “You cheeky little…”

Kurt felt his cheeks begin to heat in embarrassment when Adam saw that his toenails were painted a brilliant cornflower blue that wouldn’t have been out of place on an Easter egg. “Rachel and I were goofing around when we were getting our pedicures,” he quickly explained. “She dared me to get them polished and I didn’t remember to take it off.”

“I like it,” Adam assured him, not releasing his grip on Kurt’s foot. “It’s so adorable. A little unexpected surprise.”

“You goof,” Kurt accused. “Help me get my other boot off.”

The curtain was pushed open and Gen stepped in, carrying another garment bag and pair of boots. “Okay, enough with the foreplay,” she reprimanded. “Adam, Billie is looking for you and we’ve got too many people to get through today. You can seduce your boyfriend on your own time.”

“Sorry, love,” Adam said impishly, looking as if he wasn’t sorry in any way, shape or form. He looked to Kurt and blew him a kiss. “See you in a bit.”

Kurt inhaled deeply and looked up at the woman setting out his next costume. “Sorry about that,” he said sincerely. “That was his idea of trying to get me to relax.”

Gen smiled, hanging up the new garment bag and motioning for him to get up. “Don’t worry about it,” she assured him. “My boyfriend likes to email me funny cat videos when I’m stressing.” She unpinned the sash of his kilt and held it out of the way while he unlaced his jerkin.

She carefully placed the jerkin and shirt aside and helped unwrap the kilt, leaving him in his boxer briefs. “I was just as nervous my first season,” she insisted, folding the plaid fabric and draping it over a hanger that she placed with the rest of his costume. “And if it’s any consolation, the first alteration I did for a costume ended up with both sleeves sewn shut.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing. “I’ve had my own sewing mishaps, so I can sympathize.”

She grinned and retrieved his sock from the boot, handing it to him. “Well, let’s get this on you and see what you think,” Gen proposed, unzipping the second garment bag. She pulled out a pair of black trousers with a red stripe up the outer seam and told him to put them on so she could check the fit.

After buttoning them up, he saw that they had gotten the length right but the pants were a little loose around the waist. Gen quickly brought out her pin cushion and began painstakingly making adjustments, taking great care not to stick him. She made a few marks with chalk to show where the alternations needed to be made and then had him try on the riding boots, which thankfully were a perfect fit.

He made sure that the pants were neatly tucked into the boots and when Gen brought out his jacket, Kurt felt his jaw nearly drop. The dolman jacket was black and decorated ornately with silver frogging and buttons that stood out in sharp contrast. He slipped it on and couldn’t resist running his hand over the material.

“Wow… it’s gorgeous,” he said breathlessly, looking in the mirror. The silver braidwork stood out brightly against the black fabric and created a stunning and compelling image.

Gen smiled as she began to pin up the bottom of the jacket so that it would sit perfectly at Kurt’s waist. “You’ve got the ideal body for a uniform like this,” she explained. “All shoulders and legs.”

She checked the fit at the shoulders, frowned and brought out a few more pins to tack the fabric down so that it lay properly. Then she got out her measuring tape to check a few things, made some notes and drew a few marks in chalk where she would make adjustments. The final component of the costume was a red sash that she showed how to tie about his waist.

“I love it,” he said happily, turning about so that he could see the costume from all angles. “It’s amazing.”

“We’re really proud of this one, and it’s pretty unique. All the other uniforms have red jackets,” she explained. “Only your character is in black.”

That gave Kurt some food for thought as he studied his image. The costuming choices were clearly done in a way to define the characters and it made sense to put the show’s villain in black. But it also showed Don John being set apart from all the other characters in the show, including his brother, the prince. They were all a matched set, apparently serving together in the army while Don John was sent elsewhere.

He wondered if that was what the directors had in mind, because he definitely wanted to explore the character from that angle. It would go a long way in explaining John’s motivations and giving him a foundation for his resentments. He didn’t want to be a cardboard cutout villain, but maybe one that could get the audience to sympathize with him a bit.

Gen took a few pictures from various angles and then pronounced that she was finished and he could change back into his own clothes. Kurt caressed the soft wool of his sleeve again before reluctantly letting her help him undress, careful of all the pins. She carefully hung up the costume and tucked in her alternation notes into the bag.

Once dressed in his own clothes, he thanked Gen gratefully and complimented her on her amazing work before setting off to find Adam. They had more meetings to get through before they were done for the day and he finally was starting to feel like he belonged here. Wearing the costumes let him really get a feeling for what he was going to do and he now was looking forward to the festival with anticipation rather than nerves.

* * *

Rachel couldn’t help from fidgeting in her seat as the auditions wore on. She watched more and more women rejected and only about twenty so far being passed through for further consideration. The young woman on the stage was the statuesque blond that she had remembered from the open call, who was doing a lovely rendition of “Who Are You Now”. Her vocal technique was beautiful, but she just didn’t look like Fanny to Rachel.

Mr. Campion was conferring with the rest of his team and when the young woman was finished, gave her a smile. “That was amazing, Erica. A unique and strong emotional grasp on the character. We’d like you to stay for the line reading.”

The blonde smiled brightly. “Of course! Thank you,” she said happily that she was still under consideration. She quickly gathered herself and trotted off the stage, grinning widely that she was still in the game.

Rachel didn’t understand any of this. What the hell could be going on in Mr. Campion’s head? Sure, the blonde had been a very good singer, and Rachel could admire the soulful take on that song, but she was completely wrong for the part. She didn’t look anything like what the audience expected of Fanny Brice.

There were two more performers before her, one of which was a curvaceous black girl who also was passed through for additional consideration. For the life of her, Rachel couldn’t understand that. Why would they waste their time on someone who could never portray Fanny properly? She didn’t want to be mean, but Fanny was a Jewish girl from New York. Didn’t anyone in the production team take her presentation seriously?

Well, she would show them exactly who Fanny was and why she was the only one to portray her properly. When her number was called, Rachel gathered herself mentally and stepped proudly onto the stage. She took her mark at the center and presented her most winning smile.

“Rachel Berry, right?” Mr. Campion confirmed. “So tell us about yourself and why you should be our Fanny.”

Rachel inhaled deeply, the answer coming so simply for her. This was something that she had rolled over in her mind a few million times before even auditioning for the part.

“When I was really little, my dads would play Funny Girl for me,” she explained. “And I would sing along to all the songs. I probably knew them all by heart by the time I was five. We would listen to the cast album and watch the movie on TV and I would always be acting out Fanny and singing along. I’ve known for pretty much my whole life that out of every role possible, this was the one that I dreamed of playing the most.

“I’ve been preparing for this role my entire life,” she said honestly. “And I think that I could do it in a way that really honors who Fanny is.”

Mr. Campion nodded. “Thank you. Whenever you’re ready…”

Rachel took another deep breath to steady herself, then nodded to the pianist to start. The familiar music began to float about her and she felt herself getting into character. This was such a sad moment in Fanny’s life and she wanted to do it justice.

“ _I add two and two, the most simple addition_ ,” she sang softly, her eyes downcast when she considered what was happening to Fanny at this point in the show. She was careful to make sure that she modulated her voice correctly, with the right inflection and cadence. “ _Then I sweat that the figures are lying. I’m a much better comic than mathematician. ‘Cause I’m better on stage than at intermission_.”

She drew up her arms and hugged herself, as if self-comforting. “ _If I’ve been burned, I haven’t learned_.” He voice took on a slightly self-mocking, mournful tone.

“ _I know he's around when the sky and the ground start in ringing. I know that he's near by the thunder I hear in advance_.” Her voice resonated through the theater as it rose. “ _His words--his words alone--are the words that can start my heart singing. And his is the only music that makes me dance_.”

She looked about, her expression soft as she remembered Fanny’s love for Nick. And the pain in recognizing that her love wasn’t enough to heal things between them. “ _He'll sleep and he'll rise_ ,” she sang sadly, her face tight with the emotion of the song. “ _In the light of two eyes that adore him. Bore him it might, but he won't leave my sight for a glance_.

“ _In ev'ry way, ev'ry day_.” She looked up, physically steeling herself for what was to come. She inhaled deep into her chest, putting more power into her voice as she built up to the climax. “ _I need less of myself and need more him--more him. 'Cause his is the only music that makes me dance._ ”

She looked out to the audience, her eyes fixing on the directors as she willed them to focus on her. She had this.

“ _'Cause his is the only music that makes me dance_!”

There was a smattering of polite applause from the other auditioners and Rachel resisted the urge to take a bow. She knew that she had sounded wonderful and she watched as Mr. Campion conferred briefly with the other members of the production panel as they compared their notes. The seconds seemed to crawl as she stood alone on the stage, awaiting their pronouncement. She felt her palms begin to get clammy as her grasp on her nerves began to waver. When Mr. Campion finally looked up at her, she felt her breath catch in her throat. This was it…

“Thank you, Rachel,” he said. “That was lovely. You have a very beautiful voice and you do have a nice presence.”

“Thank you,” she said appreciatively. She barely managed to keep the nervous waver out of her voice.

Ms. Campion pursed his mouth a bit as he considered her and she felt her stomach clench as he waited for his approval. “We do think that you’re very talented,” he granted. “But not a good fit for this production. But thank you for coming today.”

Rachel cocked her head in confusion, his words not completely registering. “But you want me to stay for line reading?” she asked, mentally begging for the clarification she was hoping for. “I can show you…”

The director shook his head. “I’m afraid not. As I said, you do have a lovely voice, but we’re looking for something different here. But we do appreciate your effort.”

Rachel stared at him blankly, her body chilled when the realization of what just happened hit her. She could feel her hands start to tremble, her body moving as she walked off the stage, but her brain hadn’t quiet caught up. This couldn’t be happening…

Somehow she managed to find her seat where she had left her things and watched numbly as Number 54, an attractive Hispanic girl, took the stage. The directors didn’t notice at all as she picked up her bag and began the walk out of the theater, already forgetting about her as they focused on their next prospect. Her jaw trembled as she tried to hold back her tears.

There was a strange buzzing in her head and Rachel could feel a sharp pain in her chest, like something had just been stabbed into her. She could barely get a breath in. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t supposed to be how it happened. What was going on?

She found herself outside, looking at the blank marquee that would one day hold someone else’s name and felt her stomach lurch painfully. She felt like she was going to throw up or burst into tears right there, but her body wasn’t sure which. Rachel managed to breathe in and felt her body shudder painfully. She needed to get out of there and find Kurt… he would make this better… he had to.

She had to find some way to fix this.

* * *

Kurt checked his phone again to see if there were any messages from Rachel. It was getting late in the day and he was sure that he would have heard something from her about how things went. He’d left a voice mail earlier but she hadn’t called or texted back and he was starting to get a little worried for her.

 _Just wanted to see how things are going_ , he texted her. _You okay?_

He hoped that she wasn’t answering because she was busy at the callback, but he had no way of knowing until she either responded or he got home. His own day was running a bit longer than planned, with cast meetings for both shows. He was grateful for the chance to meet a bit more intimately with the people he’d be working with and get a sense of Mr. Tillman’s visions for both plays. With such familiar material, there was always the danger of the production becoming too generic if they played it safe, or too out there if they went in a more avant-guarde direction.

Mr. Tillman spoke about getting the audience to see things from another perspective. It would be a more balanced view of all the characters, with the less admirable traits of the protagonists given more focus, as well as what admirable traits the antagonists had. He wanted the cast to really look at their characters before rehearsals began and get a sense of how they could play them in a way that might surprise their audience.

Afterwards, there was an informal coffee session, so that the cast and team could mingle and get to one another. Kurt found himself being passed around like some new baby at a family reunion as he was hugged and greeted by the rest of the cast. It could have been overwhelming, but everyone was so friendly and welcoming that it felt more like a casual party than a work meet and greet.

Adam introduced him to Ben Whannell, the actor playing both Macbeth and the Prince in Much Ado and who was apparently delighted to have a chance to speak with Kurt. “I have so been looking forward to meeting you,” he greeted happily, taking hold of Kurt and giving him a warm hug. He drew back and took a long, appraising look at the younger man. “You definitely look like you could be my baby brother.”

Kurt chuckled, seeing that there was something of a resemblance between them. If one squinted and looked hard, it was possible for Kurt look like a younger, brunette version of the older actor.

“So how are you liking this so far?” Ben asked, sipping at his coffee.

“So far, so good,” Kurt answered agreeably. “It’s a lot to take in, but I’m really looking forward to seeing how this all goes. Everyone here has been really great and I’m excited to get things started.”

“Well, this is a great group to work with,” Ben assured him. “And admittedly, I’m looking forward to seeing what you can really do. Adam says that you’re pretty amazing.”

Kurt threw his boyfriend a bemused stare. “He’s biased,” he explained.

“Maybe. But I’ve worked with him for three seasons now and he doesn’t bullshit about talent,” Ben insisted. “If he says that you’re good, than I’m inclined to believe him.”

“He’s giving me a lot to live up to,” Kurt mused.

Ben laughed good naturedly, apparently pleased that Kurt wasn’t going to be one of those spoiled theater kids who thought that just existing would mean an instant Tony nomination. That kind didn’t tend to last long. “I think that you’ll do just fine,” Ben assured him. “I’ll see you both next week.”

Kurt nodded and gave Adam a warm smile before being passed off to the next in their company that wanted to speak with him. He found himself huddled with his fellow newbies, Craig and Tracy, glad to have a chance to compare notes and get to know one another. Craig was around his age and Tracy was a year or so younger. All three of them were serious about a future in the performing arts and Kurt hoped that they could become friends during their time working together.

“I don’t think that there’s much that I’m going to be able to wring out of my part,” Craig said a bit regretfully. “It’s just not a big enough role and he doesn’t have a big part in moving the storyline.”

Tracy nodded, understanding his disappointment. “I’m sure that you’ll come up with something. I’ve got a few ideas for Hero that I want to run by Mr. Tillman. She’s such a blank slate except for being stupid in love. I’d like to figure out some way to portray her as something other than a doormat that lets her betrothed walk all over her.”

Craig gave her a bright smile. “That sounds like it could be a lot of fun,” he agreed. He turned to Kurt. “What about Don John? You can really do a lot with him.”

Kurt nodded in agreement. “I think I can. I’m really going to look at getting the audience to sympathize with him, at least a little bit. I mean, he’s a jerk and he does some pretty mean things, but he’s not just doing it for shits and giggles”

“You’re at NYADA, right?” Tracy asked, giving Kurt an admiring gaze. “That means you’ve got to be an amazing actor. You could probably have the audience siding with you in no time.”

Craig looked to Kurt in surprise. “NYADA… wow. I applied there but didn’t get in. So I ended up at Tisch.”

“It took me applying twice to get in,” Kurt clarified. “I’m hardly some kind of wunderkind.”

“But you got in,” Tracy pointed out. “Which is a lot more than 99% of people in our field can say.”

“You know… we three should stick together,” Kurt offered. “They want to see what we can do so we should try to help one another. My major is musical theater, and I haven’t had much experience with classical dramtics.”

The others quickly agreed and brought out their phones to exchange numbers and email addresses. Kurt was hoping that they could become friends over the festival season. He loved his girls and his friends at NYADA, but he needed to expand his circle a bit more. Especially If these were people that he was going to be working with. He remembered that he told Rachel and keeping good relations with those that could impact his career just made sense. And if they could become actual friends, so much the better. One could always use more friends.

Adam came up behind him and place his hands gently on Kurt’s shoulders, pulled him back against him. “Having fun, darling?” he asked, giving his boyfriend a warm smile.

Kurt nodded enthusiastically. The nerves he’d felt at the beginning of the day had dissolved and he now was looking forward to all the hard work and new professional relationships he was starting to build.

Mr. Tillman called everyone’s attention to him and gave his cast a proud smile. “Before we break for the day, I just wanted to say again how thrilled and excited I am about the upcoming season. I have tremendous confidence that this will be one of our best seasons yet and that we’ve assemble a remarkable cast.

“So thank you all for joining us on this journey,” he said sincerely. “I will see some of you next week and all of you in June. Thank you again and get home safely.”

The group applauded and Kurt gave his new friends a quick hug and promise that he’d be in touch with them before the photo shoot and let Adam guide him out of the theater.

“Well, you look decidedly more chipper than you did this morning,” Adam observed, clearly pleased about Kurt’s improved attitude.

The younger man nodded, happy to admit that his concerns had been unfounded and Adam was treated to his animated chatter about how great everything was and the amazing costumes. Adam laughed and wrapped his arm about Kurt, hugging him close as they took the train back to the city. “I’m glad that you’re happy, sweetheart,” he said happily. “This is going to be a wonderful opportunity for you. And I’m thrilled that we get to do this together, even though you’re totally going to steal the show.”

“I definitely will try,” Kurt warned. He reached into his jacket and pulled out his phone to check his messages and frowned when he saw that there was still nothing from Rachel.

Adam saw the frown form on his boyfriend’s face. “What’s wrong, love?” he asked.

“Rachel hasn’t gotten back to me about her callback,” he answered, not hiding his concern. “I was expected to hear something by now, one way or the other, so I’m getting a bit worried about her.”

Neither of them wanted to say what both of them knew. Had her callback gone well, Kurt would have received excited boasting from Rachel as soon as she got finished. No response at all was telling and Kurt could only hope that he was wrong and that she was tied up with additional readings or choreography tests. He dreaded to consider the alternative.

“Do you want me to come home with you?” Adam asked as they headed towards the subway.

Kurt gave his boyfriend a thankful smile but shook his head. “It’s starting to get late,” he pointed out. “Let me see what’s going on. I’ve got a feeling that she’s not going to be in the mood for company.”

Adam pursed his lower lip and nodded before giving Kurt a gentle kiss. “You’ll call me later?” he pressed. “And let me know if I can help.”

“Definitely,” Kurt answered. He had a feeling that he was going to need Adam before this was over. He kissed his boyfriend goodbye and headed into the subway to take him back into Brooklyn. Before descending to the platform, he tried calling Rachel’s cell phone. There was no answer, the call going to her voicemail.

“Hey hon… I’m in the city and should be home in about half an hour,” he said as he walked down the stairs. “I just wanted to see how things went today. I’ll see you in a little bit.”He checked his phone repeatedly, looking for any response to his message and was disappointed that he hadn’t heard back from her at all. He had a strong feeling that he knew what had happened and she was going to need him very badly.

The loft was dark when he arrived. Santana was at work and Kurt would have suspected that he was alone if it weren’t for the sight of Rachel’s purse on the floor between the door and her sleeping area. The curtain was drawn shut, but Kurt could hear the muffled sob from within.

“Rachel… honey?” he said gently, pulling the curtain aside. In the dim light he could see her curled up on the bed, holding herself tightly as if she were afraid that she would shake apart. Her face was smeared with tears and makeup that had run during her crying jags. It looked like she had been there for awhile, so Kurt had no idea how long she’d been there.

He’d heard of people crying in their sleep and it looked as if Rachel had exhausted herself and was not at all aware that he was standing over her. Not wanting to startle her, Kurt carefully reached out to gently shake her shoulder.

Rachel started, sitting up suddenly and looking up at him in shock. It took a second for his presence to register with her. “Kurt?” she whimpered, her voice wavering as the tears started anew.

Kurt sat down on the bed next to her and held out his arms. With a broken sob, she threw herself into his embrace and buried her face in his shirt and she bawled.

Kurt wrapped his arms tightly about her, murmuring soft words of comfort over what she could never be comforted about. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t tell him what had gone wrong, or that his shirt would be utterly ruined from her smeared makeup staining the fabric. All that mattered was that he was there, wishing that he could make it a little bit better for her.

But how did you make it better when her dream had just died?


	9. Chapter 9

Rachel slowly came to awareness, feeling as wrung out as an old dishrag. She had slept fitfully at best, finding what little comfort she could in Kurt’s presence. He had stayed with her the entire night, holding her close and soothing her when the tears refused to be denied. When she finally fell asleep, the light was starting to peek through the windows.

She was alone, Kurt having apparently tucked her gently in when exhaustion finally overcame her. He left her safe, cocooned in her soft sheets and comforter, hopefully to get some real rest. She wasn’t sure what time it was, but she felt drained and the very last thing she wanted to bring herself to do was get up and face the world outside her curtain.

She was trying not to think about what had happened, but the pain in her chest refused to fade. It was a constant reminder of the humiliation she’d suffered. Being dismissed from the callback just broke something in her, and she couldn’t see the point of anything now. What good was being in NYADA and New York City now? What was the point of any of this if she couldn’t win a role that she was all but designed to play?

She felt hurt and numb all at once and didn’t know what she was going to do now. Everything that she had hinged her future on had fallen apart and now she felt completely lost. Staying in bed forever sounded like a perfectly reasonable option at the moment.

She eventually did have to acknowledge her body’s needs when her bladder started to complain, but the trip to the bathroom was slow and laborious. The light streaming in through her window was harsh and seemed to dull the colors around her. She almost felt like she was sleepwalking as she slowly made her way out of her sleeping area, her feet dragging as she forced herself to move.

Some soft noise from the kitchen warned that she wasn’t alone and she turned her head, dully noting Kurt’s boyfriend standing by the oven, humming absently to himself as he pulled out a steaming pan and set it on the stovetop.

Adam heard Rachel moving and turned to give her a kind smile. “Good morning, love,” he said gently. “I was just getting breakfast ready. Warm sticky buns.”

She stared at him, his words not making very much sense.

“They’ve got to cool a bit, so you’ve got time to freshen up,” he advised, pulling off the oven mitts. “Why don’t you take a shower while I put the kettle on? I’ll have everything ready when you’re done.”

Rachel felt herself nodding and found her way into the bathroom. Why was Kurt’s boyfriend making breakfast, she wondered dully as she turned on the shower. The warm water did little to clear her head, though her body did feel somewhat better after being cleaned. She combed out her wet hair and pulled on her bathrobe, finding some comfort in the plush fabric.

Adam had set up the table for her and was placing a pot of tea down. “This is a blend one of my girls swears by,” he promised. “Green tea with roses… she loves it when she’s feeling down about something.”

Rachel looked down at the table, seeing that Adam had used their “good” dishes; the mismatched china pieces that Kurt had been collecting at the Brooklyn Flea over the past few months. There was a bowl of cut up melon and the container of her soy yogurt. She felt confused, like nothing was really connecting.

“Where’s Kurt?” she heard herself asking, but it sounded strange; like she was hearing herself from under water. The absence of her friend from the loft and the presence of the British man left her deeply confused since Adam was never there without his boyfriend.

The young man put out honey and a plate of warm buns onto the table. “He had to go to the Vogue offices this morning for a few hours,” Adam explained. “And he has a meeting with Madam Tibideaux this afternoon. But he didn’t want to leave you alone so I offered to keep you company for a bit.”

His voice had a warm soothing quality that slowly began to reach though the haze wrapped about her brain. “One nice thing about being a senior is that I can ditch a class or two when I need to,” he explained cheerfully. “I always end up baking something for my friends after they’ve had a rough class or audition. I thought you could use it today.”

Mention of auditions brought tears to Rachel’s eyes and Adam quickly moved to wrap his arms about her.

“I know, sweetheart,” he said softly, enfolding her in a comforting embrace. She found herself clinging to him, her body shuddering with the ache of her failure. Everything hurt and she didn’t know what was going happen now.

His broad hands gently cupped her face and his thumbs brushed away the tears. The expression on his face was compassionate as he tried to reach through her pain. “I’m going to guess that you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday morning,” he surmised, knowing that eating would probably have been the last thing on her mind. When she tentatively nodded, he smiled.

“Then let’s get a little food into you,” he proposed, carefully lifting a warm bun with a pair of forks and placing it on her plate. “Now I’ve been told that that my sticky buns are especially good and just the kind of comfort food that you need right now.”

He picked up the teapot and poured her a steaming up, adding a liberal dose of honey. “Give it a try,” he urged.

Rachel looked at the pastry on her plate, glistening with syrup and nuts and heard her stomach grumble loudly at the prospect of something delicious. She felt herself reaching out to pick up the mouth-watering looking treat and took a careful bite. The taste of cinnamon and roasted pecans burst on her tongue and she heard herself sigh in appreciation.

Adam felt himself smile when he heard her moan and take another, more enthusiastic bite. She looked ravenous and the bun was soon done away with. “Another one?” he offered as she sipped at the sweetened tea. The sugar and carbohydrates, while not the most nutritionally positive thing he could have offered, seemed to have energized her a bit.

More importantly, he just wanted to make her feel better. When Kurt had called him the night before with confirmation that their worst expectations had been realized, he immediately gathered the things he’d need for baking and headed into Brooklyn first thing in the morning to help. It wasn’t anything that he wouldn’t have done for any of his Apples, or something that he hadn’t done on a fairly regular basis for his friends.

Rachel finished another roll, along with some fruit and yogurt and felt herself feeling better. At least physically, she did. She sat quietly and sipped at the fragrant tea while Adam wrapped up the leftover buns for later and cleaned up the kitchen.

She looked up at him, puttering about the kitchen and couldn’t help from wondering why he was doing this. It wasn’t as if they were particularly close. She liked him well enough and thought that he was wonderful for Kurt, but it wasn’t as if they were friends in their own right. Having him skip classes and go out of his way to bake her something just because she was feeling badly didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Once Adam had wiped down the counters, he turned to Rachel with a bright smile. “There…can I make you anything else?” he asked. “Some more tea?”

She shook her head. “No, thank you. I’m fine,” she insisted. “I’m fine…”

Adam saw the tears starting to well up in her eyes and quickly moved in to help. He wrapped her up in his arms and helped move her to the couch where she could cry out her pain on his shoulder. He patted her back gently, muttering comforting sounds as he tried to soothe her. He knew that he couldn’t fix what was hurting her, but he knew that he could be a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. And maybe remind her that she’s not the only person to have gone through an experience like this.

After Rachel had cried herself out again, her breath coming in soft hiccups, Adam smoothed back her damp hair. “I know sweetheart…” he murmured, letting her take what comfort she could. “It’s going to be alright...”

“No it won’t,” she choked out, her heartbreak evident. “It’s all ruined…”

“Not it isn’t,” Adam insisted gently. “I’m not going to try to tell you not to let this bother you because I know that it won’t do any good. You’re hurting right now and it’s entirely understandable that you would be.

“Give yourself a little bit of time to mourn and get past the immediate hurt,” he advised. “That way when you get the notes from the producers, you’ll have a clearer head and be able to really look at their critique. You’ll move on and learn from this. I promise.”

Rachel’s breath came in hard into her lungs, and tears threatened to start anew. She didn’t want this to be something to learn and grow from. It wasn’t fair that she would have to use this as a “learning experience” while someone who could never have wanted the part or worked for it more than she had would be enjoying what should have been hers. Having Fanny stolen from her was not something that she was ever going to get over.

Adam could see the heartbroken expression on Rachel’s face that she was inconsolable and knew well enough that when she was in this state, reasoning with her just wasn’t going to work. But Kurt had warned him that feeding into her feelings of injustice would only prolong her depression. She needed comforting, to be sure, but she also needed honesty in how to handle what had happened.

The question was if she would actually listen to him. Adam thought that he knew Rachel fairly well by now, and he had seen how badly she could behave when she felt slighted, and that had been merely over Kurt not being acquiescent enough for her tastes. Now she was dealing with a real professional setback and he could understand how hurt she was.

“Rachel, you might not believe this but I do understand what you’re feeling right now,” he said carefully. He doubted that she would be receptive to his overtures, but he had to try. “I was still in middle school when a show was starting on the West End that I desperately wanted to be in. I loved the writer and this was supposed to be a wonderful production. All I could think about was being on stage and that this would be my big break.

“My parents drove me to London so I could audition and I thought for certain that I would get the part,” he explained quietly. “I didn’t even make it past the first round of consideration. They told me that I was too young and didn’t have the depth that they were looking for. Needless to say, I was completely crushed.”

He glanced at the young girl next to him and wondered if she was really listening to him. It was hard to tell with the way her head was hanging with her damp hair falling about her shoulders. He wondered if she truly was incapable of relating to anyone else when she was feeling slighted.

“I was lucky that the director gave me some good feedback, and that my parents got me to stop moping and really listen to it,” Adam insisted. “That’s what got me looking at conservatories, and what eventually lead me to NYADA. And I wouldn’t have gotten any of the roles that I’ve had in the past few years if I hadn’t listened.”

He gently laid his hand over Rachel’s, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You are an immensely talented young woman, and I have no doubt that one day you’ll be standing on a Broadway stage. But don’t let this wear you down so much. I know that this isn’t going to make you feel at all better, but you will get through this.”

He was right, Rachel thought morosely. It wasn’t making her feel better.

She turned her face to look at him, knowing that she looked horrible but didn’t care. “Thank you for trying,” she said as sincerely as she could manage. “But would you mind if I went inside to lie down? I’m really not feeling well.”

Adam knew that she was not in the right mind to really grasp what he was trying to tell her and that pushing the issue would only further enforce her feelings of deprivation. She would have to come to grips with this on her own time.

“Of course, love,” he assured her carefully. He offered her a warm smile, wanting to put her at least. “You go rest. I’ve got some schoolwork to take care of.”

She nodded, giving him a wan smile before disappearing behind her curtain again. Adam sighed, wishing that he could have given her a bit more reassurance, but he knew full well that this was something that she would have to learn for herself. He and Kurt could only support her and hope that she would find it within herself to move past this monumental disappointment.

In the meantime, he might as well get that assignment done for his Stage and Theater Management class.

* * *

Notifying Rachel’s teachers for the day that she wasn’t up to coming to class was easier than he would have thought, Kurt considered as he waited for Madam Tibideaux to call him into her office. Apparently at NYADA, the only justifications for an unplanned absence from class were the bubonic plague or a failed audition. Theater students were a best a temperamental lot and trying to get students who just missed out on a prime role to focus in class directly afterwards was a pretty pointless proposition.

He fought back a yawn, having not gotten any real sleep himself the night before. Rachel had been, understandably, inconsolable. She had clung to him, desperate for comfort and she had been so despondent that he could not bring himself to leave her alone. When she finally actually fell asleep, it was nearly dawn and Kurt had to face trying to muddle through his own day.

Thankfully the Vogue offices hadn’t been a total madhouse because he didn’t think that he could have handled that. Isabelle was out for most of the day visiting several fashion houses to get a sneak preview of the fall collections and left him several assignments to work on in her absence. There were edits to be made to some articles that would be posted in the next month’s edition, but that didn’t tax his brain too much. And thankfully Chase had noticed the dark circles under his eyes, keeping him plied with Starbucks all morning. A quick trip down to the makeup artists and a touch of concealer would let him get through the rest of the day looking a trace more alive.

He was a bit anxious about his meeting with the Dean, knowing that she would give him an unvarnished appraisal of his performances. Most of the student commentary had been complimentary of all the performances, but it was Madam Tibideaux’s assessment that was paramount. He had no doubt that she would have caught every mistake and would bring them to his attention. All part of the learning process, he told himself.

When her secretary told him that the Dean was ready for him, Kurt inhaled to steady his nerves and walked into her office with as much confidence as he could manage. The Dean was seated at her desk, the surface of which was covered with files that Kurt assumed were the applications for the student candidates. Tuning out the thought that Blaine’s application was somewhere in those piles, he waited for his teacher to address him.

“Have a seat, Mr. Hummel,” she ordered. “We have a lot to go over.”

That could be good or bad, Kurt thought as he took the seat. Madame Tibideaux’s critiques tended to be lengthy under the best of circumstances, but she never failed to point out things that he did right along with the aspects that she felt needed improvement. No matter how harsh her criticisms might be, he reminded himself, it wasn’t personal. It was all with the goal of making him a better performer.

She looked up at him, her face framed by her turban of gold and green silk brocade. “We’ve had a lot of positive response to the showcase,” she advised him. “The student applicants were very appreciative, and more than a little in awe of what you and the others showed what you were capable of. I do have to say that you all did quite a fine job in showing what NYADA stands for.”

Kurt felt a smile touch his face. “Thank you, Madam,” he said sincerely. That kind of praise meant a great deal to him.

“Well, however good the audience response was, this is still an opportunity for you to learn and grow and I don’t believe in wasting those opportunities,” she warned.

“Now as a whole, your performances showed all of the technical improvements that we’ve been working on this semester,” she assessed. “You seem to be much more comfortable with the lower end of your range, and you engaged your chest voice very confidently. Your voice was well supported and the tone is much richer. I was also pleased to see you showing off your vocal flexibility so adeptly.”

So far, so good, Kurt thought, not ashamed to admit to himself that he was relieved that the review was starting off on such a positive note. He’d been more concerned about her technical criticisms than he was about his artistic choices so to have her complimentary was a good sign.

“Let’s start with your solo,” Madam Tibideaux suggested as she cued up the video of his solo on her computer, turning the monitor so that Kurt could watch with her. “Overall, it was probably one of the best performances I’ve seen from you since Winter Showcase. Technically, it was very strong. Focusing on your lower and mid range worked extremely well with the material, and I didn’t pick up on any major weaknesses in your projection.”

“It’s something I’ve been working on,” Kurt admitted. “I’m not a natural belter so I’ve been practicing that a lot the past few weeks.”

She nodded approvingly. “Well, it clearly shows. Obviously, there is always room for improvement and I want to see you continuing to work on it. Listen to this point,” she requested, playing back a segment of the song.

Watching it, Kurt could see what she was indicating. “You could see me steeling up for the climax,” he said in bemusement. “Right there… I’m taking a deep breath so I could make sure that I got that note out. I’m practically telegraphing ‘big moment coming’.”

His teacher smiled, pleased that he saw his mistake. “I think that it’s more of a confidence issue than any real concern about you not being able to project that note,” Madam Tibideaux suggested. “As you said, belting doesn’t come naturally to you. But it’s important that you become as comfortable with it as you would be if it were natural. That will come with continued practice and development.”

Kurt nodded, knowing that it was a valid criticism and something he would have to work on.

“Now artistically, I can’t find anything to complain about,” Madam Tibideaux informed him with a pleased smile. “That’s always been your strongest talent and you’ve continued to show growth. You had a wonderful grasp of the character and the emotion was clear but not contrived. You made some interesting choices, bringing a lot of focus to the character’s anger as you did his sadness. The emotions were complex and layered and that kept the song from being maudlin.

“I think, most importantly, you were able to get me to see you as the character and not just my student, so very good job on that.”

“Thank you, Madam,” Kurt said gratefully, feeling a sense of relief coming over him.

“Now… your duet with Ms. Khorey,” she pronounced, opening up the next video file.

Kurt braced himself, knowing that this was likely to be a more critical assessment.

The video ran for a bit and Kurt watched his duet play out, paying attention with a critical eye. He tried to tune out that he was watching himself and looking for mistakes. He was surprised at how much he liked what he was seeing. It was a beautiful song and his and Analisa’s voice matched really beautifully.

He seemed to have a good grasp on the character and thought that his performance was convincing enough, but he wondered what Madam Tibideaux had to think.

“I think that you probably surprised yourself with this one,” she said appraisingly, watching her student closely. “This ended up being everything that I wanted to see from you in a romantic duet and I’m glad to see that you rose to the challenge the way you did. I think you see now that it’s not outside your ability to play a straight romantic figure.”

He didn’t miss the amusement in her voice and felt himself chuckling in agreement. “I guess I just had to do it,” he surmised ruefully. “Analisa was a great partner. She really was easy to work with.”

His teacher seemed very pleased with that comment. “You two seemed very comfortable with one another and you both were pushing your boundaries. Like you, Ms. Khorey is facing her own challenges about what is expected of her as a performer. It was one of my reasons for pairing you up.”

Kurt remembered his previous conversation with Madam Tibideaux and what Analisa had told him. Realizing that he wasn’t alone in his concerns about being taken seriously made taking on that challenge a bit easier.

“Technically you were as sound as you were for your solo. You balanced your voice very well with Ms. Khorey’s and supported her very well. You worked together, which is something I always want to see given how competitive students are here.”

That was definitely something he could agree with. And it made sense why Rachel wasn’t assigned a duet, not with her habit of trying to outperform whoever she was singing with. It could be exciting to have that kind of energy to play off of, it wouldn’t work in the kind of performances they were asked to do. Not when they needed to play characters.

Madam Tibideaux sat back in her chair, studying the video a bit more. “You had a very good grasp of the character and there was a clear romantic chemistry between yourself and Ms. Khorey. I will make a bet that those who don’t know you personally would not have immediately guessed that you are gay based on that performance. And that, Mr. Hummel, is what being an actor is about. Making the audience believe that you are something that you are not.”

She played the rest of the video, letting him see the remainder of the performance. “The way you mixed your voice here… keeping the brightness that would play well with a young character but still add in the richness that you’ve been showing more confidently… that was lovely.”

She looked at him frankly. “The reality is that your voice will continue to mature for years so this now should be the baseline for how we measure what you’re capable of. You’re going to need to make a concerted effort in order to keep developing your voice. Even after you graduate, you need to continue with voice training because the voice you have now is not going to be the voice you’ll have in ten years. You have a developing instrument that will need constant training.”

Kurt nodded in understanding. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t expected to hear.

“Now for what we need to work on… your accent during the speaking part..”

Kurt felt himself wincing. He had a feeling that this would come up.

His teacher pursed her lips thoughtfully as she considered the issue. “You had a challenge, singing a role for a character with a distinct accent and so long as you were singing, it worked. It was focusing on style and cadence that you could work with the music on. But the speaking part… that sounded rather amateurish. And the same could be said for your rendition of the Emcee.”

He sighed, knowing that it wasn’t a criticism that he could argue with. It didn’t sound nearly as good as he’d been hoping for. “I can’t disagree with you on that,” he admitted. “It was a lot easier to fake the accent while I was singing.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve heard much worse. And it’s not as if it’s something that can’t be fixed.” She closed the video and turned to him fully, her sharp eyes fixed on him. “Overall, you proved why you deserve to be a student here. And I hope that you will take from this greater confidence in what you are capable of as a performer. I think that you were not served well in your past performance experiences, but you’ve been seizing the opportunities you’ve found at NYADA. I understand that you are with an extracurricular chorus group.”

Knowing that she was referring to the Apples, Kurt nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, Madam. I’ve been finding it interesting, because it allows me to experiment with material more than I am generally able to do in class. We tend to focus on popular music genres, but the way I see it, there are more shows using rock and pop music so getting comfortable with them just made sense. It also lets me work off stress by performing with friends.”

She nodded approvingly. “It’s a shame that more students don’t take advantage of opportunities like that. And I’ve been informed by your advisor that you’ve taken on a role this summer.”

“The Garrison Shakespeare Festival,” Kurt clarified proudly.

“I’m familiar with them. They’re a very reputable company,” she mused. “What role are you playing, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Kurt didn’t mind at all. “Ensemble for Macbeth and Don John in Much Ado About Nothing,” he said, unable to keep the pleased tone from his voice.

She cocked her head, impressed. “That’s an exceptional opportunity for you,” she informed him. “To have a chance to work with a professional company and see the staging of a production from start to finish. Besides it being a good line on your CV, I think you would do very well to observe and ask as many questions as you can and use it as an opportunity to continue your education. Especially if you plan to take more dramatics studies.”

Kurt nodded in agreement. “I was planning keeping a journal this summer, so I can document everything I learn and any questions that I have,” he proposed.

She nodded in approval. “That’s an excellent idea. You can very much use this job as a means to expand your knowledge base. I’m pleased that you’re thinking ahead.”

Madam Tibideaux picked up her pen and began to jot down some notes. “Now let’s discuss a bit about your future education. I’d like you to continue studying with Professor Collin as well as myself. You’ve benefited greatly and he’s vastly helped with your technical development. And I think you would do well to undertake more classical voice training, which I can work with you on. That will help strengthen your voice.

“I also think that you should strongly consider signing up for the Diction class next year. It’s a skill set that you’ll find invaluable for future roles. You’re a fairly good mimic, so I think you’ll do well there.”

Kurt nodded in agreement. “I definitely want to take that class. I just didn’t have time this semester because I’m playing catch up.”

“Well, you’ve certainly managed to do that,” she informed him. “You may have had a bit of a rocky path getting into NYADA, but you’ve certainly have embraced the opportunities that you had here. And you’ve shown that you are the kind who doesn’t give up easily. That kind of fortitude is going to be critical for you in coming years as you build your professional career. I’m very pleased to see that kind of strength and a total lack of any kind of sense of entitlement.

“I think you are starting to build your confidence as a performer as well,” she mused appraisingly. “You more than hold your own in comparison to your classmates and I believe you have the potential to continue to stand out as a performer. You are talented, but you also are willing to work very hard. That will continue to serve you well.”

The Dean closed her file and gave him a pleased smile. “You are a great credit to this school, Mr. Hummel. And I’m very glad that you didn’t give up after that first refusal. I think being at NYADA means a little bit more to you than most because you had to fight for your place here. You’re not taking it for granted.”

Kurt felt his heart swell a bit at her praise, feeling a bit speechless. He was so accustomed to being torn down and he’d been on the receiving end of her harsh criticisms before. But this august woman’s praise meant more to him than he could possibly express.

“Thank you, Madam,” he said sincerely, feeling his voice thick in his throat. “That means a tremendous deal to me.”

“Well, you’ve worked very hard and shown enormous growth,” Madam Tibideaux pointed out. “I don’t believe in praising where it’s not warranted, but you’ve earned my respect. And I trust that you won’t disappoint me by slacking off.

“I’ll make sure you get my written assessment by the end of next week,” she promised. “Once I’m done with the applicant evaluations.”

Kurt felt a brief temptation to ask for her thoughts regarding Blaine’s audition, but refrained from doing so. It would be highly inappropriate and in the end, he realized that it didn’t matter to him. He had moved on and grown well beyond his ex. Even if Blaine got admitted, he wouldn’t be in a position to hurt Kurt.

He thanked his teacher for her time and walked out of her office feeling uncommonly pleased with himself. He was looking forward to conferring with Analisa later about her own assessment, but in the meantime he needed to check up on Rachel. Once again, he was deeply grateful for Adam’s kindness in agreeing to keep her company.

Thankfully he was done for the day and could head home to relieve Adam. He very much hoped that Rachel will have gotten over the worst of her mope while he was out, but knowing her as well as he did he knew that was unlikely. She would be holding her pity party until someone dragged her out of it.

Adam greeted him at the door with a warm smile and a kiss. “I’ve got the kettle on,” he said, ushering Kurt back inside. “How did it all go?”

Kurt smiled brightly. “Really, really well. She was very complimentary about both performances. Of course, there were the things she wants me to keep working on, but it was a really good critique.”

“I’m glad,” Adam said, his blue eyes twinkling happily. “Not that I questioned that it wouldn’t be.”

Kurt glanced at the living area, seeing it empty. “Where’s Rachel?” he asked, lowering his voice a bit.

Adam sighed. “She went back into her room after breakfast. I got her to eat a bit, but she’s been keeping to herself all day. I offered her lunch, but she said that she wasn’t hungry.”

Kurt shook his head, having expected that. “She’s always bad when things don’t go her way,” he explained. “And I can’t imagine how disappointed she must be right now.”

“I can understand her being disappointed,” Adam granted. “But she’s going to need to shake herself out of it at some point. Is she going to be like this through her whole career? I don’t mean to be harsh, but it’s not as if this is the only time she’s likely to miss out on a role that she wants.”

Kurt knew that his boyfriend was right and let Adam pull him into a reassuring hug. He rested his head on Adam’s shoulder, taking comfort in his presence. “I know… I just don’t know how to make this better for her.”

“You can’t,” Adam reminded him bluntly. “I know that you want to help her, sweetheart, but you can’t protect her from professional disappointments. They’re going to happen, and she’s going to have to figure out how to handle them on her own.”

He reached to gently turn Kurt’s head to face him, looking intently into his lover’s eyes. “I’m not going to let you spend your life following after Rachel to protect her from any upsetting moment that comes her way. Not when you have your own career to focus on.”

Kurt huffed, wishing that he could find it in himself to argue with Adam. “She’s my friend,” he protested weakly.

Adam gently trailed his fingers down Kurt’s cheek, his eyes softening. “I know she is, darling. But you’re not going to do her any favors by coddling her. She has to find the strength to get through this.”

“So what should I do?” Kurt asked, knowing that he was going to be fighting his own instinct as much as hers in this.

“A little comfort and pampering is more than acceptable the first day,” Adam agreed. “I’ve certain done that for others and needed it myself at times. You let her cry it out and you offered your shoulder. But tomorrow morning she needs to get back up to speed. Otherwise the longer she takes to get her head back into the game, the harder it’s going to be. And if you get into the habit of trying to carry her, it’s never going to stop.”

Kurt wanted to argue with him, that Rachel wasn’t like that but he knew that Adam was right. Kurt couldn’t count the number of times when Rachel’s needs dominated his focus and it wasn’t going to be good for either of them. He’d held his ground after Midnight Madness and it had worked out for the better.

“I hate it when you’re right,” he grumped, giving Adam a perturbed pout.

Adam chuckled and kissed him. “It’ll be all right. She just will need a bit of a push.”

Kurt nodded and stepped out of Adam’s embrace, turning towards Rachel’s bedroom. The curtain was drawn shut and there was no sound of movement within, but Kurt suspected that Rachel would be sulking in bed.

“Hey Rach… we’re going to order Chinese in for dinner,” he called out. “I’ll order the General Tso’s tofu for you.” Hopefully one of her favorite dishes might tempt her out of her cocoon.

“I’m not hungry,” Rachel said wanly from behind her curtain. From the watery tone of her voice, Kurt suspected that she had been crying again.

He sighed, starting to get a bit tired of her dramatics. Adam was right. She needed to pull herself out of this.

“Adam said you haven’t eaten anything since breakfast,” he stated firmly. “And I know you didn’t eat much yesterday.”

He thought he heard her sniffle before she whined, “I don’t want anything.”

“Well, you have to eat something,” he insisted. Looking to Adam, he smiled thankfully at Adam’s supportive gaze. He was doing the right thing, he told himself.

“I’ll call you when dinner is here,” he advised his friend, looking through the takeout menus for their favorite Chinese place.

Adam came up behind Kurt and wrapped his arms around the younger man. “Why don’t you call in the order and we can go pick it up,” he suggested. “I could use with a touch of fresh air.”

“Mmmm… that sounds like a wonderful idea,” Kurt said agreeably. He would enjoy the walk and hopefully, Rachel would have a chance to mentally regroup a bit before they returned.

Otherwise, he feared how long it would take for her to pull herself out of his mood.

* * *

Rachel pushed herself away from the barre, grateful that class was finally winding down. The last thing that she had wanted to do was go to school and she had delayed it as much as possible. But she had dance that morning and Kurt reminded her firmly that there was no way that Ms. July would excuse her from another class. After he all but pulled her out of bed and shoved her towards the shower, admonishing her gently to get ready, he left for his own classes.

Rachel wanted to get right back to bed, but with Kurt at school and Santana at work, there was no one to shield her from the crush of isolation. While she hadn’t been especially responsive to their overtures, she did derive some comfort in their presence outside her curtain. Even when Kurt had to leave her the day before, his boyfriend came to watch out for her and the knowledge that she wasn’t totally alone was comforting.

But now they were all out and there was nothing outside Rachel’s curtain except a crushing silence that became too much to stand. She wandered about the loft, feeling completely alone and shattered and bereft of the kind of support that she very much needed. Staying in the suffocating confines of the loft became too much to bear and while going to school might be the very last thing she wanted to do, it was better than being so totally alone.

She had drifted through her dance class, hovering in the back and doing her best to avoid being noticed. She barely participated at all and felt like every glance in her direction was judgmental and every whispered comment was passing on the gossip about her failure. The one bright light was that Ms. July had so far restrained herself from tossing her usual cutting remarks and insults at Rachel’s direction during the entire class.

She hoped that she would be able to get to sneak into the changing room and make her escape before the other students could start questioning her. Edging towards the door, she could hear Ms. July’s brutal dismissal of her class and tried to slip past without her noticing.

“All right… that’s enough out of all of you,” Ms. July moaned dramatically. “None of you are going to get any better today and you’re wasting your time and mine. Please do me a favor and get some practice in so you all don’t completely embarrass me at your critiques, because I am not in the mood to explain why an entire class is on the verge of flunking.

“So get out of here,” she ordered. The sharp gaze zeroed in on her most besieged student and she snapped out, “Except Schwimmer… the rest of you, clear out!”

Rachel felt herself on the verge of tears again, not sure if she was going to be able to stand having her hated teacher ripping into her again. It just wasn’t fair. How much more was she supposed to take?

The older woman waited for the rest of the class to leave the dance studio, giving them a bit of privacy before she addressed Rachel.

“Look, Berry… I’m not going to give you a hard time,” she said with a bit of uncharacteristic sympathy. “I know that you had a rough audition so I’m going to cut you some slack this time. I know that it sucks to miss out on a part.”

Her eyes then hardened. “But just today. Next week, I want to see you back in class ready to work because I will not be so lenient. You can’t afford to backslide any further. Do you understand?”

Rachel mutely nodded, feeling her cheeks burning in humiliation that the teacher that seemed to hate her so much seemed sympathetic to her plight. Or worse, pitied her. She didn’t know what was worse; that Ms. July knew that she failed to get the part or that she seemed to feel sorry for Rachel.

Either way, she could barely stand to be in her presence another second. Once Ms. July nodded that she was free to leave, she retreated to the changing room where most of the other girls were freshening up for their next classes.

No one approached her, though she did notice a few glances in her direction. Everyone seemed to know, and it was pretty obvious that they were judging her. It was so hard to ignore them and not lash out. None of them had the guts to do what she had done, to put themselves out there for a lead on Broadway and they had no right to be critical of her. Whatever respect she had earned with her Winter Showcase win was completely extinguished.

She had to find a way to fix this. There was no way she could go back to just being another student. Another face in a crowd. All she needed was another chance to show them what she could do.

In the end, that was a bit more difficult than Rachel had expected. She hadn’t been able to locate any office for the director and her call to the theater was rebuffed, but a bit of internet searching and a few discrete phone calls to locate the office of the casting director. If she was lucky, Ms. Gilroy would still be there and if she wasn’t, Rachel was ready to camp out by her office for a brief window of opportunity to reach her.

Melynda Gilroy’s office was in a fairly unimpressive looking building not far from the theater district that required walking up two flights of stairs. But Rachel was determined and climbed up the staircase until she reached the non-descript door to the office. She paused outside the door, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. She needed to do this, she told herself. Ms. Gilroy seemed like a reasonable woman and all she needed to do was realize that they had made a mistake by cutting Rachel. It was obvious that she was absolutely perfect for the part. This should be easy.

The office door opened and a beautifully dressed young woman darted out, heading towards the bathroom at the end of the hall. This was her chance, Rachel realized as she peeked into the office. Through the open door, she recognized Ms. Gilroy from the auditions standing in her inner office, thumbing through some files and making quick notes. Somehow she appeared younger than Rachel remembered, but then Rachel had to acknowledge that she hadn’t paid that much attention to the appearances of the production team. She was dressed gorgeously in designer clothes and her ash blond hair styled in a neat bob; the kind of casual class that was hard to imitate since it seemed natural to her. On a board behind her, Rachel could see that the casting director had posted the headshots of the actresses that Rachel assumed made it through the callback. About thirty, Rachel guessed, realizing just how few actresses were still being considered.

She felt her stomach tighten uncomfortably, but it was now or never. She stepped into the office and Ms. Gilroy seemed to sense the presence of another person and called out to the woman that Rachel assumed was the woman she just saw run to the bathroom.

“Jenna!” Ms. Gilroy called out as she shoved a group of files into her tote. “Can you call Rupert and confirm that we’re meeting at Ma Péche?”

Rachel swallowed tightly again, trying to moisten her throat. She fought down her nervousness and cleared her throat. “Ms. Gilroy… I’m so sorry for intruding, but I need to speak with you,” she said as firmly as she could manage, pleased that she was able to keep the edgy tremble out of his voice.

The older woman looked up in surprise. “How did you get in here?” she demanded. “Jenna?”

Rachel gestured towards the door with her head “The door was open, and your assistant just ran out for a second,” she explained. She steeled herself and stepped forward. “I’m Rachel Berry.”

“Who?” Ms. Gilroy asked, her face set in an expression of confusion. “I’m sorry, but have we met?”

Rachel felt a twinge at the realization that she wasn’t immediately remembered. “I auditioned for Funny Girl,” she answered, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice that she hadn’t stood out in the casting team’s memory.

Ms. Gilroy’s eyes narrowed as she studied Rachel. “Now I remember. We just saw you at the callback this week.”

Rachel nearly sighed in relief that she was remembered now and nodded. “Yes. I needed to talk to you about the audition. I…”

“We did tell you that you’ll be getting our notes,” Ms. Gilroy reminded her.

“That’ not why I’m here,” Rachel insisted, trying not to sound overwrought. “I wanted to talk to you about reconsidering me. I don’t think that I got to show you my best and really need a chance to show you what I can do.”

The older woman’s lips drew into a disapproving frown at her demand. “This is very, very inappropriate,” she admonished flatly, towering over Rachel in her high heels and looking down at her disapprovingly. “And not at all how we do things.”

Rachel inhaled sharply at the reprimand, but couldn’t relent. “I understand, but I really think that you’re making a mistake.” She could feel the tears starting to well in her eyes and that hurt, panicked feeling was coming back.

There was a flurry as the casting director’s assistant returned and saw the intruder in their office. “I’m so sorry, Melynda! I had to run to the bathroom and didn’t see her come in.”

The director’s expression softened slightly at her assistant’s arrival. “It’s okay, Jenna. Do me a favor and call Rupert. Tell him I’ll be about ten minutes late.” She glanced at the intruder. “I just need a moment to take care of this.”

Her assistant nodded uncertainly, but left to do what her employer requested and closed the office door behind her. Once granted a modicum of privacy, Ms. Gilroy turned to her unexpected visitor. “Have a seat,” she requested, though there was an underlying sternness on her voice that made it more of an order.

“Ms. Gilroy, I’m really sorry about barging in like this, but I really need you to reconsider,” Rachel all but pleaded. “I’ve been working for this part my entire life! It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

The casting director didn’t answer immediately, sitting down at her desk and opening her laptop to search for the file she needed. “Let me find my notes on your audition. You said that your name was Berry, right?” She quickly found what she was looking for and took a moment to read her notes before giving Rachel her full attention.

“Ms. Berry… I do appreciate your enthusiasm for our production, but we put a lot of thought into who we want to continue considering,” she explained with equal firmness and sympathy. “Casting this role is something that we’ve put tremendous thought into. We’ve considered the backgrounds and experience of everyone auditioning, and paid close your performances in making our decision. I do understand that you’re disappointed, but…”

“No! You don’t understand!” Rachel insisted, feeling her eyes watering. “I’ve been waiting my entire life for this! I have been dreaming of playing Fanny since I was old enough to talk. This means everything to me.”

The casting director gave her sharp expression of disapproval. “Are you always in the habit of trying to argue your way into getting what you want? Because it’s a most unbecoming trait,” Ms. Gilroy said critically. “As well as being highly unprofessional.”

Rachel had the good sense to look a more than a little embarrassed at her criticism, but clearly wasn’t about to back down. With a resigned sigh that this discussion was likely to get very unpleasant, Ms. Gilroy folded her hands in front of her and gave the younger woman her full attention.

“I know you must feel like we’ve overlooked you,” she granted. “But rest assured that we considered this very carefully and there were several criteria that you simply did not measure up to.”

Rachel felt herself involuntarily flinch at the stern assessment that she had been lacking in some way and feared what she was about to be told.

“We had to take into consideration that you have never performed in a professional production in any capacity before. That left us with no real way of being able to judge if you would be able to handle not just the pressure of being in the lead role, but the responsibility,” Ms. Gilroy explained. “In this show, we needed to be confident that whoever we cast as Fanny will be capable of basically carrying the entire production. That is a tremendous responsibility. And when we have millions of investor dollars at stake with this production, you would have had to have proven yourself to be beyond exceptional to give us reason to want to take that kind of a risk.”

She gave the young woman a frank look. “To be blunt, we just didn’t see that.”

Rachel could only stare at her, completely bewildered. “I… I don’t understand,” she stammered, growing increasingly confused with what she was being told. “I worked so hard for this. There is no one who can play this part the way I can! I was born to be Fanny!”

“Because you think that you look and sound a bit like Barbra Streisand?” The older woman shook her head in disagreement. “That’s the last thing that we really wanted. And we told you that.

“We told you at the callback that we were looking for performers that are original and can make Fanny their own,” she explained in response to the perplexed expression on Rachel’s face. “Your physical appearance wasn’t a detriment until you started to sing and we saw that it was more than a casual reminder. What you gave us was a very nice facsimile of Streisand’s rendition. But in the end, it was a copy and if our audience wanted to see Barbra as Fanny, they could save a lot of money and watch her on Netflix at home.”

Rachel could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks, numb with the realization that there wasn’t any way that she could argue with what Ms. Gilroy was telling her. The trait that she had always considered to be her strongest selling point as a performer was the one that had destroyed her chances.

“But I’ve dreamed of playing this part for so long,” she protested weakly. “There’s no one who could possibly want it more than me, or work harder for you. Please…”

The casting director shook her head, her expression sympathetic but unwavering. “Somehow I don’t think that’s quiet true,” she corrected gently. “But even if it is, in the end, this is business decision. We need to make the best choice we can to give this show its best chance of being a success.”

Ms. Gilroy closed her laptop and gave Rachel a candid, appraising look. “Look, Rachel… you are a very talented young woman. But you are inexperienced and it showed in your audition. You’re still a student at NYADA, right?” she questioned.

Rachel nodded dumbly, unable to bring herself to speak.

Ms. Gilroy offered her a soft smile of reassurance. “I have no doubt that at some point that I will see you in a Broadway production. But you need time to continue learning and growing to become the kind of performer that we would need you to be. Take advantage of what NYADA has to offer,” she suggested. “Get some real experience under your belt. There are plenty of opportunities for a budding performer to take advantage of if you are serious about building a career.”

She stood up and offered Rachel her hand. Feeling completely disconnected from what was happening to her, Rachel felt herself taking it and accepting the gracious handshake.

“I really do wish you the best, Rachel, and I’m sure that we’ll see you again at other auditions,” Ms. Gilroy offered. “I’ll make sure that I put some suggestions for you in my notes when I send them and I hope to see you in the future.”

Her assistant escorted her out of the office, leaving Rachel with no way of trying to protest further. When the door was closed behind her, it was all Rachel could do not to break down in tears. None of this made any kind of sense and it was clear that whatever was in her future, Funny Girl would not be a part of it. Having that final door closed on her dream felt like her heart was torn from her chest, leaving an empty cavity that nothing would fill.

As she walked through the theater district, she struggled to understand how it all went so wrong. Seeing the theater marquees with the names of the famous no longer filled her with anticipation and hope. Now they were just reminders of what had been taken away from her and what she would never have.

She walked past Sardi’s, where Finn had taken her during their first trip to Nationals and she met one of her idols. She then made her way to the Gershwin Theater, where she and Kurt had stood on the stage and dreamed of their futures together. About her she saw the tourists and theater goers, waiting to be let in for the shows they wanted to see and hoping for a glimpse of a famous face. None of them seemed to notice Rachel drifting by like a ghost.

It felt like she was saying goodbye.

* * *

After a long day of classes, Kurt was exhausted and arrived back at the loft with a relieved sigh. He had so much studying to get done and for the millionth time, questioned the sanity of trying to manage the course load that he had taken on. Maybe he should have just done the summer session to catch up. But he’d done that, he wouldn’t have been able to do the Shakespeare festival. As difficult as the work load had been, he had pretty much caught up with the rest of the students and would have to take only one additional class in the fall semester, so he supposed it would be worth it in the end.

Thankfully he’d been able to manage the at times overwhelming amount of class work and practices, though it did feel like he was juggling flaming chainsaws at times. With finals and spring critiques coming up fast, he knew that his free time would be at an absolute minimum, and he hoped that he could keep his head above water without losing too much of his sanity in the process.

Admittedly, he hadn’t been overly surprised not to have seen Rachel around school at all during the day but he was disappointed. He guessed that she had gone somewhere to lick her wounds, but skipping all of her classes wasn’t going to help her. He sent her a text she was when she missed the free sing session, but got no answer. Nor was she at home when he arrived. He wasn’t sure if he should be worried or pissed off. Deciding that the best thing was to wait for her to come home on her own, he made himself a light snack and pulled out his theatrical history text and tried to get some studying done.

It was already getting dark when the loft door slid open and Rachel slipped quickly in. Kurt looked up from his text book, feeling more than a little relief that she finally resurfaced. “Rach, where were you?” he asked, not hiding his concern. “You missed all your classes this afternoon.”

She looked up at him with eyes that were rimmed with red and clearly from having been crying again recently. “I… I didn’t go,” she admitted softly. “My mind wasn’t into it and…” She paused, sighing sadly. “I wanted to see if maybe I could change their minds. About Funny Girl.”

Kurt stared at her, knowing that he shouldn’t be surprised. He couldn’t help from wondering if she would ever have it in her to actually accept criticism without fighting over it and shook his head in exasperation. “Rachel…”

Rachel didn’t miss the exasperation in his voice and inhaled deeply. “Well, it didn’t work,” she stated dully. “I saw the casting director and she made it clear that I wouldn’t be considered, so it’s over.”

He should have expected her to pull that kind of a stunt. This was always how Rachel did things; if denied something that she wanted, she would always try to argue or wheedle into getting her way. He had seen her do it a hundred times before, but this wasn’t for a glee club solo or admission into a school. This was for a professional role and he couldn’t imagine that her actions had been received well.

“You do realize just how unprofessional that was,” he stated, not bothering to try to hide his exasperation. “Rachel, these are people that you’re probably going end up auditioning for again in the future. Do you want to totally trash your reputation right from the start? Because that’s a good way of doing so.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Rachel snapped, giving into the anger that was starting to build in her.

“Then what was it like?” Kurt demanded. “You always do this. You think that just because you want something that you should get it no matter what anyone else thinks. Did you really think that pestering them was going to get you the part that they apparently decided you weren’t right for?”

“But that’s the point, Kurt,” Rachel insisted. She sat down on the couch and looked at him imploringly. “I was born to be Fanny, and they have some kind of nonsense about what they think Fanny should be and I needed to show them that they were wrong.”

Kurt felt himself shaking his head in exasperation, not sure of what he was going to say to her. Rachel always thought that she was right, and when she was denied something it was the fault of someone else. Never her own shortcomings or mistakes.

“So what did she tell you?” Kurt asked, his tone terse as he gave her the opening to explain herself. “Did she explain why they cut you?”

Rachel huffed when he did not immediately move to comfort her and Kurt could see her getting defensive. “She said some nonsense about being too much like Barbra and that wasn’t what they were looking for,” she complained. “It wasn’t like they gave me the chance to show them that I could play the part another way.”

“How? Like Liza? Or maybe Judy,” Kurt said critically. “You do have a habit of copying your idols when performing.”

She looked at him in shock that he would dare say such a thing. “Kurt! I thought you were my friend!” she wailed, tears welling in her eyes again. “How could you say that?”

Kurt sighed, knowing that this was going to be the start of yet another fight but it needed to be done. He looked at her frankly and stated, “Because it’s true.”

He didn’t miss the distraught expression on her face and tried to explain. “Look, Rachel… you know that I love you. And I think the world about your talent. But you’ve been doing this for a long time. It’s rare now that you sing as yourself. You don’t perform a role as Rachel Berry, but the way you think that Barbra or one of your other diva favorites would.”

“But Barbra is Fanny!” Rachel insisted. “Everyone knows Fanny from the way Barbra played her.”

Kurt nodded. “Except that they weren’t looking for another Barbra,” he pointed out. “They wanted to see how Rachel Berry would play Fanny. Not how Rachel would play Barbra playing Fanny. Don’t you get it?”

He saw her start to shudder and reached out to gently grasp her hand. “Look, honey… I know that you’re disappointed,” he granted as gently as he could. He knew that she really was hurting. “But this isn’t the end of the world. It’s one audition. I know that you really wanted this part, but maybe it’s for the better. You have so much to learn, and…”

“I am so tired of hearing that I should use this as a learning experience,” Rachel growled angrily. She shook off his hand and huddled in on herself. “I’ve been dreaming of this part my entire life!”

Kurt inhaled, keeping a rein on his temper. “It’s the only thing you can do at this point. Especially if you want to get cast the next time around,” he reminded her. “This is why we’re at NYADA. To become the best performers that we can be and the only way to learn is to use our mistakes. Otherwise we’ll just keep making them.”

“Kurt, I did everything I could to show them that I’m right for this part,” Rachel insisted. “I sang my heart out and showed them what I’m able to do. I was meant to be Fanny!”

“Obviously not,” he said calmly, knowing that disagreeing with her when she was in this state would only anger her but she needed to hear it. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten cut.”

Her head shot up, eyes wide as she stared at him in astonishment. “How could you say that?” she demanded, her tone getting harsh when she grasped what he was telling her. “You’re supposed to be my friend! I need you on my side!”

“I am, and I’d be a lousy friend if I didn’t try to tell you when you’re making a mistake,” he stated firmly. He knew that she would be resistant to what he was telling her, but she desperately needed to hear this. “Rachel, I love you but you can be the most stubborn person on the planet sometimes. You never liked being corrected, even when it’s for your own good. And you always try to get around being told no. This time it’s something that you can’t argue or bully your way into getting what you want. So either grow up and learn to use it to your advantage next time or this is just going to happen again the next time you go for one of your dream roles.

“This is not the first audition where you won’t the part you want,” he warned. “We’re not in high school anymore. This is the big leagues now. They expect us to be professionals. Listen to what they’re telling you so you can do better next time.”

There was a blankness in Rachel’s eyes at first as his words stuck home, but then the spark of anger began to kindle. Kurt felt a sense of dread coming over him, knowing that she was looking to be reassured, and being told that she wasn’t perfect probably wasn’t a message that she was going to be entirely receptive to but she very much needed to hear it.

“You have no right to be critical about me,” she snapped, the anger now fully overtaking the depression she’d felt over her rejection. Tears began to stream down her face. “You have no idea what it’s like to have something you’ve wanted forever within your grasp only to have them snatch it away!”

Kurt snorted, not at all surprise that she would deflect in order to avoid looking inward. “You’re not serious, are you?” he asked derisively. “I mean, are you that blind to anything that doesn’t affect you directly? How many times did I get turned down for a solo or a lead that I wanted? What happened when I auditioned for NYADA and didn’t get in on my first try? Did I give up?”

He looked at her, entirely done with her self-pitying tantrum. After having to fight and repeatedly rally from failure in order to have what few successes he could claim so casually dismissed in order to appease her sense of injustice, he realized just how deep her delusions about her self-imagined destiny of stardom ran. There would be no reasoning with her hen she was this irrational, and he found himself angry over her petulance.

“Poor Rachel,” he said, not bothering to hide his mocking tone. “For once she doesn’t get something that she wants and can’t badger her way into getting it. So the world has to end because you didn’t get the part? Not going to happen.”

“I knew it,” Rachel snapped, jabbing her finger into his chest. “You wanted me to fail! Because you wanted to be the one on top for once. Now you can lord over me that you got a part while I’m left with nothing! That’s what you always wanted!”

Kurt shook his head ruefully, wondering if Rachel had totally snapped. She always lashed out and could be vicious when she was upset, but he was no longer in a mood to try to soothe her. Not after so many years of watching her throw herself about every time she was denied something that she wanted.

“Rachel, let’s get some truth time here,” he all but snarled. “Because I think your grasp on reality needs a bit of recalibration.”

She blinked in shock, taken aback by his refusal to back down.

“I didn’t think you’d get the part because I don’t think that you’re really ready for it. But I hoped that you would because I know how much you wanted it,” he admitted honestly. “But right now I’m kind of glad that you didn’t get it. Because if you’re this much of a spoiled brat under normal circumstances, I’d hate to see how much of a monster you’d be if you did get it.”

Rachel flinched as if he’d struck her, and he supposed that would have been preferable to her. Kurt had just thrown every one of her insecurities and flaws in her face without making the smallest effort to temper the blow. And for once, he was glad that he didn’t. After so many years of catering to her whims, he was tired. He was tired of acquiescing to her all the time, to try to make things better every time she suffered the least disappointments. How often did he put his own feelings on the backburner in order to deal with her latest dramas or feelings of persecution?

She stared at him, her eyes hard behind the shimmer of tears that were threatening again. “Well, you’re not going to have to worry about this anymore,” she insisted, drawing herself up with as much dignity as she could manage. “Because obviously I’m obviously a bother to you and it’s obvious that my Broadway dreams are futile.”

Kurt felt himself rolling his eyes at her melodrama. “And here you go. You’ve always got to go to the extreme. Rachel… I’m on your side here,” he reminded her. “There is no one who wants to support you more, but sometimes you make it so damned hard.”

He turned away from her, needing a moment to center himself so that their fight didn’t escalate any further. Rachel knew what buttons to push with him, and when she was in this mindset she was hard to reason with. He wanted to support her, but when she got into this unreasonable mindset, it was difficult to remember why he’d felt she was worth the effort.

“I can’t fix this for you,” he explained, trying to be gentle. He knew probably better than anyone else how Rachel’s mind worked and the way she lashed out when upset didn’t exactly surprise him. “You’re going to have to find it in yourself to move on from this, otherwise you’re right… your dreams will be over.”

Kurt did want to hug her and offer what comfort he could, but he knew that she wouldn’t appreciate it since he wasn’t telling her what she wanted to hear. And it wasn’t what she needed at the moment. “Don’t let this one disappointment stop you from chasing your dreams,” he urged as kindly as he could manage.

Rachel didn’t say anything in response, and Kurt knew that there was nothing he could tell her at this moment that would make her feel any better. He sighed, knowing that she would have to figure this out for herself.

“Look… I haven’t planned anything for dinner. Want to order something in? My treat,” he offered, hoping to make peace between them.

She blinked back tears, not answering at first. But after a long hesitation she finally nodded.

“Can we do pizza?” she asked softly. “The good kind?”

Kurt gave her a warm smile. Rachel requesting proper pizza with real cheese was a good sign that he might have gotten through to her. “You got it. Mushrooms and spinach?” he asked.

She nodded again, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Kurt… I’m sorry,” she said tearfully. “I didn’t mean…”

He nodded in understanding. “It’s okay,” he assured her. He held out his arms and let her fall into them for a reassuring cuddle.

Kurt knew that this was just a lull in the storm and until Rachel really came to grips with what happened and what she could do going forward, it was going to be tense. Hopefully it wouldn’t be much longer because he didn’t know how much more of this he could take.


	10. Chapter 10

Rachel arrived at NYADA early on Monday morning for her scheduled meeting with Madam Tibideaux. It had been a stressful weekend and she was painfully aware that her behavior wasn’t her best. It had been painful to see Kurt leave on Saturday for his photo shoot and she hadn’t been a very good friend by hiding away, expressing little real interest in his show when she should have been cheering him on. He seemed to understand and didn’t press her, but she could see that it bothered him and the tension between them remained until he decided to spend the night at Adam’s place.

She hated that she couldn’t find it in herself to be happy for Kurt. He more than deserved his professional opportunity and she felt awful that all weekend she could only think about him starting preparations for his first big role while she was sitting at home and feeling sorry for herself. It felt so strange to have their situations reversed so profoundly.

Rachel knew that it was childish and more than a little embarrassing, but she was having a tremendous difficulty in accepting that she was the one not being the one doing well. She was supposed to be an adult but seeing Kurt get what she wanted, both a happy and solid relationship and a professional job in the near future while she was struggling was more difficult than she ever would have believed. Mostly because she never thought that she would be in this position. She felt very much in limbo and was more than a little ashamed to admit that she would rather their situations be reversed. Or at least that they were both happy and optimistic.

And she hated that she felt like this. Kurt was her friend and he seemed happier and more secure than she ever could remember. He more than deserved her support, if only for all of the support that he’d given her over the past few years. It was demoralizing that she couldn’t bring herself to feel unvarnished happiness for his success and could only dwell upon herself. She really was a terrible friend.

It was almost a relief when the school week started and she had something to distract herself with. Not that she was looking forward to this meeting but knew that she had no choice but to attend. Her teacher could be brutally harsh with her criticism and Rachel didn’t think she had the strength to handle that level of blunt judgment. If she was being totally honest with herself, she could own up to the fact that she had been falling short at school lately. She had devoted so much of her focus to the Funny Girl audition that school had admittedly fallen to a distant second in her considerations. Now she didn’t have Funny Girl and her position at NYADA was more tenuous than she wanted to acknowledge. Fixing this would not be easy and she wasn’t sure if it would be worth the effort.

When Madam Tibideaux’s secretary advised that the Dean was ready for her, Rachel took a steadying breath and tried to set her face into a calm expression. Kurt had warned her to expect a proper and thorough critique and to try to be more receptive than she usually was to criticism, but she knew that Madam Tibideaux would be using the opportunity to rip her apart. Her teacher had been far less Rachel’s supporter now than she had been when Rachel first arrived at NYADA.

When she stepped into the office, her teacher was seated at her desk signing a pile of documents in front of her. “Good morning, Ms. Berry. I’ll be with you in just a moment,” she proclaimed as she added her signature to one of the many sheets of paper awaiting her attention. “Please have a seat.”

Rachel sat in one of the office chairs facing her desk and waited patiently for the Dean to finish with what she was working on. The older woman picked up a stack that she had completed and called out for her secretary.

“Please make copies of these for their files and double-check them against the list before they go out,” she instructed. “I’ll finish the last of them after my meeting. They need to be in the mail by the end of the day today.”

“Of course,” the younger woman said agreeably as she took the paperwork away and closed the door behind her. “I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

Rachel watched her walk out. “Were those the acceptance letters?” she asked curiously.

“And the rejections,” Madam Tibideaux confirmed. “It certainly took me long enough to make my final decisions. Some of them weren’t easy. There are a lot of exceptionally talented young people who are going to be very disappointed. It’s one of the reasons that I insist on personally signing every letter myself.”

“You do?” Rachel tried to think back to her own letter, but didn’t remember very much of it beyond her excitement at seeing that against all expectations she made it in.

Madam Tibideaux nodded. “I might very well be deciding the careers of these applicants, and ending someone’s hopes. It’s a tremendous responsibility and the very least that I could do is take ownership of that responsibility with my own signature.”

That was not something that Rachel would have thought the Dean capable of being concerned over. She was normally so imperious, looking down upon the students as beneath her concern and quick with a cutting remark. Rachel wouldn’t have expected her to show so much caring to the hopes and dreams that she was very well crushing with those carefully worded rejection letters.

The Dean acknowledged her with an appreciative nod and then turned her attention to her student once they were alone. “Well, let’s get started,” she determined as she opened up the video file of Rachel’s showcase performance. “You certainly gave me a lot to think about with this performance.”

Rachel swallowed tightly, not sure if that was necessarily a good thing or not.

The video played for a few minutes and Rachel watched herself. It seemed like a pretty good performance from her perspective, but she knew that Madam Tibideaux would be looking for anything to be critical of.

“For the first half, your performance was more of less what I’ve come to expect from you the past few weeks,” the teacher said judgmentally. “Your chief strength has always been your technical soundness, and this was no exception. Your voice and enunciation were clear and straightforward. This was more or less what I expected of you from the fall semester.”

Well, that didn’t sound too bad, Rachel considered. “Thank you, Madam,” she said carefully.

Madam Tibideaux gave her a disapproving stare. “That wasn’t intended to be a compliment,” she said tersely. “We’re just a few weeks away from the end of the spring semester and I haven’t seen any significant growth in your performance ability since you sang at the Winter Showcase. While your technique was strong, the execution was rather pedestrian. And something of a disappointment to me.”

She sat back in her seat, picking up her pen and tapping it thoughtfully as she appraised the student sitting before her, a bemused expression on her normally impassive features.

“You still have the habit of remaining stationary during a performance. We gave you a full stage with a set to utilize and you pretty much remained rooted to the spot. I was hoping to see a more dynamic performance out of you at this point, but you always seem more focused on each note being perfect than actually considering all the other aspects of your performance.”

Madam Tibideaux glanced at the screen of her computer, watching another few seconds of the performance. “What I’m not seeing here is any real sign of growth from you. Not in several months. You’re no better a performer now than you were when you first came to NYADA, so it is a bit vexing that you seem to have lost interest in developing your talents any further than you already have.”

Rachel felt each word like a blow to the gut, her august teacher being brutally critical of the one thing that Rachel had thought was beyond criticism. “Madam Tibideaux, it’s not like that,” she insisted. “I do work at it and I was sure that my singing ability is growing.”

“Well, you’ll have to forgive me but I’m not seeing it,” the Dean insisted flatly, her mouth drawn into a firm line. “But let’s finish your appraisal, because it wasn’t totally without some value.”

That small statement that her teacher had found something positive to comment on gave Rachel a desperate hope that she wouldn’t be completely eviscerated.

Madam Tibideaux resumed the video. “Once we got past the first half of your performance became a bit more vibrant. Something rather interesting happened at this point.”

Rachel watched the video, trying to see what her teacher had noted. She shook her head in confusion. “I’m sorry, Madam. But I don’t…”

There was a quiet smile on the older woman’s face. “I’m curious to what you were thinking of at that instant, because that was the first flash of genuine emotion that I’ve seen in any of your vocal performances in weeks. You normally are so focused on technique that the emotional component of your songs comes across as affected and insincere. This though… this was different.

“Now granted, it’s obvious that you’re not playing Roxy Hart there,” Madam Tibideaux mused. “And it does highlight an inherent weakness in your performance style that I’ve pointed out before. Whenever you’re playing a role, you have difficulty in translating sincere emotion and use a lot of emoting tricks to try to cover up that fact. But here is where you get more sincere and more genuine that I’ve seen out of you in some time.”

She turned off the video and gave her student a piercing stare. “Something in that song hit a chord in you, and I’m rather curious what you were thinking about during your performance.”

Rachel felt her cheeks heating at the realization that she had been that transparent. She hadn’t expected her teacher to catch the connection that Rachel found in the material, nor had she expected it to come out so profoundly in her performance.

“I..,” she stammered, trying to get her thoughts in line. “It… I was thinking about my ex. Things ended badly between us and…” Her voice trailed off, embarrassed at how trite that sounded, even to her.

Madam Tibideaux made no comment about Rachel’s relationship woes, cocking her head thoughtfully. “Most artists use their personal experiences, good and bad, to lend emotional authenticity to their performances. It’s a skill that takes practice so that the character remains true while you use your own experiences to give the performance impact. Clearly that’s something that’s not in your wheelhouse since there is a very marked difference to where you were trying to play Roxy and when you were just yourself.

“But as I said, that part was probably the most genuine performance I’ve seen from you in some time. Which makes doing this evaluation very difficult,” she mused. “I get the sense that there was a certain lack of preparation, which would explain the unevenness of your performance. It did appear that you were winging it, so to speak, and got lost somewhere in the middle when it became more about whatever you were mentally working through and not the character. Am I correct about that?”

Rachel felt herself nodding, knowing that she couldn’t deny what her teacher was accusing her of. She knew that she hadn’t prepared as well as she should have because she had been so focused on her callback and it showed.

Madam Tibideaux’s stare became more piercing. “Do you want to explain why you felt that it wasn’t necessary prepare properly when you had this opportunity to represent your school?” she demanded, not bothering to temper the sharpness in her voice.

Rachel never liked being reprimanded, even when she knew that it was deserved, and she knew that her teacher would not find her answer a satisfactory excuse. “I had my callback audition to prepare for and it just ended up not having the time to really practice. I’m sorry… I know that’s not an excuse, but…”

“No, it’s not,” Madam Tibideaux agreed, not hiding her displeasure. “I have to admit that I’m very disappointed, Ms. Berry. But not entirely surprised. You’ve been distracted for some time and it’s been noticed that your focus has not been on school for some weeks now. And not just by me. That makes me ask some very hard questions about how invested you are in your education here.”

“Madam Tibideaux, I do want to be here,” Rachel protested. “You saw what I was willing to go through in order to get admitted.”

The older woman nodded. “Yes, you did express your desire in a most emphatic manner. Which is why seeing you slacking off like this is so disappointing. I would have expected you to be much more invested than you’ve shown of late.

“This performance highlights your greatest strength and your greatest weaknesses. As a singer you are an amazingly strong technician. And you are driven and ambitious. Those are both important qualities. But artistically you have a lot of serious deficits that I’m just not seeing improvement on. You have a difficult time with criticism and I’m not seeing you putting in any real effort to evolve as a performer. The Winter Showcase seems to be the high point of your development and it’s been a slow decline since.”

Madam TIbideaux considered the video a bit more, her mouth drawn into a perplexed frown. “From my perspective, it looks like you’ve lost interest at being here. You’re not looking to become a stronger performer because in your mind you apparently no longer need improvement. That’s become very evident in the way you’ve treated your education here. As the person who personally granted your admission, that is monumentally disappointing. Not just because you’re not taking advantage of what NYADA has to offer you but because you took a slot from someone else that might have been more invested in their education here.”

Rachel felt her eyes start to sting with the strain of holding back her tears. Madam Tibideaux’s censure came through loud and clear despite her carefully selected words. She thought that Rachel no longer deserved her spot at NYADA, and may not have deserved it from the start. She felt her stomach tighten painfully and it took every iota of control she could salvage to avoid running out of the office in tears.

“Madam Tibideaux, I assure you that I want to be here,” she insisted. “I need to be here.”

“Why?” her impassive teacher asked, fixing Rachel in her seat with her sharp stare. “Are you here because you want to be the best performer you can become or because you think that having NYADA on your CV will instantly launch your career?”

Rachel blinked back tears. Kurt had asked her that very same question and she had disregarded it at the time because she had been so certain that she would get Fanny. If she was totally honest with herself, NYADA only had renewed importance now that her dream role was out of her grasp.

“You are very much on the bubble,” Madam Tibideaux warned. “There are always a few students with each incoming class that don’t survive their first year, and I wouldn’t have thought you would be one in danger of washing out. But here we are.”

She appraised her student thoughtfully, tapping her pen as she considered her options carefully. “I’m not quite sure where to go with you, Ms. Berry,” she said with deliberation. “You really could go either way and I’m not certain if you warrant a further opportunity or investment on this institution’s part. It’s frustrating at how little it took to distract you from your studies and your lack of work ethic makes me question your devotion to developing you craft.”

“Madam Tibideaux, I can assure you that I am hard working,” Rachel insisted, alarmed at the direction that their meeting had taken. “I’ve devoted my life to being the performer that I am. There is no one that will work harder…”

Her teacher’s frown didn’t soften in the least. “I’m sure you think you have,” she granted. “What I see from my observations of you is that you’ll work on things that already are easy for you or where you get quick acknowledgement. I’ve been advised by your dance teacher that you are on the verge of failing. You acting professor is hardly impressed with your work and you are at best a middling student in your technical classes. The one area where you did seem enthusiastic about your studies was your voice class and even there, you’ve been showing a lack of interest beyond having a place to show off what we already know you can do.

“Now, do you want to know what I think?” Madam Tibideaux asked. “I think that the instant that this part that you were seeking became even a remote option, you felt that NYADA had served its purpose.”

Rachel couldn’t argue with that, and it began to come clear that she was perilously in danger of being cut from NYADA.

“Madam TIbideaux…”

“If you had consulted your academic advisor, or even myself, we would have told you that you’re not nearly ready for a major professional role,” the Dean advised her firmly. “Being in a professional production isn’t just about showcasing yourself. It’s a tremendous responsibility, and you are in no way prepared to handle all that it entails either as a performer or a person. We want our students to succeed and we want to guide you properly so that you have the best opportunity for success. That can’t happen if you disregard teachers who try to correct you and insist that you know better when you clearly have no clue about how the business actually works.”

Rachel felt the tears start to leak from her eyes, and in her heart she knew that her teacher was obviously reaching the point where she was ready to cut her losses. “Madam Tibideaux, I know that I made a lot of mistakes but I know that I can live up to your expectations. Please, just give me that chance and I’ll show you that I can.”

Madam Tibideaux didn’t answer immediately, studying the younger woman seated before her and Rachel felt like she was on trial for her life. It was bad enough losing Fanny, but if they took NYADA away from her, she didn’t know how she would ever bounce back.

“Ms. Berry, this isn’t about my expectations,” Madam Tibideaux said firmly. “This is about your wanting to be more than you are now, however good you may think you are. This is about you opening yourself up to learning from what criticism you are given. Because if you can’t handle a teacher correcting you during a lesson, then how will you handle a director not liking how you are playing a part?”

Rachel just nodded, realizing that her teacher was right. “I know that now,” she said morosely. “I didn’t listen to what they told me that they wanted at the audition and I lost out on my chance. I just don’t know if I have it in me to take that kind of criticism.”

“Then you’re not going to stand a chance,” Madam Tibideaux warned flatly. She gave her student an appraising stare and Rachel felt herself all but squirming beneath her sharp gaze.

“Ms. Berry, this is a very difficult business you’re trying to get into,” she stated with a clear tone of rebuke in her voice. “You’re going to hear ‘no’ a lot more than anything else and unless you are able to learn from your criticisms and try to grow from them, you’ll never survive. Making it in this industry is as much about emotional fortitude as it is talent, and there are many, many exceptionally talented people who don’t survive because they couldn’t handle criticism or rejection. That’s something that you have to find in yourself.”

The Dean leaned back in her seat and took a glance at her notes. “I think that we can consider most of this semester more or less a wash. But you do have a few more weeks and your final critiques to show us that you’re indeed serious about continuing your studies here. “

“I am,” Rachel insisted. “I need to be here. That’s become very obvious.”

Madam Tibideaux studied her, as if trying to determine how sincere she was. “You’ll have my evaluation to work from. I think that you should take the rest of this semester to really think about your future, both here and in the greater theater world. Because it only gets harder after this.”

“I know Madam,” Rachel assured her, wiping at her eyes. “I will.”

She felt strangely hollow as she walked out of the Dean’s office, like everything that she had thought true about herself had been scooped out and tossed away. But she also felt lighter, as if the fears that had been weighing her down were suddenly lifted from her shoulders. She could never have imagined that such a brutal evaluation that called out all of her weaknesses and failings would leave her feeling better than she had in days. It felt like now that all had been stripped away, she could finally start moving forward.

But one this was clear to her. Madam Tibideaux was right in that she had a lot of thinking to do.

* * *

Santana was barely able to contain her excitement as she walked into the loft after her shift at the dinner. “Hey bitches,” she greeted, slamming the door behind her.

“Just one bitch,” Rachel corrected from the kitchen where she was slicing up some fruit and soy cheese for an afternoon snack.

“Where’s Hummel?” Santana asked, stealing a slice of apple from Rachel’s plate and popping it into her mouth.

“School right now,” Rachel answered, swatting Santana’s hand away when she reached for another piece of fruit. “And he’s spending the night over at Adam’s. He said something about a study session.”

Santana snorted in amusement. “The only thing that Hummel is going to be studying is Prince Harry’s abs.”

That was a distinct possibility, Rachel considered with an amused smile as she bit delicately into a slice of pear. And she wouldn’t blame him one bit as she had eyes and Kurt’s boyfriend was an exceedingly well put together man.

“Adam’s trying to keep Kurt distracted until he hears from his father,” Rachel explained. “He’s got his doctor’s appointment today and it’s kind of important, so naturally Kurt is worried.”

Santana nodded, her dark eyes softening at the reminder. “I’d forgotten it was this week,” she admitted. “Kurt hasn’t been talking about it much.”

Rachel shrugged, knowing full well that her friend’s tendency of keeping his worries to himself wasn’t a habit that he would ever totally overcome. “I’m glad that he went to Adam,” she stated insistently. “He’d just sit around here worrying, and there isn’t anything we’d be able to do to really comfort him. Adam will be able to get him focused on something else.”

“Probably his penis,” Santana noted wryly as she put her sore feet up on the table. She gave Rachel an appraising stare. “You seem to be in a better mood than I’ve seen lately.”

Rachel pursed her lips thoughtfully and considered her roommate’s observation before nodding. “I’m not sure if it’s better, but my head is a lot clearer,” she claimed. “I’ve got some serious thinking to do about a lot of things.”

Santana cocked her head curiously at the other girl’s admission. “I get that,” she granted. “And I’ve got some news that might cheer you up a little bit.

“You remember my late lunch regular? The one with the terminal comb over?” Santana asked.

Rachel’s eyes narrowed as she tried to remember the particular customer that Santana was referring to. “Is that the one that you said looked like an old avocado that someone dropped,” she questioned.

Santana nodded enthusiastically. “That’s him. Well, he was in today and after he’d ordered his usual and he asked me to sing something for him. The place was kind of empty and at first I thought he was just creeping on me, but when I was done he asked if I’d be interested in a job.”

“What kind of job?” Rachel asked.

“Apparently he’s the owner of that piano bar down by the subway,” Santana explained. “And he’s got an opening for a singer and offered me the spot.”

Rachel felt a momentary stab of jealousy at seeing another of her friends getting a professional opportunity that she wasn’t, but was able to tamp down her immediate instinct to complain about her recent disappointments and offer her friend the support she deserved.

“That’s really great, Santana,” she said earnestly, wanting to be happy for her friend. “You’ve got the perfect voice for torch songs and standards.”

“Wow… that sounded almost… sincere,” Santana said with mock astonishment.

Rachel couldn’t help from sighing, very aware that her friends had good reason to expect that her response to their opportunities would be less than totally supportive. “I mean it,” she insisted. “You’re an amazing singer and I think you’ll do really well with this.”

Santana looked genuinely surprised that Rachel was being honest. “Well, it’s just two nights a week so I’m not giving up my day job,” she explained. “On their slower nights. The pay kind of sucks, but I get a fifty/fifty split on the tips with the pianist. And if they like me, I might be able to get a better slot.”

“They’re going to love you,” Rachel said, giving her roommate a reassuring smile. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Well, that’s not the only good news,” Santana said teasingly. “They’re going to be looking for another singer this summer because one of their regulars is having a baby, and I suggested you for when she goes on maternity leave. I’ll just be for a few weeks, but it might turn into something a bit more permanent if they like you. He’s heard you sing before at the diner and it’s not a guarantee, but he’s open to considering you. Interested?”

Rachel looked at Santana in surprise. “He really wants me?” she asked, feeling that hurt spot in her heart left by Funny girl start to ease just a bit.

“I suggested you,” Santana said honestly. “Look, I know what you’re thinking and yeah… maybe I am throwing you a pity line because you’ve been positively depressing to be around. But it’s not a bad deal, and it’ll give you a place to perform in front of an audience. The only thing is that we’ll need some appropriate clothes and I’ll need your help to convince Twinkle Tush to raid the Vogue vault for us again.”

Rachel laughed brightly when it finally got through to her that Santana was being serious. “Santana, thank you,” she said sincerely, feeling her throat tightening a bit. “I don’t know what to say.”

Santana’s gaze was appraising but gentle as she looked to her friend. “I know that you’ve had a rough time of it,” she granted. “When this opportunity came up, I thought it would be good for all of us. I’d have also tried to get Kurt in if he didn’t already have something that’s going to keep him busy for the next few months.”

She gave Rachel a tentative smile. “This way we all get to do some performing for a real audience, and I won’t have to put up with you moping around like someone shot your overpriced, hypoallergenic dog.”

“Santana, that’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” Rachel insisted. “You didn’t have to. I mean, this is your opportunity. You earned it.”

Santana’s laugh was more like a harsh bark. “Oh yeah… I earned a chance to sing boring show tunes in a seedy piano bar during weeknight happy hours for a couple of drunks. What an accomplishment. I’m just inviting you along to suffer with me.”

Rachel knew that Santana would not get overly sentimental about her generosity and she was smart enough not to push her friend too hard on accepting her gratitude. Even if it didn’t work out in the end, the fact that Santana made the effort meant the world to her.

“And it’s great that you got a paying gig,” Rachel insisted. “It could lead to big things. I mean, Bette Midler got her start singing in bath houses. Who knows what this could lead to?”

Santana couldn’t help preening a bit at Rachel’s encouragement. “Well, it had better lead to me bringing more cash in. It’s time I really started paying my share.”

Rachel nodded, considering their absent roommate. “Especially if Kurt does what I’m expecting and moves in with Adam,” she said softly.

Santana didn’t respond immediately. “I was wondering if you had picked up on that,” she said carefully.

Rachel sighed and nodded. “He hasn’t said anything to me, but let’s be honest… it’s pretty obvious that it’s coming,” she explained.

“And how do you feel about that?” Santana asked, probing carefully.

Rachel paused to put the kettle on the stove, taking a moment to put her conflicted feelings into order before saying anything. “You know… back in Lima, whenever I thought about my future in New York, Kurt was always a big part of it. He’s my best friend and he’s supported me so much that I could never imagine trying to do this without him. When I first came here, I was miserable until he joined me.”

She looked up, her dark eyes shimmering. “I thought that Finn and Blaine would join us and we’d all be happy, building our futures here. But nothing turned out the way I expected,” she said with genuine regret. “Finn and I are over, and I don’t think we’ll ever see Kurt willingly in the same room with Blaine ever again.”

Santana nodded in agreement, waiting for Rachel to get to the point.

The smaller girl got out their mugs and found the box of green tea with ginger that Kurt always kept on hand for them. “The only thing that turned out the way I wanted was Kurt,” she admitted. “I’m terrified of losing him, and I know that I really depend on him. But I can see how happy he is with Adam and I don’t want to be the one standing in his way. He doesn’t deserve that.

“So when it happens, and I know that it will sooner rather than later, I’m going to do what a best friend is supposed to do,” Rachel stated resolutely. “I will cry a little bit, because I’m going to miss not having him around all the time, but I’ll be happy that he’s moving on with his life. I will help him pack and move and make sure he knows that I love him.”

She paused, one additional stipulation coming to mind. “And I will remind Adam that if he hurts Kurt, I will happily break his kneecaps,” she added.

Santana nodded in approval. “Well, I really hate to say it Berry, but you’ve really changed. And in a good way,” she claimed. “Because a few weeks ago, I thought for sure that you’d be barring the door to keep him from leaving.”

She wasn’t wrong, Rachel considered. A few weeks ago, she would have seen Kurt moving on with his life as betrayal and resented him for having a life that she would not be the absolute center of. Now she wanted to be happy for him and refused to be the one who caused him pain. He’d had enough of that from people who were supposed to love him.

“I know,” she granted, knowing that denying what Santana said would be pointless. “But the past few days have kind of cleared up how I was seeing things, and I’ve let a lot of things happen because I was too wrapped up in my own interests.”

Santana nodded in approval, giving Rachel a kind smile. “I have an idea,” she proposed. “You and I don’t hang out much together unless Hummel is around to play referee and I think we’re both entitled to a bit of fun.”

“What do you have in mind?” Rachel asked.

“I think that it’s overdue for us to play tourist in New York,” Santana stated. “I say we hop on the subway and see where we end up. There’s a whole lot of this city that we haven’t seen yet.”

Rachel’s expression brightened at the prospect. She had been so single minded about achieving her goal that she totally missed out on the fun of actually being in New York.

“I think that’s an absolutely fantastic idea,” she said happily. Before Santana could react, she pulled the other girl into a tight hug.

Santana blinked in surprise at Rachel’s exuberant response, which was a marked contrast to how dressed she’d been since her callback. Maybe they’d finally reached the turning point where things were starting to look up for everyone.

And the fact that she had been the one who brought that smile to Rachel’s face made Santana feel better than she ever wanted to admit to.

* * *

Adam watched his boyfriend, relieved that Kurt was able to find comfort at the center of their group of friends. He had managed to convince Kurt to go to school and try to focus on his classes rather than moping about his flat all day and for the most part, it worked out. Kurt was too dedicated a student to let his classes slide and once at his lessons, he was able to give them his attention. Kurt was still deeply worried about his father, but having something to distract him had done him a great deal of good.

He’d been with Kurt when he’d spoken with his father, and I couldn’t blame his young lover for being so anxious. Faced with the threat to his one living parent, Kurt had borne up exceedingly well but even he had his limits. Watching him trying to be brave when facing his worse fear had been heartbreaking.

_He watched Kurt’s free hand squeeze tightly on itself and quickly reached out to take Kurt’s hand in his and offer what support he could. Kurt’s furtive glance to his boyfriend was grateful and Adam gave him a reassuring squeeze to provide what comfort his presence could._

_“Dad, I can be on a plane tomorrow,” Kurt insisted, his voice taking on that wavering trill that betrayed nearly overwhelming tension. “No, I want to be there.”_

_He fell silent as he listened to his father and Adam saw his eyes began to glimmer from tears that threatened to fall. “Dad, it’s not a big deal. I know that Carole will be there, but…”_

_He paused and listened to his father and Adam was growing concerned. He knew that Burt’s treatment had been weighing heavily on Kurt’s mind, thought he rarely showed how worried he was. Fortunately school was demanding enough that Kurt couldn’t dwell on it all the time. And from what Adam knew, the elder Hummel did seem to be weathering everything as well as he possibly could. He was still dividing his time between his work in Washington D.C. and managing the shop back in Ohio. That would have been daunting for anyone, but adding the burden of his cancer treatment just made his fortitude even more admirable. It was obvious now where Kurt got his strength from._

_Now that the initial course of treatment had been concluded, they were waiting on the results of his testing that would determine how effective it had been. All going well, he’d be in remission. But Adam knew that Kurt feared that the news would be bad and that this father would be facing additional treatment. That fear was only compounded by Kurt being in New York and not able to be with his father._

_Adam could completely understand Kurt’s need to be with his family during this stressful time, but with the semester starting to wind down and upcoming finals and critiques, the timing was awful. Kurt couldn’t afford to miss classes, even for a few days. But how could he stay apart from his father at a time like this?_

_Kurt lowered the phone and looked to Adam, his eyes impossibly wide and young looking. “He wants to talk to you,” he said softly, barely holding back tears._

_Adam nodded and accepted the phone, giving his hands another reassuring squeeze before letting Kurt try to regain his composure. “Sir?” he greeted carefully._

_“Hey, I told you… it’s Burt,” Kurt’s father correctly with a warm chuckle. “Listen, Adam… I’m sure that Kurt told you that I’ve got my follow up with the oncologist this week to see how everything went.”_

_“Yes, he has. He very much wants to be with you when you get the results,” Adam affirmed carefully, not wanting to overstep his bounds._

_“I know he does,” Burt sighed. “And I know that he really can’t. We knew that once he moved to New York that he wouldn’t be able to run back here for everything, but it’s okay. I’ll have Carol with me and Kurt being here isn’t going to change what the doctor tells me.”_

_Logically, Adam knew that Burt was right, but that was hard to accept when he saw the worry on Kurt’s face. “He still wants to be there,” Adam pointed out._

_“I need you to do me a favor,” Burt requested. “I know it may not be possible, but try to keep Kurt distracted until my appointment. I’m going to call him as soon as I get the results. And I’m going to come to New York this weekend to spend some time with him. I just don’t want Kurt fretting until we know what’s happening.”_

_Adam sighed, knowing that an impossible task was being laid on his shoulders. “I’ll do my best, but you know Kurt,” he warned. “He’s going to worry no matter what I do.”_

_Burt chuckled ruefully and Adam could almost picture him running a hand through his hair in the same manner that Kurt did when frustrated. “I know he will, and I’m sorry for putting this on you. But it’ll be better for him to try to focus on his school work,” Burt explained. “I’m feeling great and Kurt needs to remember that it was caught real early so the odds are in my favor. I just don’t want Kurt to be in the dark about what’s going on.”_

_“I understand,” Adam said carefully, knowing that the older man was right. Kurt would not appreciate being shut out and finding out after the fact that his father was waiting on his test results, even if everything turned out well after the fact._

_“Thanks, son,” Burt said gratefully. “I’ll call you both as soon as I’m done with the doctor.”_

_Adam handed the phone back to Kurt so that Burt could try to reassure his son. Kurt listened to his father, biting his lower lip as he listened to his father’s attempts to put his mind at ease and seemed to grudgingly accept that for once he couldn’t manage everything around him. After reluctantly wishing his father goodbye until they spoke after his appointment, he ended the call and let Adam pull him into a warm hug._

Admittedly, his efforts to keep Kurt distracted were not entirely successful. He’d tried to keep Kurt busy outside of class, going for runs in the morning and planning activities with their friends. It was obvious at times that Kurt’s mind was drifting and he wasn’t entirely there. Except for his class work, which Kurt would never allow himself to slack off on, he found it hard to focus and to not think about his father.

While the wait for Burt’s appointment had been agonizing, Kurt had weathered it with his customary fortitude. Adam smiled with pride as he watched his group work through their latest routine with Kurt fulfilling his role in the arrangement. The song was one of the most complex that the Apples had ever attempted and it gave Kurt something to concentrate on. Being amongst friends did seem to cheer his boyfriend up a bit and Adam felt some relief that Kurt was able to smile a bit.

When they broke for the day, Mei and Corrine gave their friend a warm embrace, apparently sensing that something was up. Adam knew that Kurt had not advertised his father’s medical concerns, but hopefully they would have good news to announce at their next session.

Once the rest of the group had cleared out, Adam came up to Kurt. “You sounded wonderful,” he complimented honestly. “Your range is really making figuring out these arrangements easier for me.”

Kurt gave him a smile. “I’m kind of like vocal Velcro. I stick no matter where you throw me.”

“Well, that’s going to come very handy when you are looking for work,” Adam advised him. “I’m starting to think that there’s nothing that you can’t sing.”

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling a bit at the compliment. “Your bias is showing again,” he accused playfully.

Adam’s blue eyes crinkled as he grinned broadly. “When it comes to you, always,” he admitted. “You know I think the world of your talent and considering how well you performed under the circumstances, I think that I’m entitled to think highly of you.”

Kurt’s smile faded a trace at the reminder that all was not totally well in his world. “What time is it?” he couldn’t help from asking.

Adam checked his watch and gave his lover a reassuring smile. “It’s a little after four.”

“Dad should be at the doctor now,” Kurt mused, mentally trying to calculate how long the appointment was likely to run.

“He’s probably going to be there for a little bit,” Adam surmised. “We should have time to get back to my flat before he calls. And we can celebrate afterwards.”

Kurt looked to him, his eyes all but pleading for reassurance. “You really think he’s going to be okay?”

Adam’s expression softened and he reached out to cup Kurt’s face in his broad hand. “I do. I really do,” he insisted. “And if the news is less than good, we’ll handle it. Your dad is so strong and he’s not going t let something like this stop him.”

Kurt leaned into him, taking comfort from his support and giving a watery sigh. “Can we go home?” he asked plaintively. “In case he calls.”

Adam nodded, seeing that Kurt had pretty much reached his limits. He wrapped his arm about Kurt’s shoulders, guiding him along and using his presence to shield Kurt from the commotion of the other students. It was a short subway ride to his flat and he quickly had Kurt sequestered in the privacy of his home as they waited for the news.

His attempts at keeping Kurt calm and distracted were clearly no longer working, Adam considered as they waited on pins and needles for the all important phone call. Even his offering of tea and biscuits and a cuddle on the couch failed to ease Kurt’s mind and he was very nearly climbing the walls in anxiousness. Adam became concerned that Kurt would send himself into fits when at nearly six o’clock, Kurt’s cell phone rang.

Kurt’s face paled when he saw that the call was from his father and quickly answered the phone. “Hi Dad,” he greeted, clearly struggling to keep the tension out of his voice. “How did it go?”

Adam watched his boyfriend carefully as he listened to his father, seeing the way his knuckles whitened as he gripped his phone. Tears began to roll down Kurt’s face and he didn’t say much beyond a few sounds of affirmation.

“That’s great, Dad,” he finally said, no longer able to keep the quiver out of his voice. “I’ll see you this weekend.”

When he ended the call, it was all Adam could do not to pester him about his father. Kurt took a long, shuddering breath and looked to his boyfriend, the tears falling freely now.

“Sweetheart?” Adam said gently, holding out his arms.

Kurt flung himself into Adam’s offered embrace, grasping at him and shivering as the pent up emotions in him demanded release.

“He’s okay,” he sobbed, pressing his face into Adam’s supportive shoulder. “He’s in remission!”

“Oh, darling… that’s wonderful,” Adam exclaimed, holding him tight.

Kurt was sobbing openly now, finally giving into the stress that he’d been keeping under wraps, and all Adam wanted to do was offer him the support that he needed. He held Kurt tightly in his arms as his lover cried, making comforting sounds as he stroked Kurt’s hair.

“It’s all right, love,” he assured the younger man, feeling his shirt getting damp. “He’s going to be fine.”

“I was so scared,” Kurt sobbed, clinging to Adam as if his life depended on it. “I couldn’t lose him too.”

Adam didn’t say anything, knowing that Kurt’s fears were not unfounded. Losing his mother to cancer at a young age had clearly weighed on his mind during this, and Adam knew that losing his father would have broken something permanently in him.

He let his lover cry out his fears and relief, loosening his embrace only when he heard Kurt quieting. “Better, love?” he asked gently, letting Kurt pull back a bit and regain his composure.

Kurt sniffled and nodded. He wiped at his eyes, brushing away the tears. “Oh God, I must be a total mess,” he bemoaned. “I’m the ugliest crier in the world.”

“That’s only because you feel things so strongly,” Adam assured him. “And you’re still beautiful.”

Kurt gave him a wan smile that didn’t quiet reach his eyes, but Adam knew that it would take a little bit before he fully regained his usual poise. “Your bias is showing again,” he accused playfully, giving a slightly watery chuckle.

Adam just reached out to cup Kurt’s face in both hands, his thumbs smoothing away the tear tracks on his cheeks. “You amaze me,” Adam insisted, his voice husky as he felt an overwhelming sense of love towards the young man standing before him. “You are so strong, to deal with everything that you have. I just feel so privileged that let me be a part of your life.”

Kurt’s eyes glimmered as more tears threatened, but not from sadness. “You silly thing… I wouldn’t have gotten through this if it weren’t for you,” he insisted.

“Yes, you would have,” Adam claimed brightly. “Because you couldn’t do otherwise. But now… I think that we’re deserving of a bit of a celebration.”

Kurt’s smile became a bit brighter at the prospect. “Did you have something in mind?”

“Well, we are still continuing your education as an honorary Englishman, so I could take you to my favorite chip shop,” Adam proposed. Kurt would normally shy away from fried food, but after the emotional stress of the past few days he could use a bit of comfort food. A plate of fish and chips always made Adam feel better when he was down. “Afterwards, we can pick up a bottle of wine and spend the night cuddling in front of the telly.”

“I’ve got a better idea,” Kurt countered, letting a slightly teasing tone color his voice. “We go to your chip shop and you feed me all kinds of unhealthy food. Then we pick up that bottle of wine. I insist on a Riesling. And then we come back here and make love until neither of us can move.”

Adam grinned widely. “That sounds like a capital idea,” he said agreeably. “Why don’t you go wash your face and freshen up? I’ll call your girls and let them know the good news if you’d like.”

Kurt smiled at him gratefully, pausing to kiss him warmly. “Thanks. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he said, gently running his hand down his lover’s arm to give his hand a squeeze.

Adam watched him disappear into the bathroom and close the door behind him, feeling a sense of relief coming over him. He’d been desperately worried, and not just for Kurt. He’d gotten rather fond of Burt since their first meeting and was relieved to know that he would be well. And while he might not see much of his lover while the Hummels were in town, he couldn’t begrudge Kurt this.

In the meantime, he had some good news to spread and some minds to put at ease.

* * *

“Why didn’t you tell us, honey?” Mags asked, pulling Kurt into a tight hug. “We would have wanted to help.”

The rest of the Apples made distressed affirmations, clearly upset that Kurt had not come to them with his troubles. And that warmed Kurt’s heart. He wished that he had been able to say something, but he was so used to keeping silent during his difficult times.

Mei grasped his hand, pulling him towards her. “We got the feeling that something wasn’t right, but we had no idea it was something this serious,” she said sadly.

“Guys, I really do appreciate it, but really wasn’t anything you could have done. I really needed to keep things as normal as possible. I worry enough on my own,” he explained. “And Adam was taking really good care of me.”

They didn’t seem too happy with the answer, not liking that they couldn’t support their friend when he’d needed them, but had to respect Kurt’s feelings. They had come to know him quite well since he’d joined the group and understood his reluctance to bring his troubles to others.

Adam clapped his hands, getting the group’s attention, wanting to get their attention off of Kurt. “Okay all… let’s take it from the top. I think that we’ve got the vocal’s pretty well down, but let’s see if we can get through the choreography without running into one another.”

The group hurried to their places, forming a V formation on stage with Adam at the front to lead them off. Mitchel cued up the music and the slow, pounding rhythm like a heartbeat began to fill the small theater.

“ _Nature, nurture, heaven and home_ ,” Adam began to lead the group off, his voice resonating across the stage. “ _Sum of all, and by them, driven. To conquer every mountain shown. But I’ve never crossed the river._ ”

Behind him, Kurt and Tommy joined in, their higher voices layering with his and providing a pleasing counterpoint. “ _Braved the forests, braved the stone,_ ” the three sang. “ _Braved the icy winds and fire. Braved and beat them on my own. Yet I’m helpless by the river._ ”

Jules and Mitchel then joined in, building on the collection of voices. “ _Angel, angel, what have I done? I’ve faced the quakes, the wind, the fire. I’ve conquered country, crown, and throne. Why can’t I cross this river?_ ”

The rest of the men in the group joined in and they all began to move in formation, as if soldiers marching to battle. “ _Angel, angel, what have I done?_ ” they sang in harmony. The sound was full and rich, ranging from Kurt’s bright tenor to Jule’s near bass. “ _I’ve faced the quakes, the wind, the fire. I’ve conquered country, crown, and throne. Why can’t I cross this river?_ ”

The men then paused in place, falling silent as Mags and Jill began to sing. Both were altos and their voices flowed luxuriantly together. “ _Pay no mind to the battles you’ve won. It’ll take a lot more than rage and muscle. Open your hearts and hands my son. Or you’ll never make it over the river_.”

They stepped forward with Mei and Corrine falling in behind them, the altos now supporting the brighter sopranos. “ _It’ll take a lot more than words and guns_ ,” the girls sang strongly. “ _A whole lot more than riches and muscle. The hands of the many must join as one. And together we’ll cross the river_.”

Now with the whole group in full voice, the real complexity of the song became clear. They began to sing in a round, forming complex patterns and the contrasting lyrics and vocally playing off one another. The men sang of the struggle, while the women sang of hope. The choreography became more intricate with the song’s complexity, the group forming patterns and passes as they flowed past one another, their voices playing off one another. The song continued to build until they all found themselves back in their original formation, singing together as a whole.

“ _Nature, nurture, heaven and home_ ,” they song together, voices rising to the climax. “ _And together we’ll cross the river. And together we’ll cross the river_.”

“ _And together we’ll cross the river_ ,” Adam finished alone, providing a gentle finish as the music drew to a close. He took a deep breath, shifting from performer to chorus leader and considering what they’d just accomplished. He turned to face his group, who were looking to him expectantly for praise or criticism.

“That was… bloody amazing,” he stated. He paused, thought for a quick second and then nodded again. “Absolutely fantastic, everyone. It was everything that I could have expected.”

He was ready to suggest a slight change to the choreography and the timing of a few points in the song when they were startled by some applause and cheers coming from the back of the theater. Adam spun about, seeing a middle aged man and woman step into view.

“Dad!” Kurt exclaimed, all but running off stage and throwing himself at his father. Burt caught him in a tight embrace and all but lifted his son from the ground. And if Kurt clung to him a bit longer than absolutely necessary, no one was going to comment on it.

“I thought you weren’t going to get in until tomorrow,” he claimed, looking up at his father.

“We were able to get on an earlier plane,” Burt explained, giving Kurt’s hair a bit of a ruffle and earning a protesting squeak in response. “We wanted to surprise you.”

Carole took Kurt into her arms, providing the motherly warmth that he so often missed. “I told him he should call you, but you know your father,” she complained playfully, kissing his cheek.

Kurt’s eyes seemed to shimmer a bit with happy tears and whatever protests he might have had for that unnecessary surprise were appeased by having his father with him.

Kurt turned to the rest of the group, who were watching curiously from the stage. “Hey guys, these are my parents,” he introduced.

“You all sounded incredible,” Carole complimented, giving the group a warm smile. “Adam, your group is amazing.”

He gave Kurt’s folks a warm smile and hopped off the stage to greet them. “It’s good to see you,” he said sincerely, giving Burt a warm handshake and Carole a peck on the cheek.

“That was some pretty impressive singing,” Burt complimented. “I really like how everyone’s voices get used and not just one or two people in the front.”

Adam smiled brightly. “That’s always been something we’ve tried to do,” he insisted. “We’ve got a lot of talented people and I try to make sure everyone gets their chance when we’re doing arrangements like this.”

Burt nodded approvingly. “That’s a lot better than how Kurt’s old chorus used to do things. It was always the same few people on lead all the time.”

“Dad…”

“I’m just calling it like I see it,” Burt insisted.

“Come on… let me introduce you to everyone,” Kurt said, hoping to distract his father from his usual tirade about how New Directions had been managed. He took his father in hand and began to lead him about, making the personal introductions to his friends.

Carole came up to Adam and let him throw a casual arm about her shoulders as they watched their loved ones. Kurt’s smile was the brightest that Adam could remember in the past few days, free of the shadows that had tainted every waking moment.

“I wanted to thank you for keeping an eye on Kurt,” she said gratefully. “He would have just driven himself insane trying to manage everything. And probably would have driven his father crazy in the process.”

Adam looked down at her fondly. “I’m glad that I was able to help a little bit.”

“It took a lot off Burt’s mind, knowing that you were watching out for Kurt,” she insisted. “He may not show it, but he’s gotten rather fond of you.”

The affirmation that Kurt’s family accepted him and found that they could depend on him during a time of trouble cause Adam’s heart to swell warmly.

Burt and Kurt rejoined them, both of them laughing and smiling. “How about you show me and Carole around this fancy school of yours?” Burt proposed. “We’ll go out for dinner tonight.”

Adam tried not to let his smile fade, knowing that he’d have to relinquish Kurt’s attention and time for the next few days. But he refused to be childish and knew that his boyfriend needed a bit of time to reconnect with his parents. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have Kurt all to himself much of the time. He could be a gentleman and allow Kurt the time he needed without whining.

Burt looked to the Englishman. “Adam, we thought that we’d go out at seven. How about you and Kurt meet us at our hotel? One of the guys in the New York delegation told me about this steakhouse nearby that sounds like the perfect place to celebrate.”

Adam blinked in surprise. “Oh… I wasn’t sure… I thought you’d want some time to yourselves,” he said politely; ready to bow out gracefully if necessary.

Burt chuckled, giving Adam’s shoulder a playful jab. “And have Kurt pouting all night? Besides, I kind of owe you one for keeping him sane the past few days. The least I can do is treat you to a good dinner.”

Adam looked to Kurt uncertainly, who was positively beaming alongside his father. Realizing that this was Burt’s way of including him with the family, he nodded and accepted the invitation. “Well, how can I say no, then? I’d love to join you all.”

Burt smiled broadly, pulling his wife under his other arm. “I’ll give you back Kurt in a little bit,” he assured the younger man.

Kurt paused to kiss his boyfriend. “I’ll meet you back at your place in about an hour,” he promised.

Adam watched, grinning to himself as Kurt lead his parents out of the auditorium, chattering at a mile a minute about all the things he’d been up to at school. Turning back to the rest of the group, he gave a bashful shrug at their knowing smiles. “Well, I suppose we’ll have to carry on without Kurt,” he offered. “We still have a bit of time.”

Mags shook her head. “Oh no. You are going to go make yourself handsome for your big dinner with the in-laws,” she insisted critically. She reached out to snatch Adam’s beanie off his head before he could pull away. “You need a haircut.”

Adam ran a hand through his hair, feeling that it was a bit overgrown. He didn’t mind it being longer because Kurt always liked playing with his curls. But he had parents to impress.

Mags took him in hand. “Come on,” she urged. “Let’s get you to the barber and figure out what you’re going to wear tonight.”

* * *

Kurt was all but bouncing up the stairs to Adam’s apartment, mentally calculating that he had about an hour to shower and make himself presentable before they had to leave to meet his parents. Hopefully Adam had already taken advantage of the chance to shower, otherwise they’d be crammed in the tiny bathroom together and neither of them would be ready in time.

He used his key to open the door, still feeling a tiny thrill of having a key to his boyfriend’s apartment. “Adam, are you here?” he called out, hanging his jacket on the hook by the door. “I’m going to run into the shower!”

“I’ll be out in just a second,” Adam called out from the bathroom.

Kurt began to toe off his shoes and unbuttoned his shirt, ready to shrug off his clothes before hopping into the shower. He looked up as Adam stepped out of the bathroom and felt his jaw drop.

Adam was dressed in several of the pieces that Kurt had brought home from Vogue with him in mind. The black slacks clung to his hips and showed off the long line of his legs and drew attention to his toned waist. The dress shirt was teal silk that brought out the blue of his eyes and made his chest and shoulders look amazing. Finished with his dress shoes, he looked elegant but without being fussy.

“You got a haircut,” Kurt noted, seeing the way his curls lay neatly defined and smoothed with a bit of styling pomade. The shorter style drew attention to his strong jaw line and elegant cheekbones.

“Mags insisted that I needed it,” Adam explained. He held out his arms and turned so that Kurt could see his outfit from all angles.

“Did I choose all right?” he asked. “You’ve got a much better eye for fashion than I do.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling. “You look amazing,” he assured his boyfriend. “You didn’t have to go through so much trouble. It’s just dinner with my folks.”

Adam just smiled warmly at him. “Exactly. It’s dinner with your family and we’re celebrating your father’s good health. I wanted to show my respect for the occasion.”

Kurt felt his eyes water, but for a good reason. “You are such a gentleman,” he teased gently. “And you look gorgeous. I’d better hop to it if I want to look nearly as good.”

Adam just smiled and kissed Kurt warmly. “You get into the shower. I left you plenty of hot water.”

“Love you so much,” Kurt sighed, forcing himself to pull away. “I won’t be too long.”

Forty five minutes later, Kurt emerged from Adam’s bedroom; his hair styled neatly and dressed in grey slacks and a sage green shirt that brought out all kinds of amazing colors in his eyes. Adam smiled in approval.

“Lovely,” he complimented, kissing Kurt on the lips. “I’m going to be the envy of every man there.”

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling. “At least the men whose inclinations lean towards our own,” he corrected. “And yes… you will.”

Adam smiled, his eyes crinkling in happiness. “I’m so glad to see you back to your old self, love.”

Kurt sighed, pursing his lips and nodding. “I know that I wasn’t my best,” he agreed. “Thank you for putting up with me.”

“Always. Now let’s not keep your folks waiting.”

* * *

“You really ate a whole steak and a lobster?” Finn asked incredulously over the Skype line.

“Just a lobster tail,” Kurt clarified, sipping at his coffee.

Finn shook his head in astonishment. “You are really scary with how much you eat,” he admonished playfully, earning a wry grin from his stepbrother. “Nobody believes me when I tell them.”

“You take my dance class twice a week and you’ll see why I eat the way I do,” he insisted. “I totally burn it off. And I’m really getting muscles now.” He angled the camera on the laptop so that Finn could see him flex his arm to make his bicep pop.

Finn laughed. “Adam must love that,” he noted.

Kurt grinned smugly. “He’s not complaining.”

Finn fell silent for a second, looking wistful. “I really miss you, bro,” he said simply.

Kurt just smiled, squelching the instinct to call his stepbrother out on using the hated “bro” label. “I wish you could have been here,” he mused. “But how do you like New Orleans?”

Finn smiled broadly, getting that excited, animated quality that he always showed when really happy about something. “You would love this place so much,” he insisted. “The people here are amazing and the food! Puck and I had crawfish the other day! They’re like this tiny little lobsters and they call them mudbugs. And there’s this place down by the river that makes these crazy donuts… they’ve got so much powdered sugar on them that you end up wearing half of it.”

“That’s so not for me,” Kurt insisted, grinning at Finn’s delight at finding new and delicious things to eat.

“They’re really good,” Finn promised him. “And I’ve never seen you turn down dessert.”

“Finn… my clothes…”

“Anyway, Mom and Burt called me right after they called you with the good news,” Finn assured him. “Sorry I couldn’t join them when they came to visit you, but we just got here.”

Kurt nodded reassuringly. “It’s okay,” he insisted. “I’m just glad that you seem to be doing okay down there.”

Puck suddenly came into view on Kurt’s monitor. “Hey little dude!” he greeted happily.

“Hi Puck!” Kurt responded brightly. “I was wondering where you were.”

“Just chatting up some tourist girls. Let me tell you… me and my boy here have been hitting it on the regular,” he said slyly. “The women here just love guys doing good deeds.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing. “I’m so thrilled that working with Habitats for Humanity is helping you get laid!”

Puck looked at him in shock. “Dude, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you talking about sex.”

“Hey, it’s not like I’m not getting it on the regular,” Kurt reminded him teasingly. He burst out laughing at the shocked look on Puck’s face.

“Anyway, we both are coming up for your shows,” Finn promised. “We’ll take the bus and meet Mom and Burt.”

“That sounds great,” Kurt agreed. “I told them that the best time to come would be the last night that we do Macbeth and then we start Much Ado two days later. That way you get to see both performances.”

“Just let us know the dates,” Finn reminded. “I really can’t wait to see you.”

Kurt smiled warmly, very badly missing his brother and his friend. “Me too. You keep an eye on each other. And stay out of trouble! I’ve heard that Louisiana jails suck!”

“We will,” Finn promised. “Say ‘hi’ to the girls for us.”

Kurt closed his laptop and leaned back on the sofa, feeling his mind settle as he had a moment to enjoy some peace for the first time in days. Now that the stress of worrying about his father was resolved, he could finally let himself relax.

He was so used to not letting others see him troubled, because tears were signs of weakness that an attacker could use against him. He always had to appear strong, even if he was dying inside. He did it when his mother died, and when his father had his heart attack. He did it when his father first revealed his cancer diagnosis and had to put on a brave face in front of his ex. Even his girls were kept at arm’s length while he grappled with his deepest fears.

He found himself smiling when he realized that there was someone that he could cry in front of. It hadn’t even been a thought in the back of his mind when it happened, but he knew that Adam would never use it against him. Knowing that he had been that open with his feelings in front of the man he loved felt… freeing.

Looking at the clock, he knew that he had a half hour before he had to meet his family. They had enough time for lunch before his parents had to leave for the airport, and he didn’t want to waste any time he had with them. Kurt knew what was important to him and he wasn’t going to waste what precious opportunities he had.

Kurt knew just how fortunate he was. He had his father alive and well, a stepmother and stepbrother that he had grown to deeply love, and friends that had come to mean as much to him as any blood relation. He was taking his first steps towards the career he’d been aspiring to since he was a child. Last, but most certainly not least, he had a boyfriend who had stood by his side, supported him and shown him the kind of love that he’d always dreamed of.

One thing was certain; he was no longer afraid and would be embracing everything that came to him without reservations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used by Adam's Apples:  
> The Humbling River by Pucifer


	11. Chapter 11

The final weeks of the spring semester arrived inauspiciously, deceptive in its air of normalcy. But all too quickly the realities of what the students of NYADA would be facing became apparent and promised to be as insane as Kurt and Rachel had feared. All of their instructors suddenly seemed determined to test how long it would take to break them with the steady escalation of their already difficult demands. Rather than easing into the end of the semester, the pressure was ramped up to levels that neither of them had ever experienced before. Kurt looked over his test schedule in horror when he realized that in a two week period, he would have to survive not only his dance, voice and acting critiques, but all of his written exams as well.

Rachel’s eyes widened in horror when she reviewed her own schedule. “This is impossible,” she moaned. “How do I have my second day of dance on the same day as my theory exam?”

“We’re in the same boat. I’ve got three written tests in one day,” Kurt complained, resigning himself to his fate. “I think we can say goodbye to our free time for the foreseeable future.”

Rachel nodded, giving a small huff of frustration. “And forget about sleep.”

Kurt sighed, offering her a reassuring smile. “We’d be dealing with this no matter where we went to school,” he reminded his friend. “We’ll get through this. This is just us showing what we know we can do.”

Rachel nodded, nearly overwhelmed by the challenge facing her. “For you, maybe,” she granted. “But I’m not exactly the teachers’ favorite anymore and they’re going to be looking for me to fail.”

She sighed, looking over her schedule again. “That’s totally my fault. I really screwed myself.”

Kurt wouldn’t insult his friend by trying to disagree with her on that point. Her behavior the past few months had burned through what leniency she could have expected from her teachers. “You’re always your best when you’ve got something to prove,” he asserted. “I think you’re going to surprise a lot of people.”

Rachel looked up at him with a gratified smile, thankful to have his support. “I just wish that I wasn’t so stupid to let it get to this point,” she said repentantly. “But I have no one to blame by myself.”

Kurt knew that trying to deny what both of them knew was the reality that she was facing. If he was completely honest, seeing his friend so completely accepting of her responsibility for her current situation took him a bit by surprise. As did her determination to prove that she did deserve her spot at NYADA. If there was one thing that Kurt knew about his friend was that if she put her mind to something, there was little that could stand in her way.

He took her hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “We’re going to get through this,” he promised.

* * *

While they might not seem quite as harried as the younger students, the seniors facing graduation didn’t have it any easier than their younger counterparts did. Senior projects and presentations were all but finished, and the reality of facing life outside the safety of their school was truly starting to sink in as graduation day rapidly approached. Fears about finding gainful employment in one of the most competitive industries imaginable was starting to wear on even the most confident of them.

Adam knew that he was more fortunate than most. With the course of study he’d pursued, he had the potential to find work both on and off the stage. His preference would certainly be to find a job as a performer, but if there were no roles forthcoming he knew that he would be able to find a job on the production side of things. Less glamorous, perhaps, but it would allow him to pay his rent and give him time to build his acting career. Even under the worst of circumstances, he knew that he would be able to manage.

He’d had a bit of good fortune so far in that he had signed with a very good agent. Thomas Reagan might not run the largest agency in the city, but he was selective in the talent that he signed and gave his clients his full attention. He had taken on a number of NYADA graduates over the years, finding them good and consistent work. Adam had been happy to sign with him and was excited to be called in to the office to discuss his prospects.

“Hi Adam,” Mr. Reagan greeted, shaking the younger man’s hand. “Thanks for coming by today. I’ve got some interesting things to discuss with you.”

“Thanks,” Adam said sincerely, taking the offered chair.

“Can I get you a cup of coffee? Tea?”

“No, thank you,” Adam refused politely, having made the mistake of accepting the offer at his first meeting with the agent. Mr. Reagan might be well regarded professionally but capabilities did not extend to brewing a drinkable cup of coffee.

“Well, let’s cut to the chase,” the agent proposed as he sat down at his desk. “The last time we spoke, you mentioned that you’re committed to a summer production if I remember right.”

Adam nodded. “Yes, we start rehearsals right after I graduate and the festival runs through mid-August. I would be free to attend auditions from now through the end of the school term, and then right after the festival closes. Is that an issue?”

The agent considered the schedule and shook his head. “I don’t think so. There are several shows that are holding auditions in the coming couple of weeks that I’d like to send you out for and it’ll give us a chance to test the waters. What I’d like to get a sense of is what kind of roles really interest you. Is there a particular genre you’d prefer, or want to avoid?”

“I’m not inclined to be too fussy,” Adam admitted. “My first priority at this stage is to be working, so I’m not going to turn down anything decent. Off-Broadway and regional theater roles is more than fine if that’s what comes up. I’m thinking that I’d probably do better with straight plays than musicals, but I did take voice training and I think that I could do well with some musicals if the song book isn’t overly ambitious. I’m well aware of my limitations.”

His agent nodded, making a few notes. “I’m going to be sending out your CV to a few producers that have new shows in the works for the upcoming season. There are also some shows that will have replacement spots opening up. Some are chorus spots, but there are also some supporting roles that I think you’d be a nice fit with. A few need an actor that has a good grasp of accents.”

Adam grinned. “Well, I definitely have the British one down fairly well.”

Mr. Reagan chuckled, looking over his list again. “Okay then… I plan to keep you pretty busy for the next few weeks,” he warned. “We’ll be mindful of your school schedule, but I want to get you in front of as many directors as possible. I think that you’re highly marketable and it’s just going to be a matter of getting you in front of the right people at the right time. But I don’t think you have to worry. We’ll be able to get you work.”

“That’s something of a relief,” Adam admitted. “I’ll look forward to hearing from you, then.”

Mr. Reagan smiled and shook Adam’s hand again. “I’ll call you as soon as I’ve got some auditions set up.”

Adam walked out of the office, giving the secretary a cheery wave and felt much better about his employment prospects. It was one thing to think that you yourself had a chance and he knew that he was talent. But it was immensely gratifying and reassuring to have a professional in the business think that you had potential.

Despite his satisfaction at how their meeting had gone, Adam was at heart a realist. He knew that it would take a bit of time to get his career off the ground and find the right role and had to be determined and patient. In the meantime, he had his afternoon Theater Management class to focus on.

He was ready to graduate, he thought to himself as he listened to his professor drone on about the complexities of budgets and managing personnel. Four years of study had thought him a great deal and he was eager to start moving on with his career and start putting what he’d learned into practical action. He loved this school and all of the friends he’d made there, but he’d be the worst liar in the world if he didn’t admit that he was starting to feel a little constrained by the student environment. It was time for him to start moving on.

Once the class was dismissed, Adam gathered his things and set out for his final class of the day, moving through the hallways swarmed with younger students. He felt like a salmon trying to swim upstream as he deftly dodged underclassmen who were rushing to their own lessons. At one time, the crowd of bodies might have annoyed him, but now he could only look on them fondly. He wouldn’t be around to enjoy it much longer.

“Adam!”

He turned at hearing his name to see Mags running down the hallway in his direction, her mohawk flapping behind her. She landed in his arms with the force of a flying cannon ball, forcing him to spin in order to defuse the momentum of her blow and avoid being bowled over.

“Ooph… got you,” he grunted, swinging her about. “What’s got you so excited?”

She looked up at him, her dark eyes shining behind her glasses.”I got it! I got the job!”

His eyes widened in surprise. “You did? That’s bloody marvelous, darling,” he exclaimed, hugging her tightly and swinging her about.

“I didn’t think I would get it,” she insisted, her voice becoming an excited babble. “They’re one of the best production units!”

“I’m so happy for you,” Adam said happily, hugging her again. “You deserve this.”

“There’s only one downside,” Mags warned, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. “I’m going to have to move. The job is in L.A.”

That didn’t come as a total surprise to Adam. Despite there being a thriving film and television industry in New York, he’d known that the odds were fairly high that Mags would have to relocate for her work.

“We were sort of expecting that,” he reminded gently, keeping his arm wrapped about her. “But I wouldn’t exactly call that a downside. To be in a city absolutely overflowing with all kinds of creative people… I think that you’re going to love it there.”

“It is exciting, but I’m going to be all alone there,” she said hesitantly. “All of my friends are here.”

Adam’s smile faltered at the reminder that his best friend would soon be on the other side of the country. “But it will be easier to see your folks,” he reminded, looking for the silver lining for his friend. With Mag’s family on the west coast, she’d only seen them once or twice a year since starting school in New York. “And you never have trouble making new friends. You’ll be fine.”

She gave her friend a tentative smile. “You’re trying very hard to convince me to go through with it,” she accused half-heartedly.

Adam sighed, knowing full well the kind of misgivings she was feeling. To jump without a net to catch you if you faltered was one of the scariest propositions that anyone could face. He’d done that when he left England to seek an education in America. Kurt did that when he’d arrived in New York with nothing more than his ambitions and his dreams.

He pulled her close, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. “Because it’s what you want to do,” he reminded her. “This is your chance and I don’t want to see you let it slip away because you’re afraid that you might lose your friends. Because that is never going to happen.”

She nestled again him, taking a bit of comfort from his presence. “I know. I[m just being silly,” she sighed.

“I do understand,” Adam assured her, not wanting to see her let her doubts hold her back. “But you are going to be amazing there, and I can’t wait to hear all your stories about how crazy Hollywood can be.

“And if you don’t mind me sharing the good news with the rest of the group, we have to plan a proper celebration,” he insisted, pulling her along with him. “Something really spectacular because this deserves it.”

Mags couldn’t help from laughing and nodding in acceptance. “It’s really happening,” she marveled as they walked down the hallway. “Graduation… the real world…”

“Yup… and we’re going to be fine,” he promised.

She looked at him with a sad, winsome smile. “Yes we are. Aren’t we?”

Adam nodded, refusing to give into doubt. The world awaited them outside of NYADA’s walls and it was time for them to face it.

* * *

Cassandra July turned on her heel to face her exhausted class, her eyes glinting dangerously when she saw the limp, flailing mess that was left of her students.

“Okay, listen up!” she demanded, her voice cracking like a whip. “As you all should be well aware of, your final critiques are next week. Over the next two classes, I am going to be evaluating you on all the skills that you were supposed to learn. I’m not going to be correcting you in any way during class. This is all about seeing if you actually know what you’re supposed to be doing and can correct yourself.

“You’re going to be judged on form, timing and body of knowledge. If you don’t know a grant jeté from a grand pilé at this point, don’t bother showing up.”

She looked over her class with the kind of appraisal that a leopard might show a herd of wounded gazelles. “I want to see that I haven’t been wasting my time in this room. The ones who haven’t been practicing all semester are going to be very apparent, so don’t think that you’re going to fool me. Whatever happens next week is completely on you.”

She dismissed them with a curt bark and Rachel felt herself falling back against the barre with an exhausted gasp. She knew that next week was going to be horrible and that realistically there was no way she would be able to convince Ms. July that she was ready to move on to the next level of classes. No matter how well she performed, she knew that she would be found lacking. The best she could hope for was to show enthusiasm and some technical improvement, maybe enough to show that she deserved to be advanced.

Ms. July’s normally harsh criticisms of her efforts had been strangely absent the last few classes. Rachel didn’t know if she could take that as a small sign that she was improving, or if the teacher had simply washed her hands of her problematic student. She knew that Ms. July would not hesitate to flunk her, and she couldn’t afford a failing grade. Not if she wanted to keep her spot at NYADA.

Waiting until the rest of the class retreated to the dressing rooms, Rachel gathered up the shreds of her confidence and approached her teacher carefully. Ms. July was doing some easy stretches to keep her muscles warm for her next class, one of her long legs propped up on the barre.

“Ms. July?” she said with as much poise as she could muster. “Do you have a moment?”

The dance teacher gave a low huff of annoyance. “What is it, Schwimmer? I thought I told you to clear out with the rest of the class. Don’t you have some practice to not bother with?”

Rachel ignored the sting of the harsh reprimand and licked her lips, her mouth suddenly gone try from nervousness. “I was hoping…” She paused, trying to figure out a way to make her request without offending the older woman. “I know that it’s probably a little late, but I was hoping you might have some advice… or help… Something so I can do better next week?”

Ms. July gave her a long, penetrating stare, as if weighing out the sincerity of her appeal. “You’re joking, right? Don’t you think it’s a little late for you to be asking for help?” she finally demanded, not bothering to hide her frustration.

“Ms. July…”

The older woman shook her head in bewilderment, cutting her off. “You had months to ask me for help,” she reminded bluntly. “Months! I’ve been telling you for the longest time that you weren’t measuring up. I warned you weeks ago that weren’t going to pass. Why did you wait until right before your critique to ask me about what you could do?”

Rachel felt herself whither a bit inside at the admonishment, knowing full well that Ms. July was right. “I know that I should have asked earlier, but I wasn’t ready to ask for help,” she admitted. “The past few weeks… it’s obvious that I took at lot of things for granted and I wasn’t giving my education the attention that it deserved.”

“You acted like a spoiled brat,” Ms. July corrected bluntly, not hiding the distain in her voice. “You spent your entire time in my class more interested in being proven right than actually learning anything.”

Rachel felt her stomach clench uncomfortably at the harsh reproach, but she couldn’t deny what her teacher was accusing her of. If she had any hope of salvaging the semester, she had to get Ms. July to see sincere her contrition was.

“You’re right,” she said honestly. “My behavior was inexcusable. I let my ego get the best of me and I didn’t give you the effort that you deserved from me. But I promise that I did learn from you! I’m a much better dancer than I was before I came here.”

“Oh really? Then give me a double turn,” Ms. July demanded, stepping back to give Rachel room. “On the right lead.”

Rachel hesitated, knowing that her teacher was setting her up to fail and not wanting to just walk into a trap.

“Go on,” Ms. July snapped. “Or are you just wasting more of my time?”

She inhaled and stepped forward, balancing on the ball of her right foot and pushed off with her left leg with enough momentum to get two spins out if it. She tried to keep her left leg tucked up and her right leg straight as she completed the two rotations, coming to a halt with just a trace of a wobble. It wasn’t terrible, but she knew that there was no way that Ms. July would be satisfied with her form.

The teacher shook her head in annoyance, her patience clearly at and end. “You don’t even see what you’re doing wrong! Your hips weren’t level and you didn’t even try to spot…” She gave an exasperated grunt, gesturing at Rachel’s body. “You’re dancing like you never stepped foot in my class and these are just the basics! I don’t have three months to show you what you should have been learning all along!”

Rachel sighed in dejection, realizing just how deep the a hole she’d dug herself into. “But I know I can catch up,” she insisted, desperately hoping to convince Ms. July of her sincerity. “I promise that I’ll work extra hard next semester. You don’t need to hold me back.”

The older woman shook her head. “Berry, if you think that next semester will be any easier, you’re just kidding yourself. The next classes are all about building on what you were supposed to learn here. If you don’t have these basics down, you’ll never be able to keep up. You’d just end up falling further behind.”

She picked up her hand towel and patted the back of her neck with it, staring at the younger woman with a look of bemused frustration. “Look… just practice your basics,” she advised. “It’s not going to transform you into a dancer, but let’s see what you actually learned. I’ll give you an impartial and thorough critique and we’ll figure out where you go from there.”

Rachel could only watch as her teacher stalked out of the dance studio, leaving her to ponder just how she could possibly fix what she had so carelessly messed up. To be honest, Ms. July had been a lot fairer than she had any right to expect after how she’d behaved. It was mortifying when she thought back to how disrespectful she had been and while the insults still grated, she had no one to blame for her lack of advancement but herself.

Her only hope now was to do her best and pray that it would be enough. And if she did fail, that she would be able to show her willingness to learn from her mistakes and that she deserved one more chance. She could do better… she had to…

* * *

Madam Tibideaux looked over the expectant faces of her students, already making mental judgments over which of them might not be there in the fall. There were one or two that she wouldn’t be surprised to see to drop out, worn down by the rigorous demands that would only get harder as they continued their education. And there were a few that she might very well end up failing if they didn’t suitably impress her during their critiques.

She leaned back against her desk, wondering who might surprise her in the end. “So here we are,” she pronounced. “The final weeks of the school year. You’ve all given me a great deal to think of in regards to your development and this critique will be your final exam that shows me what you’ve truly learned in this room.”

She paused, cocking her head thoughtfully. “I’ve given a great deal of reflection as to what I wanted to consider and how best to test for it. You all have unique talents and unique weaknesses and having you perform a single song will only show me so much. So what I’ve got in mind is going to be a real test of your abilities.”

She smiled at the low murmur coming from her students as they digested what she was telling them. Several of them looked concerned, others merely curious at what she was proposing. Time for her to lower the boom.

“You won’t be singing one song,” she warned. “You’ll be singing three.”

She paused, letting her students wince and groan at the pronouncement. “Yes, I know… I know you weren’t expecting it and it’s a lot to manage in a relatively short period of time. Which is why it’s an ideal challenge for you. This is going to give you all the opportunity to show me who you are as performers. You’re going to need to select material from a variety of genres that will show all that you are capable of as singers. You will need sound technique to perform three pieces back to back without strain or a loss in vocal quality.

“This is also where your knowledge of music and your originality will come into play. Where you will really get to show me how you see yourselves as artists. I want to see an interesting assortment of songs from each of you. You’re going to have the freedom to sing whatever you believe will show your voice and your artistry to its best advantage. I want to see your hearts and your spirits; not just your voices.”

She offered her class a soft smile, softening the blow a bit. “Choose your material carefully. We’re going to see what kind of performers you’ve matured into.”

She dismissed the class with a reminder that they had only a week to figure out their material, sweeping out of the room and leaving confusion and worries in her wake. Rachel looked to Kurt, her confusion evident on her face.

“Three songs?” she moaned. “On top of our other critiques? That’s impossible.”

Kurt pursed his lips and nodded thoughtfully. None of them had anticipated having to prepare additional songs and had been caught nearly completely unprepared.“It’s going to be a major challenge. And she’s not giving us guidelines on material, so that could be a big advantage or a trap if we pick wrong.”

Analisa was sitting on Kurt’s other side and looked over her notes. “This really does leave a lot of potential for screwing up. We know how picky she is about material that she doesn’t think is up to snuff.”

“Material is just one thing we have to worry about,” Jamie McLean mused. “She wants to see us, so we’ve got to really translate whatever we choose well. This is going to be tough.”

Katya looked over her notes and sighed. “And she’s going to want to see something different from us. If we just do what we’ve been doing all semester, that’s going to kill us.”

Kurt just nodded, considering the challenge that lay before them. He’d had some ideas about what songs he would choose from, but now with the demand for multiple pieces, he had to seriously reconsider his options.

He looked to his friends and classmates with a determined glint in his eyes. “I think we need to consider our songs as a whole and how they work together. What we pick has to show her that we can handle all kinds of material. Something up tempo, and then something more dramatic... We give her a show and not just a random collection of songs.”

Analisa nodded. “That would impress her,” she stated confidently. “The question is how we do it.”

“And we’ve only got a week to figure it out,” Rachel reminded.

Jamie couldn’t help laughing ruefully. “No pressure then.”

Kurt knew that they didn’t have a lot of time to figure this out. “I think we should get together and brainstorm,” he suggested. “We’ve been listening to one another sing for months now and we know what we can do and what she expects from us. Let’s get together this afternoon and run some ideas by one another.”

Rachel turned a thankful stare to her friend, grateful for the chance to get another perspective. “That’s a great idea. I’m in.”

Analisa nodded. “I’ll be done by five. We can meet at the diner around the corner.”

Jamie clapped his hands. “Okay then. After class at the diner for brainstorming and burgers. Sounds like a plan.”

Kurt grinned and grasped Rachel’s hand in his. “We’ve got this,” he said confidently. “We’re going to knock her brocade socks off.”

Rachel couldn’t help from getting swept along by their clear self-assurance. And she was admittedly grateful to have some people to run some ideas by. Usually she kept her own council about what she would want to perform, but that clearly hadn’t been working for her as of late. She had never felt so uncertain about her prospects and the input of those who’s abilities she respected would only help her.

And for the first time since setting foot in NYADA, she didn’t feel like she was surrounded by nothing but competition. These were people who could possibly help her, offering insights and suggestions that might help her performances. She could offer her own input that might help them.

And she wanted to help them. Kurt was her dearest friend, and she genuinely wanted to see him do well. But she was surprised that she also wanted to see if she could help Analisa and the others. She had so few friends and she did respect these singers. Maybe they could end up being more than cordial classmates and potential rivals for roles.

It had been increasingly clear to Rachel that she needed to make a change in how she approached things and how she treated her peers, and this seemed a perfect place to start.

* * *

Four hours would decide the fate of her students, Cassandra considered as she watched her morning students start their warm up exercises. Even before the testing officially began, it was apparent who had been practicing all along and who was struggling. Some things could be faked by following choreography, but not the foundations of flexibility or a strong core. The students who were able to pull in their abdomens to provide support and the ones who could stretch deeply at the barre stood out strongly from those who couldn’t. The ones who had good balance in their turns were evident, as were the ones whose form was lacking.

After having watched this lot for several months now, she doubted that the critique would change her opinions of her students very much. Those who were putting in the work had been readily apparent all along and she would reward those that she felt could survive the next levels. The rest would wash out. It wasn’t something that a single showing would change, one way or another.

As the piano played, she called out instructions to the students, ordering them to form lines and start showing what skills they’d managed to learn. Cassandra’s smile became shark-like when she considered that the lack of her customary insults and criticisms would likely be disconcerting to the class. It was one thing to get corrections, however harshly delivered, since it was all meant to help those who invested to improve. It was another to know that you were possibly making mistakes and know that while it wasn’t being called out, it was still being seen.

Her eyes narrowed when they fixed on Schwimmer and her patently pathetic attempts. The flaws in her form were obvious. She had limited flexibility and the bending of her spine certainly indicated that her strength was not what it should be after nearly a full year of work. When the order was called out to perform an arabesque, her leg was not raised nearly high or straight enough.

But Cassandra would have to acknowledge that she was trying and giving a lot more effort than she had all semester. Rather than complaining or trying to sneak in breaks for herself, she was throwing herself into the exercises and giving the kind of effort that her teacher had wanted to see all along. It was frustrating to see this kind of a late surge of interest, and a surge borne out only because she had failed to get the starring role she’d sought.

It wasn’t her way to reward bad behavior, and Berry showing newfound investment in her schooling strictly because she didn’t win a part just rubbed the teacher in her the wrong way. Cassandra wanted students who genuinely wanted to learn, and she was seeing nothing more than Berry’s determination to salvage what was left of her chances at NYADA.

When the class began to wind down, she ordered the students back to the barre to start their cool down exercises, and watched as Berry all but stumbled in exhaustion. Her endurance was clearly lacking and Cassandra knew that she had every legitimate reason to fail her outright.

Cassandra jotted down her notes, her observations confirming what she’d expected. There were a few in the group that had potential to become competent dancers and would survive moving on to the intermediate classes, but most were going to have to repeat. It was frustrating to her as a teacher not to have more with natural affinity for dance. Or at least a real desire to learn and not just pass enough to fulfill the course requirements.

She glanced up from her notes, seeing that the group had finished with their cool downs. “That’s it for today,” she said curtly, but lacking her usual sharpness. There was no need for that at this point. “Hit the showers. We’ll finish next session.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Berry inhale deeply and step back from the barre. The young girl looked a bit dejected over what she had to know was a poor showing, Cassandra considered. But her demeanor was a little bit different this time around. There wasn’t the sullenness that she usually saw when calling out Berry on her subpar dancing. The set of her jaw implied determination and willingness to muscle through, but not the sense of entitlement that Cassandra was accustomed to seeing from her. Rather than rushing to the showers, happy that the ordeal was over, she paused to try a step or two while she still had access to the room and the mirror. She watched herself, trying to see where she had gone wrong.

Cassandra snorted in distain, thinking to herself that the girl was wasting her time trying to practice at this late stage. But at least Berry was recognizing that she sucked. That was a far cry from her usual “I’ve been in dance classes since I was in diapers” boasting.

The dance teacher watched her for another moment, seeing her making the effort to push herself and knew that she had some thinking to do. She wasn’t going to change her opinion in regards to Berry’s grades, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t some things that needed to be considered.

* * *

The loft, thankfully, was quiet and gave Kurt and Rachel badly needed time to review their classroom notes and work on their presentations for their vocal critiques. With Santana out at work and Adam busy with his own final exams, the pair had some precious hours to get their work done without distraction.

“Have you finalized your songs yet?” she asked, reaching for the bowl of popcorn at her side. Something about all this work was stimulating her appetite in the worst way and she was grateful that she and Kurt had planned to keep some safe snacks within easy reach; otherwise both of them would be paying for it afterwards.

Kurt shook his head, not bothering to hide his exasperation. “Not really. I’ve got a bunch of ideas but I don’t want to give her what she’s already seen from me,” he explained. “She knows that I can sing emotionally and that I can be a showman. I’m not sure what I can do that will really surprise her.”

Rachel just smiled, popping a kernel into her mouth. “You’ve got to show her that you can do both at the same time. An emotional song doesn’t need to be introspective and gentle. Your voice has gotten a lot stronger, so pull out all the stops.”

Kurt considered the idea, his expressive face betraying his concern. “I’m not a huge belter,” he reminded. “I mean, I’m a lot better, but…”

“No,” she corrected insistently. “Kurt, you are one of the best singers that I’ve ever heard in my life. Your voice is beautiful and strong and there is nothing that you can’t sing. Don’t hold back because you think that your technique isn’t as strong as mine, because you know as well as I do that I focus too much on technique. You’ve got tremendous soul when you sing and you need to let that just fly.”

She smiled and took his hand in his, for once being glad to be in the position to be supportive and reassuring. “This whole thing is about us showing who we are as artists, and that is the one thing that I always felt about you. You know who you are as an artist better than anyone I know. Everything you sing is full of emotion and heart and you’ve got the skill now to really show that off.”

Kurt looked up at her, not bothering to hide his uncertainty. “So it’s time to take off the training wheels?” he joked half-heartedly.

“Go big or go home,” she insisted.

Kurt bit his lip and nodded. “I’ve got a few things that I was considering but wasn’t sure if I could pull it off.”

Rachel gave him an encouraging smile. “There is nothing that you can’t pull off. I’ve heard you sing things that have completely blown me away because I would never have expected them to come out of you. It’s time that Madam Tibideaux saw that too.”

“Do you know what you’re singing?” Kurt asked, stealing some of Rachel’s popcorn.

She felt her cheeks warm when she thought about what he might think about her choices and nodded. “I know that my weak spot has been really letting emotion come out while staying in character so that’s what I’m going to focus on. That I can keep my technique and still show my heart.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at his friend. “Now it’ll be your turn to make us cry,” he proposed.

Rachel laughed, cuddling against Kurt and closed her eyes so she could savor his presence while she could. There would come a time when she would not be able to enjoy having him so close by and she wanted him to know that he meant so much to her. He was going to be very surprised when he heard her song choices.

Her phone chimed, indicating that she had just gotten a text message. But it was on the other side of their coffee table and she was reluctant to relinquish her hold on her friend. Reaching out with her bare foot, she managed to nudge it enough that she was able to reach it.

Her eyes widened when she saw the message and handed the phone to Kurt. “I think you’re going to want to see this. It’s from Blaine.”

Kurt snorted. “He’s the last person that I want to see anything from,” he reminded her. Blocking Blaine’s number had saved him a lot of aggravation.

“Oh, this you’re going to want to see.”

Sighing in exasperation, Kurt took the phone and looked at the message on the screen.

_You can tell Kurt that I didn’t get in. That should make him happy._

* * *

“I’m not going to lie,” Adam admitted, sipping at his tea as they snuggled on Kurt’s sofa. They had a few hours to catch up with one another in between their final exams and grasped at it eagerly. “That is something of a relief. I’m glad that you’re not going to have to deal with him next year.”

Kurt nodded, not bothering to hide that he was relieved as well. “Well, I talked to Sam after we got the message. He didn’t get into any of his New York schools. But he did get into the music program at UCLA, so he’s going to be all the way on the other side of the country.”

Adam couldn’t help from smiling in contentment. The thought of Kurt’s frustrating ex thousands of miles away definitely made Adam a lot happier.

Kurt didn’t miss the pleased expression on his boyfriend’s face. “You look way too satisfied over this,” he admonished playfully. “That’s not very nice.”

No, it wasn’t, Adam acknowledged to himself. That didn’t mean that he felt badly about it. “I’m not going to feel guilty about him not being in a position to harass you,” he insisted. “Especially when I’m not around to run interference.”

Kurt just shook his head, tempted to scold his boyfriend. But it wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought the exact same things when he’d first heard the news.

“Am I a terrible person for being glad that he didn’t get in?” he asked. “I never thought that I’d take pleasure in someone else’s misfortune.”

Adam cocked his head, gazing down on Kurt thoughtfully. “Darling, you shouldn’t feel guilty about being glad that you’re not going to have him pestering you all the time. You deserve a bit of peace. And after how he treated you, he doesn’t deserve your regrets.”

Kurt couldn’t hold back the soft smile that broke through. His boyfriend’s support never failed to make him feel at ease. “Thank you for the reminder of why I love you,” he said softly, kissing the older man warmly.

Adam smiled back, his blue eyes crinkling. “Any time, love. How are finals going?”

Kurt sighed at the unwanted reminder of what he was in the midst of. “Most of my written exams are done, thankfully. I’ve only got one more,” he mused. “I did my first day of dance and I’m still alive, so there’s that. I’ve got the final day of dance on Thursday and then all day Friday is vocals.”

“I wish that I could be there,” Adam said regretfully. “You know I love watching you perform. It’s highly unfair of your Madam to do it behind closed doors.”

Kurt shrugged. “I’d love to have you there, but I don’t see any way of sneaking you in.”

“I’m just teasing, love. I know this exam is important to you. But they are making video copies, right?”

The younger man nodded. “So I can have it for my portfolio. And with these songs, I’m either going to want to keep them forever or erase every copy I can get my hands on.”

At Adam’s quizzical look, Kurt went on to explain. “I’m doing a few songs that aren’t like anything I’ve ever done before. Things from more modern musicals with rock elements. It’s not exactly what I’m known for.”

Adam pursed his lips as he considered Kurt’s selections. “But you’ve sung rock numbers with us numerous times. It’s not exactly out of your wheelhouse.”

“It’s one thing to do it for fun, but I’ve never doing anything like that for a class assignment. I’ve never been judged on it,” Kurt explained. “I need to show Madam Tibideaux that I’ve grown in my technique and can use the kind of vocal power that someone like Rachel does so easily. And do it while still keeping the emotional soul of the song.”

“Now you make me want to sneak in even more,” Adam teased. “Darling… you are going to be amazing. Because you always are. I have no doubt that you will impress her beyond words.”

Kurt couldn’t help from feeling flattered by his lover’s effuse praise. “Your bias is showing again,” he teased playfully.

Adam laughed brightly, not bothering to hide his affection. “Always and forever,” he promised. He pulled Kurt’s hand up to press a warm kiss to his fingers, earning a deep flush on the younger man’s face.

“But in all seriousness… how are you going to sneak me in so I can see you sing? Because I don’t believe I’d fit into any of Rachel’s dresses,” Adam joked.

“Pity… you’ve got better legs.”

* * *

“All right… first group on the line!” Cassandra called out.

Rachel hurried to take her place, forcing herself not to mentally bemoan that as one of the shortest people in the class, she would be standing in the front where she would be readily seen. There would be no opportunity to hide in the background and hope that her mistakes would be missed. She found her mark and quickly fell into the starting pose for the choreography they were to perform.

It was almost over, she thought thankfully. One last test and her critique would be over. It was all that she could hope that she would have suitably impressed her teacher enough to save herself from a failing grade.

The choreography was a lot more complex than she was usually called up to do, and the rhythm was fast which meant that a single error would put her behind the beat and be nearly impossible to catch up. There was so much to remember, so many steps and turns and it was hard to keep track of what she needed to do at what point. Pirouettes that suddenly stopped and then resumed in the opposite direction. Leaps that would send her to the floor and then a roll to bring her up to her knees. Lunges into tilts that she strained to hold position on.

Hitch kicks lead into pique turns, then a pas de chat. It was like Ms. July was squeezing every possible dance move into a single piece, yet somehow it came out as coherent choreography. Rachel tried to keep her turnout in mind, knowing that how she did the moves was as important as what she did.

All the while, Ms. July watched the group’s every move critically and made her notes.

The music brought them back to their starting places, Rachel finishing in a kneeling position, arching her back. She felt her chest heaving, nearly gasping for breath from the strain of keeping up with the other dancers. She felt her teacher’s sharp eyes moving over them, looking for flaws.

At any other time, there would be harsh criticisms of their forms, or at least one of them being called out for being behind the beat. Instead they had just a few seconds to regain their breath as their teacher checked their forms, and then dismissed them so the next group could perform.

It was the not knowing that was the worst, Rachel thought as she retreated to the other side of the room where she could recover and watch the others. So many of them were clearly struggling and she wasn’t sure if it felt better knowing that she wasn’t alone, or worse in that she might not have been able to improve enough to stand apart in a positive light. Not knowing she had performed bothered her more than anything else.

Once the last group was finished, Ms. July ordered them to the barre. “Do your cool downs and then you can leave,” she ordered curtly, gathering up the notes she’d been making. “You’ll have your grades next week. If you have any questions about how you did, wait until your grades are posted.”

Rachel fought back the impulse to approach her and get an evaluation on the spot, knowing that it would only offend her teacher and probably get her flunked just on principle. She had done everything she could at this point and now it would just be a matter of waiting. She just hoped that it had been enough.

* * *

Kurt arrived to the Round Room an hour before the vocal critiques were scheduled to begin, needing to have a chance to see the space again and center himself. The musicians were busy setting up, preparing to provide accompaniment for the students that would be performing, and the tech team was setting up the cameras for recording. The room still had an air of grandeur despite the fact that it would be used only for student critiques and there would be no admiring audience. But the acoustics would be fantastic.

He had only been in this room once before, the night of the Winter Showcase. That night he’d been caught totally unprepared when Madam Tibideaux publicly challenged him to prove that he deserved the place at NYADA that he aspired to. He must have given her what she’s been looking for and what he hadn’t shown before since he was now standing in that same room, preparing to be judged again.

This time, he wasn’t at all anxious. He had proven that he had what it took to be there and found himself being challenged and nurtured in a way that he’d never experienced before. This wasn’t an exercise designed to cut him down the way he’d been so many times before. There would be criticism to be sure, but it was to see how much he’d progressed and what he needed to focus on in the future.

Despite the fact that he’d be singing material unlike he’d ever dared take on before, he felt none of the pre-performance jitters that he’d felt in the past. Instead he was rather excited about the prospect. Kurt thought that he’d picked songs that would show how much his voice had improved over the past few months and that he had evolved as a performer. That he had undiscovered depths that he was just beginning to display.

His choice of outfits for the critique surprised Rachel because it looked on the surface as if he hadn’t put any thought into it at all. But he’d in truth selected the cream colored Henley and dark wash jeans with considerable care. It would fit each of the songs he’d chosen and let the evolution of his character shine through. Around his neck, he wore one of Adam’s necklaces; placed there by his boyfriend for luck.

While things were still quiet, he took a moment to walk across the stage and get a feel for it. Facing the chairs arranged about the room, Kurt considered that the last time he’d sung in this room, the chairs were filled with NYADA alumni and theater luminaries. Today it would just be his teacher and his classmates. Piece of cake, he thought.

As the other students slowly began to file in, taking their seats and making their own mental preparations, Kurt felt that he could relax. He was looking forward to showing what he was able to do and share this with his friends and peers.

Rachel took a seat next to Kurt and looked lovely in a pale blue dress that lent her a softer, more ethereal presence than she’d been adopting the past few months. She looked to him, the smile on her face tender and seeming to express a sense of peace that Kurt could never remember seeing from her before. Now that it seemed that Rachel had finally stop constantly trying to defend her self-imagined sense of superiority all the time, she seemed far more at ease with herself than Kurt could remember her being in a very long time.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, not wanting to draw attention to them.

She just smiled and nodded. “I really am,” she insisted gently. “I’m kind of looking forward to this.”

“Me too,” he admitted without a trace of uncertainty. He took her hand in his, giving her a reassuring squeeze.

He felt her slide closer to him, enough so that she could rest her head on his shoulder. “I know that a lot of things haven’t turned out quite the way we planned,” she admitted. “But there is absolutely no one that I’d rather be doing this with than you.”

Kurt felt his chest tighten at her softly spoken admission, seeing again why he loved his friend so much. And despite all their drama of the past year, he thought that they’d finally reached a good place.

When Madam Tibideaux arrived, the entire class had assembled and taken their seats and the musicians were finishing their tune ups. She looked resplendent in her red and gold brocade robes as she took her place before them, the patterns bringing to Kurt’s mind the burning plumage of a phoenix. He wondered if that was a good omen for them.

“Good morning all,” she greeted cordially, the expression on her normally stern face surprisingly relaxed given the occasion. “And welcome to your spring critique. When you all first arrived at NYADA, you came with certain gifts and certain weaknesses. Over the past months, we’ve explored your abilities and challenged you. What I hope to see today is the summation of your development.

“Before you sing, I would like to hear what your time at NYADA has meant for you and how it influenced your material and your artistic choices. As I explained previously, you will be judged on all aspects of your performance and if it shows your overall development. So good luck to you all, and I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve chosen to show me.”

She took her seat before the stage and opened her notebook so she could make her notes. Without further ado, the first of them was called to the stage.

Kurt tried to give his classmates the attention that they deserved, wanting to see what they had come up with. Madam Tibideaux was calling them in alphabetical order, so Rachel would be going up shortly. He reached over to give her hand another reassuring squeeze, wanting her to know that he was there for her. Her small hand squeezed, letting him know that his unspoken message had been received and reciprocated.

Once the first student had finished to his classmates’ enthusiastic applause, Madam Tibideaux nodded her approval and called for the next student to take the stage.

“Ms. Berry… if you’re ready.”

Rachel’s eyes flickered to Kurt, seeing his encouraging smile and took a deep steadying breath. Giving his hand another squeeze, she rose to her feet and stepped confidently to the stage where she faced her teacher.

“Thank you, Madam,” she said sincerely. She looked to her teacher, who was looking at her expectantly. There were so many things that she wanted to say, to try to explain what had been cycling in her head the past few weeks. So much had changed for her and it was hard to put it to words.

“To be honest, my time here at NYADA hasn’t turned out the way I’d expected,” she admitted. “I took a lot of things for granted and made mistakes. And it’s not exactly a secret that I’ve had my disappointments. But I want to think that I’m going to be a better performer because of that. That maybe I can open up more, and find something more than just my voice to show.

“The songs I’ve chosen are about my journey here. I hope that they reflect both the person that I was and who I hope to be.”

She turned to nod at the musicians, cuing them to start and a bright flute began the overture. Rachel was sure that the piece was readily recognizable to her classmates, and they might be surprised by her choice. If there was a character from this musical that she was expected to gravitate towards, they probably expected it to be Laurey Williams.

“ _It ain't so much a question of not knowin' what to do_ ,” Rachel began, her voice taking on a slight twang. “ _I've know'd what's right and wrong since I've been ten! I've heard a lot of stories, and I reckon they are true. About how girls are put upon by men._ ”

“ _I know I mustn't fall into the pit. But when I'm with a feller.....I furgit!_ ”

It had been hard for her to admit her mistakes, because she should have known better. But it had been so easy for her to be lead astray. Whether because someone was flattering her, or her own ego getting in the way. Ado Annie seemed to speak to that part of her and made picking this song uncomfortably easy.

“ _I'm just a girl who can’t say no_ ,” she sang as the tempo picked up. She looked at her audience with a perplexed expression, hoping that she could find the answers here. “ _I'm in a terrible fix! I always say ‘come on, let's go’! Just when I oughta say nix!_ ”

How true that was for her, she realized. That had been a hard admission to realize. How often she did what she knew was detrimental to herself and her goals, all because she hadn’t been able to control her impulses.

She stepped across the stage, her skirt swirling about her legs as she moved. “ _When a person tries to kiss a girl, I know she_ oughta _give his face a smack._ ” She raised her hand and pretended to hit her unseen suitor, but then seemed to wilt as her determination waned. “ _But as soon as someone kisses me, I somehow, sorta, wanta kiss him back!_ ”

She could see a few smiles coming from her classmates, and there was a chuckle here and there. She gave a dramatic huff and shook her head, taking of a self-deprecating demeanor that felt surprisingly honest.

“ _I'm just a fool when lights are low_ ,” Rachel trilled, admitting to her flaws and failings. It felt surprisingly freeing to having those flaws acknowledged by those around her, but not judged. “ _I can’t be prissy and quaint. I ain't the type that can faint. How can I be what I ain't? I can’t say no!_ ”

She stamped her foot, taking ownership of her flaws. She knew that she could be flighty and distracted, and then so painfully single-minded that she missed the important details.

“ _Whatcha gonna to do when a feller gets flirty, and starts to talk purty_?” she asked her audience, pretending that they were Laurey in the scene with her. “ _Whatcha gonna do? Sposin’ that he says that your lips are like cherries, or roses, or berries? Whatcha goin' to do?_

“ _Sposin' that he says that you're sweeter 'n cream, and he's gotta have cream or die? Whatcha goin' to do when he talks that way? Spit in his eye_?”

She thought back to those two jerks that had latched onto her after the Winter Showcase and then abandoned her after Midnight Madness. She had let them use her, attached herself to her coattails in an attempt to elevate themselves and shut out her best friend in the process. She had fallen so easily to their empty flattery and it put her in a terrible hole that she was still digging herself out of.

“ _I'm just a girl who can’t say no. Kissin's my favorite food_ ,” she acknowledged, drawing herself up with determination. Now that she knew her flaws, she could guard against the damage they could do. “ _With or without the mistletoe, I’m in a holiday mood. Other girls are coy and hard to catch, but other girls ain’t havin’ any fun. Every time I lose a wrestling match, I have a funny feeling that I won._ ”

That was the most surprising thing for her and the oddest discovery. She’d been crushed by the disappointments of the past months, but found it strangely freeing. She found herself letting go of a lot of what she expected… no, demanded for herself and was now able to embrace what life threw at her.

“ _Though I can feel the undertone, I never make a complaint_ ,” she acknowledged ruefully, thinking about Annie’s mistakes. How she kept chasing after the wrong man while missing that the perfect man had been right under her nose the entire time. She was more like Annie than she would ever have believed. “ _Till it’s too late for restraint. Then when I want to, I can’t! I can’t say no_!”

She finished with a stamp of her foot and a shake of her hair. She wasn’t going to apologize for being a flawed human being who just wanted too much. Not when she wanted to be a kinder, more thoughtful person in the end.

Her eyes flickered to Kurt, who was grinning widely at her performance and gave her a subtle thumbs up. She paused for a second to regroup as the music shifted, the bright tones shifted to something much softer and more somber. Her goal with her second song was to be a recognition of her mistakes and what they’d cost her.

“ _Isn’t it rich_?” Rachel voice was soft, drifting on the gentle notes of the flute and piano accompanying her. She’s remembered that Kurt loved her voice best during her more gentle performances, and it wasn’t as if Madam Tibideaux didn’t already know that she had tremendous vocal power at her disposal. She wanted to give a more heartfelt performance and show another side of herself.

“ _Are we a pair? Me here, at last, on the ground. You in mid-air. Send in the clowns_.”

Kurt would never know how much Rachel looked up to him. To his strength and dignity and how he overcame hardship. She so often was ready to crumble at the least setback and sometimes felt shamed when comparing herself to Kurt’s example.

“ _Isn’t it bliss_?” Rachel asked, her eyes softening when she thought about just how blessed she had been and didn’t appreciate. “ _Don’t you approve? One who keeps tearing around. One who can’t move. Where are the clowns? Send in the clowns_.”

This song was dangerous for her, because it had been covered so many times, and by some of her favorite idols. Copying them even a little bit would ruin what she was trying to accomplish. She remembered what she had been told. She couldn’t be Judy or Barbra or any of the others. She had to be Rachel.

She felt her vision waver as she blinked back tears that had welled up unbidden. She felt so vulnerable there, bearing her soul in a way that she’d always been afraid to.

“ _Just when I’d stopped opening doors. Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours_ ,” she sang, keeping her tone bright and pure and avoiding the vocal tricks she’d often employed to show emotion. “ _Making my entrance again with my usual flair. Sure of my lines. No one is there_.”

The character from A Light Night Music was an actress who could hide behind artifice, but here she was laying her heart out for the man that she loved. Rachel felt herself doing the same, wanting her audience to see all of her frailties and hopes and fears.

“ _Don’t you love farce_?” she asked plaintively. “ _My fault, I fear. I thought that you’d want what I want. Sorry, my dear._

“ _But where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns. Quick! Send in the clowns_.”

One of the criticisms that had been hard for her to hear was her habit of hiding herself as a performer by mimicking her idols. Putting herself out there, with a song so well known and so often covered and making it her own was a self-imposed challenge that she needed to do.

She couldn’t help from glancing at Madam Tibideaux, who was watching her closely. Her expression was coolly intent as she watched her student, betraying nothing of her thoughts. The only time the dean looked away was to make her notes.

Rachel sighed, as the song began to glide to its conclusion, where her character faced heartbreak and disappointment. She’d had her heart broken several times in the past months. With Finn, who she now saw as being so very wise in ending things. With Funny Girl, where she now recognized just how unprepared and arrogant she had been. And with NYADA, where her view of herself had been challenged and broken.

“ _What a surprise. Who could foresee_?” Rachel sang, keeping her voice restrained to show the heartbreak that her character was feeling. “ _I’d come to feel about you what you felt about me. Why only now, when I see that you’ve drifted away? What a surprise. What a cliché_.”

Rachel wrapped her arms about herself, as if trying to comfort herself because the one that she wanted to comfort her wouldn’t. Her lower lip trembled and she fought to keep her voice steady.

“ _Isn’t it right? Isn’t it queer_?” she asked. “ _Losing my timing this late in my career. And where are the clowns? Quick, send in the clowns._

“ _Don’t bother… they’re here_ ,” she breathed, feeling a tear escaping her eye.

She could hear the applause of her classmates who seemed genuinely moved by what she had shown them. Her gaze flew to the one whose opinion meant the most to her, even beyond Madam Tibideaux’s. Kurt’s eyes were shimmering and there was a familiar tightness to his mouth that betrayed his efforts to keep his own emotions in check.

Rachel offered him a soft smile as the music for her final song began to fill the room. His lips twitched when he recognized the piece and he saw Rachel’s demeanor shift again, from regretful to wistful.

“ _There’s a saying old, says that love is blind_.” Rachel’s voice soared softly, elegant in its restraint and gentle in its power. “ _Still we’re often told, seek and ye shall find. So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind_.”

She smiled warmly at Kurt, marveling that despite everything that they’d both been through that he was still there for her.

“ _Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet_ ,” Rachel crooned, letting her love for her friend shine through. “ _He’s the big affair I cannot forget. Only man I ever think of with regret_.”

She had regrets when it came to Kurt. He had stood by her side and supported her well past the point that any rational person would have reached their limits. Rachel knew that she hadn’t treated him well, often taking his care for granted and not showing him the kind of love that he had shown her.

“ _I’d like to add his initial to my monogram_ ,” Rachel sang dreamily. “ _Tell me where is the shepherd for this lost lamb_?”

She looked to her friend, the expression on her face one of love and longing. “ _There’s a somebody that I’m longing to see. I hope that he turns out to be someone who’ll watch over me_.”

Rachel closed her eyes and held out her arms, as if dreaming of her future love. But the true focus of her love was sitting right there and she very much wanted him to know just how much he meant to her. Rachel knew without a doubt that if she were a man or if Kurt were straight, that they probably would be engaged by now since there was no one who understood her better. Who she was and what she really needed, not just what she wanted.

“ _I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood. I know I could, always be good_ ,” she promised, thinking of all the times she’d fallen short. The numerous times when she’d abused their friendship and not shown her appreciation for all that he did. That Kurt continued to forgive her spoke more about him than it did about her. “ _To the one who’ll watch over me_.

“ _Although he may not be the man some girls think as handsome_ ,” Rachel sang longingly, thinking how absurd that was. Kurt was beautiful and strong and so worthy of love and admiration. “ _To my heart he carries the key._

“ _Won’t you tell me, please put on some speed? Follow my lead. Oh, how I need someone to watch over me_.”

And that was what it all boiled down to. There was no one who had supported her the way Kurt did. Who had stood by her and wanted her to be happy. He was the one person who wasn’t afraid to tell her when she was wrong and still love her despite everything. Their lives would move on and they would have other people moving in and out, but she doubted that there was any friend or lover that would love and look out for her the way Kurt did.

The music began to soften as the song drew to a gentle close and Rachel hoped that her friend realized that she was singing to him. “ _Won’t you tell me, please put on some speed? Follow my lead. Oh, how I need someone to watch over me._

_“Someone to watch over me!”_

Her classmates applauded her and cheered enthusiastically and a few of them had even gotten to their feet. Kurt’s eyes were shining as he clapped, his love for her apparent and for the first time Rachel realized that she had found her soulmate. The one who would stand at her side through all things.

No matter what happened after today, for Rachel that meant everything.

Madam Tibideaux made no indication whether or not she found Rachel’s performance acceptable and as she had done or the previous performers, merely waited for the class to settle before calling the next student to take the stage.

Rachel stepped off the stage and fell into Kurt’s arms, feeling his breath against her cheek as he held her close. Those surprisingly strong arms about her grounded her, provided her center of her universe. She squeezed him tight, wanting to assure her friend that what she’d just expressed was true and not just for her performance.

They settled in their seats, forcing themselves to regain control of their emotions and turn their attention to their classmates. They would talk more about what Rachel had done but for now, they had their peers who deserved their focus.

Kurt watched intently, giving his classmates the respect that they deserved and genuinely enjoying their efforts. He felt honored to be among this insanely talented group and as his turn approached. Once again, he marveled at his lack of nervousness, thinking that with such a high stakes critique on the line that he should be at least a little apprehensive.

“Mr. Hummel?” Madam Tibideaux called out. “If you please?”

By now the class had relaxed and there were encouraging cheers from his classmates as he stepped to the center of the stage. He took a steadying breath and looked about the room, seeing the expectant and encouraging faces and then the cool, dispassionate expression on Madam Tibideaux.

“Thank you, Madam,” he said calmly. “The past few months have been interesting, to say the very least. I came into NYADA wanting very much to be a performer, but I didn’t know if I’d be able to. I always thought that no one would take me seriously. My time at NYADA have started to show me that a lot of the limits that I thought I had no choice about accepting were self-imposed more than anything else.”

He pursed his mouth, thinking of what he’d learned about himself since coming to New York. “The most important thing I’ve learned is that this is what I want to do with my life. What I’m meant to do. And I want to thank everyone here for helping me see that.”

He saw Rachel’s eyes tear and her loving smile and knew that he could do this. He took a breath and nodded to the musicians to start. The piano started the bright, gentle tune and Kurt closed eyes.

“ _My days are brighter than morning air. Evergreen pine and autumn blue. But all my days are twice as fair, if I could share my days with you._ ”

Kurt’s voice rode the music that seemed to drift about him, lifting sweetly. He’d always loved the innocent sweetness of this song, as perfect a portrayal of first love as he could imagine. Where everything was possible and there was no darkness in the world.

He opened his eyes and held out his arms, as if to embrace everyone watching him. “ _My nights are warmer than fire coals. Incense and stars and smoke bamboo. But nights were warm beyond compare, if I could share my nights with you._ ”

His voice began to soar, secure and confident in his ability to hold the notes as they rose on the air. He felt his body moving, as if trying to follow the notes before they drifted out of reach.

“ _To dance in my dreams_ ,” he sang, the smile on his face one of pure wonderment. Kurt had so many things in his life that gave him happiness, but there was nothing outside of his friends and loved ones that gave him nearly as much joy as he felt at that instant. “ _To shine when I need the sun. With you… to hold me when dreams are done!_ ”

His voice leapt to hit that high note, jumping nearly a full octave without the slightest pause. His smile was dazzling as he spun about like a child.

“ _And oh._...” His voice continued to rise, sliding easily into his upper range and ringing out pure and sweet. “ _My dearest love… If you will take my love, then all my dreams are truly begun.”_

His voice slipped effortlessly back to his middle range, pouring the love of what he was doing into his voice. “ _And time weaves ribbons of memory. To sweeten life when youth is through. But I would need no memories there._ ”

He looked at his classmates and his teacher, grateful that he had the chance to share this with them. And hovering in the back of the room, he caught a glimpse of tousled blond curls and a wide smile directed at him.

He was going to kill Adam for sneaking in, but only after kissing the life out of him.

“ _If I could share my life with you_.”

He could hear the applause of his classmates, knowing that he had shown them the very best example of what they already knew he could do. Now he was ready to switch things up. The music shifted, soft piano and flute giving way to guitar and drums.

“ _I am what you want me to be_ ,” Kurt stated, infusing his voice with a subtle measure of iron grit. “ _And I’m your worst fear you’ll find in me._

“ _Come closer_ ,” he beckoned wickedly, crooking his finger at his audience. He was daring them. “ _Come closer_.

“ _I am more than memory, I am what might be, I am mystery. You know me. So show me._ ”

Kurt began to slink across the stage, a dangerous presence that challenged his classmates to follow him. “ _When I appear it's not so clear if I'm a simple spirit or I'm flesh and blood_.

“ _But I'm alive, I'm alive, I am so alive. And I feed on the fear that's behind your eyes. And I need you to need me it's no surprise. I'm alive! So alive! I'm alive_.”

Kurt expertly balanced power and subtly as he built up his character that was a bit different than Gabe was portrayed in the show. Gabe could be destructive and even malevolent, but Kurt was elemental. A force like wind or lightning that could be beautiful or destructive. The beautiful notes emerging from his throat not quite concealing the menace in his words.

“ _I am flame and I am fire, I am destruction, decay, and desire_ ,” Kurt growled as he paced the stage like a caged animal. “ _I'll hurt you. I'll heal you_.

“ _I'm your wish, your dream come true_ ,” he proclaimed like a young god, holding out his arms to beckon his audience in. “ _And I am your darkest nightmare too. I've shown you. I own you._ ”

He felt his body surging, feeling free as his voice filled the room, sure and powerful. “ _And though you made me you can't change me_ ,” he warned, letting the darkness color his words. “ _I'm a perfect stranger who knows you too well_.”

The shift from innocent love to something dark and obsessive was something that he’d seen and experienced before. He’d seen Blaine turn on him, going out of his way to deliberately hurt the one he professed to love. He’d seen Rachel roll mindlessly over those that were close to her because they stood in the way of what she wanted. Love could so easily curdle if it became all about what you needed and you lost sight of what your partner needed as well.

“ _I'm alive, I'm alive, I am so alive_ ,” Kurt sang, his voice soaring with power. “ _And I'll tell you the truth if you let me try. You're alive, I'm alive, and I'll show you why. I'm alive. So alive! I'm alive_!”

His voice began to rise with the song, building and soaring as the song built. He found the power to lead the melody, showing no hint of strain or hesitation.

“ _I'm right behind you_ ,” he warned dangerously, glaring with a nearly unholy blaze in his eyes. “ _You say, ‘Forget,’ but I'll remind you. You can try to hide, you know that I will find you. 'Cause if you won't grieve me, you won't leave me behind!_ ”

Damn, he thought absently as his voice absolutely filled the room, the note long and steady. That sounded good.

“ _Oh, oh, whoa, whoa... No, no, no! I'm alive, I'm alive, I am so alive_!” Kurt leapt, as if the spirit within him was too powerful to be contained by weak flesh. “ _If you climb on my back, then we both can fly. If you try to deny me I'll never die._

“ _I'm alive! So alive! I'm alive!Yeah, yeah…I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive!_ ”

Kurt came to a stop right before Madam Tibideaux, demanding her attention and regard. He could feel the sweat on his face, and the cheers of his classmates. He hoped that he’d surprised them with the nearly animalistic display that he’d never had the confidence to try before.

The music shifted again and the melody for his final song began. This was one that he thought would surprise everyone most. He’d shown them heart and he’d shown them power. Now he would blend both together in a way that would show his voice at its best potential. He felt amazing, nearly buzzing with energy but he needed to pull it back for the last song. He’d worked hard on this arrangement and thought it would suit the song well.

The only instrument accompanying him was a gently played guitar, and Kurt closed his eyes to center himself. Balancing the power that he wanted to show with a delicate touch. The lack of any musical accompaniment besides the gentle guitar would put his voice front and center, with nowhere to hide. There were no vocal tricks that would mask mistakes or flaws. He would be vocally naked.

“ _One song glory, one song before I go_ ,” he started softly; the words a prayer to an uncaring deity who’d thus far ignored previous pleas. “ _Glory, one song to leave behind_.

 _“Find_ _one song, one last refrain. Glory, from the pretty boy front man… who wasted opportunity_.”

He normally identified with Mark from RENT, but in exploring this song Kurt realized that he had just as much in common with Roger. A man with tremendous talent who’s ambitions never seemed to be realized. To hope for one chance to leave his mark on the world before his inevitable death.

“ _One song, he had the world at his feet_ ,” Kurt sang, infusing the heartbreak over Roger’s situation. “ _Glory, in the eyes of a young girl. A young girl_.”

Kurt rarely spoke to anyone about his darkest fears. That no matter what he did, that he would fail to accomplish anything with his life. That he would never find success; that he when he passed no one would even know that he’d existed. His feared that his talent would not be enough, because he was too unique. Too strange. Too gay.

“ _Find glory. Beyond the cheap colored lights_.” His voice became stronger, telling the story of a man who feared that his time was rapidly running out. “ _One song, before the sun sets. Glory, on another empty life._

“ _Time flies! Time dies_!” Kurt gave this song everything he had within him. There was power, but also heartbreak. The song didn’t make use of his range, but he didn’t need high notes to show what his voice was capable of. Or what he had within him.

“ _Glory, one blaze of glory! One blaze of glory! Glory_!”

Kurt looked to his audience, feeding of their reactions. Rachel’s mouth was slightly open in shock, her dark eyes shimmering. Analisa was watching intently, leaning forward least she miss a single note. Jamie was nodding proudly, happy to see someone that he respected in his element, while Katya was wiping at her eyes.

Adam merely smiled, not bothering to wipe away the tears that streamed down his face.

Kurt reined back his voice from its soaring heights, showing the power in quiet softness. “ _Find glory in a song that rings true. Truth like a blazing fire, an eternal flame. Find, one song, a song about love. Glory, from the soul of a young man._ ”

Kurt had felt love before and been hurt by it. Losing Blaine had crushed him and it had taken a long time for him to find his strength again but he moved past that hurt. If he lost Adam, he’d be hurt beyond measure but he knew that he could survive. But if he could not perform… if he could no longer sing or act, his life would no longer have meaning. Then he might as well fade away, because there would be no further reason for living.

Death might be inevitable, but everyone wanted to leave something behind to mark their time on Earth. For Kurt that was a song or a performance that people would look back upon to remember him by.

“ _A young man, find the one song. Before the virus takes hold_ ,” Kurt breathed, feeling Roger’s fear viscerally. There wasn’t a gay man born since the Eighties that didn’t have that mortal fear of how an act of love and passion that could lead to death. “ _Glory, like a sunset. One song to redeem this empty life_.”

Kurt was determined that his life would not be a meaningless one. He might not have Rachel’s single-minded focus, but he was just as ambitious. He would not fade into the darkness without his light blazing first.

“ _Time flies_!” His voice was a defiant cry against death and emptiness. “ _And then no need to endure anymore! Time dies_!”

He felt his body slump, having given everything he had within him. The last time he was applauded in this room, he’d been taken completely by surprise, not having expected to be rewarded when he’d never been so before. This time, he knew that it was deserved.

He wasn’t expecting a response from his teacher, so he wasn’t disappointed to see her making her notes and giving no sign if she was pleased. It was the applause of his peers that satisfied him. Rachel was on her feet, clapping so loudly that her hands would be hurting her in the morning. Analisa and the others were cheering him on, happily celebrating his accomplishment.

And the man that he loved, who stood unobtrusively in the back of the room… the light shining in Adam’s eyes told him everything he needed to know.

There was a strange buzzing in his had as Kurt took his seat, riding on the high of his performance. In the background, he could feel Rachel’s arms wrap around him and the pats on his shoulders from his classmates. He inhaled deeply, trying to regain his composure and focus on the next student called to stage.

When he glanced to the back of the room, Adam was gone, having quietly left so he wouldn’t distract from the other performances. Kurt couldn’t help from smiling, knowing that he would see Adam when they were done. In the meantime, he owed his classmates his attention.

It was late afternoon by the time the last student was finished and everyone was fairly well exhausted. Madam Tibideaux stood from her seat and gathered her notes under her arm as she looked over her students.

“I want to thank you all,” she proclaimed with her customary stateliness. “Not just for your work today, but for all your effort the past months. You’ll be getting your final grades and your written critiques next Friday. If you have any questions, please contact my secretary to schedule a meeting.”

For the first time all day, she allowed a smile to grace her features. “It has been a pleasure and a privilege to work with you all. I hope that you have a wonderful summer and to see you next semester.

“So without further ado… class dismissed.”

The students gave a collective sigh of relief that it was finally over. Once their august teacher had left the room, they gathered to hug one another, congratulating themselves for their hard work and having managed to survive.

Kurt kept his arm about Rachel as they took a few minutes to chat with their classmates, making sure to have one another’s contact information and making tentative plans to get together before they dispersed for summer jobs and trips home. There were hugs and a few tears before they started to drift their separate ways.

He looked down at his best friend, so proud of what she’d just done. “You were amazing,” he praised wholeheartedly, hugging her tight. “I’ve never heard you sing like that.”

Rachel blushed furiously at his praise. “What about you?” she demanded. “Oh my god… you were tremendous! I could totally see you playing Gabe. I had shivers running down my spine the entire time. And your take on the RENT song…”

She gave him a playful nudge. “You made me cry! Again!”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing. “You were so fantastic” he praised, looking down at her face. She looked absolutely radiant. “I saw you up there. You didn’t just use your power and your voice was incredible.”

“I remembered what you told me,” she admitted. “And what they told me after my callback. I spent so much time trying to be the next Barbra that I forgot about trying to be the best Rachel.”

“Well, the best Rachel is pretty spectacular,” Kurt assured her. He couldn’t help from hugging her again. “I am so proud of you.”

She sniffled, fighting back happy tears. “I don’t think I can say how amazing you were. You were beautiful and powerful and I just loved every second of it. I knew that you had that in you.”

Kurt was reluctant to release her so they could gather their things and leave the room. He couldn’t resist one last glance about the space, feeling a lot of confidence that this wasn’t his last time performing there.

He and Rachel still had their arms about one another as they walked out of the Round Room, laughing and unable to stop praising one another. They were still riding on the buzz of their performances when a cool accented voice called out to them.

“Hey superstars,” Adam greeted cheerfully. “That was a hell of a show.”

Kurt released his grip on Rachel and flung himself into his boyfriend’s arms. The older man looked down at him lovingly, his hands trailing down Kurt’s back to hold him close.

“I can’t believe you snuck in,” Kurt reprimanded gently. “You could have gotten into trouble.”

“No, I wouldn’t have,” Adam insisted, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously. “Because I asked your Madam if she would very much mind if I peeked in to watch. I told her how sad I would be to miss you singing since I was graduating and wouldn’t have much chance to see you next year.”

He gave Kurt a coy smile. “I don’t know why you say she’s so fearsome, because she’s really a rather soft touch. Oh, she huffed a little bit but told me that if I wasn’t intrusive, I could watch. There was no way that I was going to miss this.”

“You really did that… just to see us,” Kurt marveled. To have someone go out of their way just to see him perform, however biased Adam’s opinion might be of Kurt’s talents, was a heady and novel experience.

“I’m glad I did,” Adam insisted. “Because I would have regretted missing that for the rest of my life.”

He looked down at his lover, the expression on his face full of wonderment. “I’ve thought that I’ve seen you at your best before, but you always manage to surprise me. That was… that was absolutely stunning.”

Kurt couldn’t help from kissing Adam, because it would have been perilously easy to lose his composure right then and there.

The Englishman turned to Rachel who was watching them in amusement. “You were wonderful too, Rachel,” he insisted. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you perform with that kind of emotion. It was absolutely glorious.”

She couldn’t help from smiling, knowing that Kurt’s boyfriend wasn’t inclined towards empty flattery. “Thanks,” she said sincerely. “I took a cue from my partner in crime here.”

Adam nodded approvingly, glad to see that Rachel opening herself up a bit. “Well, I think this deserves a bit of celebrating,” he proclaimed. He gathered Kurt under one arm and held out his other for Rachel to nestle in. “I think that dinner and a few drinks is in order. Because you two, my darlings, were spectacular.”

Kurt laughed and let Adam guide them out of the building. With their finals and critiques nearly finished, the school year was all but over. In a few days, they’d be done and looking forward to the summer. It felt like the world was wide open to them now and Kurt was ready to rush forward to meet it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rachel's critique solos:  
> I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No - Oklahoma  
> Send In The Clowns - A Little Night Music  
> Someone To Watch Over Me - Oh, Kay!
> 
> Kurt's critique solos:  
> With You - Pippin  
> I'm Alive - Next to Normal  
> One Song Glory - RENT


	12. Chapter 12

Kurt stared disbelievingly at his phone screen, as if staring long and hard enough would somehow magically transform the text message from his boyfriend into something that made some kind of rational sense. Both of them had been so busy the past few days now that the semester was over that they hadn’t seen much of one another, and it wasn’t unusual for them to go nearly a whole day without a phone call or text between them. Kurt had been putting in extra hours at Vogue, wanting to give Isabelle as much of his time as possible before he took his summer leave of absence. Adam had been busy with auditions and preparations for his graduation ceremony.

He knew that Adam’s parents had arrived in New York for his graduation and that he would be meeting them at some point before the ceremony. What he had not been expecting was a text from his boyfriend at three o’clock in the afternoon that he’d totally forgotten to inform Kurt that his parents had made dinner reservations for that evening and that they’d all be meeting at their hotel at six. Something that Kurt was in no way prepared for. Not with how he was dressed.

“I’m dead,” he moaned, wondering if it would be more convenient to just off him himself rather than plotting the demise of his irresponsible boyfriend. Isabelle would not appreciate blood all over the office, but he could probably smother himself in the supply closet without making any undue messes. His boss shouldn’t have to suffer because his boyfriend was an absent-minded ninny.

The rational, empathic side of him insisted that Adam couldn’t really be blamed for being forgetful when he had so much on his plate. It was entirely understandable that he was excited about his graduation and seeing his parents for the first time in nearly a year. That, however, did not change the fact that Kurt was entirely unprepared. He’d spent most of the day running errands for Isabelle and the sudden late spring heat and humidity snap left him a disheveled mess. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair was a frizzy disaster and he was very much in need of a shower. But even if he left work at that instant, he didn’t have the time to get back to the loft, shower and change, and then make it back to Manhattan in time to meet the Crawfords.

Chase stopped by to drop some files off for Kurt to put away and didn’t miss the dismayed expression on the younger man’s face.

“Hey, Kurt… are you okay?” the older man asked, his handsome face showing his genuine concern.

Kurt looked up at him, his eyes wide and a little bit manic. “Besides my boyfriend being an idiot?” he asked mournfully. He ran a hand through his hair, knowing that wouldn’t help him at all.

Chase couldn’t help from chucking a bit at Kurt’s dramatics. “I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” he consoled. “What did Adam do now?”

Kurt sighed, knowing that his romantic life was something of a favorite source of gossip in the office. “Oh, only forget to tell me that his parents made dinner reservations for us for tonight. And I only have three hours before I’m supposed to meet them at their hotel,” he complained. “There is no way I can get cleaned up and get there in time.”

Chase cocked his head thoughtfully, studying the despondent younger man and considering their options. “Did you forget where you work?” he asked playfully.

Taking Kurt by the arm, Chase pulled him into their boss’s office and announced, “Isabelle? We have a situation here.”

The petite woman looked up at their entrance in surprise, not even attempting to hide her concern that the problem apparently involved Kurt. She quickly got up from her seat and hurried out from behind her desk, surprisingly poised despite balancing on precariously high-heeled Jimmy Choo pumps.

“Kurt, what’s the matter?” she asked, seeing how frantic her normally unflappable assistant looked. “Is your father okay?”

His boss and coworker had been a blessing to Kurt. From the very moment he’d first arrived in their offices with nothing to his name by a fashion blog with a few followers and a head full of ambitions, they’d been nothing but embracing and supportive. And in Chase’s case, playfully flirtatious. That had greatly helped Kurt to regain his confidence after his first rejection from NYADA, and then the heartbreak of his first real breakup. They might still be grumbling a bit over his preference of pursuing a theater career over fashion, but Isabelle had insisted he had a place at Vogue for as long as he wanted.

Kurt looked up at them helplessly and his dilemma poured out of him in a rush. “I mean, he knew that I was waiting to hear what plans they might have,” he complained. “And there’s no way that I’m going to get home and find something to wear in time! He’s such a jerk! And he’s all ‘sorry, I totally forgot’! They’re going to think I’m a total slob!”

Isabelle tried not to laugh at Kurt’s mimicking of his boyfriend’s accent and the way he was flinging up his hands in frustration, pacing about the office as he ranted. Having seen her assistant handle temperamental designers, models and writers with aplomb, Kurt’s own display of temper was rather amusing.

“Sweetie, calm down,” she soothed, reaching out to touch his arm comfortingly. “We’ll get this sorted out.”

She looked to Chase, considering their options. “Why don’t you run down to the vault and see if you can find something suitable for him,” she suggested. “We should have just enough time to get him fitted if we hurry.”

Chase nodded and looked to Kurt. “Where are you going to dinner?” he asked.

Kurt sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Café Boulud. I’ve never been there so I have no idea what might be appropriate.”

Chase’s eyebrow rose in appreciation. “Nice. So we need something a little on the dressy side, but not too stuffy.”

Isabelle’s eyes sparked at the prospect of outfitting Kurt. “What about that grey Canali suit?” she proposed. “The one we used in last month’s shoot?”

Chase considered the suggestion and shook his head. “It’s a little uptight, don’t you think? We don’t want him to look like a stock broker,” he reminded. He looked Kurt over, considering his options. “I was thinking more about a Sartorio linen jacket with a soft scarf. Something classic, but young.”

“With the Lanvin trousers,” Isabelle suggested. “The blue ones that we just got in.”

“Perfect!” Chase proclaimed. “Let me go downstairs and grab them.”

“Don’t forget some accessories!” Isabelle called out as Chase rushed out the door. She then got on the phone to call one of the other departments. “Hi, Javier. Are you crazy busy right now? I need a favor. Can I send my assistant down for a quick wash and styling? Great! He’ll be there in five. I really appreciate it.”

Hanging up, she gave Kurt a reassuring smile. “Okay… you get down to Hair and Makeup and Javier will get you sorted out. Chase should be back by the time you’re done and I’ll get one of the tailors up here. We’ll get you there in time,” she promised. “Now get going… Javier is waiting for you.”

Kurt gave his boss a thankful smile, grateful that he had the good fortune to work for someone so considerate. When he arrived in the stylists’ area, Javier quickly and cheerfully took him in hand, ushering him to the small shower that was usually used by models to wash off after a shoot. Once Kurt was clean and feeling much better, Javier sat him down at his workstation and offered some suggestions to freshen up Kurt’s usual style. Having someone pamper him a little bit set him more at ease and put him in a better frame of mind for the meeting that he’d been anticipating for some time.

He ended up leaving the Vogue offices with exactly twenty minutes to spare in an Uber car that Isabelle had called for him and wearing about two thousand dollars of designer clothing. He looked perfect and barring any major traffic jams, would arrive just in time to meet the Crawfords. He texted Adam that he was on his way and would be there shortly.

Now that he was suitably groomed and dressed for the occasion, Kurt was able to admit that at least part of his tantrum at the office was the result of nerves about meeting Adam’s parents in person. He knew that he was being silly, as he’d joined in on several of Adam’s Skype calls home. But meeting them in person was a big deal. He and Adam were in love and he very much wanted to make a good impression. It would mean a great deal to Adam to have Kurt accepted by his family and the last thing he wanted was to make them think that he wasn’t good enough for Adam.

He didn’t know why he was so nervous. He hadn’t been this nervous when he’d met the Andersons and had managed to maintain a cordial, if not overly warm relationship with them for the duration of his relationship with Blaine. His own family had all but adopted Adam and the Crawfords had seemed so friendly when he’d spoken with them. He knew rationally that there was no reason for him to be at all anxious.

Maybe it was because meeting Adam’s family would be the final stamp on just how serious their relationship was. Families had expectations and Adam had already faced Kurt’s father. Now it was Kurt’s turn and while he wasn’t exactly afraid that he might be found wanting, that didn’t erase the fact that he wanted to prove to Adam’s accomplished parents that he was a suitable partner to the son that they clearly loved so much.

As his care pulled up to the front of the London Hotel, Kurt took a steadying breath, hoping to quiet the last of his nerves. He couldn’t walk in there like this was some kind of performance because Adam didn’t deserve that. This was real life and he was going to show the Crawfords his best, most genuine face. It would be enough.

* * *

Adam checked his watch, noting that Kurt should be arriving shortly. He still felt absolutely terrible about having completely forgotten to let Kurt know about his parent’s plans before his boyfriend had left for work for the day and he could tell from the terseness of Kurt’s texts that he was understandably upset about the late invitation. Adam sighed, knowing that he would need to do a fair bit of groveling in order to get back into his boyfriend’s good graces.

He looked to his parents, a rueful expression on his face. “Kurt should be here in just a bit,” he informed them. “I’m afraid that he might be a bit cross with me.”

“Adam, I cannot believe that you forget to tell Kurt,” his mother admonished as she put the final touches on her makeup. Though she was dressed simply in a pair of black slacks and a white blouse, her simple clothing and jewelry looked very classy in an understated way that Adam knew his fashion forward boyfriend would appreciate. She gave her son a disappointed shake of her head, making her displeasure clear.

“I know, Mum. I messed up,” he admitted. “I have to figure out how to make it up to him.”

“I’m sure that once we get a glass or two of wine into him, he’ll feel better,” Peter Crawford suggested, giving his son a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “You’ve had a lot on your mind the past few days, and it’s obvious that Kurt loves you. He won’t stay mad for long.”

That was something Adam was certain of, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t feel terribly about totally neglecting to let Kurt know of the plans well in advance.

His mother put on her earrings and gave her husband and son a smile. “Well, why don’t we head downstairs and meet him in the lobby so he’s not waiting for us? Peter, do you have the gift for him?”

“Right here,” her husband assured her, holding up the elegant gift bag. Offering her his arm, they stepped out of their suite, their son following behind him.

Riding in the elevator down to the lobby, Ellie Crawford gave her son a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m sure that Kurt won’t be too upset with you,” she insisted gently.

Adam allowed himself to smile, momentarily reassured. “I know, Mum. I’m just annoyed with myself for being such a total berk.”

“Everyone’s got so much happening right now,” his father reminded him. “Both of you have a lot on your plates.”

“I know. It’s just... Kurt hates to be unprepared for anything,” Adam explained. “And he’s a bit nervous about meeting you both, so I know he wants to make a good impression. I’m afraid that I just made things very difficult for him.”

“We’ll make it up to him,” Ellie promised as they stepped out of the elevator. The hotel lobby was a bit crowded, with guests coming in from a day of sightseeing or heading out for an evening on the town. “Is he here yet? I don’t see him.”

Adam looked about and felt himself smiling when Kurt stepped through the front doors, looking surprisingly well put together for someone who’d just a few hours ago had an unexpected dinner engagement dumped in his lap. Stepping forward, he held out his arms and gathered his boyfriend into a warm embrace.

He felt Kurt sigh a bit, then relax into Adam’s arms, turning his face up for the offered kiss. “You look amazing, darling,” Adam complimented, taking in the sight of the younger man’s stylish outfit. Kurt looked like he’d just stepped off a fashion runway.

Kurt gave him an arch stare. “We have Isabelle to thank for that,” he said, a trace of condemnation clear in his voice. “It’s a good thing I work for a fashion magazine.”

Adam couldn’t help from wincing. “I am so sorry, sweetheart,” he said sincerely, feeling awful about being so inconsiderate. “I should have called you last night as soon as my folks told me what they had planned. I was so excited about seeing them but… that’s no excuse.”

He sighed, gently smoothing back a lock of Kurt’s hair behind his ear. “I am so sorry,” he apologized with all the sincerity he could manage. “I was a thoughtless idiot.”

“Yes, you were,” Kurt agreed, though there was no heat in his voice. He gave Adam a fond, exasperated stare. “You are very lucky that I have a wonderful boss and a coworker that delights in dressing me like his personal Ken doll.”

Adam tamped down the spark of jealousy that flared at the mention of Chase, even though he knew that Kurt had no intention of reciprocating the man’s interest. “Well, you look absolutely smashing,” he complimented. He was glad that he had thought to wear some of the more fashionable items from his wardrobe that Kurt had given him over the past weeks so that he wouldn’t look poorly in comparison. “And I really am dead from the neck up sometimes.”

Kurt huffed, but found it impossible to stay angry and offered his lover a small smile. “Yes you are, but I love you anyway.”

Adam could feel his parents’ stares and knew that they were trying their best to give him and Kurt a bit of space, but were eagerly awaiting their formal introductions. He gave Kurt a reassuring smile and asked, “Think you’re ready to meet them?”

Kurt nodded and warned, “If they hate me, I’m holding you fully responsible.”

“Noted.”

He kept his arm about Kurt, a reassuring presence as he guided the younger man to where his parents were waiting. He bit back a smile at how his mother was all but quivering with excitement while his father just had a pleased expression at seeing the two of them together.

“Mum, Dad… I know that you’ve spoken, but this is my Kurt,” he introduced proudly, glad to finally have the chance to show off his boyfriend to his family.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you both,” Kurt said with just the slightest trace of nervousness in his voice. “In person, that is.”

Ellie quickly swept Kurt up into a hug, all but pulling him away from Adam to do so. “I was right!” she proclaimed happily, squeezing a surprised squeak from Kurt. “You’re even more gorgeous than you looked over the computer. So stylish and posh…”

“Ellie, let the poor boy breathe,” her husband playfully reprimanded when it became apparent that she wasn’t going to release him any time soon. He wouldn’t be putting it past his wife to already be planning how to smuggle their son’s partner back to England with them.

He looked to Kurt apologetically, explaining, “I think she’s more excited about meeting you than seeing Adam. We’re very glad to be meeting you, son.” He shook Kurt’s hand warmly, hoping to make up a bit for his wife’s over-enthusiasm.

“Adam, did Melissa come too?” Kurt asked, looking about for his boyfriend’s sister. He probably shouldn’t have been surprised that she didn’t appear to be there.

Ellie shook her head, letting Adam take possession of his boyfriend again. “I’m afraid she couldn’t make it,” she explained regretfully. “And she was so looking forward to meeting you too.”

“Melissa has been tied up with a huge court case the past few weeks,” Adam explained. “Remember that big horse seizure I told you about? It’s the kind of thing that can take months to resolve, so I knew that it was possible that she wouldn’t be able to come.”

“What a shame,” Kurt mused, sad on Adam’s behalf. “I know that you’re disappointed.”

“A bit,” Adam admitted. “But her work is important so I do understand.”

Adam’s father nodded regretfully. “She was very upset that she wasn’t going to be able to get away, even for a few days,” he insisted. “She very much wanted to see you, and to meet Kurt. And that reminds me…”

Peter held out the gift bag he’d been holding to Kurt. “This is just a little something from Melissa and us,” he explained. “A little ‘welcome to the family’ token. And to thank you for watching out for Adam for us.”

Kurt hesitated before accepting, taken aback by the gesture. “You didn’t have to do that. I’m just glad to be here with you all.”

Ellie snorted. “Nonsense! We wanted to bring you a little bit of England since Adam told us that you’re something of an Anglophile. We thought this was something that you, of all people, would appreciate.”

Kurt sighed, knowing that he couldn’t refuse without giving offense. “Thank you,” he said politely, opening the bag and pulled out a heavy hardcover book from the nest of tissue paper.

His eyes widened at seeing the title on the aged cover. “Oh,” he breathed, stunned at what he was holding in his hands.

Adam leaned in to see. “What is it, love?”

Kurt held out the book carefully, as if afraid of dropping it. “A collection of Noël Coward’s plays,” he said in astonishment.

Adam’s father watched his response in amusement, glad that they had apparently chosen wisely. “It’s a first edition,” he pointed out, causing Kurt to gasp a little bit. “We thought it would make a fine addition to your personal collection.”

“Adam told us that you especially love Coward’s works,” Ellie inserted, letting her husband place his arm about her shoulders and hold her close. “Take a look inside.”

At her urging, Kurt opened the book to the title page and nearly dropped it in shock at seeing the author’s name written in a very clear and distinctive script. He had no doubt that it was genuine and felt himself looking up at Adam’s parents in shock.

“I can’t take this,” he insisted, holding the book out of them. “It’s too valuable. I can’t…”

Adam’s father shook his head. “You most definitely can, Kurt. We wanted you to have this.”

“But it’s too much,” Kurt protested weakly, not even attempting to try and guess at how much a book like this would cost. An original printing would be rare enough, but to have it autographed by Noël Coward himself…

Ellie made a gentle shushing sound. “Not at all,” she claimed. “Kurt, sweetheart… this is just a little token from all of us.”

“It’s from my father’s collection,” Peter explained, giving the younger man a fond smile. “He met Mr. Coward many years ago, but the poor book has been gathering dust for ages. He’d have wanted it to go to someone who would really appreciate it.”

Realizing that protesting much longer would offend the Crawfords, Kurt looked down at the precious text in his hands, his finger tracing the gold lettering on the spine. He looked to Adam’s parents and couldn’t help from smiling, so taken by surprise at their generosity. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. He felt himself hugging the book to his chest, as if to protect the precious thing from the world.

Adam just smiled and bent to kiss Kurt’s head, holding him close. “You silly thing,” he teased. “I told you that they’d love you.”

Kurt snorted, using his head to nudge at Adam’s shoulder. “Hush, you…”

“Well, we’d better get a move on if we want to keep our reservation,” Peter stated, amused at the antics of the younger men. “We should have enough time to walk, if that’s all right with everyone.”

“Oh, yes!” his wife exclaimed. “It’s such a lovely day outside.”

Adam helped Kurt place the book back into the gift bag and offered to carry it, not terribly surprised when Kurt glared at him like Adam was asking Kurt to sever a limb. But the younger man consented to letting Adam hold his hand as they walked outside with Adam’s parents.

As they leisurely strolled to the restaurant and enjoyed the spring weather, Kurt felt completely at ease with Adam’s family. He listened to Peter Crawford reminisce about the times he’d played in Carnage Hall and the travails of trying to drag his cello about the city, while Ellie mused about how rapidly New York seemed to change, always different each time they visited. And as always, Adam remained a comforting presence at his side.

* * *

Rachel paused, not sure of what she was looking for as she stood outside of Ms. July’s office. Classes were over and they’d gotten their grades so all of her questions should have been answered. Instead she was left even more confused about where she stood in the grand scheme of things. Never before had her vision of her own future been so unclear, and she very much needed to figure out where she went from here.

She heard sounds of movement from inside the office, confirming that the dance teacher hadn’t already left for the summer break just yet. Steeling her courage, she raised her fist to knock on the door and hoped that with classes being concluded that her teacher might be in the mood to help.

“Come in!” Ms. July called out and Rachel opened the door to step inside, surprised at what she found. Having spent nearly a full year in seeing her teacher in leggings and dance attire, to see her dressed in skinny jeans and a faded Depeche Mode concert t-shirt as she packed up her office for the summer seemed odd.

Ms. July looked up at Rachel, her long ponytail swinging behind her. “What do you want, Schwimmer? I would have though that you’d be out trying to show some director that you know better than they do.”

The insulting greeting hurt, mostly because Rachel knew that she was right. “I was hoping to catch you before you left for the summer,” she explained, trying to be as respectful as possible.”

“Well, get on with it,” Ms. July demanded sharply. “Because there’s a beach and a piña colada with my name on it waiting for me, and I am not going to miss my flight for you.”

Rachel nodded. “I won’t take much of your time… I just had a question about my grade,” she said.

“It should be pretty self-explanatory,” Ms. July snapped as she carefully placed her plants into a box.

Rachel nodded. “But what I don’t understand is why you gave me an Incomplete,” she stated. “You told me that I was failing, so I’m a little confused why you didn’t just fail me outright.”

Cassandra huffed in annoyance and turned an irritated gaze to the younger woman. “You really are dense,” she noted harshly. “I’m giving you an out and you’re questioning it? Do you want me to fail you?”

“No!” Rachel insisted. “Of course not. But I don’t get why you didn’t.”

The dance instructor’s gaze turned flinty, her mouth drawn into a harsh frown. “You know, most students just sigh in relief when they don’t fail a class they were expecting to, but you would be the one to start questioning a gift horse.” She shook her head in frustration.

“Look, you and I both know that you rightly should have failed. You didn’t give any real effort and you didn’t improve at all this year,” Cassandra reminded her student.

Rachel felt herself wither at the harsh assessment, but it wasn’t anything that she hadn’t already heard from her teacher.

“Your final assessment just confirmed that you would never survive the next level of classes and I had no qualms about holding you back. But your performance did give me something to consider.”

Ms. July looked down at her, her gaze penetrating. “You actually put in a bit of real effort. And you asked for help. Much too late to be of any use, granted, but it was the first time all year that you acknowledged what a fuck up you’ve been.”

She shrugged, turning to toss a few more things into the box to go home. “Make no mistakes, Berry… what I did for you is a much bigger favor than you deserve. If you repeat the class and pass, the Incomplete won’t affect your GPA. But that’s entirely up to you.”

Rachel nodded in understanding. “I already signed up for the summer intensive, like you suggested,” she explained. “I really am taking this seriously now.”

The older woman gave her an appraising stare, as if weighing out the sincerity of her words. “I’m not the one you have to convince anymore, Berry,” she stated firmly. “You’ve already blown your chance at making me think you’ve got potential and a real willingness to learn. But you’re getting a new teacher who doesn’t know you, so you’ve got another chance to prove that you’re not just full of hot air. It’s up to you at this point not to screw it up.”

Rachel knew that she shouldn’t have expected her teacher to be any kinder to her now, so the harsh words didn’t cut nearly as deeply as they might have a few weeks ago. And she could hardly claim that however hurtfully worded that she didn’t very well deserve that criticism. Having another chance might not be something that she’d earned, but she wasn’t going to turn it down over misplaced pride.

“I won’t,” she insisted. But her teacher had already tuned her out, returning to gathering her personal possessions and packing them to take home for the summer. “I just… I just wanted to say that I appreciate this. And that I’m sorry for giving you so much trouble.”

She turned to leave when her teacher called out, “Berry. One more thing…”

Rachel bit back a sigh, wondering if the older woman felt a need to tear into her a bit more. If just for old time’s sake.

Cassandra looked down at the younger woman, her face set in a firm scowl. “Just a bit of advice,” she offered with clear reluctance to give any kind of aid.

“Forget about trying to prove that you’re the best dancer in the room, because you’re not,” Cassandra reminded her sternly. “You don’t have the natural facility for it, so however good you’re going to get is going to hinge on how much work you’re willing to put in. And even then, you’re not going to be so fantastic. Maybe good enough for chorus work… if they stick you in the background.

“If you stop trying to prove that you’re the best that ever existed, you might actual learn something. There’s always going to be someone better than you,” Ms. July warned. “If you focus on being your best instead of worrying about being **the** best, you’ll do a lot better.”

It wasn’t what Rachel wanted to hear, but she had gained enough self-awareness over the past few weeks to accept that it was what she needed to hear. If the humbling she’d endured accomplished anything at all, she knew that it forced her to recognize her shortcomings and how they were holding her back.

She nodded, letting her teacher know that she was paying attention. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she promised, more to herself than Ms. July. Her teacher might have granted her a small bit of help, but Rachel was smart enough by this point not to press her luck.

And she didn’t think that Ms. July would be too offended if she avoided her classes in the future.

* * *

Santana and Rachel looked up as the door to the loft slid open and Kurt walked inside. “Oh wow… look who finally made a reappearance,” Santana chuckled, shaking her head in mock reproach. “We thought that the Crawfords must have kidnapped you.”

“Ha ha… We’re not completely joined at the hip just yet,” Kurt responded.

“Hey stranger,” Rachel greeted brightly. “Come on in… we’ve got company.”

It was only then that Kurt noticed that they weren’t alone. “When did you two get here?” he asked, coming over to greet Tina and Artie. If he showed a measure of restraint when greeting Tina, no one commented. His reserve towards her was more than understandable.

“We just got in yesterday,” Artie explained. “We wanted to check out our living arrangements before the school term begins.”

“You’re both coming to school in New York?” Kurt asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

The two of them looked good now that the pressure of high school was done with. Artie’s wardrobe looking a bit more put together than Kurt remembered him being, with clothes that were considerably more stylish and better fitted. Tina was dressed casually in jeans and a bohemian-style top that looked quite becoming on her. Kurt just wished that he felt better about seeing the both of them.

Tina nodded, a bit shyly. “Artie’s going to film school here in Brooklyn. And I got into NYU.”

“That’s wonderful,” Kurt congratulated sincerely. “For theater?”

Tina allowed herself to smile a bit. “Yeah… I got in. I really did.”

Despite how things had deteriorated between them, Kurt was genuinely happy for her. Tina had spent a lot of her time at McKinley being ignored and sidelined in much the same way he’d been, so he was genuinely glad to see her get that kind of affirmation. And for her to get admitted when Blaine didn’t… he wasn’t going to hide that he found this a much more preferable option, even if they really weren’t friends anymore.

“So now that school’s over, we decided to fly up and to see the dorms… get the lay of the land… Get a feel for the place,” Artie explained. He reached over to take Tina’s hand in his.

Kurt’s eyes widened a bit. “Are you two back together?”

Tina nodded, giving Artie a fond smile. “For the past few weeks,” she admitted. “We started talking after we got our acceptance letters since we’d both be going to New York. And one thing led to another. So we’re giving it another try.”

Artie lifted her hand and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. “A lot changed since you guys were last in Lima,” he insisted.

“I can’t wait to hear all about it,” Kurt insisted. “But I think we’re going to need a few bottles of wine, so I’ll run down to the store…”

“I’ll come with you,” Tina inserted, getting up from the couch. The look she gave Kurt was imploring. “If it’s okay with you, Kurt.”

Kurt sighed, having hoped to avoid any uncomfortable interactions. He hated surprises and being put on the spot like this, but to refuse her would only exacerbate the undercurrent of tension in the room. Seeing no way to refuse her without making everyone uncomfortable, he decided that it was better to bite the bullet and just get it over with.

Tina followed him downstairs and they began to walk towards the wine and liquor store that they had been frequenting the past few months because the clerk didn’t look too hard at their fake I.D.s. They walked in silence at first, Kurt not wanting to start a conversation and Tina clearly trying to figure out what to say to him. It hurt Kurt, because they were so close at one time. Of all the friends that he’d lost, she was one that bothered him the most.

“I didn’t know you applied to NYU,” he finally broached when the silence between them became too uncomfortable. “Blaine didn’t mention it when he was here.”

She pursed her lips and nodded. “Blaine and I… we’re really not on speaking terms right now,” she admitted with a trace of regret. “After Mr. Schu’s wedding… we started drifting apart.”

She shook her head. “No, that’s not right. I think that I just started seeing more of who he really is instead of who I wanted him to be. I realized that I was using him as a substitute boyfriend and he…” She paused and forced back the bite she still felt when she realized just what their “friendship” constituted. “He was just using me.”

Kurt inhaled and nodded. “He… does tend to do that.”

She adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder and looked down at her sandaled feet. “I’ve wanted to talk to you so much since I saw you, because I have to apologize. I treated you so badly at the wedding and you didn’t deserve that from me.”

Kurt looked at her and watched as she wiped at her eyes.

“It’s just… the past year was so hard,” she explained. “All of my closest friends graduated and Mike broke up with me before he even left. That was bad enough, but I thought that it would finally be me time to shine and instead I ended up being ignored again. I guess that I just latched onto Blaine because I had nothing else going for me and I… I just kind of lost my mind.”

Kurt didn’t respond immediately because while he sympathized with her situation, having been there himself, that didn’t excuse her treatment of him.

She then pause and shook her head. “It’s not an excuse to how I treated you, but all I could see is that you were turning down someone who wouldn’t look twice at me the way I wanted. Seeing you at the wedding and getting that verbal smack down… it woke me up.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling a bit. “I’m good at that,” he admitted.

Tina gave him a shy smile. “Yes, you are. I missed seeing you do that to people. But being on the receiving end isn’t quite as much fun. Even though I totally deserved it.”

“You kinda did,” Kurt agreed. He looked at her archly. “Is that why you tried to warn me about Blaine?”

She nodded. “I didn’t want him to blindside you. I knew he was going to try to make trouble and wanted to at least give you a heads up. I don’t think I can blame you for ignoring me.”

Kurt didn’t answer her immediately, considering his options here carefully. He’d missed his friendship with Tina and she’d been one of his best friends for a long time. Their estrangement had hurt him, that she would chose his ex over him despite all they’d been to one another. Tina’s regret was obvious and while he was reluctant to leave himself open to being hurt again, he didn’t want to lose anything else to Blaine.

“Rachel says that you and Adam are doing really well,” Tina said gently, giving him a soft smile. “I’m really happy for you. You really deserve to have someone treating you well after putting up with Blaine for so long.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at the thought of his boyfriend. “Thanks,” he said sincerely. “He’s been great. It’s going to be interesting to see how things go now that he’s graduated. I guess we’ll be working out a lot of stuff over the summer.”

Tina moved as if to take his hand but stopped herself. She hadn’t earned that privilege yet.

“Well, I think that we’ll have plenty of time to talk and catch up on things,” he offered. “Since you’ll be going to school here. I mean… NYU isn’t that far from NYADA. And I know a few people at NYU now.”

Tina’s eyes teared up at the realization that he was at least being willing to give her the opportunity. “Thank you,” she said sincerely, wiping at her face.

Kurt offered her a gentle smile and took her hand in his. “It’s okay, Tina,” he assured her with as much sincerity as he could manage. “I think that we’ll be okay. Just give it a little time.”

Inside the wine shop, Tina looked about at the wide assortment. “What do you think?” she asked. “White or red?”

“Oh… white. Definitely. Maybe a rosé too,” Kurt decided, leading her to the refrigerated cabinet where the chilled wines were kept. After perusing the available options, he pulled out a few bottles and handed two of them to Tina. After picking out a few more bottles they made their way to the cashier where Kurt’s I.D. barely garnered more than a cursory glance.

They returned to the loft with their ill-gotten gain, Kurt announcing, “We’re back, and we come bearing Riesling.”

“Oh… yum,” Rachel said appreciatively, getting out some of their cheap wineglasses.

Artie watched with wide eyes Kurt poured for everyone and handed him a glass, even though none of them were legally of drinking age. “Do you do this all the time?” he asked, taking a sip.

Santana shrugged. “It’s not a big deal,” she insisted. “I mean, all of us are too busy to be drinking all the time, but we do enjoy a glass when we have the chance.”

“Welcome to New York,” Rachel chirped brightly. “This is one of the perks of being an adult out in the world.”

Tina shrugged and took a sip, her eyebrow raised appreciatively. “It’s a shame the dorms are really strict about this kind of thing,” she mused.

“It’s a shame about the dorms, period,” Artie added.

“That bad?” Kurt asked sympathetically.

Artie shrugged. “They’re technically handicapped accessible, but that’s about it,” he explained. “The rooms are okay and I should be able to manage in the showers by myself if I get a shower chair and no one moves it.”

Tina offered him a reassuring smile, taking his hand. “And it kind of sucks that he’ll be here in Brooklyn while I’ll be in Manhattan. We’re not going to see much of one another.”

Artie looked about the loft with a hint of ill-concealed longing. “It’s a shame that we can’t afford a place like this,” he mused. “It’s so open and I can get around easily. And it’s not far from school at all.”

Rachel’s eyes brightened as a thought came into her head. “Guys… I think I have an idea.”

Santana looked down into her glass, as if to find comfort there. “Uh oh… think we need to be worried about this,” she chuckled, tossing back the last of her wine and holding the glass out for Kurt to refill.

“No, seriously,” Rachel insisted. She looked to Artie and Tina. “Why don’t you both move in here? The rent isn’t too steep and it’s cheaper than the dorms with all of us splitting the costs. You said it yourself; it’s really easy for Artie to get around. And there are people around to help.”

“Uh, Rachel… don’t you think that’s going to really make the place crowded,” Kurt asked, not wanting to be the voice of reason but seeing that he needed to. “Not that it’s not something we shouldn’t consider, but we’ve already got three people living here and we just finally got Santana off the couch. Making two more sleeping areas is going to really tighten things up. Not to mention that we’ve only got one bathroom.”

Tina tried to hide her disappointment at Kurt’s reluctance. “Artie and I can share a space,” she insisted, looking to her boyfriend for confirmation. “I mean, we don’t need much.”

Kurt sighed, not seeing an easy solution. While the loft was spacious, it felt just perfect for the three people who already lived there. That didn’t say that there weren’t downsides. They had only one bathroom, which often meant a rush in the morning for everyone to have a chance to wash and brush their teeth before starting the day. Adding another two people into the mix, especially someone who would need additional time like Artie, would make it pretty much impossible.

He hated to be the bad guy in this, but he wouldn’t be doing his friends any favors by agreeing to a living arrangement that would leave everyone harried and miserable. He turned to the refrigerator, wondering if they had any cheese left that he could put out for snacking.

Rachel came up quietly to him, and he very much hoped that she wasn’t going to try to argue him into something that he knew just wouldn’t work.

She sighed and placed her arm about his waist, leaning in. “Kurt… I know that you think I’m jumping the gun here, but there was something that I don’t think you considered. I know that you’ve been thinking about moving in with Adam,” she said carefully, not wanting to look like she was trying to force him out. “You already spend most of your time there. I don’t think he’d object to having you to himself full time.”

He paused, looking down at her strangely. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d want me to move out,” he said thoughtfully.

She paused, giving him a loving smile. “I don’t,” she admitted. “But I know that it’s what you want and it would be really good for you to start building a life with him. And it’s not like I won’t be seeing you at school every day and you won’t be coming to visit.”

She squeezed him tightly, wanting for him to see that she really had his best interests at heart. “I think this can really be good for all of us,” she insisted. “I know that you didn’t talk about moving out because you didn’t want to leave us in the lurch, so this is a perfect solution.”

Kurt thought about it briefly, knowing that she was right. And while he would never had expected her to be the one to push him into making this choice, having her do so made it a lot easier.

“I’ll have to talk to Adam before we make any final decisions, but I don’t think he’d object too much,” he chuckled. “And we have to find a bigger place, because his apartment is just too small for us over the long haul.”

He inhaled sharply when it struck him just how momentous this really was. “We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” he couldn’t help from asking.

Rachel nodded and hugged him again. “Yeah, I think we are. Should we tell them the good news?”

Kurt nodded and the two of them returned to the main area where the others were waiting for him, his arm firmly about Rachel’s shoulders. “Okay… Rachel and I came up with a solution,” Kurt advised. “It’s been pointed out to me that I need to shack up with my boyfriend and this means that I can let Tina and Artie take my space if that works out. So long as you’re willing to work out a bathroom schedule, you should be able to manage. We’d just need to let the landlord know about the change and I’ll sign over the lease to Rachel and Santana.”

Artie and Tina looked stunned at the turn of events. “Kurt, are you sure?” the younger man asked carefully. “We didn’t come here to put you out of your home.”

Kurt felt a momentary pang at the thought of leaving the loft. He loved this space and it became the home that he and Rachel had built for themselves together. It had been his refuge and place to retreat to as he carved out his place in New York. Finding it had been his first step in becoming an adult on his own.

He realized that leaving the loft was his next step. Because the idea of waking up next to Adam every morning outweighed what he was losing. And he really wasn’t losing anything, he saw.

“It really is,” he assured them, unable to hide his smile. “Adam and I have talked about it, but I couldn’t abandon the girls. You two coming means that they can keep the loft.

“In fact, I’m going to let Adam know right now.” Kurt got out his cell phone and climbed out onto the fire escape where he could have a bit of privacy. Adam picked up after a few rings and greeted Kurt cheerfully.

“Hello, love. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you quite so soon.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at the sound of his voice. “I just missed you,” he admitted. “Where are your folks?”

“They’re back at the hotel having a bit of a rest. It’s been a rather busy day and I can do with a nap myself,” Adam admitted.

“And they do want to see you before they leave tomorrow. I was thinking about taking them to Callbacks. Mum is rather disgruntled that she hasn’t had the chance to hear you sing yet.”

Kurt couldn’t help from chuckling at Adam’s teasing, but he knew that it was only slightly playful. Ellie Crawford had made her fondness for him very clear during their visit and was dropping very unsubtle hints about him singing for her. Unfortunately for her, between the graduation ceremony and time spent reconnecting with their son, there hadn’t been the opportunity.

“That will be nice,” Kurt said agreeably. “I’d like to see them again before they leave.”

He could almost feel Adam smiling over the phone. “I wanted to thank you for being so kind to them. And so patient with me the past few days. I’ve been completely barmy since they got here.”

Kurt wished he was there to hold Adam, knowing full well how it felt to be so far from your family. The family that they were building in New York wasn’t always a perfect substitute. He didn’t begrudge Adam’s lack of attention on him in the least.

“It’s okay, honey,” Kurt said gently. “I know that it’s hard being so far away from them.”

“It’s all right,” Adam insisted. “I’ve got a good life here. I’ve got my friends and I’ve got you. But maybe over your winter break we can take a few days and take a trip to England. I’d love to show you where I grew up, and you can meet all my childhood mates.”

“That sounds like a great idea. We’ll definitely plan something,” Kurt promised. “Listen, would it be okay with asking a few other people to join us at Callbacks? We’ve got some friends visiting from out of town that I wasn’t expecting.”

“Oh? Anyone I should be jealous of?” Adam teased.

“Just Artie and Tina. They’re coming to school here in the fall so they wanted to check things out.”

Adam was silent for a moment, clearly remembering Tina from the wedding. “Are you okay with them being there, love?” he asked, not hiding his concern.

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling at the quick support from his boyfriend. “It’s okay,” he assured Adam, knowing that he’d by on the subway and headed for Bushwick if Kurt gave the slightest indication that he was needed. “Tina and I talked and we’re… we’ll see how things work out between us. She’s really sorry and tried to warn me about Blaine, so I at least owe her the chance to try.”

“If you’re okay with that, sweetheart,” Adam said, leaving the matter entirely up to him. “Don’t feel obligated to do anything that you’re not comfortable with.” Again, Kurt got a reminder of why he had grown to love Adam. Rather than trying to manage his younger lover, he offered his support and advice but knew how to step back and be sure that Kurt knew what was best for himself.

But now to the matter at hand. “Anyway… there was something I wanted to talk to you about. Tina and Artie are going to need a place to stay that will work with Artie’s wheelchair and the dorms at his school aren’t so great. So we were thinking that if they move into the loft, I can move out and not have to worry about Rachel and Santana. If you can think of some alternate arrangements for me, that is…” He trailed off, not wanting to presume and leaving the final matter up to his boyfriend.

Adam didn’t answer immediately and Kurt felt himself biting his lower lip, wondering if this was just a step too far and Adam was having doubts. Trying to think of a way to backtrack, Adam’s answer was everything he could have hoped for.

“Well, I do know someone who wouldn’t mind getting a roommate,” Adam chuckled. “If you don’t mind close quarters, that is.”

Kurt smiled, feeling a surge of warmth running through him. “Not at all,” he assured his boyfriend. “Though I wouldn’t be averse to finding something with a bit more space at some point.”

“I think that we could work something out,” Adam assured him. “I’m not going to lie… this made me very happy, darling.”

Kurt could practically hear him smiling over the phone. “Me too,” he insisted. “We’ll talk more… get some real plans…”

“That sounds wonderful,” Adam said brightly, his happiness readily apparent in his voice. “I wish that I could come over there right now, but…”

“I’ll see you tonight,” Kurt chuckled. “We’ll meet you at… how about eight?”

“That sounds perfect,” Adam agreed. “I’d better get going, sweetheart. I promised my folks to take them sightseeing a little later.”

“Have a good time,” Kurt ordered playfully. “Call me if you need a rescue.”

Hanging up the phone, Kurt found himself unable to hide the bright smile on his face. He looked down at the city street beneath him, taking in the sights that had become so familiar in the past months. It wouldn’t be long before he would have a new environment to settle into and make his own. A new neighborhood would become his and he’d discover the best pizza shops and take out places.

His life was continuing to expand and change. There was no way for him to know where he would finally end up, but for the first time in many years he was happy where he was and excited about what the future might hold for him.

* * *

Tina and Artie were happy to tag along to Callbacks, having no other plans and wanting to see where many of the theater students in New York hung out. Kurt had to admit that while he still had some misgivings about their presence, it was fun to see them showing the same wide-eyed astonishment as he had that places like this actually existed and weren’t just things that they might see on television. After being so insulated and isolated in Lima, New York was going to be a wonderful awakening to the both of them.

Adam and his parents were already there when they arrived and his boyfriend greeted Kurt with a sound kiss. Ellie quickly grabbed Kurt away from him, hugging him to her breast and making it clear that she had no intention of relinquishing him before she had to.

“Mum… seriously?” Adam sighed, trying to coax her into releasing his boyfriend.

“Sweetheart, he just got here,” her husband admonished playfully, amused at her antics. “Give the boy a chance to settle in.”

“No! We’re leaving tomorrow and I need my time with him because who knows when we’ll see him again,” Ellie complained, keeping her grip on Kurt. He was all but sitting in her lap. She turned to her son and complained, “I mean, you both might even break up and I’ll never see him again!”

“Mum… please…”

She pouted teasingly, and finally released Kurt was clear reluctance. “All right… here you go. But you have to promise that you’ll sing for us!” she ordered. “We haven’t heard you once the whole time we were here.”

“I promise,” Kurt said sincerely, unable to keep the amused smile off of his face. He let Adam pull him back, as if Adam needed to check him for injury or fingerprints.

“Well, now that my parents have totally embarrassed me, let me introduce everyone,” Adam sighed dramatically. “These lovely ladies are Rachel and Santana, Kurt’s roommates.”

“And these are some friends of ours from Ohio,” Kurt explained, introducing Artie and Tina. “They’re both going to be coming to school in New York in September.”

Ellie nodded graciously, taking her husband’s hand. “It’s lovely to meet all of you.”

They pushed the two tables the Crawfords had reserved together squeezed in a few extra chairs, mindful about making space for Artie. Tina looked about the crowded room in awe. “It’s so crowded here,” she noted.

“It’s not too unusual for a weeknight,” Kurt advised her. “Lots of students, lots of office workers looking for a few drinks and free entertainment before going home. It can be a lot of fun.”

Rachel nodded enthusiastically. “And we get to try out different material and arrangements. Sometimes it’s nice just to sing when we know we aren’t going to be graded. I leaned that from someone very special.” She turned a fond look to Kurt and gave his hand a squeeze.

“This sounds great,” Artie said agreeably.

Adam made sure that Kurt was sitting closer than was probably entirely necessary, even with the close confines, least his mother try to steal him away. “Well, before we start with the musical merry making, Kurt and I have some news,” he informed his parents. “He’s agreed to move in and share my humble abode with me.”

“Until we find a bigger apartment,” Kurt clarified.

Adam’s mother seemed stunned at the news, her mouth dropping open in surprise. “Oh dear… you’re not fibbing, are you?” she asked. “You shouldn’t get my hopes up like this.”

Adam shook his head, holding Kurt close. “No, Mum. It’s something we’ve discussed but now the stars have aligned in our favor. But more to the point, we’re both ready to take this step.”

The older woman’s eyes began to glimmer as their news sunk in. “Boys, I’m so happy for the both of you,” she insisted happily, clasping her hands together in front of her.

“This calls for a celebration,” Adam’s father proclaimed. He quickly checked the wine list on the table and waved a hostess over. “Can you bring us two bottles of the Perrier Jouët?”

“Dad, you don’t have to do that,” Adam started, only to be cut off by his father hand waving away his protests.

“Nonsense. We have a lot to commemorate here. Your graduation, the two of you moving on with your lives. These two coming to New York to start school in the fall…” Peter gestured at Artie and Tina. “This should be celebrated.”

“I’m glad you’re both so happy about this,” Kurt mused. “Because my dad is going take a lot of convincing. At least Carole will take our side until he calms down.”

Peter Crawford chuckled warmly, amused at the despondent look on his son’s face at the prospect of an overprotective in-law to deal with. “He’s out to defend your virtue?” he joked.

“Papa bear is a little late for that,” Santana snarked, her dark eyes shimmering will ill-hidden amusement. “Not with the way these two keep us up some nights.”

Rachel couldn’t help from giggling at Kurt’s sharp stare at their friend, knowing better than to add her own commentary about lost sleep and keeping her mouth shut.

“I think that I’m going add my name to the sign up list,” Kurt proclaimed, hoping to change the subject from his sex life. He looked to his boyfriend. “Do you want me to add you?”

“I already did so, love,” Adam answered, his thumb rubbing at Kurt’s hand soothingly. Santana never failed to get Kurt’s hackles up with her sharp barbs. “You go ahead.”

Kurt nodded and turned to his roommates. “You two coming? Or do you plan to sit here all night and chuckle at my expense?” he teased.

Rachel nodded and got up. “I’m not passing up on a chance to sing.”

“And I need to practice some stuff for work,” Santana added.

With the trio heading towards the bar to put their names on the list to perform, Adam tried to make small talk to keep his parents occupied and make the newcomers feel welcome. He couldn’t help from glancing over to where Kurt and his girls were debating song choices, offering and rejecting suggestions with a lot of smiles and laughter. He couldn’t help from smiling at the sight of his lover looking so happy and at ease with himself.

His smile didn’t go unnoticed and he felt a slender hand touch his arm. “Adam? Can I speak with you for a moment?” Tina requested softly. “I just need a minute.”

Adam wondered what was on her mind. His interactions with her at the wedding were limited, but he remembered how wrapped up she was with Blaine and had made Kurt very uncomfortable. He tried not to think badly of her but the last thing he would tolerate was his Kurt being abused.

Kurt hadn’t seemed terribly bothered by her presence, if not overly warm, so he could assume that they’d made some sort of peace. It wouldn’t cost him anything to hear her out. Turning to his parents, he said, “Tina and I will be right back. Don’t let them start without us.”

The young girl followed him to a quiet spot by the coat room and he turned to face her. “So… you and Kurt have patched things up between the two of you?” he asked.

“I apologized to him,” she assured him. “There was no excusing my behavior and I’m hoping that one day we’ll be the kind of friends we were before he left Ohio.

“But I also wanted to apologize to you as well. I behaved so badly and so disrespectfully, and I just wanted you to know how sorry I am.”

Adam blinked in surprise, having not expected that. “That’s…. quite a surprise,” he claimed. “I mean, I don’t remember us speaking very much, if at all.”

Tina just shrugged. “I still felt that I owed you an apology too. I didn’t behave well towards you or Kurt, and I wasn’t respectful of your relationship. I thought that Kurt owed Blaine another chance and I was really rude to him. I just wanted you to know that I do understand just how wrong I was and that I will never do that to Kurt again.”

He had to give her credit for having the courage to admit her mistakes and to make the effort to approach him. “That’s very mature of you, Tina,” he complimented sincerely. “And so long as things are well between you and Kurt, I won’t have any issues.”

The young woman smiled and for the first time Adam could see the pretty, shy girl that Kurt had described to him. “Thanks. But I do want to get to know you too,” she insisted. “You’re so important to Kurt and I want to see if we can try to be friends too. Because I know I didn’t show it, but he means so much to me.”

Adam felt himself nodding, willing to give her that. “I think we can manage that. That would make Kurt happy, that I got along with his friends.”

“That’s important to me too,” Tina insisted. “I already hurt him more than I ever thought I could and the last thing I’d ever want is to do that again.”

Adam gave her a smile. “Well, you know Kurt at least as well as I do. Give him a bit of time and I’m sure that you’ll have the chance to really win back his trust.”

Adam knew that would not be an easy task for Tina, as Kurt did not give back trust so quickly once it was broken. Kurt had been very hurt by Tina’s behavior, but Adam knew that he was also fair minded. If Tina proved herself, in time, Kurt would be able to really forgive her mistakes and move past them. He just hoped that she wouldn’t expect too much too quickly.

She nodded and gave him a thankful smile. “I really appreciate this,” she said softly.

“It’s quite all right, love,” he assured her kindly. “Let’s head back before they wonder if we’ve run off together.”

“Oh no… I’m not giving Kurt any other reason to be upset with me,” she chuckled a little tearfully. With a gentle hand to her back, Adam lead her back to their table where the waitress was setting out two buckets of ice and expertly opening up the bottles that his father had ordered.

Kurt and his girls had returned by then and his boyfriend looked up at their approach. “Where were you two?” he asked.

“Oh, I was just showing Tina where the facilities are,” Adam said quickly, allowing the young girl to keep her dignity and not answer uncomfortable questions right there. He accepted a glass of sparkling wine from the waitress.

Once everyone had been served, his father raised his glass in toast. “All of you are embarking on wonderful new phases of your lives,” he said. “I wish you all good fortune, good health and much happiness. Cheers.”

The group answered him back before sampling the wine and Kurt’s eyes opened a bit at the tart bubbles that danced over his tongue. He hadn’t really enjoyed champagne the few times he’d had it, finding it too dry and acidic for his tastes. This vintage was much better, with just enough sweetness to balance out the tartness and he realized that really good champagne was well worth enjoying when he had the opportunity. Or maybe it was just the company that made the wine sweeter.

The evening progressed pleasantly, with the group making small talk and discussing plans for the summer. Kurt felt a bit more at least with the presence of the younger students, and Artie and Tina asked if they minded the two of them visiting before the school term started in the fall. They wanted a chance to explore a bit more of the city and reconnect the friendships that had faded from time and distance.

Kurt found himself unable to begrudge them that chance and invited them to come see Adam and him perform at the festival. That got Rachel insisting that the younger students come see Santana and her perform at the piano bar and before Artie and Tina knew it, they had a full social calendar planned out.

They settled in to enjoy the musical entertainment, and Kurt saw that NYADA was well represented by the performers that night. There were several familiar faces in the crowd that he and Rachel waved to and it felt good to support their fellows in even as casual an environment as this. Given the careers that they had chosen, competition would be a regular feature in their lives and to have a refuge like this reminded them that performing could just be for fun too. That just because it would be their jobs, they didn’t want to lose their passion for it.

Rachel and Santana had elected to do a duet together, their voices balancing one another out beautifully in a gorgeous rendition of “Some Things Are Meant to Be” from Little Women. Kurt closed his eyes, leaning into Adam and just taking pleasure in hearing his friends do what they were best at. The girls finished to rousing applause and cheers from an appreciative audience and they returned to the table a little breathless and all but glowing with happiness.

When Kurt’s name was called, he gave his lover a coy wink before stepping up to the piano.

“Wow… those two are a tough act to follow,” he said, complimenting his friends, who applauded him loudly. Kurt smiled at them and then addressed the audience. “I was asked quite awhile ago if I had a song in mind for a certain someone in my life. I admitted to a few, and that one day I would sing one of them to him.

“Adam… wherever our lives take us, nothing will change how much you’ve come to mean to me. And help shape me into who I am today.”

Kurt nodded to the pianist, who began to play the music Kurt had selected. He thought that people might be surprised by his choice, but to him nothing else fit Adam better.

“ _Cold late night so long ago, when I was not so strong, you know. A pretty man came to me. Never seen eyes so blue_.”

That was the first thing Kurt always thought about when he thought of Adam after their first meeting. Sure, Adam was handsome in a way that took Kurt’s breath, and had a beautifully fit body. But it was those gentle blue eyes alight with humor and kindness that had gotten Kurt to unclench enough to seek out the Apples and listen to that ridiculous song. Despite not knowing Adam at all, Kurt found himself trusting the older man and wanting to know more about him.

“ _I could not run away. It seemed we’d seen each other in a dream_ ,” Kurt sang, letting a little bit of heat color his voice. “ _It seemed like he knew me. He looked right through me… yeah…_

“ _’Come on home, boy,’ he said with a smile_.” Kurt made a teasing, beckoning gesture, as much to lure Adam as it was to reflect the pull he’d felt those months ago. “ _You don’t have to love me yet. Let’s get high awhile_.”

And that had been the best part of the early phase of their relationship, Kurt realized. Adam might have been attracted to him, but he didn’t ask for any more than Kurt was willing and able to give. Had Kurt only wished for his friendship, Adam would have made himself satisfied with that. After being so relentlessly pressured by Blaine since Kurt ended things with him, it was a novelty to just enjoy the time he shared with Adam.

“ _But try to understand… Try, try, try to understand… I'm a magic man_.’”

He saw the instant that his friends realized what he was implying and Adam’s face colored at the realization that this was how Kurt saw him. Kurt didn’t think that any of his friends had ever heard him sing such a blatantly sexual song. Santana turned a smile that wouldn’t have looked out of place on a shark to the Englishman, giving him a playful nudge. Rachel was positively beaming and grabbing at Adam’s hand while Adam’s parents were watching in delight.

Kurt closed his eyes, thinking back to those early days in their relationship when he was still struggling to figure things out. The scars from his relationship with Blaine were still fresh and bleeding, but he had so much pleasure with Adam, who accepting their relationship on whatever grounds Kurt was content to set. They started off as friends, but the relationship quickly deepened and before Kurt knew it, he couldn’t imagine his life without that smiling, gentle man at his side.

“ _Winter nights we sang in tune, played inside the months of moon_ ,” he sang, remembering those blissful early easy days, when classes might be cancelled because of snow and he found himself ensconced in the warm confines of the loft with Adam. Music and play began to bind them together and Kurt’s bruised heart began to heal. “ _Never think of never. Let this spell last forever._

“ _Well summer lover, passed to fall_ ,” Kurt crooned, seeing that as the seasons passed, their relationship deepened and matured. “ _Tried to realize it all. Papa says he’s worried. Growing up in a hurry. Yeah_ …”

His father hadn’t been as enthusiastic about Kurt’s new relationship, concerned that his son was biting off more than he could chew by getting involved with someone several years his senior and light-years ahead of Blaine in regards to maturity. With Kurt living away from home, he wasn’t in a position to monitor Kurt’s relationships and finding his son involved with an older, more seasoned man had been a challenge for him to deal with.

“ _’Come on home, boy’ Daddy cried on the phone. ‘Too soon to lose my baby yet, my boy should be at home’_.”

Kurt had long since accepted that his father’s over-protectiveness was not something that would likely ever go away completely. He could be forty years old, with a mantle covered with acting awards and a flock of his own children at his feet and he’d still be Burt Hummel’s little boy. That was something that just wasn’t ever going to change.

“ _But try to understand. Try to understand. Try, try, try to understand. He's a magic man, Daddy_ ,” he proclaimed. “ _Ahhh… He's a magic man_.”

Adam was indeed magic to him. Gentle and loving and supportive; more than willing to be a partner to him but not afraid of Kurt’s less charming qualities. He could stand up to Kurt and challenge him without belittling him the way Blaine did. Kurt felt like he could be his best self, not try to be something that he wasn’t.

“ _’Come on home, boy’ He said with a smile_.” Kurt looked to Adam, letting his love for this man shine in his eyes. “ _’I cast my spell of love on you, a grown man from a child’_.

“ _But try to understand. Try to understand! Ohh ohh! Try, try to understand_!” His voice rode on the music, totally giving in to showing his love and passion for his boyfriend. “ _Try, try, try to understand! He's a magic man_!

“ _Oh yeah…. Ohhh… He’s got magic hands_ ….”

The audience hooted and applauded and Kurt couldn’t resist giving a little shimmy of his shoulders, winking at Adam. The older man just grinned, his cheeks bright with color because Kurt just proclaimed to everyone in the club that he rocked Kurt’s world on a regular basis. Tina’s mouth was drawn tight as she struggled not to giggle and Artie just shook his head in bemusement.

Kurt returned to the table to a round of applause from his friends and the Crawfords and his boyfriend giving him a wry smile. “That was very naughty of you,” he reprimanded playfully, giving Kurt a swat to his bottom before he could sit down.

Kurt wasn’t at all apologetic. “I just wanted to show what I feel about you,” he insisted, giving Adam his most innocent expression.

“So now the world knows that I have ‘magic hands’. That wasn’t exactly something my parents need to know.”

Kurt wasn’t at all apologetic, content to nestle in his boyfriend’s arms as they enjoyed the rest of the evening. He’d said what he needed to and was content to just enjoy the company of those around him. He felt Adam’s hand stroke his hair and his boyfriend’s lips pressing a kiss to his temple.

Several hours later found him in Adam’s bed, curled up around his sleeping lover. He’d elected to spend the night with Adam so he could see the Crawfords off the next day. In the dim light peeking through the binds, Kurt watched Adam sleep, his handsome face slack in repose as he slept soundly. Kurt just smiled as he looked down at Adam’s face.

Maybe later, he’d take some time to think about all the momentous changes his life had undergone in the past few months. How he had changed and grown. He would look back upon his life and see the long progression of events, good and bad, that lead him to this place.

But not now. For now, Kurt just wanted to savor the moment of peace and security he felt. The past and the future would take care of themselves. Right now, he just needed to be. And to breathe.

 

**FIN**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurt's song: "Magic Man" by Heart. And yes, I did adjust the lyrics so they'd be gender appropriate for him.


End file.
